SHATTERED HEARTS

9 - leaving it all behind

Katherine's POV

My heavy lids fluttered open and I was glad for the darkness. But even then it was a bit hard to keep them open it was like a force was trying to keep them shut and I didn’t fight it just shut them but my thoughts were very active. I wished they weren’t but wishes are just that wishes. My mind flashed to a while earlier on.

Did that happen or was it all just in my mind. A while ago when I opened my eyes I didn’t see anyone. Could all of it have been in my mind. I tried to think and just came up with nothing. It was probably all in my head. Then I remembered the blissful pain that had coursed from my arm. It had made me happy but now I felt nothing. My arm didn’t hurt.

Was also that imagined. Pain could never be that blissful or was it? I wondered but I let that thought slide away as an unbearable pain struck my stomach making me groan. That was no cramp but it sure felt like one. Just as it was subsiding another one hit and this time my groan was louder.

I tried to coil up it usually helped whenever I had painful menses. But my body could hardly move. Making me let out another grunt and I could vaguely here someone call my name but I was so caught up with the pain I didn’t know who it was and then it was all gone just as soon as it had come. And I sighed though waited it out a few minutes to see if it id come again.

But it didn’t. Opening my eyes that I hadn’t realized I had shut them. I squinted a little from the light that met my blurry eyes. I could feel tears flow. It was that painful. Somebody turned me over and I let out a huff before looking at who it was. I came face to face with a very tense Anita who was looking me up and down and I sighed.

"What's wrong, are you in any pain?" she questioned so fast and I almost rolled my eyes but that would be very hard with my eyes feeling this heavy.

"I’m fine" I said hoping she would just leave me alone.

"No you’re not you were groaning like someone in pain and look at your teary eyes." Scarlett let out. And gosh did I hate that. Couldn’t she read that I didn’t want anyone hovering over me right now. I just wanted to be alone. But she couldn’t get that could she? I let out a huff turning to face upwards.

“I said I’m fine. I just want to be alone." I said already getting frustrated from their interference and how they were making me exert strength in talking.

"Could you just stop acting like a prude brat for once and be grateful that despite you being this unbearable we are still here concerned." Scarlett shouted and damn she was riling me up.

"Did I ask for your concern. No I don’t remember doing so, why don’t you just keep the concern for yourself cause I don’t need it." I said and damn I was glad that I could let out so many words but it still tired me and I didn’t wish for this to go on. I was just going to just let them be. And hope they’d get the memo.

"No you didn’t ask for it and I’m so damn stupid to keep on caring for you even when all you do is act like a brat just because some boy got you pregnant and dumped you. I’m done Katherine. If you want to be left alone and kill yourself, I wont interfere again. This is it. I may not like kids but I know this one doesn’t deserve to die because of its mother’s irresponsible behavior. its so damn low for you to do that to an innocent life. But I guess you wouldn’t give any care since the whole world should stop moving just because Katherine got heartbroken. What did you think Kath, throwing yourself at some boy, did you think that he’d overlook everything else just because you offered your body... " a slap echoed around and for a minute stunned me, I was on my feet and not feeling faint standing over Scarlett who looked shocked then pained. She had no right .

I looked at my hand and I noticed it had been bandaged. I paid it no mind as rage consumed me.

"Shut up. Just shut up you don’t know anything." I raged my best friend, no screw that Scarlett thought I threw myself to some boy, no back up what did she just say, pregnant me, no that cant be, no she’s probably mistaken. Then like lightening the conversation earlier with Becky struck me. I looked at Anita and it was all in her face, not only that but whatever scarlet said she seemed agreeing to it. I slumped on my bed looking up feeling betrayal hit me from everywhere. I looked at the paper Anita had handed over as I sat down.

“I don’t know anything because you won’t tell. But I’ve seen enough to know what is. You’ve been starving yourself, won’t move won’t talk and just a while ago Kath we all saw it. Why do you tell me what it is I don’t know.” Scarlett went on but my eyes were glued to the paper in my hands trying to digest the words positive and what that meant.

"Anita lets go, it’s no use wasting our time with her." Scarlett said once again and I just snapped.

"Yeah I’m probably wasting your time, just like always. Right Scarlett. You always have other priorities. You have no right to accuse me of anything when its all your fault. You left me that night at the library remember. You dare accuse me of trying to kill a child I had no knowledge of till now? ….... You think so shallow of me after all this years of knowing me? I guess when its really not about you, you don’t care." I said in a quiet voice but an angry one. I didn’t know what to feel right now. All this. I was to turn eighteen soon in about a month and a week, so being pregnant and being done with high school meant the orphanage was going to let go of me. My mind swarmed with all this thoughts and I almost missed what Scarlett said next.

"My fault. How is it my fault I asked you to come with me but you refused. Clearly you had plans to go spread your legs for some guy. So how is that my fault. I didn’t ask you to do so nor did I know it was in my place to stop you. But clearly you hadn’t thought of the consequences. I should be the one blaming you for ruining all our plans. Just like that you threw them in the drain." I let out a pained chuckle at that. I was beyond arguing at this point and just let her be. I didn’t know who she was and I owed her nothing. Not anymore. The guilt I had been feeling for mishandling her just about vanished in that instance.

"I’m sorry for ruining our plans. And I’m sorry for putting you through so much pain. I didn’t know you harbored such feelings. Its not like I planed on getting raped. So yeah I’m sorry my bad luck ruined everything." I let out feeling drained. I needed to be far away from here. Turning towards Anita.

"I know the rules, I wont make it hard for you anymore. I just need to grab a few things first." Anita nodded.

"Do you have somewhere to stay, you can come stay at my place though its not that big..."

"I’ll be fine on my own thanks." I was hurt from their assumptions and I couldn’t bear being near either of them. I took the paper that Anita had handed me a while ago. The results she had said. It was still yet to sink in.

After which I packed a small duffle bag before grabbing my porch that had my savings that I had been saving for campus, guess that wasn’t happening anymore. After that I picked up a file that had basically my life in it and walked out. If I had any papers to sign they would have someone else do it.

Anyway Scarlett owed me that much. I didn’t know if this was a cruel joke they were playing on me but I wasn’t going to stay there any longer. Even if it was a joke Scarlett had gone too far. I couldn’t just overlook whatever she had said when it was all that was playing in my mind and the faces they had on as they judged me so ruthlessly. No I couldn’t stay.

And just like that I was gone leaving it all behind. Didn’t know what to feel but all that was going to be processed along the way. I didn’t know where I was going but I knew one thing for sure I wanted to be far away from here as possible.

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