Perfectly Broken

(12) Blushes and Apologies

Jude kissed me.

It was just a peck on the lips but I expected something to happen like it would with Ryan. But nothing did. It kind of made me sad that even though we had a great time eating at Olive Garden and even walking around the park talking, my mind kept wandering to Ryan. Wondering if he wasn't just using me, that maybe I was overreacting because I felt vulnerable with him after losing myself in ecstasy.

Even when entering the school Monday morning, all I could think about was if I should apologize to Ryan. It wouldn't hurt—besides the pain of admitting I was wrong for my actions. Could I apologize at school? We hardly mingled in fear that someone would suspect us of having a relationship. Maybe a few seconds of mingling wouldn't hurt, just long enough to tell him sorry and explain why I felt that way. He probably wouldn't care about the feelings p...

"Looking good," a guy I didn't even know winked.

"Wow, Emma, you clean up well," a girl praised with an awed expression.

I looked around skeptically wondering why everyone was staring at me. Was it the clothes? I was now wearing a black tank top with a studded skirt and the studded wedges Ryan got me. Instead of my usual messy ponytail, I decided to spend an actual minute on it, now waving down to my waist.

"Look at you, Emma," Tori gushed, examining me head to toe. "You're Monday look so much sexier than your Friday look."

I pressed my lips together, walking with her down the hall. "Thanks...I think?"

"Is this for Alec?" she asked, nudging me with a knowing look.

I bit my bottom lip to suppress the blush. Why could she read me like a book? "Not really, why?"

"Because he's heading this way."

Alec was coming down the hall opposite of us and when he caught sight of me, he stopped in his tracks, startled. We approached him cautiously and I tried not to feel nervous as his eyes roamed me from head to toe. Then he took a deep breath and closed his eyes, opening then when we were inches apart.

His lips tightened in a line. "Is this for Ryan?" he accused, wincing his nose.

"What? No!" How come it's so obvious to Tori, who I've only known for a day than to the guy I've known the majority of my life? "I did this...for me." Slight bitterness coursed through me that he wasn't looking me over with taunting pleasure as he'd do for other girls. Yeah, there were hints of them in his eyes but he hid them away from me the closer we approached.

He sighed. "Well, if this is what makes you happy, then I'll protect you even harder..."

"From what?" Tori asked confused.

"The boys," I rolled my eyes. I froze when I caught sight of Ryan who just looked me over and muttered something under his breath before walking by. The thoughts of what happened flashed through my mind and several emotions poured onto of me in a split second. Again, I've made him mad.

"So it is for Ryan," Alec's grunted.

"No! Why would you think that?"

"Because you're as red as a tomato," Tori pointed which only made me blush harder, holding my bag tighter.

When the bell rang, we hurried to class before we were late, waving off Tori who had a different first period. Alec leaned over his desk to resume our conversation. "Is it really for Ryan?" he asked again in a serious tone. "You can tell me, Em—"

"You're such a moron," Ryan scoffed, purposely walking between our desks.

Alec glared at him when he sat down behind him. "What was that, Brighton?"

Ryan gave him a half smirk. "I didn't stutter, Romano. I called you a moron because that's what you are."

Alec looked close to jumping out his seat and giving Ryan a knuckle sandwich. "I'm sorry, this conversation—between Em and I—doesn't include you!"

That only made Ryan laugh as he leaned back in his seat proudly. "Actually, if it wasn't for me, she wouldn't be wearing those clothes."

There was a fire in the pit of Alec's eyes, his fist hitting the desk as he leaned closer to Ryan with a scowl. "You're the one who dressed her like a slut—?"

"What?!" Ryan and I exclaimed. My heart shattered the instant he said I looked like a slut. Alec's mouth dropped, looking at me in surprise that he just said that and I could feel my anger rising.

"Em, I didn't mean—"

"I know what you meant!" I barked grabbing my things to move to another desk before they could all be stolen. I snagged one in the front, glaring at Alec before I turned away. Tears were starting to cloud my vision and I didn't want anyone to notice as I sank my head down. My best friend just called me a slut. And I did all of this for him to notice me. Well, he notices me now...like a slut.

Ryan was right, Alec was a moron.

Mr. Mason walked in with a dejected expression, the bell ringing behind him. He closed the door and everyone went silent as he sat his things down and walked in front of his desk, facing us. "Morning, everyone." He sounded so depressed, running a hand through his hair with a sigh. "The school wants all teachers to inform everyone that one of our best students, Julie Carter, has gone missing over the weekend. This week after school, students can volunteer to help in the search party."

