Never Love Me Please

Chapter 3

After I got back to my cabin I couldn't bring myself to sleep anymore. I was just on the bed all curled up, looking out the window.

At moments like this I can't help but reminisce. When all I could see was darkness, I start to paint memories in them so that the loneliness I'm feeling would somehow... subside. Even if it hurts most of the time.

I was in that position for almost a few hours before I heard a sudden noise coming from my door. It didn't sound like a knock, It's almost as if a cat is scratching the door.

Kadalasan ay wala naman akong paki-alam sa mga ganoong ingay pero nagpa-tuloy ang pagkaluskos kaya naman ay wala na akong ibang nagawa kung hindi tignan kung ano 'yon.

I checked the time before opening the door. It's already 2am. I wonder if that's really a cat. I stared at the knob for a second before I turned it only to get confused. I was baffled. Seeing someone sitting on my front door, leaning at the railing.

I let out a sigh. It wasn't a cat after all.

He must've mistook my cabin to... his? Looking at him from behind it's obvious that he's a guy. Should I tell him he's on the wrong door? Nevermind. He should know how to control his liquor so that next time, he won't be knocking on someone else's door.

Isasara ko na sana ang pintuan nang bigla itong tumayo at diretsong pumasok sa loob. Nabangga pa nga niya ako dahil pasuray-suray itong naglalakad.

What the hell?

"Hey. This is not your place."

I can't help but cover my nose because he reeks of alcohol. What the f**k does he think he's doing?! Just walking straight into my cabin like he was the one staying in it!

"Hey. This is not your place-

Natigilan ako nang bigla itong mag hubad ng sapatos at pantalon bago sumalampak sa kama. Sa nag iisang kama na nandito sa cabin na 'to.

Now I'm actually getting pissed.

I closed the door before going towards him. Mahirap na. Baka mamaya kung ano pang isipin ng makakakita sa amin ng kung sino mang dadaan at mapapatingin. I tried pulling him out of the bed but he's too strong! Ano bang klaseng tao 'to.

Sa inis ko ay sinipa ko ito sa binti pero parang wala lang 'yon sa kaniya. Palibhasa ay lasing! Should I report him? I should right? But first I have to turn on the lights so I can see him properly.

It's too dark to see his face and because my eye sight is not that good, I need a light to fully see who this person was. But as I was about to go to where the switch was, suddenly he pulled my hand causing me to fall down to his chest.

Sa gulat ay hindi agad ako nakapag react.

"Don't... leave." I heard him say on a low breath.

"Ano ba!" hindi ako maka sigaw ng malakas dahil sa takot na maka-gambala ng mga tao sa paligid ko.

Kinilabutan ako bigla nang maramdaman ko ang init ng kaniyang pag hinga sa aking tenga habang naka-dagan ako sa katawan niyang halos sakupin na ang kabuuan ng kama.

I could see his face slightly because of our little distance but not completely because it's still dark. I can see his strong features. His thick brows, pointed nose, even the way his skin looked like it has never had a single pore!

As the moonlight shone through his face, I finally got to see every detail of it. I was so close to him that even the two beauty marks on his face were so clear in my eyes. The one that lies on top of his left brow, and the other on his chin.

Why am I even describing him too much!? s**t! I have to get off of here before things start to get messy!

Sinubukan kong umalis ulit sa pagkaka-yakap niya sa'kin nang mapansin kong humupa na ang pag hinga niya. He's unconscious but his strength is out of this world!

How the hell did we even end up in this position? Mabilis kong ipinangtukod ang aking mga kamay sa magkabilang banda ng kaniyang ulunan para maka tayo ako nang bigla nitong idilat ang kaniyang mga mata.

Napa-tigil ako nang diretso akong tinignan nito.

Malamlam ang kaniyang mga mata at parang wala sa sarili. His eyes were half open as he look up to me. Then suddenly, his hand started caressing my face. Nanlaki ang mga mata ko nang maramdaman ko ang haplos ng mainit niyang palad sa pisngi ko.

I tried moving away but his other hand stopped me from doing so. Now my face is being sandwiched by both of his hands.

Gustuhin ko mang alisin ang mga kamay niya sa mukha ko pero pag ginawa ko 'yon ay mawawalan ako ng balanse.

All I could do right now is stare back at him. Slowly, I start to realize who this person was. It was the same guy that pulled me out of the river earlier.

How ironic. It's only been a few hours since we parted but here he is again. On my bed, wasted and almost out of his consciousness.

"You are so..." he didn't get to finish what he wanted to say after he passed out on me.

Now I was left staring at him before finally moving away from our current position. What is he doing here? I thought I was clear that we don't know each other. Is this some kind of joke? Why do this stupid fate keep on bringing us back together.

