My last suicide attempt

48

I was not wrong.

I was not wrong!

Xian was fine, just being a complete jerk face, as per usual. Besides, why should I care what the hell the bloodsucker’s up to? I mean, he called me dumb, and he thinks I do whatever under his command. He was wrong both times.

I scrambled through the window, sliding off the windowsill and straightening out my clothes and hair, before slamming the window shut and running from the classroom.

I wasn’t wrong.

But I couldn’t find out. I couldn’t follow him!

He was probably miles away by now, sorting out whatever it was that need be sorted out right about now, thinking about how excellent he was feeling because he’d gotten me to do something. If I hadn’t been so nosey and confronted him, I could have followed. I could have done something like the dirty bloodsucker I was yet to become.

If I was as cool about all of this as I wanted to make myself believe, then why the hell did I have a deep, unnerving fear in the pits of my stomach?

Worrying for a vampire who cares about nothing more than himself and blood. Oh, the bloody (see what I did there?) irony. Well, all I can say is…

Life sucks, and then you die.

* * * * *

I watched her from deep within the bushes layers as she sat on the windowsill in the exact same position I’d left her in, her face blank, eyes glazed over. I couldn’t help but raise an eyebrow as she sat there for three minutes and forty-five seconds in complete silence in a catatonic state. Eventually, however, she climbed into the window, and I moved on the second I heard it slam shut.

Madame’s Aston Martin Vanquish car came into view, and I could see him in the side mirrors glaring into the windshield, concentrating. His blonde hair was surprisingly untidy for a neat freak such as himself, falling over his forehead in front of his cloudy, grey eyes. He used to be like a brother to me, but not so much anymore. Over the years he changed; he put girls before… us. Sure so I messed around a lot, but when it came down to it, I always put these guys first.

But I didn’t like the idea of having friends. Not because I wanted to be alone all eternity, but because to have friends means to trust. The more trust you give to somebody, the worse the pain is when they leave. And yes, they’ll leave.

They all leave me eventually, but I learn to move on.

For a century and a half I’d had the “joyous” company of the only four people to ever walk this earth that I had considered friends of mine. And throughout that time, many people had come and gone from my life.

But not them…

Tessa. Such a small, petite little monster. A small, petite little monster of whom I had the responsibility of protecting. Not that I had be acquired to do so, I had chosen to play the role of the older brother. She lost her older brother to the war, and I knew the exact feeling, so I was just stepping in for her as she was for me. With hair as black as pitch, and eyes bright green, she sat in my Porche 911 Turbo.

Next to her sat Olly, her best friend. Her hair was dyed fiery red, and her eyes were somewhat violet purple, which was still a mystery to us all. In the back, sat Vistoc, his coppery-brown hair a disarray as he babbled senselessly to the girls. If anyone, he was my brother, my best friend. He proved to be there for me more than anybody else could be in my darkest hours.

You think about your friends every day. Whether it’s consciously or unconsciously, they’re always on your mind. The trust you put in their hands is unbelievable, and I regret ever allowing myself to put my trust, my faith in somebody other than me. It’s just not something I like to do, due to the fact I am sure to be let down sooner or later. But… after a century and a half, that is yet to be proven from these four people.

“Will you hurry up?!” Madame shouted at me.

Snapping out of my trail of thoughts, I flitted over to the passenger side of his car, and the other car sped off. I climbed inside, and the very second my door shut, Madame slammed his foot on the accelerator. With a sigh, I buckled myself in just as the meter hit eighty five mph. Different shades of green blurred past my window as we sped out of town, trying to lure the rogues away from Southampton.

“Why?” I thought to myself. “Why couldn’t we just let them snap the necks and suck dry every single person in Southampton?”

Ah, this question absorbed my time recently. But, the killing spree that had yet to take place in Southampton was my job, and I’d swear on the pits of hell that I was going to do it with bittersweet revenge running through my veins. But of course, I had duties to fulfil first…

“They’re on our tail!” Vistoc screamed at us through Madame’s open window. I turned around in my seat, and sure enough, the Rogues were gaining – and fast.

Through the back window I could see three fire-truck red Ferrari’s gaining fast. Well hell, the rogues knew their cars.