There were gasps and a snicker throughout class that it was probably the local murderers doing and Julie was as good as dead. I didn't want to believe so I stopped listening to them, even after Mr. Mason started teaching. I didn't really know Julie and the last time I saw her, she was flirting with Ryan, but I knew she wasn't a bad person. Yeah, there was that period in her life when she first started going out with her boyfriend that she'd go missing a lot. But I felt like it was different this time.

After class, I marched up to Mr. Mason. "I'd like to volunteer this week," I told him.

He gave me a soft smile. "That's very honorable of you, Emma. Did you know Julie?"

I knew about her but I didn't know her personally. "No, despite that, she needs help, and if I can lend a helping hand in any way, then I'll do so."

His smile widened and I felt butterflies flutter through my gut as he handed me the signup sheet. "Well, I'm sure Julie will appreciate it. You're such an angel, Emma, thank you." I blushed, writing my name. Why was I blushing so much lately?

I wove goodbye and Tori scurried to my side once I was in the hallway. "Did you check your locker?" she asked conspicuously.

"No, why?"

"I think you should." She looked way too happy but just when I thought that, her smile turned upside down. "Did you hear about that Julie Carter girl?"

"Yes, I'm volunteering this week."

That brought a smile on her face. "So am I!"

I headed to my locker although I carried most of my things, opening it to see an envelope fall out. "What's this?" I asked her, knowing she was behind it.

"Open it!" She bounced on both her feet in excitement and I rolled my eyes, opening the envelope. It was an invitation to a party, Tori's party, Thursday night since we didn't have school on Friday, a holiday. "My dad said I could throw a party in hopes I forget his little mishap with his secretary. Can you come to my house after school to help me set up?"

"Sure." I've never been to a high school party before so I was a bit curious about it also.

"Emma!" I heard Alec call. I rolled my eyes, closing my locker.

Tori noticed the disgust of my longtime crush. "Did you and Alec get in a quarrel?"

"He called me a slut," I told her through my gritted teeth. She gasped and turned a glare on Alec, crossing her arms and startling him when he halted in front of us. I had the same posture, still hearing his words in my head which rubbed me the wrong way. "What do you want?"

"I want to apologize," he exhaled. "You are the furthest thing from a slut. I just got mad about...Ryan...and it slipped out...I don't know why." He seemed to be struggling to find the right words. He's never hurt me so much before and I wasn't about to forgive him so easily. I ignored him, walking past with Tori by my side for our next period. Alec continued. "I'm Sorry, Em. You know I don't think that way of you."

"Then what way do you think of me?" I snapped. I was getting a headache. I hated that I loved this guy who thought of me as a slut. He thought I was a slut by what I wore then he'd think I was a downright prostitute if he found out about Ryan and me.

"As my best friend." I rolled my eyes, walking into my next class.

During lunch, I avoided Alec when Ryan walked by and I caught him by the arm. There was no one in the halls so I took the chance to apologize to him. I know I'm a hypocrite for ignoring Alec when he was apologizing but these are two different matters.

"Ryan, about yesterday, I'm sorry," I apologized meekly. "I overreacted because...I guess I'm so used to you using me that I didn't know what to think."

He skimmed his teeth with his tongue, crossing his arms. "We've been doing this for three months, if I was using you—and didn't care about you—it would have been just one night."

He did tell me he cared about me and I believed that wholeheartedly. Even I cared about Ryan in a way after these past three months. "I know." He just looked at in...disappointment? Frustration? Either way, it made me feel bad. "Is there a way you'll forgive me for hurting you after our...movie time?" I said movie time very awkwardly, feeling fairly flustered by it. Who could blame me? I've never had s*x in the theaters before.

Ryan gradually slipped something out of his pocket with a sinister smirk that made a cold chill slide down my spine. "I think your new friend put this in my locker." He twirled the party invitation between his fingers. "You'll be my date at the party...and I'll consider forgiving you." I was about to say something but he continued, stepping closer, his expression now demanding obedience. "Yes, everyone will be there and see us together. And yes, some might question it. But no, I don't care." He let the paper material skim my cheek gently, causing my heart to jitter at the closeness. "I want to have a good time with you, Emma Thorne, even for just one night. It's the only way I'll consider forgiving you. So, will you go with me or do you not want to ruin your goody-two-shoes reputation?"

Taking a deep breath, I contemplated his words. It would just a one party, one night, and I didn't have to hang out with him the whole time. And it was just for fun. The corner of my lip tilted at the thought of having fun with Ryan.

"Yes, I'll be your date," I told him.