My last suicide attempt

53

I couldn't sleep all night. I listened to the rain pour down heavily onto my window, the drumming of it the only sound I could hear. Every time I closed my eyes, I could only see Stonehenge. I could only see the betrayal, replaying over and over in my head as if shoving it down my throat.

Why should such a thing have upset me like it did? Why should I have let myself shed tears over such an arrogant monster?

I said it myself.

I cared too much. But why? Why should I care about him, when he didn't care about me?

"Who said he didn't care about you?" My voice taunted. It was silent for a little while as I pondered this, but it cut in my trail of thoughts; "Nah, you're right. He doesn't really care about you. Why should he?"

"Will you leave me alone already?" I thought back.

I turned onto my side, the red rose lying absently on my bedside table. I gnawed my lip as I stared at the silky-smooth petals. For a whole hour, I had lay on this very bed sobbing my heart out clutching that very rose. I glanced down at my already-scarred hand, to see the small puncture wounds from where the thorns had dug into my flesh.

I sighed to myself. I lifted up the flower to check the time - 4:30am and I hadn't slept a single wink. I didn't find myself needing to. I got off the bed, my legs feeling stiff. My stomach growled loudly, so I silently tiptoed out of the safety and comfort of my bedroom and into the pitch black hall, feeling my way downstairs into the kitchen.

Once I'd turned on the light, I grabbed myself a bowl of Shreddies and sat at the isHarmony table, my mind elsewhere and wandering.

Did I regret talking to Xian the way I did?

Would he come back, not meaning what he said when he told me to go?

Why the hell did I even say that?!

It was only then that I realised I had brought the rose downstairs with me. It lay motionless, ruby red and beautiful on the isHarmony table next to my bowl of cereal. I finished my cereal, and pushed the bowl away from myself, pulling the rose in its place. The thorns had a drop of dried blood on from where I had bled a little on them, and the petals were smooth under my finger tips. One shed onto the wooden surface, and I winced, not believing I had ruined such beauty.

You're probably thinking, 'it's just a rose, why all the fuss?' but it's not just a rose. It's extraorSelenary in so many ways, yet so simple and fragile. I guess you could say it meant something to me - I found myself wanting to see Xian and thanking him for the rose, if it was from him.

It must have been - on the card was written the exact sentence he had said to me many hours ago. No one else was around, so no one else would know we even had a conversation... hate-filled on my part.

But he was so bipolar!

"And you're not?" My voice retorted harshly.

"No," I mumbled aloud.

"You're just as bad as he is, princess. Liking him one minute, hating him the next..."

I ignored the voice, though I knew it was right. But what was that saying...?

Oh yeah.

Treat others how you want to be treated.

Xian is nice to me, I'm nice back. Xian is nasty to me, I'm nasty back.

It's the cycle we live in. I've adjusted this past month I've known him... But maybe we were over, full stop. Maybe he really meant it when he said he wasn't stopping me if I left.

But I couldn't leave.

I didn't have the guts.

"Can you pass me the milk?" A voice asked. "Please." It added.

I jumped, my heart lurching at the sound. My head snapped my head up to see a guy sat on the stool opposite me, his eyes pointedly switching between me and the milk. I recognised him - he was the one who had saved me from the Stonehenge vampires. His copper-brown hair was damp slightly, his skin shun brightly in the pale moonlight. His lips were a faint pink, though a blood-red colour was painted so slightly on his bottom lip. I shivered, not wanting to think about it much longer.

"The milk..." He pressed. I raised my eyebrows, pushing the carton of milk across the table. He stopped it with his hand, and poured it into his bowl of Shreddies. He dug his spoon into the bowl, shoving a large mouthful of cereal into his mouth and crunching it as he watched me watch him.

"How do I know you're not here to kill me?" I murmured stubbornly.

"Yes, because I'm your ideal serial killer," He replied, looking down at his bowl of Shreddies, and then back up at me with a smirk.

"Oh, ha-ha." I muttered sarcastically. His lips twitched, but he shook his head and turned his attentions down to eating again.

"The name's Vistoc by the way," He said with his mouthful. "Close friends with Xian, though Madame is closer."

I guessed Madame was the one who was holding him back at Stonehenge.

Vistoc finished his cereal, and took both mine and his to the sink. When he sat back down, he coughed a little and leaned back in the seat, his hands behind his head with a smug smile on his lips.

"Thanks," I muttered awkwardly. "For... you know... saving me."

