SHATTERED HEARTS

Four - Never given the choice

Kathrine’s POV

No one ever asks to be born and surely not to be born in a life that happiness is a teaspoon once in a while.

Suppose you were written a letter to, before being born and the letter stated that most of your life would be pain after pain, suffering after suffering would you still be born. Well I know for sure I wouldn’t but I was never given the choice nor is anyone out there.

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Just like any other day the alarm clock blares along the room and prompts me to wake up early in the morning and follow my morning routine which is to take a shower, dress, brush and all that then I head to the kitchen to grab mine and Scarlett’s breakfast and take it to her as she’s still not done preparing. Yes we are allowed to take it up to our rooms, yes well except for dinner which we have to take in the designated tables. And its so annoying as I have to deal with some kids who are not the nicest here but I try to mind my business and not cause trouble otherwise I'll end up on the streets which wouldn't be very sensible of me to do. Anyway...

After we’re done with breakfast we head down and out to school which is a nightmare but all in all, I can’t just quit it and I may not like school but Scarlett loves books way too much and like a good friend I have to be there for her since we only have each other though she’s younger than me by a year. Which goes to say she's a class behind mine. Yes she's but we don't mind that though, we vibes and bonded that's what matters.

We’ve been friends since forever, we’re bullied together, orphans, and well maybe that’s all and it was our bond I think but I believe it’s our crazy character combination that was our bond.

Am not the best student there’s in class neither am I that bad but with a genius as a friend you tend to feel that you’re not good.

Scar is this genius who no matter whether she reads for an exam or not she’ll still get an A. God am so envious of her sometimes. While I have to sit with my nose hooked up around a whole bunch of books and sacrifice my precious sleep time so as to attain a perfect score A for that matter. Without the reading but attending classes and paying attention I would probably get a B or a C, see that’s why I think am not that bad.

Reason behind all this nagging is because this coming week we will be needing to sit for the final exams. And it’s a torture.

Being a senior isn’t easy and that’s why I need to up my game and read. While Scar has another year in high school I don’t so I have to put all my energy in this exam.

So that’s basically why I’ve been in the library for hours.

Gosh my butt hurts from all that sitting. I get up stretch a bit then pack up my books and walk out of the library it’s evening already, I hurry back to go and help with the dinner.

This has been my routine for a couple of days.

Wake up, prepare for school attend classes, head for the library and go back to the orphanage and help with dinner if I'm on duty. Yeah pretty boring.

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Back in my room which we share with Scarlett. We are only the two of us while the others share between four people and six. But the pecks of us being only the two of us came with a price, our room was way tiny compared to the rest but I liked it this way. it was also the only room that didn't share a bathroom. Its bunched up in a corner And there's barely any space for the both of us but its better than having to share with four people. Not that I hate people or something but I kind of prefer my privacy though that's something you can't have when leaving in here, moreover we are the lone wolf in this orphanage. most people don't like us except for the little ones but I don't mind that I've come to accept the fact that I'm different and I'm not as privileged as others. *sigh*.

With this thoughts I head to the bathroom before cleaning up my face. No I'm not the kind of girl to wear make up but still I like my face clean twenty four seven. After which I brush my teeth and head back to my bed to find Scarlett laying on hers while staring up. I look at her for a moment before nudging her and she looks at my direction before looking up then she gives a sigh. I was about to ask her what's wrong but she opens her mouth and I shut mine.

“Kat what do you think Trevor looks like now. Do you think he has grown a beard” Scarlett questions me while we’re in our room.

“Nah Trevor isn’t the kind to keep a beard, he says he likes his face clean he never liked a beard talked about how a hairy face isn’t ideal to him, but sure he must have grown to a cute guy, no doubt to that.”

“Yeah, I miss him. Our lives would be much better if he were here.”

“I know, he was like our guardian angel”

“ Too bad his dad had to move”

We keep discussing other things but my mind is on Trevor, I missed him too so much. Soon sleep overtakes me.

And I let it drown me too tired to keep up with the thoughts.

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I wake up early once again after the alarm went off and follow my daily morning routine once again as I get ready for school.

It’s on a Thursday and then tomorrow will be Friday which means the start of a weekend which means only three days to examination. Arrghh I hope I’ll do fine. My exams start on Monday. Good thing about this examinations is that they got everyone busy even for the bullies of school such that this week has been like old times though they do relieve their stress with me at times but it’s not the bulling that has been going on for the normal days.

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After school I head to the library and for some weird reason I feel anxious, it’s like this day will be unforgettable and something will happen but I think it’s the exam fever.

By the time am leaving the library they are closing up and it’s dark outside.

Godamit am so late, what’s wrong with you Kath, now am going to get a scolding from Anita and it’s the last thing I need now. Why did you have to stay this late godamit Kathrine. I keep cursing myself which is really not helping at all it’s only adding to my anxiousness.

