My last suicide attempt

47

I woke abruptly the next morning, without my alarm to help. Yesterday’s events traced in my head, and how I’d managed to shut the world out for three hours, after falling gratefully unconscious in the bath. To my great disappointment, something – yes, something, not someone – had woken me from my “slumber”. I woke, however, as if awaking from a sleep when someone had made a noise. Not as if someone had pried me from the water and performed CPR on me. This troubled me: that I was perfectly fine after what should have been my accidental watery grave, but I stored it at the back of my mind for later thoughts.

Glancing at my clock, I noticed I was an hour late for college. I scrambled out of bed and threw the first thing I saw on, and plunged into my car, darting to college. My head was thumping with pain when I opened the classroom door, and my teacher wasn’t about to make it any better, I was sure.

“Ah, Miss Jackson! You finally decided to Rabi us with your presence,” Miss Jacks said, slightly annoyed. “Take your seat at the back and be quiet.”

Sighing, I skimmed my way through the desks, coming to a stop at my usual desk. Only to see someone sat in my seat. A boy, in fact. He had golden-blonde hair that was cropped short and scruffy, the most amazing sea-blue eyes. His skin was slightly tanned, a slight smile on his lips as he beamed up at me.

“Am I in your seat?” he mumbled, grabbing his things.

“It’s fine, I’ll find somewhere else to sit,” I smiled, and he shrugged, leaving his things. I took the empty desk next to him, wedged in between he and Xian. Xian was shooting the boy an evil look, but I just rolled my eyes. If Xian wanted my attention after yesterday, then he’d have to grovel for it. Calling me dumb…

“I’m Berry,” the boy smiled as the class all started talking, getting on with their work. I cast him a sideways glance to see him sat facing me, his hand outstretched. I took it, smiling.

“I’m Avni,” I said. “What’re we doing, by the way? The task, I mean.”

“Er, a project about the Revolutionary War, you know, that one where the Americans wanted the right to be independent from Britain?”

“Oh,” I mumbled, scanning through my knowledge of history. “Thanks… You wanna work with me for it?” Sure, I suppose I was flirting a bit – but it was only for fun; it wouldn’t work anyways; I was to become a vampire soon, right? I could at least make the most of this happy feeling without wanting to suck his blood while I had the chance. Berry’s face lit up, and he nodded, wedging his desk against mine.

“So…where did you move from, Berry?” I asked him a little while later.

He looked up from his work and said, “Kent. Nice place, I suppose… I came to live with my dad here, though.”

“Ah, I see,” I smiled. At the sound of a sigh and continuous tapping, I turned to graze my eyes across the room, scanning for the perpetrator for this annoying sound. My eyes fell upon Xian sat on my right side, the gap between us distinct. He had a blank piece of paper in front of him, and he was tapping his pen angrily, quickly on his desk. Almost as if he knew I were looking at him, his eyes slid up to meet mine.

Abruptly, my head soothed as though someone had rubbed ice inside it, cooling the fiery headache. With relief, I relaxed a little, but my eyes never left Xian’s. He held the gaze for a little while longer, before narrowing his eyes in a glare, and turning away. Annoyed at him again all of a sudden, I looked away too, my headache roaring up again.

Well, sorry, but I’m not the one who expected everyone to fall at my feet. Sorry, but I’m not the one who insults another’s intelligence by their race (meaning vampire-human type things). He is, not me. So… I’ve done nothing wrong.

I’m not to blame for this hiccup he had caused.

“Who’s he?” Berry asked, his eyes following mine to Xian.

I shrugged. “Some guy,” as I said this, I saw Xian’s head snap to my direction, his face expressionless out of the corner of my eye. I bit my tongue, swallowing the smirk that was so desperate to appear on my face.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Ugh. The sound of that new kid’s voice is doing my head in… what a complete and utter suck up. No better choice of words; that’s it, worm your way in with the vampire. She’ll only suck you dry sooner or later, my friend. In fact, the new toy… I mean boy’s voice annoyed me so much, I consciously started tapping. Screw work; I mean, hello, I was there when the Revolutionary War was going on. Who knew more about it then me? I felt princess’s gaze, -so I looked at her.

