Torn between mates

24. Guilt and forgetfulness

Mel

Liv convinced me to go to her home with her. She said she didn’t want to leave me alone. She is very caring and loyal; she will make a great mother. After sleeping a lot, lulled by the Fairy Wine and the heavy-head sensation left by crying, I was having a cup of coffee with my daughters. Liv was drinking hot chocolate instead, because of her baby.

I inhaled the fragrant liquid deeply, letting its warmth bring me some comfort. But no amount of coffee would be enough to help me, to wash out my wrongdoings and my guilt. I never thought I would cheat, that I would be capable of a horrible thing like cheating.

Even though my mating situation is, putting it lightly: odd, mates don’t cheat, they have a deep and sacred bond with each other coming from their very souls. Cheating on a mate was something almost unheard of. More than that, as I’ve heard, normally mated people don’t feel attraction towards others. The mate pull is that strong and one feels so connected and drawn to their mate that others don’t really entice them in the carnal or even romantic way.

Why am I different? Why did I feel so drawn towards that Elf? What is wrong with me? I let out a soft sob and a couple of silent tears slipped down my cheeks.

“Mom…” Liv uttered gazing at me with a pained look of sympathy. I didn’t want to worry my girls further. Especially my Liv, she has enough on her plate now and she always feels so responsible for everyone around her. She shouldn’t need to worry about me, I should be the one worrying about her and supporting her.

“I’m fine sweetheart. Don’t worry.” I trailed off. But I wasn’t fine at all. I was a mess; guilt was eating my insides as a plague. I couldn’t hold back my tears.

“Do you think Valentin could cure her or maybe one of my flower balms?” Lea muttered to Liv, her normally soft and sweet voice carried the heaviness of worry.

“The balms could work, but I don’t think your Fairy-guy can cure broken hearts. He is not the one that should fix it.” Liv whispered back. Lea sighed in response.

“There is no need, girls.” I tried to reassure them, but deep sobs were breaking from deep inside me. I placed my face on my hands, trying to wipe the tears and calming down. I’ve never felt so bad about myself, with myself. Guilt is indeed some kind of poison.

“Mel.” I heard Elric calling. Was he here for long? Did he hear my pitiful outburst? I have to get a grip on myself. I’m behaving once again like a little teenaged witch.

“Elric,” I replied looking up at him after I wiped my tears with the tissue Lea handed me.

“How are you feeling?” he asked, looking very worried. He has always been so kind to me. Liv is lucky to have him.

“I’m fine. In fact, I was about to go back home.” I replied trying to flash him a smile.

“No, mom. Stay, you shouldn’t be alone now. We are here for you.” Liv said as she went towards me and wrapped me in a side hug.

“Sweetheart, I am fine. All the sadness that I’m feeling I brought upon myself. I did something very wrong.” I muttered feeling the pang of my truthful words. I swallowed hard and wiped a new batch of fresh tears.

I saw her face tensing as she gulped hard as well and flashed Elric a pained and pleading look.

“It’s not so bad mom,” Lea said, patting my arm, her eyes were full of sympathy and softness.

“Oh honey, I know you are only trying to make me feel better, but it is very, very bad.”

~ * ~

Elric

Liv came to talk to me after Mel left our house. I knew what she wanted to talk about. I sighed deeply in frustration. It was dreadful to see Mel suffering like this because of something I did, at least partly.

“We have to talk to him, Love.” My mate muttered, she looked so worried and distressed. I pulled her front gently against my chest, attempting to reassure her a tad.

“I know and we will. She can’t suffer any further. It’s a nonsensical situation and she is being devoured by remorse.”

My Liv sighed and snuggled further into my embrace.

“We can go to talk to him later today,” I added and Liv nodded, still in my arms.

~ * ~

Lea

I have to do something about it, I can’t only keep watching my mom suffering. It breaks my heart. I’ve never confronted dad about what he is doing to mom. I know he has his reasons, but it’s bad and absolutely not fair to her. It can’t go on any longer, especially not after what happened yesterday.

I portaled to his office in Emeraldia, to talk to him. I entered the room after knocking.

“Lea, sweetie.” He greeted, as he hugged me. He looked tired and stressed.

“Hi dad, I want to talk to you about mom.” He inhaled deeply at my words. “I’m very worried about her. I’ve never seen her like that before. She looked so broken; it is painful to even see it.” I added as I felt my eyes getting a bit wet with unshed tears, I swallowed hard and looked intently into his eyes.

I know for a fact that he loves her, so he won’t let her suffer further.

“I should have stopped her, kept my distance.” He uttered without looking at me, seeming a bit lost in thought and regret.

“You should have. But now you can fix it by telling her the truth.” I replied.

“Lea, I… I can’t do it. Revealing the truth to her will only cause her more pain. It would be worse for everyone. She will feel betrayed and…I’m sorry sweetheart, but I can’t do it.”

I gasped in frustration. I expected better of him.

“Just think about it, please. Think about her and what she is going through. Can you promise me that you will do it? Consider it?” I asked him.

He exhaled sharply, “I will, sweetheart. I promise.”

I flashed him a look that made him lower his head a bit for a few seconds; probably the disappointment was clear in my eyes.

~ * ~

Liv

Elric and I went to Emeraldia to talk to my father.

“There is no point in keeping the truth from her anymore, Maximus. Liv is already mated, and Lea is to be mated in one month. They are both safe and fulfilling their destiny.”

