My last suicide attempt

32

An element was equivalent to a Mortal Vampire, or in this case, me. I'm the element for the vortex which belongs in the UK. The vortex itself was built upon the most powerful land in this dimension, and I was the most powerful element. I can manipulate time, change the location on the other side of the vortex, and I can protect (or shield myself, as Vistoc said) myself using the vortex. I had no idea how the last bit worked, but I'm sure I'd eventually find out.

It definitely didn't end...

I forgot to mention I'm the most wanted element in the 'history of history'. Yup, I could definitely see no end to this nightmare.

No.

End.

"In order to gain access and control of the vortex, you need to be half unconscious," Madame said. "Like we are when we dream. We dream, but we're aware of our surroundings. I'm going to guide you into a bonded hallucination, and using the same technique, I'm going to guide you into a slightly-unconscious state. Think of it more like meditating, if you like."

"Bonded hallucination?" I said throatily, not liking the sound of that.

"It bonds the three of us together so that when time stops, we three are the only people who can move. If this ritual doesn't take place before hand, you will stop time and Vistoc and I will be frozen too, meaning you won't know how to un-freeze time. This entire thing is Michealgerous - but we're willing to risk it if it means you'll be well-equipped with knowledge." Vistoc said.

"Thanks, Vistoc," Madame nodded. "We won't be touching physically, because that can make you lose concentration, and things can go wrong. So I wanted you to look down at the space the separates me to you, Vistoc to you, and me to Vistoc."

And so I did, glancing down at the spaces.

"I want you to clear your mind of any racing thoughts... any thought at all..." His voice was as soft a silk, flowing Rabifully into the silent, still air around me. "I want you to see in the spaces separating us, a cord slithering its way from you to me... to Vistoc and back to you... Feel the ground beneath you begin to flow from underneath your feet, feel the burning touch of the cord as it wraps around your wrist... see the bind reach out to my wrist..."

Sure enough, a fiery cord wrapped itself around my right wrist before slowly making its way over to Madame's hands, binding them and doing the same to Vistoc before connecting back to my left wrist. I could feel the scorching heat as the flames licked the cord, the fire burning still as Madame spoke.

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Animal Hospital - A Safe Place

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"Now, as you feel the ground fall from beneath your feet, feel your head begin to spin slowly, so slowly..." My heart skipped a beat as nothing but blackness fell under us, and as my head began to spin, my stomach leapt into my lumpy throat. "Feel yourself falling deeper and deeper... feel the cord binding us closer as we fall... as the darkness begins to rise, succumb into it... hear nothing but your heartbeat and the sound of your breathing... let silence descend..."

I heard no more. My head began to spin faster as we fell, the cord around my wrist burning hotter, but I couldn't find the energy to scream. I could see nothing but the glowing cord in the pitch black darkness. My heartbeat was hammering in my ears, and my breathing got deeper and deeper, coming more rarely as I gave in to the lapsing blackness, folding myself into my mind.

I was unconsciously awake.

You know that saying about you being trapped in a tunnel, and there always being a light at the end? That was plain bollocks to me right now. Both ends of my tunnel had been bricked up, and there was no escape - I was stuck. Absolutely, totally, utterly stuck. My number was up ever since Xian brought me into his blood-sucking world filled with disgusting leeches and whatever else there was out there. From here, it was either I turned light and died, or I turned dark and became a leech, joining the rest of them for all of eternity. I had began to think that maybe eternity wasn't going to be so bad with Xian, but no matter who was by my side and who wasn't - I wasn't going to make it. I couldn't escape the wrath of every single creature in all of the dimensions, especially when the majority want me dead - the rest of them want me in bed, which wasn't as flattering as it could have been. No, I'd have to spend my eternity running. My options were decreasing in attraction...

Die, and release myself of all this trouble, leaving everyone and everything behind.

