Loving You

Episode 5: Letting you go

“Ms.Chen..” 

Nabigla ako dahil hindi ko ineexpect na maalala nya ang pangalan ko dahil sa sakit nya. “Do you know why I really like your painting?” she said while looking somewhere else.

“I didn’t expect that someone can appreciate my self portrait Mrs.Leng, I was overwhelmed ng nalaman kong gusto nyong bilhin ang painting ko.” I’ve said while looking at her.

“You’re painting is truly amazing,Ms. Chen, specialy the Self portrait,you know why? Because I can feel the connection in that painting. Kapag nakatingin ako sa painting na yon naaalala ko ang sarili ko parang may koneksyon ang bawat detalye ng painting na yon sa akin. And I can see the love you put in there,the pain the loneliness and the sorrow in every detail are in perfect place.” Sambit nito habang nakatingin sa malayo, natulala ako, dahil hindi ko inaasahan na mababasa ni Mrs.leng ang painting ko,na makikita nya lahat ng saloobin ko. Muli akong nalungkot at naginit ang gilid ng mata ko. 

“I hope those bad memories that you have will vanished, just like the wind. Ms.Chen,remember that even the wind go on and leave, I hope those pain will leave too as the wind surpass you.” It was an eye opener,how did she know that im still in pain and can't let go of the past? How can she touched my heart with her words and gives me warm?

After a while Mr.Leng agreed to sign the contract kahit na hindi nya nakuha ang self portrait. “Ms. Chen, I think my wife fell in love with you, I hope you can visit her sometime kapag bumalik ka dito sa London.” Mr.Leng said while smiling at me.

“Ofcourse Mr. Leng, thank you.” Sambit ko habang nakangitin,kinamayan naman sya ni Hans at nagpaalam na. 

Tahimik ako habang nasa sasakyan, im still thinking what Mrs. Leng said earlier, I was completely moved by her words.

“We should eat first before we move to our hotel.” Hans said while his eyes on the road.

 Lumingon ako sa kanya, at napaawang pa ang labi, what his motive for me to bring in the hotel?. Biglang nagring ang Cellphone ko,it’s a call from Charles, I nearly forgot him dahil sa mga nangyayare. 

Mabilis kong sinagot ang cellphone his voice seams weary.

“Elise? Where are you?!” Halos pasigaw nitong bungad saken.

“Im in London.. with Hans, saka ko na ipapaliwanag sayo pagbalik ko bukas ok?” Sambit ko,alam kong nagaalala sya saken. 

“Are you ok?” Muling tanong nito sa kabilang linya.

 “yeah,im fine.”

“As long as you’re ok,call me as soon as you landed in Beijing, understood?” Kumalma ang boses nya sa pagkakataong iyon.

“Ok, i call you. Bye.” sabay baba ng cellphone. 

“You’re boyfriend must be worried na ako ang kasama mo.” Hans,habang nakatingin parin sa kalsada. 

“As well as you Mr. Zhuo, malamang nagpapanic na ang girlfriend mo dahil may kasama kang ibang babae sa London.” I rolled up my eyes and sighed 

“You must be happy… because I don’t have one.”He smirked at bahagya pang tumingin sa akin. 

“How about Cindy?” Nagtataka kong tanong, tumawa sya bago sumagot. 

“Cindy is my friend, she’s not my girl, bakit? Nagseselos ka ba  sa kanya?” Pabiro nitong sambit.

“No, Im not.” Sarkastiko kong tugon dito habang nakataas ang kilay. Nailang ako sa ngiti nyang nakakaloko kaya iniba ko ang usapan. “I think we should go get the early ticket going back to Beijing.” 

“Ofcourse,pero bukas pa ng hapon ang nakuhang flight ni Andrew,what shall we do?.” He said with a horrifying smile on his face. 

We eat in a fancy restaurant and drink some wine, hindi kame masyadong nagusap at wala rin ako sa mood makipagusap sa kanya.

