Steel Hearts

Chapter 13

Chapter 13 – Inside His Head

 Like a swift blink of an eye, time passed just like that. Hindi ako makapaniwalang nagtagal ako rito. Matigas pa rin ang ulo ko at patuloy kong sinusuway ang utos ng doctor. I perform exercises withput medical supervision. Tumatakas talaga ako at nag eexercise sa loob ng kwarto. Pakiramdam ko ay mas nakakatulong iyon kaysa sa pag higa at pag inom ko ng mga gamot na mapait. Masakit man dahil sumosobra ako kung minsan at nakakalimutan ang injury ko, ay mas nauuplift naman ang mood ko overall.

      Halos isa’t kalahating linggo na akong nandito. Kaunting araw na lang at matatapos na ang kalbaryo ko ng pagka buryong dito sa ospital.  Gustong gusto ko na talagang makalabas dito sa amoy gamot at sobrang linis na lugar na hindi nasisikatan ng matingkad na araw. I miss the breeze outside these walls.

     Chaos didn’t visit me anymore after that night with the GAICS. Mas lalo tuloy akong nababagot at naiinis. Pinangako nya kasing babalitaan nya ako sa nangyayari sa kanila in a detailed report pero hindi naman nya iyon tinutupad. Pag lumabas ako rito ay siguradong makakatikim sya sa akin ng suntok sa mukha dahil sa ginawa nyang pagsisinungaling.

“Why the long face?” I was brought back to senses by the same reason why I was drifted to a far away land.

   Iniluwa nang pinto ang makisig na lider ng GAICS. The ever so dashing, Captain Chaos Stanton. I realized I was drooling over him so I raised a brow when he gave me a smile.

“Bakit ngayon ka lang?” I asked without thinking why.

   His smile broadened when he interpreted the meaning of my question and so I looked away. Damn this robot. I really hate him. I will really punch him in that perfect Olympian face!

“You missed me, huh?” He took a seat at the other edge of my bed because I was sitting at the headboard part of the hospital bed.

“Miss? Ikaw mamimiss ko?” I rolled my eyes like it was the end of the world. “In your dreams.”

 “I don’t do dreams.” He said and shrugged his shoulder.

    Natahimik ako sa sinabi nyang iyon at napatingin sa kanya. I wonder if he felt sad that he couldn’t dream. I wonder if he aches and craves to be just like me – human.

“But… I have something better than it.” He smiled slyly.

“Ano naman?” My forehead formed a crease when I asked him.

“Come. Scoot close.” Utas nya.

       Magkatabi na kami ngayon sa gitnang bahagi ng kama.

“You see, GAICS, we have this special ability called flexomemoria.” Saad nya na para bang napaka magical ng tunog niyon.

“And what does that do?” Curious kong tanong.

“Close your eyes and I’ll show you.” Naka ngiti nyang sabi.

“E siraulo pala to e.” Saad ko at inirapan sya. “Paano ko makikita kung nakapikit ako?”

“Just do what I say.” Natatawa nyang tugon at tinignan akong direkta sa mga mata ko. “Trust me, alright?”

     Those hazel eyes… whenever they look right into me, they speak a different language that hypnotizes my soul. My heart could say different. My mind can say differently too. But when his eyes get into the picture, tumitiklop lahat. Tumitiklop ako. Dahil may kung ano sa mga matang iyon na nagpapanik luhod sa akin. Kung bakit, hindi ko din alam.

“Okay.” I agreed and closed my eyes.

“You’ll just feel a slight tingling dahil sa current pero tolerable naman ito. Don’t worry, I won’t hurt you. Just keep your eyes closed.” Sabi nya pa sa akin.

    Tumango tango nalang ako sa sinabi nya. Hindi na ako nagsalita pa dahil nanghihina ako sa mga titig na ibinibigay nya. Naiirita ako sa sarili ko at hindi ko alam kung bakit.

     Matapos ang ilang segundo ay naramdaman kong hinawakan nya ang kamay ko nang marahan at saka ito inilapat sa kung saan. Three of my fingers are hooked on something. Parang ipinasok sa kung saang butas.

“Ready?” He asked me.

“Right when you are.” Tugon ko naman.

“Alright, let’s do this.” He said excitedly.