“Madame, drive!” I shouted. Madame slammed his foot harder on the accelerator pedal, and we sped up just as the front Ferrari shunted the back of our own car.

“I don’t think we can…” Madame’s voice faded as another Ferrari appeared, totalling the joyimum amount of twenty rogue vampires against five. But that sudden electrifying thought was distant in my mind as I watched two of the Ferrari’s zoom past us, headed towards my car ahead of us which contained three of the people I couldn’t loose. There was a Ferrari on either side of us, inching closer, caving us in, and the same was happening for the car in front of me. I glanced at the windows, hoping to see if our suspicions that it be the rogues who were after us were true, but they were tinted black.

“Shit.” I muttered.

I guess I could only pray they hadn’t brought anybody else, besides those in the four cars surrounding us now…

I could only hope that Avni was all right.

Because if the rogues had hold of her, it was the end, it would all be over.

A fresh thought popped into my head: what if this was a diversion? Nobody was back home to make sure it wasn’t. She was defenceless and on her own.

But it was too late to turn back now. All I could do was hope.

“Hold on tight,” Madame grunted. He cut the accelerator, and slammed his foot on the breaks and skidded us around, wedging us in between the two Ferrari’s that had been so close before, sending them skidding across the highway. Madame accelerated straight ahead, going back the way we came.

I put my hand on the dashboard to keep myself upright. My previous thoughts flickered through my mind, the final one lingering: it was too late to go back.

And then it came to me.

“What the hell are you doing?!” I screamed over the roar of the engine. “Avni’s back there! If they get to her, she’s gonna be skinned alive!”

Madame’s eyes went from being panic-stricken, to grieving. Eventually, they turned cold, and he turned to look right at me.

“It’s a chance we need to take.”

“And Vistoc?!” I flared. “Tessa? What about Olly? You just gonna leave them to die?!”

I saw his jaw clench, and his breathing became deep. Before we knew it, the Ferrari’s had caught up with us. Pushing into the sides of the car, Madame began to lose control of the wheel, and he flashed me a worried look. I turned around in my seat to search the road behind me where we had just been… searching for my car. Searching for my… friends.

It was too foggy. I hadn’t noticed it was such bad weather, nor the fog.

Fog in September? Even in EngHarmony that’s unusual.

But the worst part was, I couldn’t see my car that held inside three people… three of four that I couldn’t bear to loose.

“s**t, s**t, s**t!” Madame yelled just as we skidded around in a circle again, and the car began to roll over.

“WATCH OUT FOR THE GLASS!” I shouted at the top of my lungs as all the windows surrounding us shattered into little tiny pieces, Harmonying here and there, digging into my arm, throat and cheek. I could feel the warm liquid oozing out of my lip, travelling down my chin. As the car stopped rolling, Harmonying upside down, I could see the bottom of the red Ferrari’s skidding around, the tyres screeching with protest as they did so. I fumbled with my seatbelt, cursing under my breath unconsciously as it wouldn’t come undone.

Next to me, Madame sounded like he was choking, his chest rumbling with every cough that escaped his lips, causing me to wince.

“You okay?” I whispered, my throat aching painfully.

Despite the fact I’d heal soon, I still had to endure the agonizing pain in the meantime. So this was how the humans felt? Ouch.

“I’m good,” Madame mumbled. “I’ll undo your seatbelt, you do mine. Mine’s stuck.”

“Same, man. Same.” I was fed up. Truth be told, I’d had enough of this life. What was it? Blood, s*x, blood, blood, blood more s*x, s*x, blood, s*x, blood, oh and… did I mention blood and s*x? No? Well, add that to the list too.

Oh, and rogue vampires trying to hunt you and kill you for over a century straight.

I could hear footsteps. High-heels colliding with the concrete floor, to be precise. It had just begun to rain, the little pitter-patter of it sounding, echoing on the floor by my head. A sudden thought struck me as the thick, heavy stench of smoke filled my nostrils.

I slammed my hand onto the button for Madame’s seatbelt, and it released suddenly, making him scramble around a little to gain his proper balance. He took a deep breath in, and at the same time, he undid my seatbelt in the same ferocious, desperate way.

The car was on fire, and it was going to explode.

Fire killed vampires.

