SHATTERED HEARTS

Six - won't be here with me anymore

Unknown POV

“Son we have to go, she’s been waiting for you and I don’t know how long before she leaves us”

My father states. I don’t know even how to face my mother after the abomination I’ve committed. She’d be so mad at me actually not mad she would annihilate me, hell I also think I want to beat myself for hurting her. How could I ? And the last thing I need is to make mom mad and for her to question my upbringing. And probably disown me.

My mother has been ill for quite sometime and her condition has deteriorated immensely the doctors says she has days or at most months to be with us and it breaks my heart to see her like that. Looking all feeble and life slowly dripping out of her.

“Fine dad let me just go get my bags I’ll meet you outside” I walk to my room and pick my bags, I don’t know how long I’ll be gone for, I just hope I’ll find her here after I’m back, but I can always ask around which college she went to.

“Let’s go am ready.”

I tell my dad after loading my bags to the trunk.

“Mum” I call her as I hug her. She looks so frail, she is no longer the woman she used to be. I’m almost crying but I manage to hold myself for her sake.

Dad looks like he’s used to seeing her like this and though he doesn’t want to show it I know he’s also hurt seeing her like this. Seeing her lying here all helplessly it’s killing me and I know it also hurts dad like crazy. We were so used to the spitfire she was, now seeing her like this is so not cool.

She’s lying on a bed with wires hooked up in her body as the machines besides her help her breath and the heart machine keeps beeping indicating her heart’s movements. She’s so pale and frail. Looking at her this helpless reminded me of that night of how she lay there down in my arms all helpless and me taking advantage of her.

And that was my breaking point I couldn’t hold it together anymore and got out of the room to cry alone.

I couldn’t imagine or picture someone hurting my mother with how helpless she was yet I did exactly that though to a different person who was also helpless like my mother. What kind of a monster does that.

“ Son I know it hurts to see her like that but you have to pull yourself together, it’s also killing me to see her like that, life draining out from her.” My father said as he started crying also I guess he followed me out after I left. I hug him and breakdown. I cry the tears that I’ve been holding off as my old man let me cry on his shoulder. He was also crying but he was trying to hold himself together.

After a while crying we calmed down and went back to keep her company.

Though I don’t like seeing her like this we have to be here for her, we don’t know even how long she will be with us.

It hurts seeing the person you’d give your everything up for slowly dripping away from your hands and there’s not a thing you would do to change that.

For now I have to treasure the time God has granted her. No one knows what tomorrow has in store for us.

She doesn’t want to see us cry she says we should just celebrate her life. And should remember the times she was strong and not frail. She doesn’t want us to remember her frail self lying helplessly on the hospital bed and that’s what I try to do. I don’t want to see her as the version on the hospital bed but as the strong person who has fought off the cancer. She had been battling cancer for three years and this year it’s been the worst. First she got better and we took her home but still she would have regular checkups then out of no where the doctors says she has to be admitted as things are not too well within two days her health had gone from ninety percent to forty percent if you were to put it that way.

She was barely talking. I don’t like seeing her like this. Id give anything just so as to take her place. She has been my pillar since I could remember or I dare say since the day I got conceived probably. She has been there all the way with me cheering on not that my dad hasn’t. They’ve all been the best parents I could ever ask for. These days as much as my mom doesn’t like us seeing her in pain she is always trying to hide it and all I can do I smile at her whenever she looks at me and tries to form a small smile for me. Its really heartbreaking looking at her now looking like a ghost version of my mother. But Then the breaking part of me was when she didn’t recognize me at first after I visited her in the hospital and that’s when I lost it. I went drinking and the results of that night...

And well Since that day I couldn’t bring myself to go to see my mother so I stayed back. Maybe I’m the cause my mother is being punished with the disease. I’m the worst son there possibly could ever be, selfish and a monster at that . But now my mom is almost... I don’t want to even think of a possibility that there would come a day that she wont be here with me.

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Scarlett's POV

Looking at her lying there all looking lifeless is heartbreaking.

I can’t bring myself to look at her slowly dripping away. I know I should be mad at her but I can’t deep down I know she didn’t mean what she said. This is her defense mechanism that has been activated but I wonder what has triggered it and it hurts seeing her drive me away.

I know something happened that day just don’t know what exactly and she won’t tell me what happened. It’s not like Kathy to shut out like that with me. She may refuse to tell anyone but she always and I mean always spills everything to me although at times I need to press her for her to tell me though as much as that works I know this time it won’t work. She won’t utter a word and she’s actually driving me away from her. And I can’t help but have this bad feeling that whatever triggered this phase of hers it was a terrible occurrence. She may not even have realized it yet but that day she came with some boys shirt on or a man I don’t know but it wasn’t hers but a male’s. I don’t think she even realized that, since she doesn’t want to talk then I don’t know how I can help her.

If only Trevor was here then he would have known what to do with her. She always listened to him. I can’t handle seeing her like this.

Kathy may not realize it soon but she’s slowly dripping away into a world even I don’t know of but she needs help for whatever happened that day she has allowed it to swallow her up. She doesn’t even realize she has a problem or she could go to the hospital not that Kathy likes being in hospital anyway…

She barely gets out of this room anymore and barely eats. I don’t want to loose her but she won’t let me help. Her body is so frail her cheek bones are starting to show which is not good for her as well as the sunken eyes that have dark eye bags indicating that she hasn’t had much sleep and she looks exhausted, haunted and tired. Tired of this life it’s like she’s given up and is waiting for the earth to swallow her.

In three months she’ll be turning eighteen and I don’t think she even realizes that. Now am scared of her going to the college if she gets a scholarship. She can barely take care of herself and I know now it’s only because she’ll be questioned and tries avoiding them by at least trying to take care of herself. Not that she’s trying anymore it’s like she has given up on life, a walking dead yeah that’s the correct description of how she looks. It’s like she’s on autopilot mode.

I know Kathy isn’t suicidal because if she was she would have tried it already not that you can tell a person is suicidal from the first appearance not even they know it until the world weighs them heavily down and clouds them to a point of suffocation till you feel like you’re backed up in a corner all alone, with the misery and more pain making you mind and heart bleed with the images of how everything is against you keep on replaying in your head to a point they just want it all to stop. I know cause I’ve been there thought of it but now here I am worried that my sister has already been backed in that corner that they once took me out from. And I don’t want to loose her but I think I am with how things are fairing along I think she’s killing herself slowly without taking notice and it’s killing me that I don’t know how to help her . She’s been shutting me out since then.

At night I have noticed her wake up all scared and sweaty and that’s how I know whatever happened to her that day was terrible coz she always wakes up with a panicked and scared face all sweaty and starts looking around when she finally realized it was just a dream she sighs a sigh of relief kind of and does not go back to sleep. At times she would be thrashing around and ends up whimpering begging. He words are mostly incoherent but you could gather something like please in it. I’m a heavy sleeper if that’s a thing but nowadays I find myself waking up to check on her.

It’s been a month and a few days and she has started to get worse. She has started to vomit and she looks so rugged I don’t know what to do to help her. She doesn’t want me to. She wont get out of the bed. She is always inside her cover when she is not she is sitting on her bed with this far away look on her face. She has stopped crying only whimpers at night in her sleep which she doesn’t sleep much hence the dark circles under her eye bags with her chapped lips which are vaguely bluish.

I don’t want to loose my sister, my best friend. I can’t loose her, not now when all we have is each other. Even though she will be leaving soon to her college but that never worried me she had actually offered to fall back a year so that I could catch up to her but I couldn’t so am supposed to join the college she joins while in the mean time visiting and chatting would do for now.

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