His Mystery

Chapter 4: Mystery

We are walking home when I ask him how he can be attracted to someone who looks like me when he looks like a male model. I feel like I have said something wrong, because his whole body stiffens, and I swear his eyes look like they have turned black instead of the normal ocean blue they have been all night. He responds with, “you are gorgeous how can you think like that.” I am so taken back by what he has said that I don’t know what to say. I am OK with my weight and how I look. Usually I am proud of who I am and how I look. This situation just has me nervous. I feel about him so quickly like something is pulling me towards him, which I have never had in my life. I trust no one and have no long-term relationships with anyone, not even my parents. I realize I have been quiet at this point just thinking and he is looking at me to respond. I told him thank you and that we are at my door. I am now nervous that he may try to kiss me, but he just kisses my cheek, gives me his phone number and says goodnight. I stood just inside my door and watched him walk back towards the bar. Walking through the house heading towards my room, I was still thinking about this man. He is drop dead gorgeous, but there is also something very strange about him that I can’t put my finger on. It is now two in the morning, and I can’t sleep. I just keep thinking about tonight and replaying how everything went in my head. I realize I want to get to know this man better and, for once in my life, I don’t want to be alone. I wake up the next morning to a knock on my door; it is Sinister standing on my porch with a handful of wildflowers and coffee. He says, “I hope you like coffee.” I stand in my pajamas laughing because little does he know I love coffee basically live off the stuff. I invited him in and asked him what he was doing there. He asked me if I had anything to do today, and I told him no. He advises me that good and that if I am willing to go with him, he has something planned. I ask him what I should wear, and he just says dress normally, so I do. We walk outside and he opens the door for me and takes my hand and helps me in the truck. I feel like a princess. We get to this very wooded area, and he helps me out and then reaches into the back of the truck and pulls out a blanket and a basket. We sit on the blanket and eat and talk for hours. I talk about my life, and he tells me all about his, but I realize he is leaving some stuff outside, which makes me a little nervous. My gut tells me he is a good guy, but it also tells me he is hiding something which makes me keep my guard up. I realize it is only the second day I have met this man, but the way my mind and body react to him, it feels like a lifetime. Every time he talks to me in the thick southern accent, it strums my body like strings on a guitar. I have never reacted to a man like this, not even my ex, who broke me. Of course, while we are telling each other about ourselves, I leave out that whole bit of information. I also leave out the part that my ex is still trying to get me to come back, and I must avoid him at all costs. I also didn’t tell him that this was the same man who took my self-esteem from me and mentally abused me for years because I was too young to realize what was happening, until I decided to finally leave. We go on several more dates as the weeks continue and I really feel like I am falling hard and that makes me more nervous and scared for myself. I am so used to depending on and being on my own. I am not sure if I remember how to let my guard down to be with anyone else.