Victoria’s Secret

Chapter 16

Because of the alcohol influence, Helena felt braver to face Victoria for the first time since the day she confessed her love and got rejected and the times she avoided her too. It is still fresh in her heart and mind how she struggled to forget her. How she accepted the fact that she’s not a lovable person for her. It still hurts her feelings and pride. Is she not pretty? Is she not worth it? Is it wrong enough to hurt her that way? She knows in her heart that it’s her fault because she already knew from the start that she might not love her back or want her back but why did it take her more than a month to talk to her and tell her it’s not right? Why? Those are the questions in her mind.

“I miss you.” Victoria started by saying her feelings. She looked at her in the eyes to show how sincere she is. That’s really how she feels right now. She wants to hug her or just talk to her like before.

Helena just made a short glance at her, not convinced of what Victoria just said. How can she believe what she’s telling her now?

“How are you? It’s been a while.” Victoria added, trying to make a conversation.

“O am good.” She answered shortly.

“Are you hungry? I will order our food if you want.”

Victoria is trying hard to act like nothing happened, like they are back to how they are before. She feels the distant and cold treatment from Helena but she tries to ignore it.

Helena looks at her. “Why did you ask me to meet you?” She’s full of arrogance. Like she’s not happy being there and she’s not comfortable being with her.

Victoria gathered her courage to say what’s on her mind right now. To tell her what she wants and how she feels. “I want us to talk.”

“About?” Helena’s face is very serious. No slight remorse on her face. She looks full of anger towards her.

“About us. About what happened. I know..”

“There’s nothing to talk about.” She cut her from talking. “What happened has already happened. I guess it’s already decided.”

“No. No. Not at all.” Victoria tries to convince her to listen to her. She wants to be heard just for now. “Please listen to me. I know I did something terrible, I'm sorry. I know I hurt your feelings and I’m really sorry about it. I want you back.” She pleaded. Upon hearing I want you back, Helena gets confused about it.

“You want me back? For what reason?” The questions of Helena are straight forward. She doesn’t want things to be twisted or sugar coated. She wants straight answers too.

“Helena, things are hard for me okay. It’s really hard. I’ve been thinking about you. I’ve been missing you and your company.”

“Tell me what you want?!” Helena asks again with her stern voice. She doesn’t want to hear those things now.

“Please, can we go back the way it was before? I want the Helena that I knew. The Helena that I am comfortable with, the friend Ican talk about everything with. The person…”

She was stopped by the sudden reaction of Helena. She suddenly stood up.

“I don’t want to be that person anymore. If that’s what you want, then sorry I cannot give it to you.” After saying that, she walks away without looking back.

“Helena!” Victoria tried to stop her but with no use.

It hurts her even more that after all this time, Victoria wants her only to be her friend. She expected more from her but she only got herself in more pain. She expected her to say that they can try and see how it is but No, as usual. What will she expect from her? She walks straight to her car without even stopping and looking back. It’s like she had her second heartbreak from Victoria. When she entered her car, she slammed the door. She cried her anger out and hit the steering wheel so hard.

On the other hand, Victoria felt so sad by the reaction from Helena. She doesn’t know what she did or what she said that made her walk out that way. She’s having a second thought to follow her or to let her be but she decided to follow her. She’s also drunk so it’s better for her to follow. When she’s out, Helena’s car just drives off. She ran to her car and followed Helena’s.

The speed of Helena’s car is faster than she normally drives. She feels scared for hee. What if something happens to her on the road? She stayed behind her not too close to be seen by her. The way they are driving is the way home for Helena.

After twenty minutes of driving, Helena didn’t get out of her car yet. She tries to clear her head before heading upstairs. But suddenly, Victoria’s car parked just beside hers. She let out a deep sigh and went out of the car. Victoria also got out of her car.

“Helena, listen to me.” She followed her.

Helena suddenly stops and faces her.

“I cannot be your friend anymore you understand? I don’t want to just be your friend, okay!” She nearly screamed on her face to show how angry she was.

Now Victoria knows what’s the problem. Now she realized why she acted that way. Why does she’s so dumb not knowing it? She suddenly hugged Helena so tight that even though she struggled to let go, she couldn't.

“You know I can't give you what you want. You know that I am married to a man. I just want us to be how we are before.” She tried to explain to her. But the more she’s saying those words, the more Helena gets her feelings hurt.

“Then we have nothing to talk about. Let me go.” She coldly replied.

“Helena, please understand.”

“Let me go.” She sternly said.

Victoria couldn’t do anything but to let her go.

“If we can’t be together, if you don’t want me in your life then let’s forget each other.” Helena told her. It’s hard for her to say that but she needs to. They only hurt each other's feelings if they try to talk but they will end up with nothing.

“I want you in my life but not the way you wanted.”

“You want me in your life but not the way I want it. It’s the same, so better not force it. It’s time for us to forget. Forget that I told you what I feel and I will also forget those feelings. Goodbye, Victoria.”

That goodbye is the hardest for the two of them. It seems like a knife pierced Helena’s heart once again. Her tears flow on her cheek while walking towards the elevator. The woman she knew mends her heart and makes her fall in love again is not the right person. It’s better this way even if it hurts. The pain will fade in time just like the one before.

For Victoria, it’s a heartbreak. She wanted things to be okay but it became worse. It’s the first time in years that she cried for someone she loves. She went home disappointed. In the back of her head, she wants what Helena wants but it’s too complicated. First of all, she’s married. Second of all, she will only make Helena’s life miserable. Even though she wanted it so bad to be with her, she tried not to. She doesn’t want to hurt two people just because of her selfishness. She has to choose what is right and the right thing to do is to stay in her marriage. She knows someday, Helena will find someone who will love her the way she wanted. All she wants is to be in her life the way it was before but it’s hard for Helena to do it. She won’t force her if that makes her happy.

When she comes home, she grabs a bottle of wine in the chiller. Pour nearly a full glass of it and then drink. She is convincing herself that she did the right thing but her heart tells otherwise. Her tears fell. Even how hard she convinces herself, it makes her feel even more devastated. The thought of missing her will surely kills her. The thought of not seeing her and pretending she doesn’t exist will be a torture to her. She can’t control her feelings anymore, she let out those tears. It drips down to her cheeks. She quietly sobs. Now that it sinks in to her, she feels even more sad.