SHATTERED HEARTS

19 - My muse

Alex's POV

******

"Kate," I called as a smile made it's way onto my face.

"Oh...Xander...uhm...hi" she stuttered making me chuckle as I walked in next to her and sat down.

"Hi." I whispered next to her and she smiled shyly.

"Hi." She said once more with that shy smile as she pushed a few strands of hair, that had come off her bun, from her face.

"What are you working on today." I asked her looking at the empty table. Today she didn't have books on it.

And my mother was no where in sight. Which made me relieved.

"I'm done." She said in a tiny voice.

"Oh, okay then you won't mind coming with me." I asked knowing she might refuse. Since the day I had met her she only seemed to grow more and more timid. And I wanted to cheer her up.

"Where to."

She questioned.

"To the art room." I said and from her confused expression I could tell what was on her mind.

"No its not locked we have another hour before it is. Our class kind of has some projects on going there." I explained before I grabbed her hand and her bag making her stand. I didn't want her to say no so I did that and she followed without a word. It had been about two months since I met her and even though we didn't spend much time together I found myself looking forward to the end of classes cause then was always when I'd get to see her. I didn't like eating my food in the cafeteria I always liked my own space but for her company I was willing to. Went there a few days in a row didn't spot her and when I asked she avoided the question. I wanted to prod more but she got upset and wouldn't talk to me for the next few days till I dropped the subject. And then I saw her with her friend at one point I approached them but her friend seemed terrified and squirmish around me so I figured that was the reason she didn't want me to hang out with her during those hours.

And I decided not to make her more uncomfortable else I'd loose her. At my age I had become quite protective of her. I didn't know what it is that led to my behavior but I liked her company more than any other. Her smile made me happy even when it would be at my expense. Spending time teaching her wasn't annoying as I had always found it whenever a teacher asked me to show one of my classmates who was a bit behind how to. My little mind knew it wasn't their fault they were a bit slow, as I knew I got things quite fast, but I tended to get frustrated easily especially when I explained it once and then I was made to explain it several other times. It got me easily frustrated and I tried not to be annoyed remembering all that my mother taught me but sometimes it got too hard. But never with Kate in fact I enjoyed it if I was to put it that way. The way she concentrated closely with her biting her pencil every now and then in concentration and how she would puff her cheek out whenever she didn't get it at first. I looked forward to each one of her expression.

"Is it okay for me to be there if your classmates are there and you said its an ongoing project what if I disrupt." She questioned looking quite small as she tried to pull away from my hand.

"It's okay Kate. You're my muse the teacher won't have a problem with it and I'm sure so will my classmates." I replied as I stopped looking at how scared she was. I knew she didn't like meeting new people but her scared eyes made me doubt for a moment that that was the issue.

"Talk to me. What's going on." I asked as I pulled her closer to where I stood and looked at her face. I had asked her a similar question sometime back when she started avoiding me but she brushed off the subject. Right now I didnt think I'd just brush it off.

"What do you mean." she asked with a tiny voice and looked down avoiding my eyes and I knew something was definitely up.

"I mean why do you look so scared Kate. you can talk to me I promise I won't say anything to anyone if that’s what you want but can you tell me why you’re so scared right now. You love art and I thought this would cheer you up but on the contrary. What’s wrong." I asked in more of a whisper willing her to talk to me. I had hoped I'd get to cheer her with the art project even hoped to let her lend me a hand. I wasn’t that good of an artist but for an eleven old I could say my art was on point I guess.

"its nothing Alex. I'm just worried I'll be disrupting anyone’s concentration." She said but I somehow knew she was lying. Her calling me Alex just affirmed my suspicion even more. She for some reason didnt like that name. But I let it be I'd eventually find out someway. I nodded my head willing her to believe I let the subject go for now. But that was far beyond it. My mind was running to places that an eleven year old shouldn’t but I blame that on the movie collections I keep. Mom loved to watch crime shows and some mystery solving shows and I would usually join her no matter how many times she forbid me or tuned to more kid-favoring shows. After I turned ten eventually she gave up but even then she would put on a more favorable for my eyes show but along that genre since I seemed to love them. But from them I guess I kind of figured how to solve some mysteries.

"You’re my muse and like I said no one will be bothered. I need my muse to complete my project. Let's go we've already been out for too many minutes." I said continuing on my path to the art room with her behind me. She had her head lowered. Once we got to the art room, few student were left. Most had abandoned their works halfway probably with the promise they could finish some other time. Couldn’t blame them we had a whole week to finish up. And this wasn’t a mandatory class just those interested. I guided Kate to my work station before showing her what I was working on and despite her looking around the room nervously a small smile appeared on her face.

Making me sigh in relief. I wanted to cheer her up and I guess it was working.

"That looks nothing like me." she said as she giggled and I let her be it was nice to see her smile.

"I know but its still got a lot of work which was why I brought you here." I said and she smiled before walking in front of my workstation.