After holding her gaze, my face twisted into a glare. She really was too stupid to understand, and she thought I was making a judgemental contradiction yesterday. Heck, this just proves how dumb the human mind was – she didn’t even know what I was implying. Who knew the Homo Sapiens (A/N: this is the early evolutionary stage for humans) could evolve to be such a moronic, dumbfounded, idiotic race? Not me, that’s for sure – that’s why I like to turn girls by the dozen, if I can. Though, recently, I haven’t bothered.

Why, you ask? I mean, there’s some sick killer on the loose. And for once, it’s not me! I don’t like the idea of another vampire in town – they could expose me, and that was the main threat. I’d begun building a life here secretly, only recently joining this stupid college to keep an eye on princess, in case she went crazy. To be exposed… that was something not even Gabe would be able to erase from human history. My little plan that princess didn’t understand just yet was I was turning some girls who had made a deal with me – to do a favour for me if I let them live. I was going to keep doing that until I had enough new-borns to raise an army, together we’ll rise and wipe out the vampire in town and the vampire hunters. Next on my list would be to wipe out the entire city of Southampton, including the humans in it.

I’d sink this city to it’s grubby little knees. I was going to end this place, and I’d do it with great pleasure, after everything that had served in this city…

It was mine for the taking.

But… it wasn’t as simple as that. My plan wasn’t working. The girls I’d turned had already perished to their fiery deaths because of my… curse. To them, it counted as a sign of affection, so they burned, leaving me as empty handed as when I’d started. That wasn’t the hardest part, though.

No, for the hardest part was having to bite the bullet and try and make Avni like us instead of them. The fate of our world rested on her shoulders, and it was my responsibility to make sure she was safe from harm.

Even those that seem good turn out bad…

“Who’s he?” the toy… I mean boy, said to her.

“Some guy,” she said back carelessly. Unwillingly, my head snapped to her direction; okay, she might not understand my way of life, but did she honestly just throw me off like that?!

I don’t think that was very fair; no I don’t. I was also getting rather bored of keeping up this ‘normal human boy’ act – it was boring. Enough talk, more action. I’m a vampire, I wasn’t blood, s*x and money. I want this town to end, and I want the humans to go with it. I want my race to remain back to peace, how we were before the humans and rogues interfered.

Also, Avni will get nowhere if we sit around waiting for her to give into my irresistible charm. Not that I’d even tried it on her, but eventually, she’d have to give into immortality… whether that was the easier way and excepting it, or the harder, more painful way: your mind collapsing in on you until you evidently go insane. That’s what happened to me. Look where I found myself… in a house that was once alive, every single last person sucked dry, dead. Family, friends, the lot. Every single last one… dead and gone forever. At my hands. I hated myself for it, and I still did, even if they didn’t care for me whatsoever in my human life.

After a little while though, you begin to become more careless about those you kill. I know now, that I’m damned to watching those around me grow old, get married, have children, while I was frozen in time. I wanted so badly to live the life all those humans around me could, and would, lead. Instead I was cursed to immortality, and to an eternity with no love.

But… Avni was different to the other girls. She was so, so much more different. She didn’t respect me at all, she hated me, I was sure of it. She was just weirdly strange, and it made me want to tell her…

I found myself wanting to tell her everything.

But… even to my own soul, I had to lock away the dark secrets in little black boxes, storing them at the back of my mind. Things I couldn’t even think about, let alone admit to her. The dark secrets, however, would remain in the black boxes at the back of my mind forever more, until the time was right.

They’d only break both Avni and I.

+ + +

Xian seemed in deep thought every time I snuck a glance over at him. Though he had the company of some other boys in our class, he ignored them nonetheless, isolating himself to his thoughts. I turned my head away, looking back at Berry, who was sat opposite me, silently scanning over the text in a history book.

He was so… human.

Too human.

I’d only kill him sooner or later. The same went for Mule and Rabi.

“But would you regret killing them?” my voice purred. “I mean… they pay no attention to you. They treat you like you’re completely worthless to them. Why should – more like why would – you feel regret?”

