Sinful Attachment

KABANATA 18

“So, how’s life living with Chaos? Is it as messy as his name?” Charlotte said jokingly as she looked at Chase, a teasing smile forming on her lips.

“Raulo.” Naka ngusong sambit ni Chase na ikinatawa ni Charlotte.

Charlotte chuckled softly, leaning a bit closer, her eyes narrowing slightly with interest. “What? Curious lang ako.”

“Ayos naman, aware na rin si Kaizer and he’s okay with it.” Seryosong sambit ni Chase bago sumandal sa kaniyang kinauupuan.

Charlotte raised an eyebrow, hindi kumbinsido. “Maayos? Sure ka? Ano pakiramdam?”

“Malamang maayos. Sanay din naman akong magkasama kami ni Chaos sa iisang lugar. Walang kahit anong ibang pakiramdam. Tigilan mo nga ako,” Chase complained, rolling her eyes at Charlotte.

She crossed her arms slightly, clearly trying to sound firm and unaffected, like there was nothing more to it than what she said. Her tone was defensive, almost too quick, like she didn’t want the conversation to go any deeper than that.

Charlotte, on the other hand, didn’t say anything right away. She just looked at Chase, one eyebrow slightly raised, habang unti-unting nabubuo yung knowing look sa mukha niya, like she already had an idea pero hinihintay niya lang si Chase na aminin.

“Wala talaga?” Charlotte asked after a second, mas soft na yung boses niya this time, pero nandun pa rin yung pang aasar.

“Kilala kita, huwag mong itago sa akin ang katotohanan.” Biro pa ni Charlotte.

Chase knew na hindi siya makakapag sinungaling kay Charlotte dahil kilalang kilala siya nito.

Chase frowned a little, still avoiding her gaze. “Ang kulit mo kasi.”

Pero kahit ganun yung sinabi niya, hindi nawawala yung subtle tension sa expression niya. Her fingers moved slightly on her lap, restless, like she was holding something back.

Charlotte leaned back a bit, arms loosely crossed, still watching her. “Hindi naman ako makulit,” she said casually. “Ikaw lang yung halatang may tinatago.”

“Just tell me the truth.” Dagdag pa ni Charlotte, still not ready to give up.

Chase let out a small breath, looking away for a second, her fingers lightly playing with the edge of her sleeve before she answered again. “Oo na. Maayos… pero hindi simple, hindi madali.”

That caught Charlotte’s attention agad. “What do you mean hindi simple? Hindi madali?” Nagtataka at naguguluhang tanong ni Charlotte.

Ang bilis talaga mag shift ng mood niya, kung kanina ay nang aasar siya, ngayon ay halata sa boses ni Charlotte ang pag seseryoso.

Chase didn’t answer right away. She just stared ahead for a moment, her expression softening slightly, like she was replaying something in her mind. May kung anong dumaan sa mata niya, something deeper than what she was saying out loud and Charlotte saw it.

Chase gave a faint smile, pero hindi buo, hindi convincing. “May mga moments na okay lang. Natural. Walang issue,” she said slowly. “Tapos biglang… hindi.”

“Ang hirap iexplain.” Chase said then shook her head lightly.

“Minsan feeling ko okay lang yung nangyayari… tapos biglang mali na.” She added, her voice lower now.

“And with Kaizer?” Charlotte asked carefully with her eyes sharp.

Bahagyang tumigil si Chase ngunit nanatiling naka titig sa kaniyang kamay na kanina pa naglalaro.

“…Mas madali, mas payapa.” She admitted, almost quietly.

Charlotte tilted her head. “Mhm?”

Chase nodded faintly. “Walang gulo. Walang… tanong. Payapa.”

“…Pero,” she added, barely above a whisper, “Hindi kasi ganon kalalim. I do feel safe with Kaizer pero iba pa rin kasi talaga sa pakiramdam.”

“Magulo.” Sambit ni Chase sabay iwas ng tingin.

“Yan ba talagang pag li-live in niyo ang magulo… O ‘yang nararamdaman mo between Kaizer and Chaos?” Makahulugang sambit ni Charlotte.

Parang tumigil ang oras sa isang segundo. Chase froze.

Hindi agad siya nakasagot and her eyes widened just a little, then she quickly looked away, like she was trying to escape the weight of that question. Halatang tinamaan siya, diretso, walang paligoy-ligoy. At kung ihahalintulad sa bala ay talagang one hit sakanya.

Charlotte didn’t move. She just watched her, steady, calm, pero ramdam yung intent sa tanong niya. Hindi na ito biro. Hindi na ito simpleng pang-aasar. It was indeed something deeper.

“Anong— wala akong—” Chase tried again, pero this time, mas halata yung hesitation sa boses niya.

Charlotte raised an eyebrow slightly. “Gaano ka kasigurado?

That one word was enough to shut Chase up.

Napakagat si Chase sa labi niya, her fingers curling slightly as she tried to steady herself. Hindi niya alam kung anong mas sasagutin niya, kung yung tanong o yung sarili niya.

“Hindi ganun ‘yon, me and Chaos are just friends.” She said after a few seconds, pero mahina na yung boses niya ngayon.

“Are you sure?” Ramdam sa tono ng boses ni Charlotte ang pagkaseryoso, hindi na talaga ito nakikipag biruan pa kay Chase.

Chase closed her eyes for a brief second, then exhaled slowly. “Hindi ko alam,” she admitted, almost reluctantly.

That alone said more than enough.

Enough to prove na hindi sigurado si Chase sa kung ano ba talaga ang nararamdaman niya.

“I have Kaizer now.” Seryosong sambit ni Chasev kay Charlotte.

“And so?” Parang walang pakealam na tugon ni Charlotte, halatang hindi kumbinsido sa sinasabi ni Chase.

“Even if you have Kaizer, or whoever that is… if you know deep down that there’s something with your so-called friend, think about it,” Charlotte said.

Chase didn’t respond right away. Pinakikiramdaman si Charlotte at ang kaniyang sarili. Her fingers tightened slightly on her lap habang nakatingin lang siya sa kawalan, hindi talaga nakafocus sa kahit ano. Hindi niya alam kung saan magsisimula… o kung sasagot pa ba siya.

“You know that you can’t be in between,” Charlotte added after a moment, mas mahina na ngayon yung boses niya. “You can’t be with one person… habang may iba kang iniisip.”

“Pero hindi kita pipigilan. What you and Kaizer have ay for fun lang. So????” Natatawang sambit ni Charlotte, trying to lessen the tension between her and Chase.

Napalunok si Chase, her jaw tightening a little.

“I don’t…” she started, pero hindi niya natuloy.

“You don’t know what to do?” Direktang sambit ni Charlotte at hindi na hinintay matapos pa magsalita ang kaniyang kaibigan.

Chase looked down, her voice quieter now. “…I didn’t expect it to reach this point.”

“Subok na subok ka ni Chaos.” Nakangising sambit ni Charlotte.

“I told you, think about it.” Dagdag ni Charlotte.

“You love playing with fire right? Then goodluck.” Pabirong sambit ni Charlotte, giving Chase a hint na sumubok kahit alam na mali.

Chase closed her eyes for a second, then slowly exhaled, trying to steady herself.

“I don’t want to hurt Kaizer,” she admitted, almost in a whisper.

Charlotte nodded slightly. “Then don’t. As simple as that.”