regret

prologue I woke up one day to find myself in a weird & toxic relationship & that I was supposed to deal with that fact or accept it, I don’t know where my mind was when I entered that relationship, it was like living a nightmare. I met him when I was 18. He was the same age as me, he was so cool to the 18-year-old me, he had big dreams & made me believe that we will live a life full of love & adventures, but after 20 years of marriage, I’m the one who was working to pay for our rent & to buy the things we need, he made me believe that he loved me but he only loved himself. Why didn’t I flee from this prison which I put myself in, because of my wrong choices. I don’t know do I still love him or have I ever loved him in the first place I don’t have an answer to this question it is like I’m lost in my own head but all I know is that I regret all of this & that I need to change me life Chapter 1 I have been married for 20 years. That was why I decided to finally leave to finally live. I gathered my courage, collected all my savings, sold my car & finally bought my first ticket to Zanzibar. I would finally see the world, I would finally taste the meaning of freedom. The first time I felt that I’m finally breathing after twenty years when the plane took off, it was like the weight which I was carrying on my shoulders was lifted. Why I chose Zanzibar to be my first destination was because I wanted to escape. I wanted to leave everything behind to forget that I was married in the first place, to forget that I was a loser who wasted her life on a failed marriage, to relax & to see the romantic coastlines and blissful in addition to that . These islands offered a kaleidoscope of sights, smells, tastes and experiences that feed my soul. I fell in love with their blissful beaches. I forgot who I was there; it was like I died & went to heaven. I was fascinated by the colorful history and rich heritage. It can be seen in the strong Arabic, Indian, African, Persian, and European influences. I felt like I was seeing the world for the first time. I was prisoned in my bubble, but now I’m free, a different person who has seen different parts of the world and had the chance to meet new cultures and new people like Ali. He worked at the resort I was staying in. He helped me see Zanzibar from the eyes of a citizen, not from the eyes of a tourist. Zanzibar is predominantly Islamic and this is evident in the lifestyle of the locals and the design of everything from furniture and fabric to jewelry and crafts. I stayed in the resort for two weeks & after those two weeks I felt like I don’t want to go back, I got that weird urge to extend my stay, that was why I rented a small apartment in a local neighborhood, I wanted to be part of Zanzibar, I didn't want to feel like I was a tourist but I faced a problem with the money, I had to find a job so that I wouldn’t finish my savings there were a lot of places that I haven’t visited yet, there is something that I didn’t tell you about me I worked as an editor before quitting and leaving everything behind, I love reading from all of my heart it sets my soul free, That was why I felt like it was time to go back to my passion, I found a job as an editor but it was remotely, I didn’t have to go to the office it didn’t pay much but it was enough for me backthen, my working hours were during the night & during the morning I tried to become one of the locals I wanted to discover the whole island, it felt like I was inventing my self from the beginning I wanted to erase the past like it didn’t exist ,During my stay I met a wonderful parisian woman in her fifties , she was really inspiring , she was the reason why I choose morocco to be my next destination