My last suicide attempt

31

The next morning, I woke up to the sun beaming in my eyes. I rolled over, avoiding the strong light as I bumped into something else. Scratch that - someone else. I thought last night was some deranged dream in my lonely time, like that of a hallucination because I was so desperate for Xian to come back. Turns out, it wasn't a dream, because there he was, lying next to me, his chest rising and falling slowly, his eyes closed. I could feel his arm still draped loosely over my waist, and I sighed.

I didn't know what to make of last night.

I wish I could say it was a one-off, and that it'd never happen again, but I can't. I'd let him come back again tonight, and tomorrow, and the next night... But he didn't have to know that. The more he knew, the more my pride got wounded. Too much was at stake in both of our lives right now to let our feelings and actions get ahead of us. Out of everything, though, I wished for nothing more than to tell him how safe I felt with him around, despite his nature, despite everything about him. It was as if none of that mattered. It was as if the hate I had felt towards him, the disgust towards his species was artificial; fake; non-existent. It might as well be now.

He was healed; his skin wasn't bruised and his lip wasn't split anymore. I sat up a little bit, and reached under the covers, wrapping my fingers lightly around his, preparing myself to gently lift his arm off of me so I could get up. But the second my hand touched his, his fingers locked into place tightly in mine. When I looked at him, his eyes were open, and he was smirking.

"Leaving so soon?" He asked.

I pressed my lips together, reminding myself that fighting against this curse of his was just one of those fights I'd - we'd never win. It was impossible to try and escape; there was no way I could ever... 'release' him.

I rolled my eyes, putting on a good show for him; pretending I wasn't moved by last week's events, or last nights turn out.

"If I can't leave, then you should," I smirked. "Don't go thinking you're sleeping in here again tonight. I was too tired to make you leave last night, it was a one-off."

He snorted. "Yeah right." He moved his arm from around my waist and sat up, as did I. He ran his fingers through his hair, and then stretched his arms. "So... what you gonna do if I showed up again tonight? You just going to say you're too tired to move me again?"

I narrowed my eyes at him. "Shut up."

"We both know you wouldn't refuse me, princess," he snickered. "Anyway, c'mon and get dressed, I need to take you somewhere. Break's over... and hurry up."

He pushed the duvet off of both of us, and climbed out of the bed. I swung my legs over the side, and remembered - I'd have bed-head. My hands flew to my hair, and I smoothed down the frizzy roots and tried to slyly untangle the knots. Behind me, I could hear Xian laughing quietly at me, and I flashed him a glare over my shoulder.

"Bed-head suits you," He chuckled. "You're really working that I-got-dragged-through-a-hedge-backwards look... I like it." He was still snickering under his breath at me when I approached my wardrobe, throwing open the doors. The first thing I saw was the red dress he'd brought me - my mother must have hung it up for me. It stood out so much against my other clothes; some bright, some dark, some colourful and some dull - but none as beautiful as that dress. None as elegant. I felt a tingling sensation spread through my chest at the sight of it; it reminded me of Xian, and everything about him.

"I'm surprised to see you haven't burned that old thing already," I heard him grunt behind me, and his cold breath tingled the back of my neck, the icy chill his skin gave off brushing my spine and hands.

"Why would I do that? It's the nicest thing in my skimpy wardrobe." I muttered, flicking through my clothes. I heard his muffled footsteps as he walked away from me, and I let out a breath that I hadn't realised I'd been holding. I ended up choosing out a pair of black leggings and a floral dress-top, and once I'd grabbed clean undergarments, I made my way into the bathroom. With a final glance into my bedroom to see Xian sitting back down onto the bed with his back to me, I silently shut the door.

There were so many questions that raced through my head as I changed my clothes.

Questions like; what WAS Saturday? Was it a kiss? Did the 'kiss' have a meaning? Why am I even bothering to ask questions that will get me nowhere?

Why do I even bother to care?!

I'm a human, that's why. I might not be fully human, but a part of me still is, whether I liked it or not - whether those bloodsucking leeches liked it or not.

