My last suicide attempt

46

I was a fool to ever assume he'd cared. I was a fool to ever assume that I wouldn't soon regret the day I confided in him. I was a fool to ever want a normal, quiet life like your average teen; nights filled with parties, s*x, tormenting and recklessly damaging your liver with a large dose of alcohol. Why couldn't I have a life like that? Why was I the one stuck with vampires, sick to my stomach, hatred constantly boiling up inside of me?

Why was I always the one to get it wrong? I'd been wrong when I thought Xian cared. I was wrong when I thought I could confide in Xian. Everything about me and my life was just plain... wrong. Why, oh Lord, could I not lead a life of my own; one where I introduced my mother as the true, caring woman she once was, and not the disgusting, abusive woman she was now? The one where I had a boyfriend so gorgeous, I was envied, and not some loner freak whom had gotten attacked by a psycho in the summer break. The one where I caught a tan to make boys impressed of my smooth legs, not the bleak, pale things I had now. The one where I didn't even know vampires existed...

The one where my father would be in the picture long enough to see his first grand child. I guess it was all far too much to ask for of life.

"You can't ignore me forever, you know." Xian said in a low, irritated voice. We'd been sat on a park bench, watching the world go by for about an hour now; I sat at one end, far away from him, who sat on the other end.

"Why not?" I said back. "Life is more peaceful that way."

"Well fine," he said with a sigh. "You can train yourself to be a great vampire after you've killed everyone in your family, screwed all of your friends and sucked them dry. Drop me a text when you handle that one, and give me some tips, yeah?"

I just snorted at him; did he think reverse-psychology was going to work on me? The master of reverse-psychology? I don't think so.

He was suddenly in front of me, one hand on the seat next to me, the other on the arm rest. He was glaring, seemingly fuming.

"Look princess," he spat. "I didn't have anyone to help me when I first got turned, she... the girl, she just LEFT! You've got someone to help you through this, so why the hell are you ignoring it? Do you know what happens when you ignore this s**t, princess? Well? Do you?"

I shook my head, slightly worried to utter a word as he was in such an angry state. His emerald green eyes were ablaze - he was furious, and he wasn't hiding it. His dark hair began to flop over them though, and I inwardly breathed a sigh of relief that I wouldn't have to stare into them any longer; though stunning as they may be, the fiery rage inside them made me want to cry.

"You kill everyone you know," he said lowly. "You just go ahead, and you kill the lot of them - family, friends, anyone. Trust me, you don't want that, because afterwards, when you get your mind back, you feel the most uncontrollable pain ever, because princess... you've killed everyone who's once loved you, you've killed everyone who ever gave a s**t. I'm trying to help you not do what I did! So stop being a f*****g baby, and talk to me!"

I swallowed.

He killed his family and friends?

"Do you want me to apologise for you being a monster?" I whispered. I didn't mean to, it just came out. He clenched his jaw, and collapsed into the seat next to me.

"I guess I deserved that one." He said, almost to himself.

"You got that straight," I mumbled. "So anyway, can I go home now?"

He raised his eyebrows at me. "You want to go back there? Where you have an abusive mum? And drug dealers chasing and hunting you both down, like that man?"

"You didn't care earlier, so why care now?" I hissed. "I don't need you to always come and save me, you know."

I felt him shift, and heard him sigh.

"Why were you even at my house?" I continued. "Did you turn into some crazy-ass stalker, or what?"

"I... I came to put you out of your misery," he murmured, his voice barely audible. "I came to complete your vamperic transformation."

"Why?"

"I thought it'd be... easier."

"For who? Me or you?" I felt slightly irritated at him, now.

"Not for us." He said stubbornly. "For them."

"Who're 'them'?" I asked eagerly, turning on the bench to look at him properly, knowing my sentence didn't actually make sense, but oh well. A question is a question, right?

"Never mind," he said, his voice suddenly acidic. "You wouldn't understand anyway with your bleak little human mind."

"Xian, just because I'm a human, it doesn't mean I'm dumb. Besides, I'm not all human anymore, am I?"

"You're dumb when it comes to vampires, clearly." He insulted.

I sighed, shaking my head with annoyance. I stood up, and walked down the concrete path that split two halves of the fields, wandering aimlessly in the direction I thought was home. I glanced back over my shoulder, and he was still sat on the bench, watching me go. I saw the other vampires emerge from the trees, heading straight towards him, but when I looked back at the bench, he was gone. I looked back at the trees... they were all gone.

I walked a little faster, having no reason to linger.

To be perfectly honest, I had to get it into my head that he wasn't always going to be around to save me, like he did when that druggie came to the door. He wasn't always going to be around in general... because eventually, when the training was done and I did his little favour, he would leave me and I him, growing distinctively separate from each other, leading different eternities.

My house finally came into view, and it seemed as though nothing had changed. Slowly, I walked up the driveway, hopped onto the porch and pushed the door open hesitantly...

Slamming it shut, I caught the stench of... yes, you guessed it right, tobacco. My mum was home, at the least. I could hear a man's voice grumbling a laugh from in the living room.

"Mum, oh good, you're in," I said sarcastically. "A little one of your friends came over earlier. Tried to kill me. You know, because you owe him money for all the drugs he sells you."

Yes, she was sat in the living room with a man. That man was sat in my father's chair. Hate boiled deep inside me... far worse then the hate I felt for Xian. So, so much worse... I wonder what would happen if I just ripped his throat out.

Wait, did I honestly just think that?

"Oh, that's nice sweetie." Mum mumbled, lighting up another death-stick.

"Are you even listening?" I growled. "And who the f**k is he, and why's he sitting in my dad's chair?"

"I'm Mango," he said with a smile.

"Great, I think you should leave now." I said pointedly.

"But your mother and I were just playing an adult game-,"

"Mate, I'm sixteen, not five. I don't care if you want to screw my mum, just get the f**k outta my house!" I snapped, glaring at him.

My mother didn't say a word, merely sat there, dragging her cigarette for a long time, staring out the window. Hesitantly, her man-w***e friend got up, and I waited for the front door to slam, before walking off.

Once upstairs, I went straight into the bathroom, locking the door and turning to face the mirror. My image was tensed and uneasy; my blonde hair was greasily pulled back into a ponytail, strands of hair escaping here and there. My blue eyes seemed to be pushing on grey, and my skin had an ashen tone to it.

I wearily walked over to the bath, and began to fill it up, thinking of all the good it'd do... but it wasn't as good as to erase the disgusting vampire from inside me. The monster, the bloodsucker that I'd soon become. The exact thing I hated.

After a few minutes, I walked to the now-full bath, and turned off the taps.

Stripping off all of my clothes, I climbed into the bath and lay there, my mind absently flicking through memories. After a little while, I reached up to my neck and traced the indents of puncture wounds on my throat that were barely there anymore.

Though barely, but they were still there.

I sighed, and let my hand fall.

Shutting my eyes and taking a deep breath in, I slowly lowered myself into the water, letting the thick darkness consume me as a fiery burning scratched at my lungs.

Alas, the world was plunged into a peaceful silence once more.

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