Him

I had woken up early this morning, for some reason I just couldn’t sleep last night, probably because I had let my brain run into overdrive all night. I was laid in bed waiting for my mum to come upstairs with her usual morning wake up call. Today was my day off so I didn’t actually need to be up early but I always liked to see mum before she headed out to work, sure enough right on cue I heard her footsteps coming up the stairs. She came into my room and perched on the end of my bed, looking at me intently. “You’re awake early this morning Lillianna, is everything ok?” She asked, still looking at me curiously. “I’m fine mum, I’ve just been deep in thought” I replied. “As long as you’re ok, I’m heading out to work now but I’ll be home around 5, please will you take the dog out for a walk this afternoon for me?” She asked. “Yeah sure mum, have a good day!” I said as she got up to leave. Once she was gone I got up and began to get ready for the day. I headed downstairs to the bathroom, since my room was in the attic. I turned on the shower and brushed my teeth while I waited for the water to get warm then got in and washed my long black hair. When i got out and dried myself off I wrapped myself up in the towel and put my hair up into a loose bun while it was still wet. I headed back up to my bedroom to pick out some clothes, I chose some grey sweatpants and a pink vest top since I wasn’t planning on going anywhere today. I decided to check my phone before heading down to get a snack, my boyfriend, Will had texted me. “morning babe, I hope you had a good nights sleep, I miss you xx” I sighed when I read the message. Something just didn’t feel right anymore, ever since I had found out he had cheated on me I just couldn’t find it in me to make any effort with him. I know it seems stupid that I’m even still with him but we’ve been together for 4 years, I was 14 when I first got together with him and now I’m 18 so I don’t know what it’s like to be without him anymore. Part of me is starting to feel like I’m just trying to stay with him because it’s habit. When I first found out about it I wasn’t upset, just angry that he had so little respect for me after so long together. I think that is what has been playing on my mind a lot recently and that’s why I haven’t been sleeping very well. It’s been a month since I found out and I’ve been thinking a lot about asking him to take a break. I quickly tapped out a reply “Good morning, I’ll come over and see you later today” I wanted to go over so that I could tell him how I’ve been feeling lately, I felt like after so long he at least deserved for me to tell him face to face. I got a reply within seconds. “Okay babe, I’ll look forward to seeing you xx” I locked my phone and put it in my pocket while I went downstairs to grab a snack. I took an apple from the fruit bowl and went and sat in the living room to eat it. Once I was finished I decided to head over to Will’s to have this dreaded conversation. I put on my trainers and jacket and grabbed my bag as I walked out the door, locking it behind me. It was a short bus journey over to Will’s and I quite enjoyed sitting there looking out the window. It gave me time to think about how to approach the conversation, I didn’t want to upset him but I needed to tell him exactly what I’ve been thinking. Just as I was beginning to get lost in thought I noticed that my stop was next so I stood up and pressed the button. His house was just round the corner from the bus stop so I walked round and let myself in. His mum was out at work so I went straight upstairs to his room where he was sat watching TV on his bed. He turned towards me when he heard the door open and immediately smiled and got up to walk towards me. Oh god, this is it… I’m going to have to face the music and tell him exactly what I’ve been thinking… He wrapped me in a tight hug and rested his head between my neck and my shoulder, I stood there unable to bring myself to hug him back. “Will, we need to talk…” I said as he lifted his head to look at me. “Oh no, what have I done now?” He responds with a cheeky smirk on his face. “Listen, I’ve been thinking a lot lately and I think it would be best if we had a little break from each other, I just feel like it would do us both some good to have some time apart so that we can think about what it is we really want” He looked at me and just for a second hurt and worry flashed in his eyes before collecting himself with his usual cocky expression. “If that’s what you want Lil, it feels like you’ve already made your mind up about it…just know that I’ve already made mine up too though and I’ll be here waiting for you once you’ve made your mind up about whatever has been bothering you lately” I was a little surprised by his reaction as I had expected him to be angry, or at least a little upset but he seemed fine with this which only made me doubt things even more. We agreed that we would take a month away from each other, no texting or calling and no seeing each other and then decide where to go from there. I left his house and decided to walk home as the fresh air always helped to clear my head. I thought about everything a little more and relief washed over me when I realised I didn’t have to worry about Will for now, I could just focus on myself. I texted my friend, Clara. “Hey girl, fancy meeting me for lunch today? I could use your wisdom” She texted me back almost instantly. “Of course! I’ll meet you at our usual place in an hour” Our usual place was a little cafe just outside of town, it was quiet as not many people knew about it but that’s why we liked it. I decided not to bother stopping off at home since the cafe was a thirty five minute walk from where I currently was. I would be a little early but I thought I’d just have a hot chocolate before Clara arrived.