He shrugged carelessly. "No problem. Nobody else was going to do it. Besides, they were going to take you away, and I can promise you now you don't want to be taken by the Others."

"What did they mean when they said about my soul being light or dark?" I asked.

"Mortal Vampires are rare. Like Edward said - there are only four of them in this dimension, including you. Their blood is a combination of human's blood and vampire's blood, without an exchange. This makes them much more... lusted in the vampire world, yeah?" I nodded, showing I was keeping up, so he continued. "And your soul and mind is the same - split between vamperic and human life. Your soul, eventually, will choose either light or dark. Dark, obviously, is that you become a vampire and anything human will release itself from you. Light is you become human, however you will die. There is no stopping the death if you go light, and there is no control over the choice."

Oh.

Well, that was such a nice way to break it, I thought to myself.

"And until the choice happens, your transformation is frozen. Meaning you're practically human, to everybody else," He continued. "That's why you don't have the speed and whatnot anymore... not that you'd notice, as it the gifts always go unnoticed to the human brain. It shows your closer to humanity than vampirism. But... you're probably one of the most wanted girls in this dimension, by blood. It's sweeter than sugar, Avni, you should be careful, especially around Xian... Let's just say he's got a sweet tooth." Vistoc shook his head disapprovingly.

I swallowed. "That's... a lot. Why me? Why can't it be someone else?"

"It's all to do with the dimensional planes. I don't think that topic is available for chatting about, especially not with me, therefore I cannot answer that."

I snorted. "You sound just like Xian."

"I don't know if that's a compliment or insult, judging by the hate in your eyes but the adoration of the rose he gave you." Vistoc replied matter-of-factly. My eyes met his; blue as the ocean, and also searching mine, as if he was searching for an answer. An answer to a question I didn't know or an answer I didn't have. But something, he was searching for something... anything, perhaps.

I leaned my head back, staring up at the white ceiling. My mother was sound asleep upstairs, and I'd just had breakfast with a vampire. She was, in some and many ways, in Michealger right now. But... I couldn't stop thinking of someone else.

Or something else...

The rose. So pretty, and as red as blood, it was still lying on the surface.

The last thing I had said to Xian, whether he heard me or not, was "I hate you."

I might ponder the thought of not meaning it as much as I did, but I certainly didn't take it back... right?

"Avni," Vistoc murmured, somewhat exasperated. "You are the way you are for a reason. You portray us as monsters, and monsters we may be, but if there wasn't a part of you that was attracted to our kind, why do you let him into your life? If you truly hate us so much, if you hate him as much as you tell yourself, why haven't you pushed him away?"

Vistoc's question caught me off guard, and my mouth fell ajar. But he was right. In every way, Vistoc was right.

I couldn't hate them... I couldn't hate Xian as much as I wanted to believe, otherwise I wouldn't have let myself trust him. I wouldn't have let him into my life, and I would have pushed him away with every single ounce of spite and hatred I had inside of me. But instead, I was letting him in. I was letting myself trust him.

But why?

Why should I trust him? Why should I let him in? Why should I still let him be around me, even though he didn't save me earlier?

I cleared my throat awkwardly. Vistoc was sitting in the chair with a satisfied smile on his lips, as if he was overjoyed that he'd just proved me wrong of my own thoughts.

"Anyway!" He chirped. "We've got things to do. Go get dressed and whatnot, I'll wait for you down here."

I moaned as I stood up. "What are we doing today? Another sacrifice?"

"No, actually... I don't know what we're doing. Xian is telling us when we get there."

I swallowed hard, but I wandered off silently anyway.

Xian.

His name sent shivers up my spine - he was unbelievably monstrous, but he was so... there wasn't even a word to describe him. I hate him, and probably always will, but I couldn't help but somewhat secretly like the way he made snide remarks, the way he was subtly flirty and always business-like. Even when he was in a good mood...

I gnawed my lip. I could hear my mother's light snoring in her bedroom, and I reminded myself to leave her a note this time. She'd probably start to get suspicious soon enough...

I had to stop thinking negative.

I continued on into my bedroom, and straight over to my wardrobe to pick out something to wear. After a debate with myself, I ended up choosing a pair of denim skinny jeans, my Muse t-shirt and a grey woolly hoody. Once changed, I quickly brushed my teeth and put on a touch of mascara, before checking in the mirror. My eyes were dull and depressing, but still bright enough to be mistaken for blue. My blonde hair was already naturally curly, stopping just under my shoulders. I clipped my fringe out of my eyes, and sighed heavily before leaving my room to go downstairs and join Vistoc once more.

