Never Love Me Please

This is a work of Fiction. Everything that is written here is purely made out of the writer's imagination. Nothing that is here is based on actual events unless stated. with all my love, swn. © All rights reserved 2025. — Prologue Everyday I'd hope that my life will go back to how it was before. When days were just all about rainbows and butterflies. When responsibilities weren't at my back. I miss those days where I'd just sleep soundly at night without overthinking about what I'd become in the future. I miss when papa was still around to tell me I did good and that I should just keep doing the things I love because he said I looked happier running in the field filled with nothing but my hopes and dreams. I miss the mornings when my mom would hand me the plate of food she made so that I won't have to go to school on an empty stomach. Looking at the stars right now just makes me resent the night even more. Why do they only shine brightly at night? Why do people have to associate those stars with the people that are already gone? Now I just can't look at them the same way as the six year old me would have. Right now they just look empty, and dull. Not as bright as I remember them to be. Para na lang silang mga bumbilyang mapupundi na. But as I stand closely to them I realized they are lonely too. Because they could only be seen at night. No one would admire them in the peak of the day. They were only appreciated when almost all the world were already in deep slumber. But isn't that better? Because at night no one would hear my cries, no will know about the ties that kept on breaking, no one would see me breaking apart. Maybe stars were really made to be admired at night so that people would only see their bright facade. Hiding their pain from the day that broke them the most. "f**k you! I j-just want to live!" I screamed, holding tightly on the railings that's keeping me from falling. Diretso lang ang tingin ko sa madilim na kalangitan. Kung nasaan ang mga taong nagmamahal sa'kin. Kung saan dinala ang mga magulang ko na kailanman hindi ko naisip na maagang kukunin sa'kin. "Sana sinama niyo na lang ako. Hindi ko naman ginusto dito e. Minahal ko lang naman ang mundong 'to kasi mayroon akong kayo!" Kahit ang lamig hindi na tumatalab sa'kin. Looking down at the busy street, I couldn't help but think, would they finally care if they see me lifeless in the midst of that crowd? Would they finally acknowledge the efforts I've been trying to show? Would they finally hear the voice they've been keeping in the dark. I felt the gush of wind come towards me like it's pushing me back, away from the gutter. But I don't want to be saved now. I guess. This is where my life ends now. I'm sorry ma, pa. Pagod na 'rin po ako. Kahit ang mga taong itinuring kong pahinga ay tinalukuran na 'rin ako. Pasensya na kung naging mahina ang nag iisa niyong anak. Pasensya na kung hanggang dito na lang ang kaya kong tahakin. In this moment, as I loosened my grip and my back slowly leaving the support of this railings... For the first time after my parents died, I felt... happiness. Because finally, I can leave this cruel world. Finally, I won't ever have to live another day without them. "f**k! Wait!" I was already feeling the wind guiding to the place I've been longing to be at when all of a sudden there's arms encircled around my body. Holding me so tight as if keeping me from falling. But why? "Wait... don't...go yet." I felt his breath hitched as he pull me towards the railing. For a second I let this stranger hold me. I don't want him to save me but his warmth tells me it's okay to just let him hold me tight. "Tangina... hindi ko alam kung paano kita kukumbinsihin na 'wag ituloy 'to pero pwede bang bukas na lang? I don't want to be a witness to this madness so just move this event tomorrow when I'm not here." his voice sounded annoyed but... worried. It's like he was telling me to just f**k off but still cares If I actually would or not. I closed my eyes as I lean on his shoulder. Is it not my day today? Should I really just do it tomorrow like he says? "I'll pull you back so don't move." just as he says that he slowly pulled me back inside the railings, with both his arms still snaked around my chest. I wanted to shout at him. Scream and get mad at him for doing this. For stopping me. But for some reason my whole being just stayed silent. Nanatili ako sa yakap niya kahit na wala na ako sa dulo ng barandilla. Hindi siya bumibitaw at ganon 'rin ako. Hindi 'rin ako kumakawala. Hindi ko alam kung bakit pero sa mga puntong ito hinihintay ko na siya na lang ang mag kusa na kumalas pero lumipas na ang ilan pang mga minuto ay nanatiling ganon ang posisyon namin. It's ironic. How I'm supposed to leave this world right now but ended up in a strangers arms. "I will only let go if you tell me you won't run and jump after." I felt his hug slowly loosened as he speaks. I want to answer him but words just wouldn't come out of my mouth right now. Parang napagod na 'rin akong mangakong hindi ko gagawin ang isang bagay na alam kong gagawin ko 'rin naman sa huli. After all, he's only doing this just so he wouldn't have to see me jumping off this rooftop. "Hey. Answer me. Tell me you won-- "Can we just... stay like this for a little while?" Under this cold and ruthless night sky, I felt safe again. My pride wouldn't let me admit to it but for the first time after my life went in shambles, I felt like someone was actually there for me. Even though this person has nothing to do with me and my life, even though he just didn't want the burden of seeing someone die in front of him, for once, even in a fraction, I felt like wanting to live again. Crazy I know. But that's how it's always been right? It's always been comfortable opening up to someone we don't know because they don't know the stories we hide behind our little voice to judge us. Like now. All this person knew is that I was just a crazy woman trying to jump off my problems. He had no idea, not even a single clue, that this was my last resort to happiness. But for a second I hope he stays. So that I'd be able to leave knowing someone actually did try to save me.