    Nakapikit man ako ay alam kong nakangiti sya when he said that. He sounded so excited to show this to me. Like what he said, I felt a rush of tolerable current rushing through me from my fingers that are plugged unto some type of unidentified sockets. Nagtataka man ako ay pinili ko pa ding ipagkatiwala ang lahat sa kanya. Pinili kong panatilihing sarado ang mga mata ko. I trust Chaos’s word. He will not harm me.

“Now, open your eyes.” Narinig ko ang boses ni Chaos pero para itong mas malalim at mas malayo. Parang nagmumula sa kung saan.

   Dahan-dahan kong iminulat ang mga mata ko at nagulat ako sa nakita ko. Wala na ako sa loob ng nakakabagot at nakakabugnot na ospital. Wala akong naaamoy na gamot o sterilizer s**t. I am on the middle of a field, still wearing my hospital gown. The wind blew across me and I felt free. The sun caressed my skin like it missed me so much. Luminga linga ako sa paligid at hinanap si Chaos pero hindi ko sya makita. Where the hell am I?

“C-Chaos? Hello?” Sigaw ko sa kalagitnaan ng kung saan.

“Relax, Ril.” Lumingon ako sa likuran ngunit wala akong nakitang tao.

     Hindi ako pwedeng magkamali. Boses ni Chaos yun! Pero bakit parang malayo sya sa akin? Bakit hindi ko sya nakikita dito? Paano ko sya maririnig kung malayo sya at hindi naman pasigaw ang dating ng tunog?

“Chaos, where the f**k are you?” I shouted, somehow a bit nervous.

      Narinig ko ang tawa nya.

“Ril, this is the flexomemoria. It’s a record of how I saw things and they are stuck in my main mother chip like videos. Catherina purposely built this for reference purposes for the future, if ever it is needed. You’re seeing everything through my eyes. You will be me. For short, you’re inside my head.” He explained to me.

“And you’re not here?”

“I’m here, but I cannot manifest physically because this is my point of view.” He told me.

“So, what do I do?” tanong ko sa kanya.

“Just let it flow like tree.”

     Maya-maya pa ay biglaang nagbago ang paligid. Bigla nalang may mga kasama na akong trainees. Naka formation kaming lahat habang may instructor na nag dedemo at nagpapaliwanag sa may harapan. Tama si Chaos, nasa POV nya ako. I am like the Chaos now, except that I am not moving on my own. Sya ang kusang gumagalaw. Right. It was just a replay of everything that has happened for the past days.

       I saw and heard everything in details. Their training, their jumps from the copters, the shouts from the sergeants, the cries of people afraid of heights…. It was so amazing that I lost words for it. I just let the experience take me where it intended. I did not utter any other comment. I just watched sincerely.  

     This can be compared to a VR experience but it was more. Because I can feel everything like I was physically there. I can feel the grass, the ground, the howling winds of the sky… it all felt so real that I think I was actually the one in it!

     Ito pala ang rason kung bakit hindi nya ako napupuntahan. Sobrang dami pala nilang ginagawa sa pagsasanay. Palagi silang hands on sa training.

     Hindi ko alam kung gaano katagal na akong nandito sa flexomemoria dahil isang linggo mahigit itong ipinapanood ni Chaos sa akin. I just wished it lasted longer because when this interactive film went to an end, I felt separation anxiety hitting me hard.

    When I blinked my eyes open, I saw my fingers plugged unto three holes atop Chaos’s right ear. Para itong duct or opening patungo sa memory chip na nasa utak nya. He looked so machine-like this time and maybe that was the reason why he told me to close my eyes. He didn’t want me to see the side that I always hated. He wanted me to remember him as human as he can be.

      Chaos moved his eyes slowly and it was a signal for me to close my eyes again. Kailangan kong magpanggap na hindi ko ito nakita. Naramdaman ko ang marahan  na pag tanggal nya sa aking kamay.

“You can now open your eyes.” Saad nya.

    Sinunod ko ang gusto nya. A smiling Chaos was the first to come to my sight. Hindi ko maiwasang pasadahan sandali ng tingin ang kaninang pinagpasakan ko ng aking daliri upang makakonekta sa mother chip nya. He looked the same now. No hint of his machine side showing through that angelic face.

“What can you say?” he beamed excitedly.

    Ngumiti rin ako sa kanya.

“It was awesome.” I replied with all honesty. “I can feel everything. How was that even possible?”