“Quick, get out!” I ordered as the rain picked up, but I knew it wouldn’t be enough to put the fire out. The footsteps, however, were fast – running, and they were getting further away. The rogue probably saw the fire on the car…

Ribs sore, throat scratching due to the delicious scent of Madame’s blood surrounding me, and my limbs slowly gaining feeling, I crawled through the window. A cold hand wrapped around mine and pulled, dragging me out.

“Cheers,” I coughed to Madame. Without saying a thing, we both flitted one hundred yard away. As we got there, I stood still and turned in time to watch the car explode. Bits of glass, metal and other accessories that belonged to the car went flying, and both Madame and I dodged them swiftly. I noticed there was only one red Ferrari out here, and the driver’s door was open, revealing the emptiness inside.

“The others,” Madame said urgently. “We need to find the others!”

I felt my eyes widen, and I turned away from the scene of the crash, searching the white fog. It was still too thick, too heavy for me to see through, so I flitted through it, searching… all the while, just searching.

The further away from the explosion we got, the less ability I had to see, the blank fog enfolding around us, curving into our shapes, becoming the air we breathed. I could hear a loud clanking sound, like rocks hitting one another echoing around us, the sound getting louder and louder. I turned on the spot, though it was stupid of me to do, considering I couldn’t see. Idiotic.

A cold hand crept its way around the front of my torso from around my waist, travelling up my chest. I was about to ask Madame what he thought he were doing, but when I looked down, I knew instantly it wasn’t his arm. The arm travelling up my chest was thin and slender, as white as a sheet, with nails painted hazel red.

Hazel red nail polish. That rang a bell…

A symbolization…

“Hey baby,” A female’s voice breathed into my ear, lips brushing down my neck. “Did you miss me?”

“What the-,” Before I could continue, the sharp pain hit as the pointed end of a wooden stake appeared through my torso, just below my final rib bone. My breath was gone, and my hollow heart was suddenly pumping venom around my system coldly, trying to protect myself.

“I sure as hell missed you.” She whispered. With that, she pulled the stake upwards, ripping it through my torso until it reached just below my heart. I could feel it rip the tender tissues around my heart, though, so close that just one millimetre would be the final, lethal blow.

Venom still coaxing my blood as it seeped through the wound, my head started to spin, as did the world under my feet. She slowly, painfully pulled the stake from my chest, making goose-bumps go up my arms and also make my chest ripple with agony. I was spun around so quickly, that I barely had time to register it before I was on my back on the floor, with pain so unendurable it was impossible.

So was this what it felt like to die?

A high-heeled shoe Harmonyed on my throat, and I looked up at my attacker. Her long, light brunette hair was in curls just below her waist. Her eyes shone crystal blue, and her lips were pulled up into the smile I hadn’t seen in a century.

“Erica?” I growled throatily, wincing at the pain again.

Her crimson red lips curled upwards into a smirk. “The one and only. I’m not here for a chit chat, Xian.” As she said this, I could hear Madame’s cries of “Get off me!” echoing in the air, filling my ears. I just hoped they wouldn’t stake him, because without him, there’d be no hope in saving Avni from these bastards, or finding the other three. Right now, he was all I had.

“I just thought I’d say,” she removed her high-heel from my throat and looked down at me. “I hope you and your dirty f*****g b***h rot in hell.” She flashed me a wicked smile. “Literally.” With that, she spat on the floor next to me, and was gone, leaving me in unbearable pain.

I knew who she was talking about…

“Madame?” I whispered throatily, hoping for a reply.

“Xian!” I heard him shout, and he was suddenly there, fumbling around at my chest, eyes ablaze with confusion.

I shook my head slowly. “Go home,” I whispered. “Go back to the house. Please. For me, just go. She’ll…” I winced at the pain again. “Avni’s going to need your protection. You’re all she’s got right now until we find the others.”

“But you need-“

“GO!” I screamed. His mouth snapped shut, and his face was suddenly crestfallen, his eyes glazed over into a dull grey as he looked down at me.

“Love you, man.” He said quietly. “I’ll be back. I’ll come back for you, I swear.”

I just smiled as much as I could, before he left me all alone, cowering in the middle of the road with a gaping hole in my chest that wouldn’t heal. It was too close to the heart to heal without blood.

I had to take the closed route too, meaning no one – not for another forty two days – would be coming down this way.

