Beautiful Monsters (Fil-version)

Chapter 3

"CANCELLED. I APOLOGIZE ON BEHALF OF MR. LA MONTESA." 

Sandali kong inangat ang paningin mula sa hawak na planner at nilayo sa tainga ang cellphone. Nag-aalala kasi ako pero wala naman ako magawa kundi hanapin ng paningin ko si Todd.

Wala siya sa mahabang coach. Wala rin sa tabi ng hospital bed. I pouted my lips realizing that I was alone with a sick old man.  Hindi pa naman ako sanay magbantay ng may sakit. Malayo kasi medicinal field ang propesyon ko. Boss ko siya, assistant niya ko, sa opisina kami lagi.

Thadeus La Montesa, or as everybody called him, Todd, wasn't himself today.  For the first time in my six months of knowing him, nakita ko siyang  mahina. He was crying when I came and that image of him got stuck in my head like a well-chewed gum.

Hindi kasi siya yung tipo ng tao na umiiyak basta-basta. I had seen him debated with hundreds of people inside different boardrooms. I had also seen him ran a massive company single-handed. He had legions of people following him too, bowing down to his command as a young CEO.

In short, hindi siya talaga iyakin. Malayong-malayo siya roon.

"He is not around, Mr. Zamora. I'll keep you posted once we settled the new schedule." Pinindot ko ang end call button kasunod ng buntong-hininga. Naroon pa rin ang pag aalala ko nang mahagip ng paningin ko yung pasyente sa kwarto, si Don Alvaro La Montesa.

Ayoko man magmukhang bastos, hindi ko naman napigil na mapakunot-noo. Hindi ba dapat gawing holiday at double pay ang araw na ito? Why not? Eh first time yata nagtrabaho ni Karma.

Bago rin kasi sa paningin ko ang makitang walang kibo, tahimik, at tulad ni Todd ay mahina ang matandang ito. Just like his son, Alvaro was one heck of an abominable man. Manang-mana rito ang anak. Ang kaibahan lang, si Todd istrikto, ‘yong tatay atribido. Ang hobby sa buhay manigaw ng empleyado araw-araw walang absent.

Anyway, looking at him now, he looked no different from any sick man I had seen. Bukod sa pagkamahal-mahal na hospital room, masasabi ko na rin na basag na si Alvaro - the king of the La Montesa Enterprises, finally lost a jewel off his crown. Nakakaawa na siya ngayon, kagaya ng iba. Hindi rin pala siya kaya iligtas habang-buhay ng pera.

Matapos ibalik sa bulsa ang telepono at ipasok sa suot na satchel ang planner ko, maingat na lumapit ako sa matanda at humugot ng tissue mula sa holder. Slowly, I leveraged to the soft mattress and gently wiped the tear that escaped the old man's eye. Umiiyak ng tulog si Alvaro.

Unlike how much I loved Todd, I wasn’t fond of his father. This old man could really be a handful on his 'oh -so- strong-days'. Ang kaso mahina na siya ngayon. Kahit pala mayaman, kapag nakaratay na, nakakaawa rin pala.

Nang masigurong maayos at tumigil na sa pagluha ang matanda ay may pagmamadali na akong lumabas ng kwarto. I needed to find my Todd. I needed to know how we would handle our pending meetings and how I should fix his schedule tomorrow. Things were accumulating in our bucket and we couldn't just relax about that. 

Sinuyod ko ng tingin ang hallway na kinaroroonan ng kwartong pinanggalingan ko. Negative.

I tried sending him text messages, pero tulad ng mga naunang pinadala ko wala ring sagot ang mga ‘yon.

I was about to press the elevator button at the end of the hallway when I came across a young nurse. Hindi na ako nagdalawang isip magtanong. "Excuse me. May nakita ba kayong lalaki na nanggaling sa room 506? I mean, medyo tanned sya, clean-cut, naka-polo, tapos khaki na slacks. Mga ganito siya katangkad." I reached up with my hands in an exaggerated way as I balanced on my tiptoes. I knew I look stupid doing this, pero paano ba idi- describe ng isang five feet-two inches na tao ang isang six feet na kapwa tao?

Sandaling napatunganga ang nurse sa ginawa ko. Gustong uminit ng ulo ko sa paraan niya ng pagkakatingin sa akin pero syempre, since mabait ako, pinigil ko yon. There was knowing in her eyes, baka lang alam niya kung saan pumunta si Todd.

"'Yong gwapong mukhang amerikano?"

"Italyano," I corrected. Binaba ko ‘yong braso kong medyo nangalay tapos tinanguan siya.

"Sa roof top. Do'n yata sya pumunta, Ma'am." Ngumiti ng nakakaloko ang nurse bago nakipaunahang pumindot sa buton na kaharap namin pareho.

“Thank you," na lang nasabi ko. Akma na sana akong papasok sa elivator nang mapansin kong ‘yong umiilaw na indicator sa ibabaw ng maliit na pintuan 'yong pababa.

