Desire

Lost.....

With the sudden jolt, he woke up from his afternoon nap. He had dozed off in his favorite chair, resting on the book he was reading. Nick's mom was banging on the door while shouting her name since she could not open the door. That's when he gave a meaning to the voice that he heard earlier.

There was not much time to ponder. He surmised that his mom had been waiting outside for quite a while. As soon as he woke up, he ran to the door and unlocked it. Mom came into the house, a torrent of angry and worried words spilling from her lips.

"What are you doing? Couldn't you hear me? I yelled for quite a while. I thought something might have happened to you. I was going to call someone for help. What were you doing? Tell me exactly what you did."

He found himself utterly dumbfounded by what was happening. Yet, he had not fully awakened from his slumber. But he tried to utter some words as the situation tended to get more bitter.

"Mm...Mm... Mom, I dozed off while studying and I couldn't hear you. I am so sorry, you had to wait outside."

"I can tell you were sleeping just by looking at your face. Next time please do not lock the door if you plan on taking a nap at this hour," Mom replied.

"Sorry mom, it will not happen again."

"Enough with the apologies, can you help me to bring those bags inside the house?" "OK mom, I got it"

After carrying a few bags to the storage room, he again found himself in his favorite spot. He drank a few cups of water and tried to hydrate himself and grasp the situation again. When he let himself relax for a minute, his body started to abide by his intentions and he thought about what he saw a few hours ago.

He wasn't surprised by that because it was not the first time of that illusion. Exactly, it was the fifth time that he saw the exact same scenario.

"What is going on? I have had enough. Why am I doing the same thing again and again? Even the warmth I felt had not changed from the last time. But this time it was more realistic.... I thought exactly, that I was holding her."

"Who is she? What does she need from me? Can't she just let go of me?"

How can she let go of you when you don't want to do that either? He had forgotten how tight he was holding on to her. It is always the same. We forget who we are and what we are doing, when things aren't controlled by our brains. We often lose track of time and our sense of identity. Subsequently, we find ourselves lamenting our actions. However, it is ultimately futile.

A dream is a series of thoughts, sensations and images that occur in a person's mind. They may be mundane or exciting. At the same time, they can evoke vivid sensations along with surreal experiences. But when you see a repetition of the same dream, what will you feel? Will you feel bored?

Yet, it was not the case for Nick. After putting out the poker face that he tried to maintain in front of his mother, he went to his own world with the girl he saw. This mysterious girl had been flitting through his mind for quite some time. But she ended up captivating his whole mind this time around. Since each and every moment that they spent together felt fascinating to him.

He tried to blame her for embracing him, but deep down he yearned for her touch once more. Feelings mixed with compassion and seduction got him covered up for a moment. He was lost in a sea of thoughts, wondering when she would reappear in his dream. Was it weird for him to wait for a girl in his dreams?

He was fond of having her by his side, but the least consciousness in his mind allowed him to have the thought of forgetting her.

Even though he wanted to forget about her, there was a clear reason that obstructed the pathway of deleting her memory from his mind. That was the warmth and feelings which he shared with her. The moments of enchantment he experienced, each time he met her in his dreams, provided comfort throughout his long, lonely life. In his opinion, no one else could provide him with the solace she gave.

He never wanted to accept that, he missed her. He knew she was just part of a dream. He was afraid to acknowledge that he had warm feelings about an illusion. But, he waited for her with his whole heart. That's when his heart and mind overpowered the brain.

He eagerly awaited her presence in his dreams each night. He altered his sleeping patterns, experimented with various positions and even attempted to sleep in the daytime. He changed his diet, introducing new foods and eliminating others, all in the hope of inducing sleep and dreams. Despite his efforts, he only found exhaustion and incessant questions from his parents about his unusual behavior.

"Why are you doing this? What's troubling you? Don't you have upcoming exams? While other students toil diligently, you seem lost in daydreams. You were one of the best students in the class. Now you struggle to pass all the subjects at once."

He had nothing to be given as a reply other than his lifeless gaze.

Why is he like that? Why does he go to such great lengths? What is she to him?

When certain aspects depart from our lives, we enter a phase of missing them, yearning for their love and warmth. We long for even a fleeting glance.

Next, we try to collect memories and hold onto them, attempting not to forget what we cherished. Then we enter a phase of denial, convincing ourselves and others that we are unaffected by the separation. We claim it was nothing to us, thus asserting that it does not affect us. Sometimes, we even seek replacements and boast about them, insisting that the new is better and the old was nothing.

After this denial period, we strive again to regain what we lost. We cry our eyes out and beg for their return, even for a brief moment. During this time, anxiety and depression may set in, causing significant turmoil in our lives.

Does everyone go through this process after losing something they cherish? Absolutely not. There are thousands of other facts that influence our reactions after losing something precious in our lives. It can be completely different from one person to another.

The sun arose from the east, heralding a novel day. Nick's parents busied themselves with their morning routines, preparing for work.

Assuming that Nick studied late into the night, they were accustomed to him sleeping a bit longer in the morning. But, they would always wake him before leaving the house.

However, this time, no matter how much they tried, Nick did not stir. Panic set in as they realized something was terribly wrong. Their repeated calls and gentle shakes yielded nothing. The unsettling silence spoke volumes. Despite their frantic attempts, Nick laid there, motionless and unresponsive!!!