After the Snow

Chapter 20 - Commitment

Chapter 20

Commitment

When I woke up the next morning, I was tucked safely in my bed in my mother's house. I was so snugly wrapped, and so blissfully groggy, that it took me a few moments to remember where I had been the day before. The ignorance didn't last forever though, and immediately my chest started to ache. I always thought heartbreak was just an expression, but it's actually physical pain.

I was so overwhelmed, I couldn't do anything. I couldn't cry, I couldn't laugh, I couldn't express any emotion or move from my position of staring at the ceiling. Anthony was gone. The Anthony I had truly loved and cared for. No matter what anyone said, it hadn't just been the spell. It had been real. Otherwise, it wouldn't hurt so much, right?

How could he just walk out of my life like that? He had loved me too, I know he had. It hadn't been an allusion or trick of the mind. The feelings had been real. Sure, maybe he would live forever. Maybe he would stay young while I grew old and wrinkly. But if we really, truly loved each other, would that have even mattered in the long run?

Beside my head, my phone started to vibrate. I didn't really acknowledge it, except somewhere in my brain I knew there was a strange noise I hadn't heard before. How could I feel so numb, and yet fully be aware of the constant pain in my chest? How could I be so out of it, and yet remember that Anthony had left my life forever?

And then the phone stopped. I still didn't move, even though my legs were starting to ache from being curled up to my chest. My neck was also starting to hurt because it was twisted for me to look at the ceiling, even though the rest of my body was laying on my side.

Seconds later, the phone started to vibrate again. This time, it registered in my brain that you're supposed to answer it when it rings. Slowly, I reached out to the nightstand, and the joints in my arms popped.

"Hello?" My voice sounded raspy when I answered. I cringed and pushed myself up slightly in my bed, sweeping my gaze over the room. Mackenzie was nowhere to be found.

"Bree?!" Scott's voice blasted through the phone, relief clear in his voice. "Oh my god, you answered! Where have you been?!" What did he mean...? Oh! I sat bolt upright in bed, wincing when my back cracked.

"I-"

"I'm so sorry for yelling at you like that," He gushed, not giving me a chance to explain. "You were just trying to apologize. Look, I thought about it, and I know you know it was a mistake. I'm willing to work through this if you are."

I froze. What was I supposed to say? All I wanted to do was cry over Anthony, and here my fiance was telling me that he didn't want to break up after all. I had just spent the most amazing day with another man, and here was Scott telling me he still wanted to get married.

"Y-you do?" I stuttered, shocked. After his blow up, I thought he would have called off our engagement. Quite frankly, I had thought I was off the hook.

"Yes, I do. But we can talk in a minute, I'm almost there. Mackenzie called me to tell me you were missing, so I took the first flight down to California. See you soon, love you!" He hung up, and the phone slipped through my fingers.

Scott was coming here? To California? No, actually, he was already in California. Mackenzie had told him I was missing?! Where was Mackenzie?! Oh, and let's not forget about Anthony.

I wanted to scream and yell in frustration. How had I managed to screw up my life so horribly? And to top it all off, I didn't have time to compose myself at all. Scott was almost here, and Mackenzie could pop up at any given moment.

I forced myself out of bed. The second my feet hit the ground I felt more aware, and I became less numb. Other than the quiet sound of my bare feet against the carpet, the house was quiet. I didn't know what time it was, but I didn't think it was very early. The sun was too high outside for that.

Deciding I didn't care enough to make an effort, I threw my dirty hair into a messy bun and splashed my makeup-less face with cold water. Then, I put on a pair of black sweat pants, a pink tank top, and a sports bra. It was just going to be one of those days. As an afterthought, I slid my engagement ring onto my finger.

"Hello?" I called hesitantly, trying to make as little noise as possible. For some reason, it felt wrong to make any sound at all. "Hello?" I forced my voice to be a little bit louder, part of me hoping no one was home. Behind me, a door creaked open, and I spun around. Kayla was sticking her head out of her bedroom door, her eyes foggy and her mouth hanging open. As soon as her eyes saw me, though, she was shocked awake.

"Bree!" She screeched, launching herself at me. Her arms locked around my waist and her face nuzzled into my chest. "You're home!"

"Hey Munchkin," I laughed, shocked at her reaction. Yesterday, she had practically hated my guts. Now, she seemed more relieved than anything.

"I thought you left because I got mad at you!" She whined, tightening her arms around my waist. My heart fell. She had thought it was her fault?! All the time I was gone she had been feeling guilty? Now I felt like the bad person. Frantic footsteps pounded on the stairs, loudly echoing through the house.

Mackenzie appeared, looking both furious and relieved. "Where the hell have you been?!" She exclaimed, narrowing her eyebrows, "And how did you get up here?! I spent all night downstairs, waiting for you to get home!"