 I just enjoy the ambiance of the place,it’s on the top of the building,open area with full of lights halos kitang kita mo ang buong London and the London eye, its so amazing, 

I think I can consider living here.

” I think Charles will like this place.” I’ve said while sipping the wine, then I forgot that im with Hans, agad ko syang tiningnan, ngunit nakatingin lang ito sa malayo, 

I just hope na hindi nya narinig ang sinabe ko kaya pinagpatuloy ko ang paginom ng wine, hindi ako madaling malasing dahil madalas akong umiinom sa Madrid, I enjoyed every sip of my wine, after we ate pumunta na kame sa hotel, he book the most expensive suit for us.

 I insist to sleep on separate room, but then ang kinuha nyang suit ay may dalawang kwarto. When we go inside I was amazed by the pool outside the balcony and I sit on the side,theres a lights in every corner and a sweet music, parang nananadya ang nagset up ng suit na to,there’s even petals sa bawat madadaanan mo and even sa bed punong puno ng petals. Kinabahan pako nang bahagya at naistatwa sa mga nakita ko, it was like were here for a honeymoon, napailing ako at kumunot ang noo, napatingin ako sa kanya nang tapikin nya ako sa balikat at tinaas ang hawak nyang bote ng wine sabay ngumiti sa akin. 

Umupo ako sa may pool area at sinawsaw sa tubig ang mga paa ko, this place is amazing. 

He poured my glass saka inabot saken at umupo din sa tabi ko.

“I change my mind” I’ve said,while holding the glass of wine and looking at it.

“For what?” He asked while looking at me. Puzzled.

“I’m going to give the self-portrait to Mrs. Leng.” He was shocked and wondering,so he put his wine aside and said. “You should have said that earlier,edi sana hindi na kita sinama pa dito.”With an expression na parang kasalanan ko pa na kinaladkad nya ako papunta dito, 

I starred at him and raise my eyebrow. “Excuse me Mr. Zhuo,kung hindi dahil saken baka hindi mo nakuha yang million dollar deal na sinasabe mo, and yes,sana nga noon ko pa yan binenta yung painting, so we shouldn’t cross our way again..” I replied, sandali syang tumahimik maski ako ay natigilan din nang magiba ang emosyon sa muka nya, he look sad while starring at me. HIndi ko malabanan ang paninitig nya sa akin na halos tumagos sa buong pagkatao ko kaya hinawi ko ang tingin sa kanya saka ininom ang wine na natitira sa baso ko. 

"Are you so angry at me that you don't want to see me?" Mahinang sambit nito, habang nakatingin parin sa akin. I look down, heaved sighed and look at him. 

“ Im not angry, it’s just that… it's too painful.” Mahina kong tugon,I managed not to cry in front of him. i conposed myself. 

“Palagi ka paring nasa isip ko sa loob ng 7 years, hanggang ngayon nagtatanong parin ako sa sarili ko kung bakit ka nakipaghiwalay saken,bakit ka biglang nawala,bakit mas pinili mong sumama kay Charles? It troubled me for the past 7 years.” He said, with a sad and soft tone. Parang pinupunit ang puso ko kapag naaalala ko ang mga nagyari sa nakaraan, lahat ng sakit ay paulit-ulit kong nararamdaman at hindi ko alam kung hanggang kailan ko ito dapat pagdusahan, kaharap ko ang nagiisang lalaki na may hawak ng puso ko, ang lalaking alam kong hindi ko kailan man dapat mahalin.

 I'm battling with my heart and my mind, i want to kiss him, hug him, tell him how much i love him.. But I can't.

I cleared my throat and composed myself. 

“It’s already in the past, we should keep going on,without thinking the guilt that the past gave us.” I've said. Tumayo ako at naglakad papasok sa loob,bago pa man makarating ng pinto ay humarap ako sa kanya na noon ay nakaupo parin sa side ng pool. “You should keep your promise,this should be the last time na makikita kita.” Sabay talikod at tuluyan ng pumasok sa loob.

That night was the longest night I’ve been through, the pain I felt 7 years ago triggered from the first day that we met until now,my suffering, my sorrow is always and never let go of my heart,what should I do?..