He was waiting by the front door, leaning against the wall with his arms crossed against his chest. He smiled at me, and I motioned with my finger for him to wait as I stumbled quietly into the dining room to write my mother a note.

'Mum,

Sorry I didn't see you yesterday, don't worry, I'm with my friends. I'll be home for dinner, I promise!

Go to your session tonight!

I love you;

- C x'

There was nothing more to say. I didn't even know what TO say; I hadn't seen her in practically two days, which was bad. She clearly wasn't miffed, otherwise a search party would have hunted me down by now. I could only hope she stuck to her word and continued to go to her sessions.

"Ready?" Vistoc asked. I nodded, and he opened the front door. A car was sat out the front; a black Coupe Mercedes Benz.

"An SL 65?" I raised my eyebrows at him as he opened my door for me. "Isn't that on the specialist market only?"

"Street legal, baby." Vistoc smirked at me as I climbed into the passenger's seat. He shut the door, and flitted round to the driver's side and got in. He started up the car, reversing from my driveway and hitting the road at an incredible speed.

The streets were deserted, save for the odd few blurring past my window every now and then. No surprise there, considering it was five in the morning. Vistoc skidded around a few corners, honked his horn twice, cursed under his breath once and complained about getting the paint job on the car scratched before he turned one final time to see Xian's house. It was like any other; average size, but a gloomy, icy touch was added to it. It also seemed somewhat separated, deserted, despite the fact it was cosily set on the corner of the street.

Vistoc stopped at the end of the driveway, and I jumped out a little too eagerly. He c****d an eyebrow up at me, but shrugged to himself as he went up the stairs of the porch, gesturing for me to follow. I did, however my eagerness had evaporated quickly as Vistoc shoved the front door open. I could hear the buzzing conversations from inside the house and the warm welcomes as Vistoc walked over the threshold. I gnawed my lip, hesitating for a little while, before following in after him.

I shut the door after myself, and followed Vistoc into a room. Once there, I realised it was a living room. Well, both a living room and dining room; a sitting room area was set up on one side of the room, and on the other a dining area. The room itself was both modern and posh all at once.

"Still here, then?" Xian muttered from the sofa. He lay there, taking up the whole sofa with his hands behind his head, glancing at me. He wore a black button-up shirt and a black pair of jeans, everything seeming so dark, threatening and somewhat sinister about him. A thought shot into my head - the rose and its intensified red, given to me by the one person with an uncanny likeliness for dark clothes.

"Yeah, I'm still here." I murmured back. Vistoc pulled me by my wrist over to the sitting room area where Xian was lying on the sofa, a guy I presumed was Madame was sitting in an armchair and two girls occupied the other sofa.

"This is Tessa," Vistoc said, gesturing to the girl with hair as black as pitch. Her eyes were almost as green as Xian's, but not quite. She smiled warmly up at me, her skin pale and glowing. "This is Olly," He gestured to the other girl who had red hair. Dyed, I thought. She had hazel brown eyes that you could just melt into, like a chocolate fondue. "And you kinda know Madame."

Tessa smiled brightly at me, Olly did the same and Madame nodded once at me. Vistoc sat on the end of the sofa with the two girls, leaving me stood there like a lemon. I hesitated, before swallowing my nervousness and walking to the end of the sofa Xian was lying on. He smirked up at me, and winked.

"Move your legs." I demanded.

"Give me one good reason why."

I ignored his jibe and grabbed his ankles, pulling his feet off the sofa so I could sit down. When I'd taken my seat, he just put his feet back on my lap, crossing his ankles. I had to admire his smart shoes - big feet, though.

"Okay," Madame said, breaking the silence. "What's the plan?"

"There's been three more attacks." Xian said, moving his feet off of my lap and sitting up. "On three more girls - Naira , Kimber and Rose. All of them are sixteen, and all of them are from the edges of Southampton. I think I'm beginning to suss out the pattern."

"Pattern?" Tessa raised her eyebrows. "What pattern could there be?"

"The King is alone, right?" Xian pushed. "He needs an heir, right?"

Vampires had kings?

Since when?!

"Since they jumped outta the fiction section, princess." My voice snapped.

"I don't understand," I murmured. Everybody turned and looked at me with eyes that were emotionless as a wave of awkward silence washed over us. I was the only one who had no idea what the hell Xian was going on about, whereas they were all pretty darn sure. In fact, I didn't know what the hell Xian was going on about half the time, but that wasn't the point.