When I looked at the nurse, nakangiti pa rin siya. Ang sweet pa ng boses ng loko nang sabihing, "You can use the stairs Ma'am. I'm pretty sure nandoon pa po sa rooftop kuya niyo."

Automatic ang naging pag-ikas ng kilay ko. Anong sinasabi niya? Kuya? Like seriously? Kuya ko si Todd? Gusto ko sana siyang sagutin kaso naunang sumara 'yong bakal na pintuan. Naiwan akong nakanganga.

"Future Husband ko 'yon, hindi niya pa nga lang alam." I talked to the closed door. Tapos, padabog na kong lumayo para puntahan ang hagdanan na sinabi ng nurse.

It was a wonder how I reached the rooftop in an instant considering the length of my legs. Hingal na hingal ako nang sa wakas ay marating ang palapag. I was barely breathing when I found who I was searching for. There on the corner most bench, tulala na wala sa sarili. Syempre si Todd.

"Boss?" My throat strained just by calling him. The bench where he sat wasn't that far and yet he seemed distant. Hindi ko nga alam kung narinig niya ko.

Makulimlim ang langit nang araw na yon. Tanghali na pero madlilim. Makapal ang mga ulap. Sapat ang hangin para maglaro sa buhok ko at malamig ang bawat pagdampi noon sa aking mukha. May paparating kasing bagyo.

"Boss." tawag ko ulit bago humakbang. 

He remained void.

I controlled myself from talking and sat down an arm length away from him. I hated to admit it but I totally forgot how to start a decent conversation with him. 

Alam ko kung paano kausapin ang Todd na kakilala ko, diretso, walang paligoy-ligoy at detalyado. Pero, ibang parte nito ang kasama ko ngayon. Hindi ko mapigilan mag-isip ng kung ano ba dapat ang unang sasabihin.

"Umh... Any instructions Boss?" I tried to start. Kahit ano nalang. Gusto ko lang marinig ang boses niya.

"None, Nicolette."

"Ah, o-okay..." Nakakatameme. Tulad kanina ay basag ang boses nito, walang buhay at may kakaibang tunog.

"Kape?"

"No."

I lost another card. It was obvious that he is not up for any talks - one liner or whatever. Pero hindi ko rin naman maintindihan ang sarili ko kung bakit may bumubulong sa akin na huwag umalis.

"I canceled everything for today." I reported before smiling. Fingers crossed above my lap, sinubukan ko ulit. "Your Personal Assistant is free. I can help you..." Tapos nag-buckle ako kasi hindi ko alam yung susunod na sasabihin ko. "Naiintindihan ko na may pinagdadaanan ka ngayon so I though--"

"Shut up! Anong alam mo sa pinagdadaanan ko?" he screamed bago pabarumbadong sinalo ng mga palad ang mukha at galit na hinilamos.

 Gulat na napalingon ako sa kanya at pinanood ang desperado niyang paraan para marahil ay punasan ang mga luhang kanikanina lamang ay nagbabadya.

‘Tanga ka talaga, Nicolette. Tanga ka--’

"I-I'm sorry. I... I understand. Sorry kasi--"

"Understand what, Nicolette? How could you possibly understand me, when I can't even understand my goddmn self!"

That halted my breath. This was something new to me again. Todd never screamed at anyone. Buena-mano ako. His handsome face was looking at me with so much distress, I swear I could taste it in the air. Sasagot sana ako kaso nang marinig ko ang impit na paghagulgol niya, nakalimutan ko yung dapat sasabihin ko. It was easily the most painful cry I have heard my entire life. His sobs sounded like coming from a dying soul.

Mahapdi.

With effort, nilunok ko muna ang tila kay laking bara sa sariling lalamunan ko bago ako tumayo."I guess I’ll meet you in Sir. Alvaro’s room then. Aalis na po ako."

‘Yes. I think I should. Hindi ako sanay ng makita kang ganyan. Hindi ko kaya’ I wanted to say. Gustong-gusto ko talaga kaso nakulong nalang sa isip ko 'yon.‘Gusto mo naman akong umalis di ba--.’

"Stay."

Napahinto ako sa paghakbang nang sumabad siya sa mga iniisip ko. Letting out a bitter smile, I turned back to face him.

My heart broke nang makitang wala namang nagbago, he still looked void. Baka guni-guni ko lang na pinahinto niya ko. Pwede ring wishful thinking ko lang kasi 'yon ang gusto ko marinig. Either or, pareho lang ilusyon. Thus, I turned to my heels again, ready to leave.

"Stay. Nicolette... Please."

Doon nanlaki ang mga mata ko dahil bukod sa nanghihinang boses ay naramdaman ko rin ang malamig at nanginginig na palad na sumakop sa'king mga daliri.

I instantly felt the desperate need of that hand to hold on something. His grip was tight, almost begging, and afraid. Hindi na ako lumaban nang hatakin ako pabalik sa upuan ng kamay na ‘yon. Sa huli, kahit umiwas ako kanina, magkatabi pa rin kami ni Todd.

"Me- May kailanga ka, Boss--"

"Shut up and stop talking."

