SHATTERED HEARTS

11 - routine

Third person's POV

Looking at the young girl that had curled into herself in the bus seat john let out a sigh before tapping her. He had been driving for about seven hours, and in all the stops he made the girl hadn't made to highlight. He had also forgotten about her. The last stop he had made about three hours ago on the enroute she had boarded towards. Then after a rest of an hour he started the other part of his long hours journey as he headed southwest only after a lady highlighted and enquired about the girl did he recall her. He would just have to wake her and then probably take her as he went back tomorrow. He thought. John tapped her again as she didnt seem to feel the previous taps. And he finally saw some response. He tapped her once more before looking at her waiting for her to open her eyes as he could see the lids moving. She would sure wake up with a sore neck from the position she was laying on.

The minute her eyes managed to open her gaze met one of a man she didnt know and immediately Katherine shrank onto herself trying to run from him.

John looked at the young girl who wore a frightened expression and he realized that he had caused that so he took a few steps away from her before raising his hands up.

"Its okay I dont mean you harm, I was just waking you up you must have dozed off and probably missed your stop." He explained calmly and he could see what he said finally registering with the girl and she looked around before finally looking back at him though she was weary of him she wasn't as frightened as she had been before.

Katherine got her duffle bag before asking where they were as she followed the man who was yet to introduce himself. And john explained to her where they were, so she was six hours away from her town but still that wasn't far enough she thought.

"Tomorrow I'll be heading back I'll drop you off." He said and Katherine shook her head. She didnt say anything else and John looked at her contemplatively.

"I think you missed your stop so I'll drop you off on my trip back." He said once again.

"No I'm good here, I have a long journey but I'm heading the opposite direction from the one you'll be taking tomorrow." She said slowly hoping this guy wasn't going to insist. She looked around her weary. It was probably in the late afternoon. Katherine thought as she estimated the time from when she had walked out of the orphanage to now. That was probably eight hours and if she was correct she had left the orphanage at dawn. It was chilly the sun was just rising. She was just realizing that now. Looking at the stranger before her she didnt want to follow him right now being alone appealed to her more and she wasn't about to go trusting everyone she met the world she leaved in before had taught her that trusting always resulted with betrayal and so she resulted to asking him where she could get some snacks.

John looked at her wondering what she was thinking but gave up eventually before pointing her in the direction towards the gas station that was just a few metres ahead. This was not a busy town but drivers often made stops here and the station at which he worked for had a bus terminus established just across the gas station. And a few other businesses were on going around here. He looked at her as she walked away she was sluggish and he didnt think she realized. He wondered if she was even of age or minor. If she was a minor then her parents were irresponsible because she didnt look like she was in the right state to travel alone. But he just let her go. She didnt say she needed help and so far she seemed frightened by him so he wasn't in any position to offer any help.

Katherine walked ahead before looking back to see if the guy had followed her but he hadn't and she let out a heavy sigh before proceeding to the store. She didnt feel hungry but she could feel her body didnt have enough energy. She felt weak all over. Walking in she got a few drink and some snacks not too expensive, she still realized she was on her own and the money she had on her wasn't much.

After that she paid and asked about a bus she could get on from the lady on the counter and the lady gave her directions which she followed and got into a bus this one though would make longer trip and in this particular direction she was heading most people preferred the train instead but the train didnt arrive until the morning she couldn't wait. She had asked the counter lady a couple of more questions and she found out some of the longest journey that the buses made and she decided on the one that was an eight hour journey so shed be travelling the whole night. That would have to do for now. Normally Katherine wouldn't go asking people around but she was glad her mouth was cooperating with her impassive self. The impassive self would be her only hope in surviving if she even did. The next stop she makes would be far enough. Katherine thought. And its next to the border of their country and the country bordering it in the south west. With this thought Katherine boarded the bus.

****

Warning triggering content.

Scarlett looked onto the other bed and he lip quivered. She had really left. Her best friend had left and she had left in bad terms with her. she thought as tears that had seized a while ago welled up in her eyes.

Just like a slideshow images flashed across her mind and she whimpered remembering the terrible things she had said. How could she say that to her own sister. Bile rose up her throat and she rushed to the tiny bathroom throwing up into the toilet bowl. She sat down on the floor and images kept flooding making her feel even more pathetic.

The supervisor had brought a few documents of release among others to her that needed Katherine's signature but she couldn't bring herself to sign. She was a terrible friend. She thought.

Now she was all alone. And Katherine was out there with no one as well. This thought sent more tears to flow down her face. She sat down more like kneeling and sitting on her legs next to the toilet bowl and soon she felt this strong urge pulling onto her. This wasn't the first time.

