The Prophesied Luna (completed)

            Take you time and drive safe, Kayla. I’m with the teachers and Mirakel. Finn’s mind-link calmed down my uneasy heart as I continued my drive home. It was a Friday afternoon and Mirakel’s teacher had called to ask me to pick him up from preschool earlier than usual. Even though his teacher didn’t elaborate too much on the phone, I knew that my pup must have gotten into some sort of trouble. Tears filled my eyes as I felt pangs of guilt in my heart, thinking about how Mirakel’s behavior has been deteriorating. It’s been four months since I’ve been back and reunited with my family but living apart from my mate. The first three months were really tough and I realized then that being a single mum while recovering from past trauma was close to impossible. Between trying to find a job, building a relationship with my pup while trying to remain civil with Finn for the sake of our pup, I was mentally and physically exhausted. The constant worry of not being able to find a decent job to support myself and my pup nagged at me everyday. It didn’t help that Finn repeatedly offered to take care of our expenses until I could get up onto my feet again. Despite knowing rationally that he was just trying to be helpful and that he also has a responsibility towards our pup, I felt belittled and a sense of bitterness by the hand that I was dealt.              Soon, I was lashing out at Finn for the smallest things like bringing Mirakel back late on Sunday evenings or not allowing Mirakel to use my old iPad. I knew it was wrong to let my emotions get the better of me and I knew that Finn was trying to be a good father, only allowing Mirakel to do things that pups his age should be doing, while I was spoiling Mirakel rotten to make up for the guilt that I felt towards him. As a trained pediatrician, I knew very well that Mirakel shouldn’t be given chocolate almost every other day, nor should he be allowed to do whatever he wanted to do. It was important to control his sugar intake and maintain a healthy lifestyle from a young age but each time, when I saw how he’d plead with me for just another bite of chocolate or just another 15 minutes on the iPad, I couldn’t help myself but to give in to his demands. I wanted to give my baby everything that his heart desired even though deep in my heart I knew full well that that didn’t make me a good mother. In fact, it made me a terrible mother, especially when my bitterness towards Finn led me to raise my voice at him while Mirakel was in the next room.              After landing a job at a family practice 30 minutes by car from our Pack in my third month back home, my sense of bitterness finally began to subside and the extreme anger episodes that I had towards Finn for the tiniest things gradually lessened. Finally having a job gave me the confidence boost that I needed, that everything was going to be ok because I could provide for myself and my pup, and our future was within my control. But it was too late. The damage was already done and Mirakel started acting out from the stress of my separation from Finn. In the beginning, it was just the small things like throwing a tantrum when we took his iPad away or refusing to go to bed when it was bedtime. By then, I had come to realize that my behavior was affecting my child and sought out professional help from a psychiatrist that one of my former classmates from medical school had recommended to me. It helped that the practice wasn’t too far away from my workplace and I was able to do two sessions per week. Visiting the psychiatrist was a huge step for me and it was akin to admitting to myself that something was wrong with me but it was ok. I was broken but it was ok because I’m trying to get myself fixed. Once I could make that first step, it was easier to take the next step, to admit that I was being unfair to Finn. The reality is that we have a pup together and nothing would ever change that. If I wanted the best for my pup, then I needed to accept that Finn is always going to be in my life and in order to be good parents, we need to co-parent. And lashing out at Finn for things that weren’t his fault or weren’t even wrong in the first place was definitely not in the right direction.              I was relieved to be able to come to these conclusions within weeks of starting therapy and being on medication. Being able to finally sleep well and eat well turned things around for me quickly, and I finally plucked up my courage to ask Finn to have a proper conversation together last week. As usual, Finn was very accommodating towards my request and it made me feel like a bad person for the way that I had been treating him since my return. Despite telling him that separating from him didn’t mean that I hated him, my behavior said otherwise. It was on a Sunday evening after he had brought Mirakel back to my apartment. For the first time, we tucked our pup into bed together and after making sure he was asleep, we went to the living room to have our talk. “I wanted to start off by apologizing, Finn. I know that you’ve been putting up with everything I’ve thrown at you since I’ve been back, even though you don’t deserve any of it. Even though I can’t be with you anymore, I need you to know that everything that I’ve said and done to hurt you in the past months was not intentional. I was just.. In a very bad place and truth to be told, I was more mad at myself than anything else. I hated the feeling that everything was beyond my control. I hated that I was weak and it made me feel like everything that had happened was somehow my fault, like I had somehow allowed them to happen, and I don’t know, maybe some of it is my fault. I’m still trying to figure things out and some nights, I still can’t sleep no matter how hard I try or even with medication but at least, I’ve come to terms that the monsters under my bed need to be dealt with.” My confession had caught Finn completely off guard and for the first time since I’ve been home, we were able to grieve for everything we have lost together. When he held me in his arms, I allowed myself to give in to the moment and hold him back.              