I'm a human who cares too much about the wrong things.

When I'd finished changing my clothes, I turned towards the basin and brushed my teeth. I washed away all of what remained of my make up, and re-applied some mascara and a touch of eye liner, before brushing out the knots in my hair. Again; it was almost as if I had to impress someone... if I had someone to impress.

"We all know you have someone to impress, princess," My voice sneered. It made me jump out of my skin; it hadn't been around in a long while. I rolled my eyes, despite no one being around to see it. "S'nothing more than lust, baby." My voice dragged the final word out, making it sound longer than it actually was.

I wanted to ponder that little statement for a little longer, but I was interrupted by a light knocking on the door.

"Are you coming or what?" Xian asked through the door.

I didn't respond. Instead, I kicked my clothes to the side and wrenched the door open to see him stood in front of the door, his knuckle in mid-air. He smirked and dropped his hand, scanning me from head to toe and back again about three times.

He nodded, as if I needed his approval, before saying, "C'mon, let's go."

"Where, exactly?" I asked as he led the way out of the room, down the hallway and towards the stairs. Xian just gestured for me to hurry up, and we both jogged down the stairs, my question being ignored - as usual, eh? He wrenched the door open, but I instinctively grabbed the back of his shirt, and pulled him back. He turned, an eyebrow raised with confusion.

"We just leave for God only knows how long, and you expect me not to leave a note for my mum?" I said, frowning. "I don't even know where I'm going - what the hell am I supposed to say to her?! We need to wait for her to wake up, I need to tell her I'm going to be gone for the day."

"We don't have the time," He replied. "Text her on the way."

With that, he grabbed my wrist and pried me from my house, shutting the door silently behind himself as to not wake up my mother. I raised my eyebrows at his Aston Martin Rapide. Why was he living in a little-ish house, when he could afford two expensive, glorious-looking cars like this?

"Like what you see?" He snickered, opening the passenger door for me. I rolled my eyes and slid into the seat. Xian slammed the door after me, and strode round to his side. Before I could even buckle in my seatbelt, he was already starting the engine. I sat back in the comfortable leather seat, staring out at the windshield as he reversed out of my drive and began speeding down the road.

"So... how do you afford cars like this? I saw Vistoc's SL65." I murmured.

"It's a thing called money, princess," Xian replied. "Where's your car, anyways? You had a pretty nice ride yourself."

I shrugged. "Sold it."

"Ah, that's a shame," He sighed. I glanced at my watch, which told me it was 11:30, before I resorted to watching the houses and other cars speed past my window as we headed out of the city, and onto the motorway. Cars blurred past my window, different shades of green blurring alongside them as we drove at a should-be-illegal speed towards our destination. The minutes ticked by aimlessly, nothing but the soft sound of the engine filling the gaps where we should be talking. After about twenty minutes, I got bored trying to eye up the road signs to figure out where we our destination was planted. They all said different places! How was that meant to help!?

"Where are we going?" I asked again.

"Rockbourne," He replied simply.

"Fordingbridge, New Forest?! That's practically in the middle of nowhere!"

"Precisely," Xian glanced at me sideways, a smile playing with his lips. "You should have known better than to trust me, princess."

"Who said I trust you?" I demanded, narrowing my eyes into a glare at him. He just began to laugh, and I noted how loosely his hands were on the steering wheel, his fingers practically lolling off. If he let go, we'd swerve and crash... and probably die. It was probably a death wish to get in this car with him, but he had every right to laugh; I wouldn't have believe me if I were him. Of course I trusted him; stupidly, I trusted him much too much.

"You make me laugh, really you do." He snickered, shaking his head.

"I wish I could say the same back," I smirked. "But I can't. Sorry, you're not a joker."

He chuckled. "You know, you're really quite rude to me."

"And you're not?"

"No."

"Are you sure?"

"No," he smiled. "The difference is I actually have manners somewhere, whereas you have absolutely none."