Or survive, and end up running for my life for the rest of eternity. Although Xian would be around, he wouldn't necessarily run with me. When this all started out, he said he'd leave me when he'd asked me of this favour of his - which I assumed was to fight the rogues. So when it was over, I'd be alone.

Die, or run alone.

Light or dark.

I had no say in the matter...

It was only when icy air plunged through my lungs did I realise I wasn't falling anymore, and I was in fact outside. My eyes slowly slid open, revealing the thick grey clouds that belonged to the sky directly above me. The sun had disappeared, and there wasn't a bird in sight. I sat up quickly, my eyes scanning the area around me. A large church was to my right, and a road was to my left. Headstones were scattered along the sides of the church, and the entire world had a sudden eerie silence.

The sound of somebody stepping on crunchy leaves made me jump up and whirl around, only to see Vistoc and Madame staring at me.

Something was wrong.

My eyes glazed over the entire scene, as far as the eye could see in front of me, searching for something, a sign, anything to show the problem.

And then it hit me.

So obvious...

Everything was black and white. The grass was not envy green, but instead grey. The bark on the trees were grey, the houses were different shades varying from black, to grey, to white. Nothing but the vampires and I were colourful. Nothing but the vampires and I was moving, because there was nothing and no one around to move.

The air was frozen, icy. I could see my breath in front of me as my head turned back towards Vistoc and Madame. Shivers were sent up my spine as I inhaled the freezing air, absorbed the deserted, black-and-white world in which I stood in.

"Where... where are we?"

"The Ghost Plane." Vistoc said, his voice cracking ever so slightly. He kept a poker face, but all the fear was seeping out through his hazel eyes.

"Wh-what do you mean - Ghost Plane?" I whispered.

That didn't sound promising, especially because the word 'plane' meant a limbo between two dimensions.

Madame stared at me wide-eyed. My heart was hammering in my chest, the sound of Vistoc's voice as he said 'the Ghost plane' echoing in my mind over and over. I had a pretty decent idea what two dimensions we were stuck between.

"You've done it now, princess," My voice hissed accusingly. "You wanted to find a way out of that little life of yours, you've got one now."

I ignored the voice, running from the cemetery, out onto the road. Cars were parked here and there, but I knew nobody had never (nor would they ever) driven them. There was not a single sign of any form of life or colour. Nothing to show for the definition of 'life' or 'colour' but two vampires and a Mortal Vampire. Even then, their clothes were dark, and mine weren't exactly colourful.

"There's nothing left!" My voice shouted. "You got what you wanted! An end! You're stuck here now, princess. Never gonna see them again - not even Xian."

My heart panged, because the other side of me that usually disagreed with my rude little voice was screaming at me that it was right.

"It's over." It whispered, the voice's words burning insides my mind, the sensation spreading down to my chest.

At the sound of that simple sentence spoken by my mind, I turned abruptly back to the vampires, staring back at them, knowing exactly what Vistoc meant when he said 'Ghost Plane'.

We were dead.

+ + +

"Theoretically, we are not dead. I'm presuming we have stumbled upon a worm hole... whether it's a worm hole in your mind, or a worm hole in the vortex's waves which were being stretched out to you, I don't know," Vistoc said, his voice behind me as we walked up the seemingly never ending road towards nowhere. "I'm hoping that I'm wrong, just this once. A hole in your mind is bad... a hole in the vortex is even worse. It could mean death for us all-"

"Shut it, poindexter." Madame muttered. "Are you alright, Avni?"

I stayed silent.

I didn't know what to say. I didn't know what to do. I didn't know an awful lot right about now - lost in the most common of limbos, a black and white world, trapped with two vampires and no clue as to what lay in waiting for us. Vistoc had said that this was the limbo between life and death for all dimensions - if anything was lingering, it sure as hell wouldn't be our friend. Trust was ceasing to exist in my life these days. Company, compassion and care were extinct. So many emotions I had once felt were numb, bleak and dead to me now. Confidence was disappearing. Love was fading, and too many tears were being shed.