And here I was faced with a difficult decision. I couldn't tell her the truth, I couldn't tell anyone about Anthony, or where he had taken me, so what did I tell her and every other curious person? They knew I had never been a very good liar, so they would be looking for the signs of untruthfulness. You can do this, Bree, you have to, I told myself.

"You must have been asleep," I shrugged, trying to sound casual. It didn't work. Mackenzie c****d her head to the side and raised an eyebrow, letting me know that she did not believe me. I hadn't expected her to, anyway. I gave her a harsh look, hoping she would get the message that we would talk later.

"Bree?!" My mother's voice called up the stairs, and within seconds she was standing behind Mackenzie. I felt terrible, making them all worry like this, but I couldn't regret the day I spent with Anthony. If I had to do it over again, I would've made the same decisions. "Oh thank God you're alright!"

"I'm fine, mom," I chuckled, releasing Kayla. My sister didn't step far from me, though. She was still inches from my side. "I just needed some time...alone." I cringed internally. I really was the worst liar ever.

"And you couldn't have called?!" Mackenzie yelled, making us all flinch. I didn't think I had ever seen her that mad before. Her face was turning different shades of pink and red. "We were worried sick!"

"I know, and I'm sorry!" I cried, hoping there wasn't a false note in my voice. I really was sorry that they were so worried about me. "I told you, I just needed some alone time to figure things out!"

"Figure things out?" My mom piped up, looking frantically between Mackenzie and me. "What happened? Is something wrong?"

I sighed. "Nothing is wrong, mom. I just got upset about things, got drunk and passed out. When I woke up I came home. Mackenzie, you were asleep when I came through." Lies, lies, and more lies. It was my only option, though. Do you think they would've believed me if I said I had gone to the North Pole?

My mom frowned. "You know I don't approve of you drinking that much." Worry lines creased her forehead as she crossed her arms. Relief swept through me, at least someone believed my crappy excuse.

"But it's legal, mom. There's not much you can do about it." I retorted, rolling my eyes. Her overprotectiveness was coming out again. There was nothing wrong with having a drink now and then when it's legal. Plus, I hadn't actually had as much as she thought I had. Then, in the brief silence that occurred, the doorbell rang.

"Who's that?" Kayla asked, running over and peaking over the staircase railing. My heart dropped to my toes. That would be Scott, and I didn't know if I could deal with that confrontation. Mackenzie and my mom turned to go down the stairs, but before they could take two steps I lurched forward and ran past them.

"It's Scott, we'll be down by the beach for a little bit!" I called over my shoulder, running through the house and to the front door. There was no way I was giving Mackenzie a chance to get to Scott first. I loved her and all, but not when she's pissed off.

Scott was standing there, hands tucked in his pockets, a hesitant smile on his face. Obviously, things were going to be awkward, I knew that. He had just found out that I had cheated on him, and we had almost broken up. I didn't even know if I wanted to fix it.

"Let's go," I stated, grabbing his wrist and pulling him off the porch. No one was following us, but I still felt like we needed to get away from the house. Scott seemed a little surprised but didn't protest when I pulled him down to the beach. He slid his hand down and slid his fingers in between mine. My body didn't react the way it did when Anthony held my hand. I didn't feel anything.

Was I going to compare everything Scott did with Anthony? That wasn't fair to Scott, or to myself. Anthony was gone for good, and I needed to get over him. I needed to forget. Suddenly, I froze. That was it! I didn't have to feel the pain, I needed a distraction from it.

"Are you okay?" Scott asked, pulling me to face him. I stared into his eyes, knowing that this would never feel like it had when Anthony touched me, but also thinking that was okay. Anthony had been my first love, of course, this one was going to be different. Just because I didn't feel like I was high or on fire when he kissed me did not mean I didn't love him.

"I'm fine," I smiled, taking a step closer to him. Our toes touched in the sand. "Do you really forgive me? Do you really want to work through this?" He looked a little surprised that I had jumped right into it, blinking a few times in shock. Then he leaned forward and kissed me right on the lips.

"I don't know," He sighed when he pulled away. "I mean yes, I want to try, but it does bother me. I don't think it would be normal if it didn't bother me. But I love you, and I still want to get married...If you'll still have me after the way I treated you. I was just so angry when you told me that-"

"Hey," I hushed him, placing a finger on his lips. "I'm the one who should be apologizing to you. You had every right to hang up on me...Although I think I would've preferred you to yell at me." We both chuckled. Scott leaned his forehead against mine.

"So we're still getting married?" He asked. His eyes were sparkling like an expectant child, worried about the answer their mother was about to give them. It was cute that he honestly didn't know my answer. Hell, I didn't even really know it for myself. But all of a sudden, it was clear to me. There were no more pretending or allusions in my mind.

And I nodded, knowing for the first time that I really was going to be able to go through with the wedding. After all, what was holding me back now? Anthony was gone forever.