"I'm glad we've established our differences," I muttered with a roll of my eyes. "Xian... if I ask you a serious question, will you promise to give me an answer - a serious answer?"

We were just turning onto Roger Penny Way, when Xian stuck his foot down, and we were speeding along faster than before. Instinctively, I clutched at the sides of the seat to hold myself in place, and nothing but the soft engine filled the awkward silence. Only because we both knew I was going to ask a question that Xian wouldn't be able to answer. Or at least, he'd choose not to.

"I can't promise an answer, you know that." He finally said lowly.

"When you took me to Stonehenge," I started carefully, analysing his response. "I passed out before I could find out what the prophecy is... can you tell me?"

"No."

Three no's and only five minutes had passed...

I watched him to see if his facial expression would waver somehow, and maybe he'd show signs of thinking about telling me, but his poker face had never been so straight as he stared out of the windshield. I sighed, settling back into my seat as I watched the cars and motorway signs blur past my window once more. Five more minutes passed, and I leaned my head against my window as the silence still stretched between us. Bored, I pulled out my phone and began texting my mother.

"Take the wheel." Xian said. Before I could protest, he had snatched my phone out of my hands, and I instinctively grabbed the wheel as the car began to swerve. I could hear the phone giving off little tones every time he clicked a button while I pressed my lips together, feeling awkward as I leaned across the seat. My arms began to give way, and I put my elbows on Xian's leg to support myself. I cast a brisk glance behind myself quickly, but long enough to see his eyes slide from my phone to my elbows on his leg. I smirked as I tried to control the stiff wheel, turning it here and there to dodge cars.

"Are you nearly finished?" I muttered. I turned again, to see him sat there observing me, my phone gone from his hands.

"Sure, I finished about two minutes ago," He smirked. "It's just fascinating to watch you try and drive a car while leaning on my lap."

"Jerk," I replied, getting off of him and making sure I elbowed him hard in the leg as I did so. He just began to laugh again, and took the wheel. I flicked through my phone, checking he hadn't done anything drastic, but I found nothing.

"I texted your mum, must you know," Xian informed me. "I told her you were staying with... what's her face? That girl... Rabi! That's it. I said you were staying at her house for a couple of days."

"Why would you do that?"

He flashed me a smile, and turned his wheel abruptly onto a gravelly road which I recognised as the New Forest entrance. He ignored me again, driving down the narrow pathway, before turning off the track. I pressed my lips together and kept my eyes peeled outside my window. It wasn't long before the trees began to thin out a little, and a small cottage was visible through the bushes up ahead.

'What the hell?' I thought to myself, raising my eyebrows at the sight of the cute little place. It was your average black-and-white cottage. One story tall, probably a low-roofed attic, a window on each side of the dark oak wood door. The building looked old and worn, and my instincts were screaming at me that it wasn't safe to go inside, but it had a magnetic pull to the cosy cottage. I was a sucker for quiet, for hideaways as pretty and old as this.

"What are we doing here?" I asked, glancing at Xian.

He shrugged. "You're about to find out. Madame and Vistoc are waiting for you inside. All I'm gonna say is good luck," He leaned across the seat, his icy breath tingling my neck as he whispered, "Don't do anything stupid." With that, he pushed the button on my seatbelt before leaning back into his own seat. I couldn't help but stare at him, and he stared back.

"Why," I cleared my throat. "Why would I do something stupid?"

"You don't strike me as the kind of girl who's... ah, coorSelenated." He snickered. I rolled my eyes and opened the door, but was stopped when Xian called, "Wait."

I got out anyway, but I turned around before I shut the door and peered inside, waiting for him to say what he wanted to so I could go inside the cottage. He was frowning to himself, his emerald eyes shining brightly in the sun, his skin beginning to blister on his left knuckle and the side of his neck ever so slightly. I waited. Time ticked. He said nothing.

"Well?" I prompted.

He opened his mouth to say something, but shut it again. Finally, he said; "You have to sleep in my bed tonight, with me by your side."