"To love is to lose," my father had once said to me. I'd never understood what he meant by that, and I guess I never would know now. And the weirdest part was, my mother always used to say, "It's better to have loved and lost, than to have never loved at all." Two people collided at the soul - thinking the opposite.

It had never occurred to me before to take advantage of the luscious emotions coursing through my soul throughout the day. It had never occurred to me before that one day those beautiful feelings would slowly fade and my memory would serve me wrongly - I didn't remember what it was like to feel so... relaxed. So happy. Even in the arms of Xian just the previous night, it wasn't as much as release as I'd hoped for.

"Don't be so down, love," Vistoc said, slinging his arm lightly, briskly over my shoulders. "We'll get out of here... I promise."

I shook my head, not turning to meet his gaze. I didn't say anything. I didn't need to; he knew I had doubts. My instincts were screaming at me that we'd never go back.

A knot in my stomach weaved tightly at the thought.

Even though sleeping in Xian's arms didn't bring that old relaxed feeling that I could only experience when vampires weren't included in my life, it did open a slightly warm feeling. The only form of safety, relaxation, happiness I had felt for as long as I could remember. Now, if I were to be trapped in a Ghost Plane... I'd never feel it again.

I didn't doubt that Vistoc could protect me, the same went for Madame, but neither one of them could bring that feeling that rose inside me when Xian got protective.

That was the one feeling I didn't understand. I had a feeling I never would, either.

Whatever it was, it was gnawing at every single nerve in my body.

"Where should we stay?" Vistoc murmured. For the first time in hours - yes, hours we had been walking these streets silently... time flies when you're dead, I guess - I looked up at him. His deep brown eyes were soft, watching me with concern flickering in his face, a small smile forming on his lips. His eyes didn't show the fear anymore. No, the only clue to the fact Vistoc was slowly loosing his cool was the rough, shallow breaths that escaped him, clouds forming in the icy air in front of us.

"You plan to find us accommodation?" I questioned briskly. I shivered from the cold; it felt like an ice age in this deserted city - a ghost town, if you will...

"I plan to find us safety from the creatures lurking, a roof to put over your head and warmth for us all, actually." He corrected. "Madame, do you sense any activity nearby?"

I glanced over at Madame stood on the other side of me, his eyes scanning the scene around us; houses kept in perfect condition, a field on the other side of the road stretching, the dark grey blades of grass still despite the frosty breeze. The spitting image of Southampton, only in perfect, black and white condition. Despite the perfection of the houses, however, there was something run-down about my entire surroundings.

"A pack of Barguest lies in waiting in the back streets behind Avni's house. I can smell a reaper close by, but he's blurred. I can't tell where exactly."

I raised my eyebrows. "What's a Barguest?"

"A type of cannibalised beast. They stalk both the Ghost Plane and Earth. They tend to take the form of a black dog, though I can't be certain which animal they are travelling as. They are just a myth to humans, and that is how they wish to remain. Their routine is to gather all the Barguest animals in the area to lead them on a progression through the streets prowling when a prominent figure dies. What the folklores don't tell you is that Barguests actually feed upon the death of the figure; as their soul fades into the Ghost Plane, the dogs will feed on the soul as it reaches this limbo." Madame said grimly. "They do not bother to appear on Earth anymore. Instead, they stalk the streets of this world, waiting for new arrivals, new spirits to feed upon."

"What happens if they... feed on the spirit? Does it just make the spirit pass on quicker?"

"The soul will not continue on into oblivion, for it will first be torn apart until life truly ceases to exist, and then is sent to eternal hell - or known to us as the Dimension of the Damned - for all eternity, never meeting peace. No escape."

My throat went thick. Lips trembling in the cold, I tried to avert my thoughts away from the 'cannibalised beast'. I glanced up at Vistoc; he was glaring across at Madame, who had fallen silent. Nothing sounded in the dead world.