Slowly, I shut my eyes and let out a sigh, ready for death to come and overlap me in some cliché way that’d normally make me laugh. But I couldn’t… no, because all I could hear was Avni’s voice ringing humbly in my mind.

“What are you hiding?” It was being repeated, as if she was demanding an answer and would not shut up unless I gave her one.

I breathed in the thick smoke, and I sighed with relief for the feel of the rain washing over my skin, over my burning chest. Pain so fierce, so striking that a human would have died of shock by now. But not me, I could hardly die from blood loss any time soon. I had twice as much as I should have…

“What are you hiding?” her voice asked again, her tone soft and slightly hurt, as if my keeping something from her gnawed at her insides.

“Everything,” I whispered to the rain. I saw a flash despite my eyes being closed, and a few seconds later a loud, rumbling thunder shook the ground I lay upon, rain falling more heavier as I waited for death to enchant me.

+ + +

Three weeks.

Three antagonizing, suspenseful weeks Xian had been gone. Equivalent to twenty one days. Five hundred and four hours without his irritating presence that never failed to anger me.

And yet, here I was, lying across my bed with his words still lingering, as if they were one of the dust notes floating around in the stream of sunlight I had been dodging throughout the day. Lingering and slowly, so slowly, swishing around my mind like the notes swishing around the room;

"Frankly princess, I don't want you to die..."

Silence washed over the house. My mother had been going to a daily counselling group these past three weeks about her smoking and drug addiction, and I made sure she attended. The day Xian ditched school, the last time I saw him, I had come home from college to see her bouncing around like a child on Christmas. Waving an A4 piece of paper in front of my face, I signed her up for it after making sure she was serious.

I had nothing left to rely on other than that, now.

I scrambled off the bed, and began pacing the room, absently waiting for sundown to approach the skies so I could go outside for a breath of fresh air. I felt like I was suffocating in these four walls. Glancing here and there, I risked a sneak peak outside; twilight was coating the horizon, slowly spreading across the skies like a plague. I smiled merrily to myself, desperate for air before I choked to death or something...

I glanced at my digital clock sat on my wooden bedside table just as the red numbers changed, and read 8:45pm. The irony of it being summer when you're a vampire (or... nearly, in my case) because the sunlight hours are longer. What I wouldn't give for it to be winter again...

I stretched, my bones clicking and muscles untwisting, before leaving my room. In the hallway, it was even more stuffy than my room, and there sure as hell were a lot more windows. Swiftly stepping around the patches of the final sunlight breaking through the windows, gradually fading, I headed downstairs.

"Your friend is nice!" My mother screeched as she exited the living room. I jumped ten foot in the air, almost tumbling down the last few stairs at her appearance.

"Mum, jeez don't do that," I breathed. "I didn't know you were home. How was your group session?"

She nodded with a huge smile. "Fabulous! I feel so relieved..." she trailed off, and began walking away, into the kitchen.

Wait a second. What friend?!

I jumped down the last couple of stairs, and pushed open the closed living room door, a frown descending on my face with curiosity. My eyes scanned the room, coming to a halt at the figure sitting comfortably in an armchair on the other side of the room.

His hair looked as dark as pitch, brushed across his face, his fringe flopping over the bright emerald eyes that were intent on the sunset outside. His lips were pressed together as if he be thinking, a slight frown in his forehead, too. His black suit trousers looked surprisingly smart, alongside his white button-up shirt that had the first three buttons undone, exposing the start of his pale white chest. A black tie sat undone around his shoulders, his sleeves were rolled up to his elbows and in his hand, his fingers were clasped around a glass of water.

"Xian." I said. My tone was shockingly cold, hard.

His eyes slid from the faded sunset, to me. Catching my own in his emerald eyes, I noticed the shadows underneath them, as though he had had a thousand sleepless nights. But I knew... I knew it was just a thousand troubled nights, never ending, never going away.

But the smile he gave me... though it was weak, it was as if he was relieved. It was enough to make any girl's knees turn to jelly, melt any girl's heart and make the butterflies flutter in her belly.

Any girl... except me.

"Avni," he replied, his voice deep, smooth, untouched by any of the troubles reflecting in his eyes. "I think we need to talk."

I nodded. "Yes, we do."