I remember the first time I heard the voice. It was shortly after my 18th birthday and I was at school. It was like any other day. I wish I could have known that that day would change my life forever. I'm still not exactly sure what happened. I remember most of the day up until the event. The rest I've been told.
To explain it all I should probably start on the Monday before. My family and I celebrated my 18th birthday that saturday. It had been a great weekend. My Mom, Diane, had invited over the entire family. My Dad, Travis, had grilled as he always did. There was so much joy and love that day. I try to hold onto those memories. I try to remember what it felt like when I was loved and wanted by my family. Since the incident, they have written me off. They've rarely visited me at the mental institution. Guess they didn't want an insane person as their daughter. I'm sure they would have never adopted me had they known what would happen.
Anyways, the day started out fine. My Mom woke me up. "Caroline, honey! Time to get up! I made pancakes!" Yum. One of my favorites. Who doesn't love fluffy pancakes?? So many things I miss about my life before.
I quickly got dressed putting on a red fitted T-shirt and jeans that had holes in the knees and threw my long blonde hair into a high ponytail. This was my usual style. Simple. Comfortable. I was never the girl who primped in front of a mirror for hours. I didn't wear makeup except for special occasions.
I walked to school that day by myself. My friend, Lacey, had stayed home sick that day. Lacey and I had been best friends since second grade. If I'm being honest, Lacey was my only friend. It's not that I didn't want more friends. I just had a hard time relating to most of the girls at my school. All they cared about were boys and status. Neither of those things interested me. But Lacey was different. We were both kinda sporty. Lacey and I loved to go on long runs together. In fact, I was probably the only person who could beat Lacey in a race. She was the star of the track team and was always telling me I should try out but I really didn't like the attention the athletes got so I never did. Lacey was very focused on her sport so she didn't pay much attention to the boys at school either, though they definitely noticed her. Lacey was gorgeous. She was tall and tan with jet black hair and golden eyes. You'd have to be blind not to notice her. But she was never vain about her looks. It was like she didn't even know how beautiful she was. I always felt plain compared to her. I was tall and tan too. But I had blue eyes and blonde hair. All too common. While Lacey looked wild and exotic, I felt common and mundane in comparison. She turned heads but I was happy not to be noticed. It was easier that way.
When I arrived at school that day, I was hoping for an easy day. I hated when Lacey stayed home. No one to eat lunch with. No one to talk to on the way to and from school. I was alone. In a school full of other people, I had no one. I just wanted to get through the day as fast as possible.
My first class went smoothly enough. Nothing ever happened in English class. Chemistry 2 was my next class and I hated it. It wasn't the class that I hated so much. It was having the same class as Malorie Andrews. Malorie Andrews was the epitome of everything I hated about other girls. Mean and petty, she thought she ruled the school but all she really did was terrorize anyone who didn't fit in her clique. And I was her favorite victim. At least this was senior year, I thought. Not much longer and I'd never have to see Malorie again. Word was she had got into a party school in California. Not really sure which, I didn't care. But I had heard her talking about a sorority that her Mom had been in and that she would be joining too.
Then she noticed me in class and that's when the day went downhill.
Immediately she zeroed in on me and the bullying started.
"Hey, loser. Where's your girlfriend today?" She said snidely while her hord of clones giggled behind their hands. This was a common attack of hers. Since Lacey and I weren't dating half the school, like her and her minions did, she had decided to label us as gay. Lacey was always quick to put her in her place but Malorie knew I never did. So without Lacey there, she always pounced on me. I chose not to respond to her question which apparently pissed her off.
"Hey, I am talking to you dike!" She shouted. The entire class silenced as they strained to hear what was happening. And that was the first time I heard the voice.
"This b***h is going to die if she keeps talking to us that way." I heard the voice so clearly I was shocked. I looked around the room to see if anyone else heard it but no one seemed to. It almost seemed as if it was my own thought but I knew it wasn't. I wasn't a violent person. I hated conflict. I usually just ignored Malorie so where did this thought come from? It was like someone was in my head. "Oh God." I thought "I must be going crazy. I'm hearing freaking voices. Great."
Malorie must have noticed my troubled expression but thought I was upset about what she said, which only made her bolder. She didn't usually get a reaction from me and saw this as a chance to get under my skin.
"It's ok Lesbo. I'm sure your girlfriend will be back. Unless she doesn't want you either. I mean who would want a pathetic loser like you!?" She taunted.
"Loser!? Us!? This b***h is going to lose a limb" the voice said angrily inside my head. My hands started shaking. Now I was getting really nervous. Not because of what Malorie was saying. I didn't care about her. But what was happening to me? I felt out of control. Again, Malorie misread my expression and carried on with her attack.
"Awwww, are you going to cry? So sad!? Poor little lesbo can't handle a little teasing. Haha. Pathetic weakling." She said scathingly. She laughed and her friends joined in her snickering. Just then the teacher entered the room and finally Malorie was silenced.
The rest of the day went pretty smoothly. Thankfully the only class I had with Malorie was chemistry. I stayed away from her at lunch and ate out in the courtyard by myself. At the end of the day I walked home alone again.
Once I got home I called Lacey.
"Hey girl! Miss me today?" She asked
"Oh, my God. So much!" I replied. "Please tell me you will be at school tomorrow!" I pleaded.
"Malorie bothering you again?" Lacey guessed.
"Yes, we're gay. Blah, blah, blah."
"I'll be there tomorrow. Let her try that s**t with me. You really need to stand up to her Carrie. I know you could take her." Lacey was right. I should. I knew I should. But it just wasn't in me.
"I know, Lace. I know. But when she starts, I just freeze up. One day I will stand up to her. I will." I stammered.