Beyond the Door

Chapter 16

"Would you recognize love if it never wore the same face?"

— Another Day, David Levithan

—

"Ano ang ating pag-uusapan?" nakangiti kong salubong sa kaniya nang makalayo kami.

Rinig ko ang malakas niyang pagbuntong-hininga sa aking harapan. Seryoso siyang tumingin sa akin.

Sinusuri ang aking kalagayan.

"Damn," mura niya. Napatiim bagang siya habang nakatingin sa akin.

"Tobias... he's—" Natatawa ko siyang hinampas sa balikat.

"Oo, alam ko. Alam ko, kaya tulungan mo akong makabalik sa kanila. I know that he's worried about me," nakangiti kong saad.

Tobias... so damn protective.

Malakas siyang napamura. Mariin siyang napapikit at tumingin muli sa akin.

"I'll help you... but you need to change first," saad niya. Hindi ko pinansin ang kaniyang matang nakatingin sa akin na punong-puno ng iba't-ibang emosyon.

Fear? Pity? Anger? What for?

—

"I'm fresh na!" natutuwa kong saad. Umayos ng pagkakatayo si Lucas at tumingin sa aking kabuoan.

"My Luna's clothes suits you," aniya.

Napangisi ako sa kaniyang turan at kinurot ang kaniyang tagiliran. "Ikaw ha, may pa 'my Luna' ka pa, kaya pala nawala ka ng dalawang linggo dahil sa luna mo," hagikhik ko.

Napakamot siya ng ulo at hilaw na ngumisi. Nagpatuloy kami sa paglalakad habang nag-aasaran.

Nang makapunta sa bungad ng gubat ay agad siyang nagseryoso. Nag-anyo siyang lobo at tumingin sa akin.

Nakuha ko na agad ang kaniyang gustong iparating at pumasan sa kaniyang mabalahibong likod.

Humigpit ang aking pagkakayakap sa kaniya nang magsimula na siyang tumakbo. Ipinikit ko ang aking mga mata dahil sa hangin na humahampas sa aking mukha. Gumuhit ang isang malungkot ngunit sinserong ngiti sa aking labi.

I'm coming home, Tobias...

—

"We're here," ani Lucas.

Agad naman akong bumaba sa aking pagkakasampa sa kaniya. The familiar gate welcomed me.

I smiled. I was about to open the gate when I felt Lucas' hand on my shoulder. "Are you sure about this? P'wede namang sa susunod na araw ka nalang bumalik. Tobias seems busy..." aniya.

Pabiro ko siyang inirapan. "Baka busy sa paghahanap sa 'kin?" biro ko. Ngunit seryoso lamang siyang nakatitig sa akin.

Nawala ang aking pagkakangiti at seryoso siyang tiningnan. "Tell me, Lucas. What's your problem? Kanina ko pa napapansin na hindi ka komportable, tell me what happened?" mahaba kong litanya at pinagkrus ang aking braso.

Mariin siyang napapikit sa aking turan. Maya-maya'y malakas siyang napabuntong-hininga.

"You won't believe me..." he answered. Making my eyebrow raised.

"Tell me," mariin kong saad.

Ilang beses siyang napalunok at iminulat ang kaniyang mata para titigan ako sa aking mata.

"There's a girl who looks exactly like you."

—

"W-What?" hindi makapaniwala kong saad. He sighed. My toes weakened when I heard the next thing he said.

"That's why Tobias never came to find you... he isn't looking for you because he's with the girl who looked like you, he f*****g thought it's you..." paliwanag niya. Tuluyan nang nanghina ang aking paa sa narinig dahilan para dumausdos ako sa maruming sahig.

"Caroline... that girl," nanghihina kong bulong.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner, I'm afraid that you're the fake one," kamot batok niyang saad. Malakas akong napabuntong-hininga at tumango.

Ilang segundo akong nakaupo sa lupa nang ako'y matauhan. I breathed heavily.

"Let's go," malamig kong saad.

Lucas looked at me, confused. "Saan tayo pupunta?"

I glanced at him, teary eyed. "Kay Tobias..." paos kong sagot.

Making him looked at me with a disapproval plastered on his face. "No... that girl looked dangerous, she might hurt you," pagtutol niya.

I shook my head. "She won't hurt me, she shouldn't. Tobias won't," I answered as I walked towards the castle. I heard him cursed but followed me.

(Now playing: Dancing On My Own - Calum Scott)

There's only one thing that I'm feeling right now.

Fear.

I'm afraid that Caroline might hurt my love ones. Di-A... and Tobias.

She hurt me once, and I'm not letting her hurt Tobias.

Kinapa ko ang aking sugat sa ulo at ilang beses na huminga nang malalim. Ngunit napatigil ako sa aking paglalakad nang makaaninag ako ng dalawang pamilyar na anino sa likod ng puno—malapit sa pasukan ng pintoan.

Tears started to form on my eyes. My chest tightened by just looking at that two person.

Tobias... he's kissing a girl... and that girl, she looked exactly like me.

The cold air pressed on my skin as reality slaps on my bare face. An overwhelming feeling circulated upon my veins.

And it hurts.

"A-Angel..." rinig kong saad ni Lucas sa aking tabi nang makita ang aking tinitingnan.

I looked at him, teary eyed. I swallowed. "W-Why am I feeling this?"

I punched my chest as I smiled. "Why does my chest feels so heavy?"

His jaw clenched as he pulled me away from the castle. While I silently hold back my tears, trying to stop myself to not burst out from crying.

Nang makalayo kami sa palasyo ay tumigil kami sa isang sulok at agad niya akong hinila para yakapin.

Nang maramdaman ko ang mainit niyang braso na pumalibot sa akin, ay agad na nagsilabasan ang kanina ko pang pinipigilan na luha.

Ang kanina'y mahinang hikbi ko ay naging malakas na hagulgol.

I cried and cried on Lucas' shoulder 'till my last tears come out...

—

Scenario of him and that girl kept on playing on the back of my mind. I can't sleep. I crouched down on the hard bed and sat.

Lucas let me stay on one of his house after what happened. Napahawak ako sa aking ulo at napapikit nang mariin.

Hindi talaga ako makatulog. Ang sakit ng mata't ulo ko...

Agad akong natigilan nang maalala ang nangyari kanina. Nagsimula na namang tumulo ang aking mga luha pababa sa aking pisngi. I can't accept it...

He's kissing that girl who looks exactly like me.

I covered my mouth with my hand because someone might hear me. I tried to not make a noise while trying not to cry louder. I can feel my throat's becoming dry. I swallowed as I stared at the blank wall. Tears were still streaming.

I have fallen in love with him... I love him. I love him so much, that the fact that he's kissing with another girl hurts me.

I wish this all was just a really bad dream... it hurts. Everything hurts. The way his sinful lips pecked on hers. I can't help but to feel sad and angry. I want to forget, I want to pull you away from her and hug you. I wished it was easy for me to do that, but my feet was frozen to the ground. My brain can't process what I just saw... I just simply wished I was blind that time.

I lay on the bed as my tears starts to roll down again. I hugged myself, protecting the cold air from hugging me, but it wasn't enough.

The salty tears are running onto my pillow as my heart's slowly breaking and silently wishing that the pain would just end. My other hand is in my chest because it still hurts. I closed my eyes as I curved in the bed.

The cold air embraced me as the sadness joined.

And I knew... that night... that one night—all the demons were the ones that is hugging me.