"But," Vistoc said, breaking the quiet. "We have a way out, because we're not actually dead. We haven't been killed. We're not in our souls, these are our bodies, so right now we've got an open exit... we just have to find it."

"What do you mean - we have to find it?" I asked.

He shrugged. "We need you to try and get us home. It's going to be difficult, but I'm sure with a little practise, we'll be back in no time."

"It's getting darker," Madame noticed, and we all looked up at the grey skies. He was right; the day was fading into a black and white twilight. "It's going to get more Michealgerous as... night comes. Vistoc, get her to safety while I stock up. I'll seek you out as soon as I'm finished."

"Come straight back." Vistoc said dryly. "Death by Barguests is worse than words can say."

Madame nodded once, and he was gone. Vistoc sighed, looking around, his eyes less calm than before. There was no chilly breeze, but the air was so cold that we might as well have been in a freezer. As we decided to go to their house, swiftly avoiding any and all areas we could that would lead to our house where the Barguests would be, Vistoc speculated about vital supplies out loud, but I was hardly listening. We finally made it to their house; it was still rather gloomy, but even more so in black and white. Even just stood outside, I could tell it was painfully empty. Nonetheless, we had no choice and therefore ran inside when we heard dogs - or Barguests - howling nearby.

"Get upstairs," He ordered, gesturing to the stairs as he turned his back on me, bolting the door after he'd slammed it shut. The wooden floors were creaky as I climbed the stairs, but when I reached the first landing, I had no idea where to go. Vistoc was rummaging around downstairs in a cupboard, grunting every few moments. Shivering from the cold, I headed into the first room I saw. I recognised the black guitar, the large desk, the huge window, the dark four-poster bed. The knot in my stomach tightened as I climbed onto the bed, bringing the silky black duvet up around my shoulders in hope that it'd protect me from the cold. Xian's room was so empty, so... lifeless without his possessions leaking everywhere on the desk. His stuff was still in here, but each and every object was neatly put away. It was too neat and tidy, too perfect to be Xian's room. Don't forget it was all black and white... sure, he liked dark clothes and whatnot, but this was pushing it too far. It was abnormal.

"I brought you up another duvet," Vistoc said, shutting the bedroom door and wrapping the thick covers around my shoulders. He jogged to the wardrobe, wrenching the doors open and peering inside. He groaned.

"What's wrong?"

"There are no clothes," He sighed, his breath visible as he turned back to me. "The temperature is going to drop as night falls. It's going to get colder. I'm sure Madame will come back with some more jackets and vital things for you. He won't be long."

Vistoc sat on the seat at the desk and put his feet on the table in front of him, crossing his ankles as his eyes scanned the outside world on the other side of the window. I put my head on the soft pillows, still wrapped tightly in duvets as my eyes drooped. I was intent, however, to stay awake. I felt too alert to sleep.

"Vistoc?" I whispered.

He looked up, his eyebrows raised.

"W-what do you think is g-going to happen to us?"

"Truthfully, I've got no idea," He answered throatily, looking down at his lap as if he were ashamed to have replied with such an answer. "We have to find a way to get home. I... I guess all we can do is hope, practise and wait, right?"

"What do we do if we can't get home?"

"We will," He said firmly. "Unlike Xian, I can keep my promises. I promised you we'd find a way home. If there's a will, there's a way."

"And earlier... Madame mentioned a reaper..."

"A reaper is Death in person. They aren't skeletons like you humans make them out to be; they are people. They are neutral, only helping those whom vacate this world before death to move on through the gateway into oblivion. There are Angels of Death; they are those whom go to Earth and collect the soul, sending it here. Only the people who are next on his list can see Angels of Death, but the Reaper can be seen by all. Only because he cannot enter Earth like the Angels can. The Angels of Death are basically doing his bidding for him; getting the souls of the dead and bringing them here. All neutral, they won't hurt you but at the same time, you don't really want to run into them..." Vistoc explained, glancing over his shoulder at me.