I rolled my eyes, snickering to myself. "You're funny, really you are. You're quite the joker, in fact. I guess I was corrected." He smirked back at me, and I shook my head and shut the door, full well knowing that that wasn't what he wanted to say. I walked around his car, shielding my eyes from the sun so I could see where I was going. I reached the front door, and as the engine of his car revved loudly, I glanced behind me at Xian. He didn't meet my eyes, and instead just reversed from the drive without even a slight smile at me.

"Finally!" I jumped at the sound of Vistoc's voice. "We thought you'd never have made it. All we asked that i***t to do was drop you off... it took him ages! Anyway, come in, come in, we need to get started..."

"Started?" I murmured, walking into the cottage when Vistoc gestured for me to follow him. I shut the door after myself, glancing around the hall. The walls were painted plain white, which soon faded into a proper cottage roof; wooden-striped. The corridor was narrow, but in the room at the other end, I could see the start of a kitchen. As I followed Vistoc into the room on my left, I discovered the living room and dining room, separated but in the same room. There was hardly anything occupying the space of the overall room; a sofa, a chair and a coffee table for the living room and a tiny square table and two wooden chairs for the dining area.

Madame was lounged across the sofa, and as Vistoc walked past him he hit the vampire across the head. Madame sat up with a startled grunt, but when he saw me he stood up, a smile spreading across his face. His blue eyes glinted in the light, his blonde hair scruffy.

"Should I be afraid?" I said.

"No," Madame snickered.

Vistoc rolled his eyes. "Pandora told you about elements, didn't she?" I nodded, and he carried on; "Yes. Well... Mortal Vampires are another word for elements. Don't think that because you're called an element that it means you can control earth, fire, water or air, though. The only similarities is there are four elements - and only four Mortal Vampires throughout the entire planes and dimensions. Though controlling the elements as such is said to be a myth, we're still waiting to see evidence of any sort of activities like this, but I doubt that's going to happen any time soon... freaking idiots...-"

"Back to the topic, smart ass." Madame grunted, nudging Vistoc, who nodded.

"Right, yes. So... there are only four elements, four Mortal Vampires in the history of... well, history. There always will be only four, and always has been. They are the most wanted creatures in the history of history, too. Their - your blood is as sweet as honey, if you will. Like no other human or vampire... the good part is, you don't have to look far to find a good guy - vampire who wants to latch onto you for the rest of eternity. The bad part is that's not the only way you're wanted.... How do I say this?"

"Basically, you're hard to find," Madame interjected, saving his friend. "If we didn't know you, you'd be very hard to fish out in a crowd of humans. The same goes for if you were in a crowd of vampires, though. It's all to the traces of either species adapting to your surroundings in your blood, camouflaging you from Michealger. Because of this, you're wanted dead in the history of history, as well as wanted in bed."

I blinked. Vistoc was nodding slowly, as if he, too, had just received news. Madame was picking at a loose bit of thread on his jeans, while I had no idea what to say or do. I was wanted dead, and I was wanted in bed. There really wasn't an end to this.

"But for the last seventeen years, you've remained unknown," Vistoc said. "You were a mystery person to us all, waiting in the dark to be brought out into the light. And now you've been brought into the light, nearly everyone wants to kill you and steal the power and possession you have on the UK's vortex."

"Right," Madame nodded. "But you can channel your 'powers and possessions' and use the vortex as protection... which is what we're here for."

"Yup. We're gonna teach you how to protect yourself from the hideous bastards who want to kill you out there. With the recent betrayal made by the Others, we've all learned the hard way that you can't trust anybody."

"So why should I trust you two?" I raised an eyebrow, taking in all the information they'd told me.

"Because we don't want you dead or in bed," Vistoc smirked. "We just want you to be safe so we can show you the vamperic ropes for later."

Madame nudged him again, and he looked away from me, his whole expression changing. For a long while, silence dawned over us all as the two vampires stood before me shifted uncomfortably at something. I narrowed my eyes, glancing between them suspiciously, but their expressions never gave anything away.

So I was finally needed alive for something... that makes a change, I have to say.