Deep down she knew what the urge was and at the back of her mind she knew it wasn't healthy medically but still she got up stepped on the toilet after closing the lid before patting the little shelf in the corner of the bathroom and it wasn't long before she felt the cold steel against her fingers and she sucked in a breath before picking it up and looked at the tinny scalpel. A shudder went through her body as she anticipated what she was about to do. She got down from the toilet and sat on the closed lid.

Raising the arm holding the scalpel she directed it onto her left thigh where one could see old scars and as the scalpel sliced through her skin she sucked in a breath welcoming the pain. The feel of the warm liquid trickling down feeling her with a calmness that she could only have courtesy of the blade.

She watched as the warm liquid trickled down her leg and the red lines it made as it trickled sent that thrill in her body and she welcomed every bit of it letting it fill her. Tears still in her eyes but this time no more of the emotions that were running through her a while ago only the bliss of the sensation in her thigh that travelled through her whole body filled her. And she didnt try to stop it rather she welcomed it all in.

Setting the scalpel aside she just watched her work of art as the liquid trickled down every drop. She watched as the fast paced drops slowed down and started flowing sluggishly till only a few drops would trickle from time to time.

She watched even them as they slowly dropped till they couldn't move anymore and she looked at the red stripe running along her thigh. She traced a finger along it. Soon it'd loose its color and beauty and mirror the others, how sad. She thought as she traced it for a while before he legs felt numb and she stood and she walked back to the room the sensations heightening as she made the steps but she didnt stop till she was next to her bed and sat on the tinny pillow she had placed on the floor as she looked at the bed next to hers.

She traced the red stripe only this time applying pressure to every trace she made. More drops of blood trickled down and she admired them before her lids felt heavy and she slid onto the floor while still facing the other bed next to hers before dozing off.

****

Unknown POV

Parking the car by the garage I got out before heading towards the house. It had been a while since I was last here. The silence as usual was the welcome we got. The 'Youre back, welcome' that used to welcome us no longer here.

It's been a month and two weeks since I last saw my mothers eyes and heard her call me. We knew a day like that was coming but it still hurt, still hurts. She left just like that and there was nothing I could do, nor anyone could.

My dad went mute since then only gives out one word in a while. I really can't explain how I feel myself. We dont talk much. And my mind is raced with the guilt, sadness and a lot of hatred in there among other emotions in there that I can't place but they're definitely negative.

The day my mother died I felt like my heart had been shattered and the only person I needed to be with me I had been so wicked to her till today I can't think of a good enough reason why I would be so cruel. Not that there's ever a good enough reason to violate someone, make them feel so vulnerable, and hurt them. That more than anything hasn't allowed me to mourn for my mother. I feel like I deserved all this pain. Though not my mom dying but all this hurt I feel I deserve it and I dont have the right to mourn about it.

My dad staid back in the city while I came here. I need to pay for my sins. Make it up to her. Not that will be enough to atone to my sins. I just need to see her one more time before I confess. My father will probably disown me and my mum must be rolling in her grave at the abomination of a son she got.

I really wish I died in her place. Then my abomination self wouldn't be on earth to bring such pain and hurt someone like I did.

I head to my room before walking in the bathroom to take a shower as images of that day keep flashing in my mind, a routine I've come to get used to and appreciate the torment this routine leaves behind. I made her cry, hurt her so bad. She was there begging me to stop and I just went on. I'm the world's worst. Tears threatened to fall out but I didnt let them I wasn't entitled to have that relief. I was meant to hurt.

After showering I walked back to the closet flipping through my clothes before finding some jeans and shirt. After which I walked out and locked the house before heading to the familiar direction. The many times I had walked down this road I had imagined of several scenarios but none of the was ever that I'd end up hurting her. Marrying her yes, seeing her walking down the isle yes, us walking hand in hand yes, but I just ... Raking my hand into my hair I let out a groan as I tugged at it.

I continued on my way down the road and soon I could see the familiar building. It wasn't a large place just a two storey building but it wasn't that large, could probably fit around twenty kids. The fence wasn't a high one so I could see the place well. I was looking at it from the back. I didnt know how the front looked like really the road I normally used was the one that's directly facing the backyard of the orphanage. From there I could see her room that was on the top floor. I couldn't see clearly but I knew which was her room I had seen her countless of times closing the window.

Today it wasn't opened. I sat in my usual position one I had occupied countless of times. Leaning against the tree while looking up at the same time looking at the particular window every now and then. The night started crawling in. I hadn't seen her yet and I knew I wouldn't be seeing her so I would just have to stop by in the morning before I turn myself in. I thought before I walked back home only I didnt realize that I wouldn't be seeing her again anytime soon.

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