His little complication 18+ ddlb

Chapter 13

LUKE

“What? Is there dirt on my face?” Sarah asked irately while she was still chewing on her food.

I shook my head but my eyes never left her. She was almost finished with her lunch but I've barely touched mine.

“Then why have you been staring at me like that?” she demanded to know.

“Staring at you like how?” I sought some clarification.

Somehow, my response startled her a bit. She dropped her fork and leaned towards me. “What's the matter with you?” she queried rather angrily, her brows meeting on the bridge of her nose.

“What do you mean?”

“You've been staring at me.”

“Is that wrong?”

“And you're answering back.”

“Because you're asking questions.”

“Don't act like you don't know what I'm talking about,” she countered. “You know exactly what I mean. Of course you answer when I ask something. But not like that.”

“Not like how?” I was genuinely perplexed by what she was trying to point at.

“Like that!” she repeated. “Cynical.”

“Cynical?” I repeated, surprised. “I... I'm not being cynical.”

“Scornful then,” she proffered.

“Scornful about what? I'm... I'm not angry.”

“Well, you sound different,” she insisted. “You're not the Luke I know.”

I tilted my head downwards, reminding myself about what I wanted to tell her today. Perhaps, this was the opening that I needed to begin that discussion. “Sarah, if it's okay... can you describe to me this Luke that you say you know?”

She sighed as she retreated back to the farthest end of her chair. “For starters, you never call me by my name,” she said. “You call me hon, or darling, or sweetheart, or whatever term of endearment you feel like uttering... but never Sarah. As in ever.”

“True,” I conceded. “But tell me more, please. Tell me about this Luke that you're familiar with.”

“Well, this Luke that I'm familiar with isn't big on talks like this,” she bemoaned. “So, what's this dramarama all about, huh? Listen, if you're having a bad day, please don't drag me down with you.”

“Okay,” I replied. “I just want to say two things about what you've said. First, this Luke that you say you're familiar with doesn't have an aversion to talks like this. You and him may not have discussed matters which can be considered as... deep... but that's only because this Luke didn't want you to feel uncomfortable, and this Luke is very much aware that you're the one who isn't big on conversations of meaningful import.”

“H-How dare you?” she barked in disbelief, her face a picture of shock and loathing. “How dare you talk to me like that?”

“Sarah, I'm not trying to offend you or anything,” I assured her. “This... This is just how I feel about things. Now, if I may go on to my second point... I'm not having a bad day, not at all. I just... well...” I paused as I thought about what I was going to say next, whether it was the right thing to do or not. I decided that it was now or never. “I just want to know something,” I continued, “something which has always bugged me though I've always tried to put it aside because I didn't want it to disrupt our relationship. But the feeling... no... the need... the need to know the truth... it just got stronger and stronger as the years went by... and now I have to know. I just have to.”

“Know what?” she asked, still annoyed and angry.

“Sarah,” I began to answer, “are you with me because you love me?”

She was taken aback by what she heard. “Huh?” she remarked, anxiously. “What kind of a question is that?”

“The kind of question that should be easy to answer,” I told her. “It's either a yes or a no. So which is which?”

“That's a stupid question,” she chastised.

“Maybe it is,” I agreed. “And maybe, the answer will prove that I'm a stupid man. But I'd rather be a stupid man who knows the truth rather than a wise man who has to live with a lie. So... tell me, Sarah... do you love me?”

“I'm with you, am I not?” she said as she shook her head in seeming vexation.

“That's not really an answer,” I informed her.

“We're together. Isn't that enough for you?” she argued.

“It will be... if you'll tell me that it's because of love.”

Sarah's demeanor suddenly changed. Her distress intensified. She began to tap the table with her fingers. Her gaze started to avoid me, preferring to focus on what's outside the window of the small Italian restaurant which has become a big part of our days for the past five years.

“Sarah, is my question too hard to answer?” I had to ask her as I wondered why she couldn't provide a reply.

“I... I just think it's... inappropriate,” she responded, her eyes still steering clear of mine.

“It's inappropriate because?” I had to know.

She slammed her hand on the surface in front of her, causing the plates to move and jangle. “Because you don't deserve an answer!” she yelled, seemingly unconcerned about the people around us who were trying their best not to look at our direction.