Now I really wish Scarlett stayed a little bit longer and maybe I wouldn’t be this late or maybe she could have nagged me a little longer for me to follow her and now I wouldn’t be this late cause I’m sure I would have finally given in to her wants. She has a way of making me agree to everything she wants.

I don’t think I’ll be able to use the main road now cause it’s gonna take longer to reach and I can’t have that so I rush through the alleys and now am so anxious that I regret coming this route and overstaying. As I rush through something caught my eye. A shadow but then again maybe I was being paranoid.

It was then I saw the shadow emerge from a road and we’re it not for my anxiousness right now I would have laughed at myself for acting up like a scared kitten. I mean the shadow guy didn’t look dangerous at all how old was he maybe twenty or something. But what if he’s one of those college boys on drugs…. Ooh no by now my heartbeat increased.

Having been bullied half my whole life this was not a good sign at all and laying down your guards wasn’t either. Having this thought in mind I started walking back in a hurry and of cause he had to hurry confirming my suspicions. Oh God this is why you should listen to parents and elders when they give advice and rules. Now here I AM, replaying aunt Anita’s words that shortcuts are dangerous at night but no I had to listen to my reasoning. Oh God if he kills me hear then no body will know I got killed, Come on Kate you’re worrying about the wrong things right now you should focus on the current situation, I scold myself.

I was not thinking clearly and was irrational so the next thing I do is run. As it was what my mind kept telling me to do.

Yeah do that we’re in this all because you choose to listen to it, my conscious of course had to torment me. While I was busy reasoning with my mind I didn’t notice that I was running to a dead end.

By now adrenaline had rushed through my veins I could feel nothing hear nothing. It’s like my body new what was coming.

Warning : extreme abuse content

The next thing I know is someone pulling me up to his arms.

“Why are you walking alone at this time of the night, My God are you stupid or something.”. The guy spoke more like groaned. I couldn’t make out his features as it was dark but from his breath I could tell he was tipsy

“Please let me go.“ I begged I didn’t even know what I was begging for.

“Please just let me go.” by now tears were streaming down onto my cheeks.

The guy just looked at me in a pained way then asked me to shut up. He tried to hug me but I pushed him away and he looked so bothered and hurt by my actions I almost felt pity we’re it not that I was where I was and in darkness.

With a guy I didn't know pulling me into his arms, Yeah not freaky at all.*sarcastic*

“Why would you walk alone at such a time and this road itself aren’t you scared?” He asked and I swear I could feel concern at the same time anger Ooooh come on Kathrine will you stop you’re thinking of the good things at the wrong time. I scolded my mind. You don’t even know the guy so how could he be concerned.

If you haven’t noticed yet my mind seems to be off a little bit, okay maybe not a little.

“Please don’t” I said pushing him away as he tried to hug me and Just like that his look turned feral. I knew then there was no saving myself from him. The beads of sweat he had started even dripping in a more rapid manner if theres such a thing, and his pants grew heavy, his face turning slightly as if he was in pain but i could be wrong since it was dark and i couldnt make out well his features. I felt really stupid I was busy assessing him when I should knock him down and run. But he had a very tight hold on me and his hands felt like they were burning from the amount of heat I could feel. By now tears were streaming down my face. I was scared of the what he'd do to me. I felt really pathetic and stupid. Blamed myself for landing in such a position..

“Why are you crying princess.” He said trying hard to breathe as if he was trying to Calm whatever it was bothering him down but I guess it didn’t work cause next he started pulling me.

And I let out a loud cry as I tried to starch around but to no effect he pulled me towards a car that was parked from where I diverted from. All this time I was screaming wishing for the heavens to hear me and save me.

The next thing I new I was in the back of the car and clothes were ripped apart he tried to kiss me as I kept struggling till he hugged me real tight and for a moment I couldn’t breathe. “just stay still, I’m trying to reign whatever it is that’s wrong with me. I’m really sorry if I’m scaring you, I’m also scaring myself, I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I really don’t. Sorry.” He said. “Then please don’t do this.” I said as I cried. For a moment it was like he was coming to his senses but as soon as it did it disappeared. All I could do was she’d tears Lying there feeling so useless I couldn’t save myself this was the worst feeling ever and the pain made it even worse.

Anyway who am I kidding I’ve never been able to save myself not from the bullies not even from my parents when they left me I am just so useless.

Tears were streaming down my cheeks as I watched the guy take my innocence away and the pain was unbearable. This would be the worst day ever.

“I’m sorry am really sorry.” The guy said and he had tears running down his face, he was crying. “ I’m really trying but I can’t stop. Sorry.“ he kept chanting as he tried to hug me but the little strength I had within me I managed to push him away as tears kept streaming down my face suddenly it became too hard to even breath and I finally let myself be consumed by the darkness that was knocking the door those eyes am never gonna forget them and I hope to never see them again in my life. Little did I know I had to come to terms with seeing them daily.

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