“Remember the current you were feeling? It activates your nerves too so you can feel what I felt by my senses.”

“Ganun pala iyon gumagana.”

    Tumango tango sya habang nakangiti. Kinuha ko iyong pagkakataon. Sinuntok ko sya sa braso nang malakas kaya nagulat sya.

“Oh! What was that for?” Utas nya habang hinihimas ang brasong sinapak ko. “Akala ko ba awesome? Bipolar ka ba?”

“Ang sabi mo, mag rereport ka sa akin nang ginagawa nyo araw araw! Hindi ka naman na bumalik pagtapos!” sigaw ko.

     Natatawa syang nagtaas nang mga kamay habang inaambahan ko nanaman sya ng isa pang suntok.

“You saw how busy we’ve been right? As much as I want to, I cannot leave my responsibilities to somebody else. Lalo na wala ka doon. I have to be the leader of the team, you know.” Saad nya.

“Alam ko.” I glared at him.

“Alam mo pala e bakit mo pa ako sinapak?” tanong nya.

“Gusto ko e, bakit aangal ka ba?”

     We both broke into laughter after that. Kahit napanood ko na ang buong footage ay ibinahagi nya parin ang mga experience nya sa nakalipas na mga araw na wala ako upang matyagan ang training nilang GAICS sa airborne division. It went on for quite some time, afterwards, he waved me goodbye.

      The days went fast after that and I was again out of the hospital. I was already a live witness to how hard their training has to be. I recorded everything in my observation notebook para wala akong mamiss na mga detalye if ever my report is already asked of.  I made sure that I record everything that I notice. Even the parts where my heart races unknowingly because of the way Chaos stares at me. Hanggang ngayon ay palaisipan pa rin sa akin kung bakit ganoon na lang ang epekto ng presensya nya sa akin. It was annoying and comforting at the same time.

      Mabilis din lumipas ang panahon dahil ngayon na ang pagtatapos ng training nila dito sa Magsaysay. Graduates na sila ng airborne course at officially owners na ng wings. Nakakatuwa dahil kita kong pareho ang dinaanan nila with the rest of the other trainees. No one was an exemption or advantaging the bootcamp.

        We were celebrating their graduation today at the office of the commanding general of the camp when a closed convoy vehicle arrived. When the doors opened up, it vomited the face of the defense secretary.

     Bahagya akong kinabahan dahil I was uninformed that he would be gracing today’s occasion.

“Oridala, old same.” He greeted me when I rendered my salute.

“Sir.” Tugon ko na lamang sa kanya.

“Gentlemen, we meet again.” Baling nya naman sa mga GAICS.

“It’s our pleasure to have you here sir.” Tugon ni Chaos.

      Tumango tango lang ang defense secretary saka bumaling sa akin. His glasses brimmed with the light of the lamp behind us.

“I’ll have to talk with you, lieutenant.” He spoke.

 With those words that came off like a signal, everybody left our bubble. Iginiya ako ng secretary patungo sa isang gilid kung saan walang  makakarinig ng kung ano mang pag uusapan naming dalawa.

“I see that the GAICS are doing good, aren’t they?” He stated, not ask.

“Yes sir. Do you need further elaboration of their performance? I can provide a detailed report of—”

    He raised his hand to cut me mid-sentence.

“You were always so trustworthy. Hindi ako nagkamali na sayo ipagkatiwala ang bagay na ito. You are perfectly equipped for this matter. I was not wrong at all.” He commented.

“Thank you, sir.” Tugon ko kahit pa hindi talaga ako masaya nung una na ito ang misyon na iniatang sa akin.

    Considering the hate that I clearly manifest for the GAICS, I wondered why the secretary of defense chose me for this mission. I always wished he could have sent me to war rather than with the kind I hate.

“But I’m afraid my dear lieutenant that I need you again for more.” He spoke.

    Napakunot ang noo ko sa tono ng pananalita nya.

“Speak sir, and I will comply accordingly.” Utas ko.

““I need you to take them to war and lead them.” Utas nya.

        Totoo nga ang sabi nila. Be careful what you wish for, ‘coz you just might get it. I wished to be sent to war, but now it was hell crazy. And that’s because I’m going through it with the GAICS.  And I’ll be leading them.

God help me.

---

sereingirl