Lalong humigpit ang paghawak niya sa kamay ko. But oddly, ayaw naman niya ko kausapin.

He cried for a minute or two and I just let him poured out his heart while holding my hand. The longer he stayed weeping the tighter his grip became too.

It took me a full minute to get the idea. He didn’t want me to talk but he wanted my company. And It was fine because I love him. I could give that to him any given day.

Ilang minuto pa bago naramdaman na binago niya ang posisyon namin. I felt him lift my hand, maneuvering it so he could wrap it above his shoulders. He didn’t ask for it, but I found myself completing the action by instinctively embracing him. He was a big man though. Thus, he ended up reclining a bit just so he could rest his exhausted face on the crook of my neck.

"I'm breaking, Nicolette." Narinig kong bulong niya sa tenga ko. "Hold me."

Tunog utos kaysa pakiusap. Nonetheless, sa lahat ng utos, ito ang pinakamasarap sundin. "Certainly, Boss."

I held him in my arms with all my might. God knew how much I wanted to keep his pieces from falling off even more. Masyado nang nasasaktan si Todd. Baka pwede naman bawasan ko na o hatian man lang.

Hindi ko na alam kung gaano katagal kaming nasa ganoong posisyon. Namalayan ko na lang na unti-unti nang humuhupa ang pag-alog ng katawan niya kasabay ng paghina ng hagulgol. That was good kasi konti nalang, iiyak na rin ako.

"Nicolette..."

"Boss?"

"Do you love me?"

Huminto ang mundo ko sa tanong na 'yon. I felt butterflies... Or were those even butterflies? They didn’t seem like based on how my chest drummed. Dumadagundong. It felt more like I have horses inside my stomach back then.

Pambihira. Hindi man lang ako nakapaghanda. Pero mas nakakaloko naman na ikaila ko siya. Paano ko gagawin 'yon eh mahal ko nga siya? 

"Y- yes, Boss. " Nag-init ang mga pisngi ko. I never thought of this thing happening anytime soon. I secretly wished na sana bumuka anglupa kaso yakap ko si Todd. Ano isasama ko pa siya paglumundag ako?

"Tama pala ang mga napapansin ko." He replied in a way na parang mas kinausap niya kesa sarili niya kaysa sa akin. Self-confirmation.

Pakiramdam ko ginigisa ako sa'king sariling mantika. I expect my feelings to stay 'unrequited' hanggang sa dumating ang tamang panahon na masabi ko ng maayos ang nararamdaman. Nakalimutan kong matalas nga pala pakiramdam nitong si Todd. 

"How sure are you that you love me?"

"Very sure, Boss." Pinatatag ko ang boses. Bahala na, nandito na eh. "I love you, Todd."

"I'm on my weakest point, Nicolette. Do you still want me?" he whispered on my ear, taking advantage of how he was leaning on my shoulder. I felt his breath warmly caressed cheek. Ang sarap, nakakaliyo.

"Of course." I clutched him harder.

"Then promise me."

Natigilan ako roon. Kakaamin ko lang bakit may promise agad? Confused, I moved my head back a little to look at him. Kanina pa pala siya nakatitig sa akin. Iyong titig na ang tagal kong pinangarap na makuha noon. If only my heart could jumped out of my chest, I’m pretty sure maglulumpasay sa sahig 'yon. "P-promise you what?"

"That you'll love me."

"I just did, didn't I?"

I set the confusion aside and gave way to that warmth that cruised my veins. Loving Todd had always been under the table. However, today was different. I was getting  exposed. 

"Do you promise not to judge me? Do you promise to stay loyal to me kahit na anong marinig mo? " He cupped my face with his trembling hand. The uncertainty sipping out from his palm was hot, nakakatunaw ng katinuan. “Say something, Nicolette.”

"Yes."

He breathed deep and smile behind his teary eyes."For the record, you said that you love me and you promised your loyalty to me. Am I right?"

"W-what- wait Todd -" Sinubukan kong tanggalin ang palad na sumasalo sa pisngi ko pero naunahan ako ng pagbabago no’n ng posisyon. From cupping my cheek, he clasped my jaw, holding my head steady as he made sure that I'm looking back at him. His fingers were gentle alright but nerves haywire with fear.

"Say you love me, please."

May kumurot sa kaluluwa ko. The love of my life, was begging me to say what I’ve always wanted but with his hand clasping my jaw, I couldn’t tell if I should.

“Nicollete...”

"I love you." I closed my eyes to how awkward things were. I badly wanted to know where this event would lead me too.

"Good.” I heard Todd sigh in relief. Then before I could even tell what was next, he pulled my face closer to him and dropped a short kiss on my parted lips.It was so freaking brief. It didn’t even last for a few seconds and yet I felt my world tilt under my feet. 

Nagpaubaya na ako nang mas kabigin niya ko. Then he clasped the back of my head so his mouth is sensually touching my ear again. I could smell his cologne mixing with his clean breathe and it was hitting me on all the good spots. I was getting dizzy, delightfully and deliciously buzzed.

It was with his deep voice that he then whispered to me something I would never forget. 

He said, "I killed my brother."