For the longest time, we just sat in each others’ embrace on the couch, with my face in the crook of his neck and his face pressed against the top of my head. As the sobs rocked my body, I could feel the warm salty tears streaming down Finn’s face and onto mine. In that moment, I allowed my heart to ache for the mate that I had let go of; I allowed myself to let down the walls around my heart and be vulnerable in front of my mate; I allowed myself to grieve properly instead of masking my pain with anger. When the tears finally stopped, I felt like a heavy weight was lifted off of me and for the first time since I was home, I could breath without feeling this tight squeeze in my heart. And to my surprise, there was no awkwardness after my outburst. Instead, we were able to calmly discuss the dos and don’ts moving forward so that we were parenting together as a team. Even though I had come around too late, and Mirakel’s behavior had escalated to rebelling against his teachers and getting into fights with other pups, I allowed myself to not let guilt overwhelm me. This was a baby step, I had told myself, and if I continue taking baby steps, one day, I’d be able to be the parent that my pup deserved.    Finn’s POV             I stood up and went into the teacher’s office with Kayla and Mirakel’s teacher while Mirakel stayed in the preschool playroom with a teacher’s assistant. It broke my heart when I arrived at the preschool to see my pup sitting by himself in a corner, refusing to speak with anyone. I knew that he was acting out because of my separation from Kayla and it had worsened in the past months because of the conflicts between us. There was nothing more that I wanted in the world than to give my mate and our pup a home, a safe haven but until very recently, it had seemed like a distant dream. I was well aware that Kayla was not doing well and I tried to offer my help many times. Yet, each time, she would not only reject my offers, but increasingly, she’d lash out violently at me for trying to help. I felt completely powerless as I watched my mate spiral into depression and only the Goddess knew how relieved I felt, when I heard from Leyton that Kayla decided to start going to therapy. When she made that confession last Sunday, no words could describe how grateful I was to the Moon Goddess for helping my mate to take the first step towards healing and no words could describe how much my heart ached, knowing that I had a role to play in breaking her down.              Kayla gave me an apprehensive smile as we sat down across the table from Mirakel’s teacher. I took her hand and gave it a gentle squeeze before clearing my throat and asking the teacher about our pup. “Could you please let us know what happened today, Ms. Kunna? Please be frank with us and just treat us as you would any other parents, and before you say anything, I just want to thank you and your staff for your patience. I know my pup hasn’t been easy for the past months but we’re working on it at home.” The teacher sighed and nodded in understanding. “Mirakel started a fight with another pup today. We don’t know what triggered the fight, but when we tried to break up the fight, he began screaming at us. In the end, we had no choice but to put him in time out but as you saw for yourself, he refused to leave the time out corner after his punishment was over. I know that things haven’t been easy at home for you both, Alpha and Luna. But this is getting out of hand and if Mirakel’s behavior continues to escalate, we won’t have the resources to take care of him at the preschool. I hope that you can understand and I’d suggest, if possible, to maybe remove him from preschool for a week or two to spend some time together as a family, perhaps even seeing a therapist together might be helpful.”              There was a long silence in the room as we contemplated what the teacher had said. I could feel Kayla’s guilt and anxiety through our bond, and I had to control my emotions to not let Kayla feel worse than she already did. “I’m really sorry, Ms. Kunna. Thank you for your patience in the past months and for your advice,” Kayla said softly before sharing her thoughts with me. I was over the moon that she was willing to share her thoughts with me again but having her approval to read her thoughts also meant that I could read all the concerns at the back of her mind. I knew that she wanted to do what was best for our pup but I also knew that she was anxious about taking a week off work after she had just started working there for barely a month. We’ll figure this out together, I promise. Kayla locked eyes with me as I sent her my thoughts, and this time I could see a little more confidence and a little less worry in her eyes. “We’ll both take a week off to spend some time with Mirakel, and we’ll bring him back to school again after that, if that’s ok?” I asked hopefully and to our relief, the teacher smiled and agreed.