I wanted to reply. I wanted to fight back and say they were my friends, but I couldn’t. I knew the… voice was right. Why should I feel regret, when they treat me as though I am nothing to them?

Because I care, that’s why. The human side of me cares for-

“You’re not so human now though, are you princess?” My voice interrupted, amusement heavy in its munMicheale voice.

“Will you go away already?!” I shot back. Mentally, of course.

The bell rang; a long, flinching sound. I quickly packed up my things, and, telling Berry I’d see him later, I shuffled out of the classroom with Xian in my sights. He glanced here and there at the students laughing and talking around him, before he went into a science class. I raised my eyebrows. Looking around, checking nobody was paying attention, I followed him in, shutting the door after myself.

The classroom’s windows were wide open, letting in a thick, chilly breeze. The room was empty, save for the deserted tables. Something about the air was eerily quiet, cold if you will.

“Why are you following me?” Xian’s voice was venomous. I whirled around, and he was stood right there against the door in his grey faded skinny jeans, a black t-shirt, his emerald eyes shining in a way that would make any girl’s heart melt, his dark hair falling over his forehead carelessly. His eyes didn’t match his voice; his eyes portrayed a slight urgency, and somewhat… concern?

“I… um,” I stuttered, gnawing my lip, searching for an answer.

Why was I following him?

“You seemed like you were up to something.” I replied truthfully.

“What’s it to you, princess?” he muttered darkly. Before I could answer, he said, “Don’t follow me.”

At a human pace, he walked past me, towards the open windows. He began to climb out, his eyes on mine all the while, full of a coldness only a freezer should hold. I couldn’t help but let out a slight shiver, but my attentions were pried to the fact he was now out of the window, and walking away. I ran to the window, and began climbing out.

Luckily for me, we were on the ground floor.

I jumped off the windowsill, but before I could register where Xian was, he was pushing me back into the wall, pressing himself against me. I stared up at him, and his emerald eyes looked down at me with a mixture between coldness and pleading. He put his hands against the wall on either side of my head, blocking my escape, and I swallowed hard.

“I tell you not to follow me,” he said, his tone dark again. “And you follow me. Why do you disobey me? Why do you follow me?”

I shrugged casually. “I don’t play by someone else’s rules. And maybe I’m nosey.”

“Can’t you listen to me just this once?” he growled. “Just… don’t follow me!”

“Why? Seeing a girl?” I smiled wickedly. “Seeing a guy?”

He rolled his eyes. “Don’t be so immature.”

My tone suddenly changed, and I looked up at him. He was angry, I could see that, but I could also see a slight tinge of fear. Something was wrong, and he wasn’t even going to tell me.

“What are you hiding?”

“I’m not hiding anything,” he shot back quickly. Too quickly. “I’m protecting you.” He put his hands on my waist and lifted me from the ground, setting me back down on the windowsill. He leaned his forehead on mine, and whispered, “Please don’t follow me.”

He pulled away, and looked at me one last time and said, “Please.”

“Why?” I demanded. “Tell me why, and I won’t.” He glared at me, but his icy breath on my lips distracted me until he applied slight pressure on my waist, which snapped me away from his closeness, and more towards his anger. Sensing he was losing his patience, I said, “I promise.”

He sighed, still angry at me. “Frankly princess, I don’t want you to die. That’s why I don’t want you to follow me.” He muttered. Silence followed, and he pressed his forehead against mine a little more, and I stopped breathing. But just like at, he’d pulled away. “You made a promise. Now stay here.”

With that, he was gone. Leaving me abandoned, alone, cold and – dare I say it – scared. Yes, I had a sudden fear course through my veins like electric volts.

He didn’t want me to die.

Did that mean that what he was doing would have killed me?

“You mean would it kill him?” My voice whispered. “You care. Admit it princess, if he dies tonight, you’re going to mourn for him.”

I ignored the voice. It’s not if he dies tonight, because he wasn’t going to die. He couldn’t. He wouldn’t, right?

RIGHT?!

“Wrong.” My voice said venomously.

+ + +