“What should I do?..” in front of a window and whispering to myself.

Charles already waiting in the airport ng lumapag ang eroplano namin, nauna akong maglakad kay Hans at sinalubong ako ni Charles,he’s very charming while he’s smiling at me. He saw Hans kaya lumapit sya dito. 

“I hope this is the last time na idadamay mo si Elise sa business mo.”Sambit ni Charles na may seryosong expression.

“Don’t worry, we already talk about that.” Saka umalis at sumakay sa kotse nya na noon ay nasa labas na ang naghihintay. Charles tapped my back and keep on asking if im alright.

Habang nasa sasakyan kame.. biglang huminto si Charles sa pagddrive at tinabi sa gilid aang kotse. “I think,we should go back to Madrid.”seryoso nitong sambit sa akin. Nagulat man ay tumango ako, alam kong wala naman talagang point umpisa palang ang pagbabalik ko. “Ok,I will just settled some things here and we will go back.” He look happy when I said that,he caress my hair and bring me home.

“You should rest, alam kong pagod ka.” Dumeretso ako sa kwarto at sinara ang pinto. Matutulog na sana ako ng biglang nagring ang phone ko, tiningnan ko ang call reg. si Hans. Umayos ako ng upo saka sinagot iyon.

“hello?”

“I think I didn’t thank you enough for the help you made to make my deal a success, for the last time i would like you to invite in a dinner tomorrow, I hope you’ll come.” Sabay baba ng phone,maya maya ay tinext nya saken ang address. By the word “For the last time” parang muling nawasak ang puso ko at  dun na bumuhos ang luha sa mga mata ko,bakit ako nalungkot ng maisip kong hindi ko nanaman sya makikita ulit, we’ve been waiting for 7 years for our hearts to heal but.. isn’t it enough? Kinulong ko sa mga braso ko ang muka ko at patuloy na umiyak,I make sure that Charles didn’t hear me from the sala, I don’t want him to worry again..

Hans.

I want to hug her,

I want to tell her that I missed her,

I want to apologize for not fighter for her,

I want to tell her that I forgive her and I love her so much…

But I can’t, I’m a coward.

It’s a sudden pain whenever I see her with somebody else,my heart broken into pieces and I can’t fix it for the past 7 years she’s the only woman I loved.

But she’s already with someone.

Our memories keep on playing in my head and troubled me for the past 7 years, I always find myself crying whenever I remembered the day she left me. And now, she’s going to leave me again.

I reserve a table in a 5 star restaurant, I want to eat with her and spend some time for the last time. I came earlier and waiting for her, then suddenly a woman with a red dress and high heels come up in front of me. As usual,she is so pretty no matter what kind of dress she’s wearin’, I slightly smiled at her and stood up when she’s in front of me to assist her,she’s smiling back at me.

While we were eating, she tap her lips with the table cloth and started to speak.

“Im going back to Madrid.” I suddenly stunned and starred at her. “I decided na bumalik na ng Madrid,since tapos naman na yung opening ng gallery,I don’t think I need to stay here.” She said.

“When will you go back?” I coldly asked.

“As early as possible,may mga aasikasuhin lang si Charles sa company..” Sambit nito without any emotions, how can she do that to me? How can she go and leave me without any consideration of my feelings.

 I grabbed my cloth and put it in the table, I close my eyes at hindi ko na napigilan ang luha sa mga mata ko, “If you want to leave and don’t feel any guilt upon leaving, then just go and don’t ever come back and leave some pain on me.” I stood up at umalis na ng restaurant.

Why you’re so heartless.. why do you keep on tormenting me?

I asked Andrew to accompany me, we’d go to the bar we usually go. “Hans,is it time for you to let go?” sambit ni Andrew while drinking his beer. “7 years mo ng pinapahirapan ang sarili mo,can’t you see? May iba ng mahal si Elise,hindi na sya yung Elise from 7 years ago.” Patuloy nito,while I keep on drinking rhum, should I give up now?