I don't deserve an answer?

“Sarah, in a couple of weeks, I'll be your husband,” I reminded her. “And you feel that I am not worthy of a simple answer to a simple question that may or may not solidify the vows we're about to make to each other?”

She grunted as she finally turned to face me. “Very well,” she spoke. “You want to know why I'm with you, Luke? It's because you give me what I want.”

“Which is?”

“Constancy. Security. Stability.”

“Because I'm always here for you?”

“Because you're always there when I need you to be there.”

“Like a puppy?”

“Like an assistant.”

I chuckled, though deep inside, I was hurting. “That's actually worse,” I remarked.

“Why? I'm telling you that I need you, right? Isn't that enough for you? The idea that someone needs you? The idea that you're of particular value?”

“Value? Like a diamond?”

“Like a pen.”

I shook my head. “You've always, always belittled me, Sarah,” I said. “And I always, always tried to find amusement in them. But nothing about what you're saying now is amusing.” I banged my fist hard against my chest, an act which surprised her. “It pains me, you know. A lot.”

“It pains you that I need you?” she questioned, perplexed.

“It pains me that you only need me,” I made clear.

“And again, I ask, isn't that enough?”

“Not if you're with me for reasons other than love,” I said.

“Be grateful,” she scoffed. “Learn how to be content. You have everything, and it's all because of what we have. Don't ask for more.”

It was my turn to avoid her gaze.

I looked out the window beside our table. The sky was gray. The clouds were thick. It was about to rain. But beyond the dark horizon, there was light peeking out of the gloomy shade. The inevitability of sunshine. The structure of nature. A reminder.

And I smiled.

“Sarah,” I mustered enough courage to face her. “For five years, I've given you everything – my body, my soul, my heart, my life, my freedom, my choices... everything! I never, not even once, asked you if you loved me. I always convinced myself that you did. Now... Now I realize that it's because I was afraid... afraid to know the truth that was so damn obvious to begin with. I loved you, Sarah. I really, really loved you.”

“Loved?” she repeated, wanting to ensure that I used the right tense.

“Yes,” I confirmed. “Loved. And for the rest of my life, you'll always have a special place in my heart. I've denied myself for so long just to prove that. But now, I can't deny myself anymore. I want to be happy. I need to be happy.”

“And I don't make you happy?” she asked with a tone as cold as a glacier.

“I thought you did,” I confessed. “Because I always forced myself to believe that you also loved me.”

“And now you don't love me anymore?” she demanded to know.

“I do, actually,” I said. “And I think a part of me will always love you. But... I'm sorry, Sarah. I love you... but I'm in love with someone else.”

She shook her head as she began to put her things inside her bag. “You know what this means, right?”

“Yes,” I answered.

“f**k the wedding and f**k you, Luke!” she screamed at me as she got up. “And f**k your career too!”

I just bowed my head. I expected that.

She started to walk away. “Clear your office,” she ordered. “I want you gone by the end of the day.”

I nodded.

And she left.

A few minutes later and I found myself smiling.

I knew that I just threw everything away.

But for the first time in my life, I felt like I had full control over what I wanted. Choices were in front of me and I didn't have to wait for other people to decide on my behalf. I had the power to choose for myself. My choices might make things better, or they may make things worse... but it didn't matter. They were mine to make. That's what's important. And that made me happy.

Quickly, my thoughts gravitated towards Jack...

About the night we shared...

About what we felt for each other...

About what the future had in store for us if I chose to be with him...

And...

Oh no...

Jack...

He was still in a bind. He still owed those mobsters a huge sum of money. And time was ticking. The weekend was upon us, and if he wouldn't be able to pay up, we might not have a future together at all.

Something had to be done.

I should go to him, brainstorm some options, help him get out of this dire predicament.

I called the waiter's attention and asked for the bill. I pulled out my wallet and prepared to pay.

As I opened it, however, something fell on the table.

A folded piece of rectangular paper.

I picked it up and studied it. I quickly recognized it as the check that Will Demont gave me... the downpayment for the Ascension account.

Somehow, I forgot to surrender it to accounting.

I read what was written on its face.

Pay to cash.

Amount: $50,000.00

My eyes widened as an idea popped in my head