"How do you want me to pose, like this.." she said as she made one of those pose where one leg is at the front of the other while her body is slightly slanted to her back and her hands on her waist as she smiled and I found myself smiling too.

"Or like this." She changed it to her standing straight and her hands crossed in front of her chest as she puffed her cheeks and let her eyes open a little wider and my smile widened as it was followed by her giggle.

"Didn't know you were a model, in hiding." I teased making her chuckle before she attempted another pose where she let her tongue out and hand her hands by her waist as she titled her hip more to the left before she changed and assumed the monkey face making us both crack up.

"Do whatever makes you happy and won't tire you out." I said after our laughter feud was over. she approached me seeming more timid now and I wondered what changed.

"What is it?" I questioned once she was close to me.

"Uhm... that chair .. uhm .." I chuckled at her attempt which made her look at me angry and I held in my laughter as I went to grab her one of the chairs to our left before placing it just right in front of my station and gestured her to take a sit which she did still not giving me a glance making me know she was still mad I had laughed at her expense.

I took over my work station knowing she wouldn’t be mad anymore and soon she would be up from her chair and by my side making collections. That was how she was. In the few weeks I had known her I had come to know her love for art and she was good. Too good for someone that young. And we may have found something we both liked but she surpassed me which was why whenever she made collections I’d just listen to her.

And just like I had predicted she was at my side a couple of minutes later on her curiosity got the best of her. We proceeded for the next minutes after which we left, that was after I arranged everything back nicely waiting for me till i was back next time which was tomorrow after classes once more.

*****

Present

A smile littered my face as I looked at the piece of art infront of me. Soon the smile faded as I recalled how that week had ended up with me suspended and after which my mom decided to send me back at my grandma's. I was damn mad at her for that, refused to talk to her for weeks. I didn’t even speak with paps I had blamed them for taking me away from Kate. Had promised her I’d back. At the time I had the idea of running away and seeking a place to stay in the orphanage. My plan had even been in motion until just about when I was about to run off Chitto my grandma's Labrador kept barking non stop and I cursed at it, thinking it’d get me caught. Went to get the Labrador to keep quiet only to find my grandma on the floor and unmoving. My mind couldn’t really catch up on anything I just remember feeling quite scared that my Grams was unmoving on the floor I thought she was dead even as I was dialing my mum's number from the house's phone my hands kept shaking. Tears wouldn’t come only came in later on while we were at the hospital and mom had confirmed that the doctors said she would be fine. That was when she had to explain to my little self that Grams was sick and she being alone wasn’t advisable that’s why she had brought me there but she would also come to stay with us paps would visit every now and then.

Till day that moment still gives me Shivers. I had Nightmares for quite a while afterwards but they came to pass but just the thought of it sends my body to shivers and not the good kind of shiver.

But well that incident made me forget that I was mad and not in talking terms with my parents. I could feel the twitch of my lip at that thought.

Looking at her young face as she puffed her cheeks brought me joy at the same time sending a shrill of pain. Till now I wonder how Scarlett has never pieced the tiny details together. But then again she tries everything to shut down her past I can understand her. They never had the best past ever. She talked of how they had been bullied and that's how they met Trevor. I didnt say anything as usual

while she was ranting just sat quietly while trying not to get swallowed by the memories but they still did. I remembered how I had ventured into trying to figure out about Kate’s behaviour and after following her a few days at first I wasn’t sure because the boy had just seemed to say a few thing to her before he spotted me a few feet from them and the boy left. But then I caught two of them they looked the same age as Kate but I was never sure they had her backed up against a wall inside a classroom she was infront of Scarlett sheltering her while Scarlett had been trembling behind her she had tears streaming down her face. The moment I saw one of the boys stump on Kate’s foot before shoving her backwards I remember feeling rage like no other and I ended up beating the two boys severely that they got sent to the school's nurse and that got me suspension but i didn’t care about that. I was mad at myself for not realizing it sooner. The memories kept going in and out all the time some were bitter other were sweet but all in all I ruined it all.

A sigh left my lips before I got up from the stool that I had been sitting on as I let my hands guide the different brushes over the canvas in front of me. Not even this made me feel anything. I Looked at the results of my brushes and hands and I had to look once again in order to understand what the painting was but then it made sense why I would draw myself like that. The painting that I had just finished was one of myself but on it the painting had no eyes but that’s not what caught my attention but the kind of hands the painting held. The hands wore scales all over while they were wrapped around my image on the painting but one came up from the left side and tore through my chest and it held a heart in its crawls. A heart that was the color of coal. I looked at the painting once more before sighing and looked at the painting next to it. One that was from back then where Kate stood. I looked on before covering the painting before settling it at a corner that had other covered paintings. I didn’t deserve to even be thinking about the great times. I wasn’t allowed to. I thought. Even though it had been fifteen years I still didn’t deserve any salvage. Serving my time wasn’t enough. Nothing will ever be.

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