"So... anyway," Vistoc said stiffly. "Moving onto the lesson. Have you got any questions you want to ask us before we continue on?"

I bit my lip, mentally flicking through all the information they'd both just said. But it was like my thoughts were blurry, hazy, too far from my reach for me to scan. A question stopped sharply in the blurs, my racing thoughts slowing down.

"What's the difference between dimensions and planes?" I asked, finally remembering Vistoc had said that there were only four elements in all of the dimensions AND planes... two different things.

"A dimension is a whole other world," Madame said. "Whereas a plane is like a limbo between two dimensions, see?"

I nodded.

"Okay, as long as there's no more questions, we can start the lesson," Vistoc said with a smile, and I shook my head in a silent response. "Good. With the powers of the vortex, Avni, you are able to jump dimensions. You can use the vortex's shield to shield yourself and your mind, and you can stretch, move and manipulate that of the vortex. You can also change what's on the other end - you ran into the vortex with Xian, and it led straight to Stonehenge, like it's been doing for the past twenty years. If we ran through it today, it would still go to Stonehenge because you haven't changed the scenery."

"Which you can do," Madame said smugly. "You can fold it up and put it in your back pocket if you wanted to. The only problem is, the vortex has to expand eventually and you'd be swallowed up... but you're not going to want to have it in your back pocket... anyway. As you know, the vortex has a camouflage too. I'm sure Xian pointed out the forest scenery before you on his balcony was in fact fake?"

'That wasn't the only thing he pointed out,' I thought to myself. He pointed out he cared, and we were so close - yet he was so darn far away from my reach. How could someone so luring be so forbidden?

"Yes," I answered. "He pointed that out."

"Right. Not only does this shield the humans from acknowledging something so powerful exists, but the grounds on which the vortex lies is assured to eternal life. If you move, stretch or manipulate the vortex in anyway, a piece of the grounds will die. That house has been there for over two centuries, and hasn't crumbled a bit since. It lies upon the most powerful grounds in ancient history, which is why everybody wants YOUR vortex, and not the one in Australia, Alaska or the North Pole. Because yours is the most powerful, just as you are the most powerful Mortal Vampire."

"Precisely," Vistoc nodded. "We need to teach you how to hide the vortex from all eyes - including vampires, the damned, the Others and every other creature in existence besides yours. It will take a while, but I guess the whole course is going to be expanded over the next few months."

"Months?" I blinked. "That's a long time for one vortex-"

"Don't think of it as just 'one vortex'," Vistoc said sternly. "Think of it as your duty to protect, as your duty to keep it alive. The vortex is as alive as you are, Avni, and you need to keep it out of harms way."

Madame rolled his eyes dramatically. "Okay, poindexter, enough crap about what she should and shouldn't call it. On with the darn lesson!"

"Fine," Vistoc muttered. "Avni, we want you to stop time."

I laughed. As stupid as that sounds, I was mistaking myself. Madame c****d his head to the side at me, and Vistoc blinked while I laughed.

"I'm sorry," I said as I sobered up. "I thought you said you wanted me to stop time."

Vistoc looked at Madame, and then turned to look at me again. "That's what I said."

"I can't do that!" I gasped, taking a step away from the pair.

"Sure you can," Vistoc said. "Well... no, not on your own you can't. But with our help, you can manipulate time as much as you like. Not just time here, but the time of the entire world. You're the most powerful element out there - you're the only one who can manipulate time. Nobody knows why it's like that, but I suppose the answer lies inside."

"Inside where?"

Vistoc shrugged. "Beats me. So are you up for stopping time?"

"I'm guess I don't have a choice in the matter, right?"

"Not really. Madame and I are going to move directly in front of you so that if it were a birds-eye view, we'd be in the shape of a triangle in the case of a dot-to-dot. From there, Madame's going to talk you through."

They both took a step forward, and my eyes shifted quickly between the pair. I didn't know what I'd signed up for, or what was about to happen, but I'd never been more nervous in my life.