"There are groups of vampires, you see," Madame explained after a while. "You have the rogues - they are the opposite to us - same species, different type. We have an anarchy, we have the same royal needs as you humans do. Meaning you need royalty, you need somebody ruling you despite your rights. We need a council like you need a government, except our council is more related to royalty than your government is. Our council are made up of royal members."

I could see Vistoc squirm uncomfortably from the corner of my eye. Probably thinking about the same thing as I was - the fact he'd killed a member of the council just yesterday. Edward...

"So our royalty is basically the same as yours." Madame finished.

"Yeah," Xian interjected. "And right now, the King is alone. His wife is dead, and he's got no children. There are only certain people who can be chosen, and that's people with powers that have developed from their blood, not from tests, genealogy or their parents. Have you seen Harry Potter?"

"Who hasn't?" I smirked.

"Hermione Granger is a perfect example - she's a witch by her blood, not by her parents, right? Her parents are mortals, whereas she's magical. That's what the heir is if the King has no children."

"Why don't you just get him laid then?" I muttered absently.

Olly laughed, and Madame's lips twitched. Tessa and Vistoc bit the insides of their cheeks, while Xian looked slightly annoyed.

"It's not funny!" He snapped. "This is serious! The girls being murdered are those whom have been chosen as heir!"

"I thought it was only guys? You know, the seventh son or something?"

"Not in our case. The male population of the Vamperic kingdom are mostly cursed or are turning into rogues. No one wants a rogue to lead, and I'd say about 10% of the male population aren't cursed. If you're cursed, that's it, you're gonna die prematurely, your rein will suck, something bad is definitely going down," Xian replied, his voice still tight, annoyed. "The King needs a girl heir, a girl with deep power by blood. The rogues are killing off all the girls who are being chosen, and we've got strong beliefs that the Others are working by their side, which is the worst thing that could ever happen."

"What about the council? They were pretty... harsh." I remembered the way Edward treated me...

"That was just Edward," Tessa exclaimed. "The rest of them, though biased, are somewhat neutral throughout everything but overall, they're on the Kings side. It's us against the world now - we can't trust anybody."

"The whole dimension's coming crashing down on us," Madame sighed. "We're doomed, but it doesn't mean it's the end. We've got the King and the council, and us five. What about Pandora?"

"She would be open to help," Xian nodded. "She's a bit tricky to work with, but she's excellent in the end... you know, when we can stop her turning lusty and stalker-ish."

"Okay, okay," I cut in. "Slow down."

Xian sat back in his seat, putting his arm on the back of the sofa. The typical move you make at the movies when you're sat in the back row, but right now, I can honestly say I don't think his flirty brain was on. Well, maybe it was. I don't know.

The Others were the three people at Stonehenge, the creatures with no faces. The council were the other group; all of them stayed quiet, whereas Edward acted on their behalf. Or maybe it was every man for himself when Edward opened his mouth...

The rogues were killing innocent girls, important girls, girls whom were the heir to the throne. And almost all of the male population of the vampires were cursed - isn't that cheerful?

"How can the male population be cursed?" I asked.

"Witches," Olly hissed. "Over a century ago, there were groups of vampire hunters, alongside the witch hunters. The vampires, they... the males were all bastards, and the majority of them still are. The day you come across a decent male vampire, you're the luckiest girl in the world. I'm still searchin'. The witches and the vampires have never got along, and the witches cursed certain family lines."

"The Harryson's being one of the most worse, well-known and strongly cursed vampire family going." Vistoc said glumly, glancing up at Xian.

I looked at Xian, too. He looked at me, his forest green eyes lifeless, yet so exotic in so many ways. He didn't break the stare, and I was dumbfounded.

How could he be cursed?

"How...?" I couldn't even get it out. "Why?"

He shrugged. "My father was the leader of the vampire hunters, and the witch hunters. He was always a believer in the superstitions and whatnot. He messed with the wrong species, I guess - the witches of the waters. The three most powerful witches around at that time. All the males in the family were cursed to never love again. Even if they did, it would always end badly... a year later, my mother died mysteriously in the night. It's probably the worst curse going, because you love your friends. You're damned to an eternity alone. I've had partners, groups of friends, girlfriends... it's never been a great ending. S'why I don't do friends or girlfriends anymore. You don't need love to get people with respect, you just need money and a high status. You certainly don't need love to screw and suck a girl dry."

His words were bitter and cold, and it made a slight hot hate boil inside me. He was exactly the type of guy I hated with a passion - the exact type of guy that I'd been there, done that, had the heartbreak.