Dahan dahan akong napa upo sa sahig habang pinagmamasdan siyang mahimbing na natutulog sa kama. Ang dami kong tanong. Pero ang pinaka tumatakbo sa isip ko ngayon ay kung bakit nandito na naman ang taong 'to?

Kinabukasan ay wala naman masyadong naging ganap. Para sa akin siguro wala lang ang mga 'yon pero sa ibang mga narito ay malamang nasiyahan sila sa lahat ng nangyari. May iilang palaro 'rin at mga kantahan pero nanatili lang ako sa likuran ng lahat ng mga naroon kaya hindi 'rin nila napapansin na hindi ako sumasali.

Mas mabuti na 'rin yung ganito. Kahit na maingay ang paligid ramdam ko pa 'rin yung katahimikan na hinahanap hanap ko.

"Why are you alone here? Aren't you supposed to be participating in the event?" I heard a familiar voice from behind me but It was so familiar that I didn't have to look at him to know who he was.

"Just don't feel like it." I shrugged. He must not remember what happened last night. Or maybe he just didn't know it was my room because I left a few minutes after staying there.

I can't risk the rumors about me going around anymore. Being the reason why my parent's are gone is enough. And if I have to take another one, I wouldn't want that to be linked with this one following by all the worst ones everyone could think about.

I don't know but for some reason I just don't feel comfortable with him around. He makes me feel... uneasy.

"You should still make an effort you know? After all, this is a team building and you're supposed to interact with your peers." he pried more.

This time I looked straight into him. I could almost see all the emotions written on his face the moment we locked eyes even though it was just his pure arrogant poise.

"I'm interacting with you now. Hindi ba counted 'yon as interacting with your peers?" there was a hint of sarcasm in my tone, I hope he gets that.

I just heard him click his tongue but he didn't leave my side. Now we're seating together on the huge rock formation, looking at the students running around the area. I think they were doing treasure hunting now.

I could care less. I just want this day to end so I can finally go home tomorrow.

"Are you always like that?" saglit akong napa tingin sa kaniya mula sa periperal ko.

Am I always like what? Oblivious and insensitive? I don't even know why he's suddenly asking me this question but the way he said sounded like he actually wanted to know something about me.

I almost laughed. As if. I know he's just curious because of the rumors going around the school. Maybe he's just doing this because he wants to know whether I'm really the cause of my parent's death or not. But does it really matter? At the end of the day they will only believe what they want to believe. Even him.

"Not sure. Maybe I was." I leaned backwards, using my hands as support. Now that I'm here, I realized, if what happened before didn't happen, I'd be one of those people... smiling and jumping around in glee. I'd be as active as them.

I wonder If things didn't go bad last year, what could I have been now? Would I finally be satisfied with all the efforts I exert in the things I want to excel at? or would I just be the same as now, drained and low in motivation.

These days feel like staying alive is just another obligation of mine as I continue to breathe in this earth. It doesn't feel as reeling and exciting as before. If only I could turn back the time. I wouldn't have asked them to go back home to celebrate my birthday with me.

But it's too late for regret now. The only thing I get as I go on with this life is live through it without the people that brought me in it. And as my years wither, it will continue to be one of my growing pains.

"How about you? Are you always this nosy?" I said, looking back at him again.

This guy is a complete stranger to me. I don't even know his name. I just knew him as the son of my neighbor who always brings me food occasionally at night. But I guess he's not a complete stranger... after all, I knew his family.

It's just that. This is the first time that I ever interacted with him. No, actually, it was that night. When he brought me that food with his impatient and annoyed demeanor.

I remember the first line he said to me was he pities me. How ironic. How could empathy and hypocrisy be used in a single sentence. I guess if for him it's possible.

Nanatili lang ako sa pwesto ko habang naka tingin sa likuran niya. Pinapanood siyang panoorin ang mga tao sa ibaba.

"Nope." I heard him said, still lookng afar.

He's weird. Or maybe I just find him weird because he's the complete opposite of me. Based on what I see in him. He's the kind that doesn't need to put up a smile to attract people. He's a natural on that side. No matter what he does, he will always have someone running up to him because of his mysterious yet approachable aura.

Meanwhile me? I don't get to be that. I always have to show a smile for the people to come to me. It was like a ticket that I have to present so that people would actually come see and interact with me. At first, I find it tiresome... I guess doing it countless of times makes you get used to it even though you're not completely comfortable with it.

"Then why do you always bother with me? I thought you pity me?"

I wasn't actually hurt when he said that to me... I was just... curious.

"Because you always look like you have something to say but can't say it." after saying that he looked back at me with those same cold gaze.

I didn't let him see that I was taken aback with what he said but I am. In my heart I was genuinely shocked to the point that it made me start to question things.

"What... makes you say that?" I looked away, trying to divert my attention to something else because if not he'll get to see what was truly written in my face.

"I'm not sure either. All I know is that I want to get to know you more."