I couldn’t avoid rolling my eyes at this destiny speech by Elric; it makes all sound so mechanical and even suffocating. As if I’m not mated to the men I love, but only fulfilling some godly plans.

“You planned to tell her the truth eventually, anyway. Am I correct?” Elric asked.

“Yes, at some point...” Father exhaled deeply.

“If you continue keeping it from her, it will be only because of yourself, not in order to achieve the Goddess’ plans or to protect your daughters,” Elric added.

My father sighed sharply.

“She will reject me.” He muttered.

He is so selfish

It’s infuriating, but I need to pipe my anger down. I need to control my impulses.

I gathered all the calm, all zen energy that habited me and breathed deeply.

“Maybe. She may do it, but mostly because you let things escalate to this point. If you let it keep going, let her continue feeling guilty and torturing herself because of something she hasn’t done, then she will for sure reject you. Waiting will just make it worse for you.” I said as calmly as I could. Snapping now wouldn’t help the cause.

I’m proud of my newly founded self-control, I hope it will last. Probably it won’t.

He scrubbed his face with his hands agitatedly and exhaled. He looked tense, even pained. He was screwing up big time, but it doesn’t mean that it was easy for him. However, it was hundred times harder on her, that’s for sure.

~ * ~

Maximus

Liv is right, if I allow it to continue and her guilt to consume her, my chances of Melinda forgiving me at any point will decrease from little to none.

And she’s suffering. I saw it in her eyes when she ran away from me at the tea party.

I am and I have always been the reason for her suffering. If I reveal the truth, she may be in even more pain.

Almost 10 years ago, I asked her if she would forgive me if she knew the truth; her answer filled me with fright. Telling her would risk the little we have, and I could end up with nothing.

She would be right in rejecting me. I was selfish and a coward; And cruel in my selfishness and cowardness.

Nevertheless, I cannot have her rejecting me. I can’t.

I can’t lose my honey; I can’t lose my mate. I made many mistakes, but I’ve always loved her. She’s the best thing that happened in my life.

Besides that, Lea’s words and the disappointment in her eyes were still tormenting me. It was the first time she looked at me like this. Lea and I were always very close. I love both of my daughters, but it was always easier to deal with my younger one, due to her good nature.

I look at my daughter and my king, and best friend, expectant faces.

“I’ll tell her the truth. Next Friday when she comes to my villa.” I muttered, looking away.

Liv came closer and patted my shoulder, I looked at her and she flashed me a small tight smile. I didn’t expect her to be that sympathetic. She hasn’t been before in what concerned Melinda and I don’t deserve her sympathy.

But I nodded in acknowledgment.

“After that... after she has some time to suck in the news. Lea and I could talk to her... she will be okay. I don’t know how she will react though,” Liv trailed off, seemingly thinking out loud.

I was also not sure how Melinda would react. She’s not very easy to read. In the beginning, when I took her to my villa for the first time, she didn’t accept it, she fought tooth and claw. After some time, she became acceptant, resigned, amenable.

I didn’t know if she truly started to accept the situation or if she was only broken to the level that she had no more fight left in her. Lately, she has been growing colder. Every time that I touched her while she was wearing that repulsive mask, she seemed distant. Not as keen as she used to be, perhaps she was indeed about to reach her limit. If she hasn’t already reached it.

~ * ~

Simultaneously Lea talks to Valentin.

Lea

I asked Valentin to come to Avalon’s castle. There was something else we could try to make my mom feel at least a bit better.

“Could you help my mom to recover the memories? I think that would be the only way to appease her.” I asked Valentin.

It would be the only way to appease her without telling her the truth. I want so much that she knows the truth, but it’s not my place to tell it. If only he would listen to me.

Honestly, I was quite disappointed that my father wouldn’t tell her the true truth after everything that happened yesterday.

Valentin doesn’t know who my father is. I kept the promise I made to Richard and didn’t tell anyone about it. He only knew that my mom was very drunk and confused yesterday and she needed to retrieve her memories to be able to have some peace of mind. I want to tell Valentin everything. I trust him fully, but I don’t want to break the promise.

“Yes, I can do it, Angel. But it could also unlock other repressed or dormant memories of your mom.” Valentin replied.

“I don’t think that would be a problem, not as far as I know,” I uttered after thinking about it.

“Sure, so when shall we do it? Now?”

“Yes, please. As soon as possible, I don’t want to see her suffering any longer and if she is sure she didn’t …. Didn’t have… intercourse with him, she would feel much better.” I said as I felt my cheeks become red with heated blood; thinking about my parents' coupling was very uncomfortable.

Anyway, I was quite sure they didn’t do … it. My father wouldn’t be that insensate to take my poor confused and drunk mother in the garden. Who would even have relations in the garden? Oh… Liv probably did. She doesn’t count! Her pregnancy is driving her a bit of a nympho.

Valentin and I went to talk to my mom, and I told her about my idea.

“How does it work?” Mom asked, looking a bit apprehensive.

“I will place my hands on your temples and let my energy enter your mind to unlock the blurred memory of what happened yesterday. As soon as it comes back to you, I will move my hands away. I don’t want to intrude, only you will be able to see the memories after I bring them back to your consciousness level.” He explained.

Mom nodded and I gave her hand a reassuring squeeze. Her eyes were still a bit puffy because of all her crying; it tugged at my heart to see her like that. Valentin placed his hands on her temples and after a couple of minutes he moved them away, but mom kept her eyes closed for longer.

She gasped deeply and opened her eyes widely. She looked haunted, shocked.

Oh Goddess, what has she seen?

*

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