Compelled

15. Let go.

"Scarlett! Come on. We're going to be late for the airport." Liana's impatient voice reached my ears. My eyes instantly shot open realizing that I wasn't in my room, let alone bed, and she was probably going to barge in there any moment and discover me absent.

"Shit." I whispered quickly pulling the sheet off of me and jumped out of the bed. Justin groaned then open one eye to see what the sudden movements were all about when Liana called again. Her voice seemed like she was nearing the passage that lead this way.

I found my dress from the floor and hastily threw it on, not caring for the zipper. The scraps of black material which was my underwear were on the floor which I hastily grabbed as I ran out and just made it into the bathroom in my room which I was thankfully for at this moment.

"Oh thank goodness, you're awake." Liana said from the room when I turned on the shower. The door was closed so she couldn't see my deranged appearance. "I thought you partied too hard yesterday."

Harder then she would ever know. I snapped the inappropriate thought out of my head. "I won't be long, Lee." I let the crumpled dress fall to the floor since the water seemed to be up to temperature.

"I'm going to get some breakfast. Find me in the kitchen." Her footsteps became distant and the door closed behind her. Letting out a breath at the close call, I got under the warm stream just when the room door opened again and soon after, the bathroom door.

"Woah, Liana-" I turned sharply at the intrusion but gasped instead at the sight that greeted me.

Justin stood with nothing but a towel across his hips. His hair was sticking out in every possible direction and my stomach fluttered remembering grabbing onto them. "Usually, I'm the one who abruptly leaves." His muzzy deep voice filled the steamy space as he locked the door.

I let out a small smile thinking of the panic that rose within me earlier at being discovered. He dropped his towel carelessly and stalked forward, his eyes locked deeply with mine, until he was under the water with me. "It must feel great to be on the other side of the stick."

He scoffed lightly at the comeback, not saying anything before his mouth sought mine. His hands grasped onto my waist, pulling me closer to him and even under the tepid water, the heat from his hold still shocked my skin.

Justin groaned since he was clearly needing more. I smiled against his lips and the urgency he felt for me. Just knowing that he was risking being caught in here made my chest flutter.

He stepped back, his face a few inches from mine, as his scrutinizing gaze ran the length of my flushed face. "If your brain is still functioning enough to smile while I'm kissing you then I'm not doing a good enough job here." He wore a lopsided grin now while his wet, dark brows pulled up in a playful frown for puzzlement.

I laughed and ran my hands up his chiseled torso to wrap behind his neck. "You're doing a pretty good job." I pecked his lips briefly. "Trust me on that." His lips pulled up into a humored smirk before he turned me around and not too long after, his fingers began lathering shampoo into my hair.

He was silent throughout the task and he took his time with it. It was unlike him to be quiet for so long and I knew something was up.

His hand had been resting on my abdomen for a while after the task was done. My hand covered his and he stiffened. "Are you okay?" He didn't answer me but from the way his fingers laced with mine, I knew he had heard me. When I turned in his arms, I was expecting a serious face but the emotion embedded in it was startling.

His towering figure lowered until his face was near mine. His eyes locked firmly with my own, an array of conflict flashed across them. From all of them, the hesitation stood out the most. Justin wasn't ready to jump in the deep end with me or if he was, he didn't believe it.

I felt the pain in my chest because at that moment I knew I would jump in the deep end with him. I would do anything for him but he wouldn't do the same and I couldn't blame him for it. This wasn't long-term, as much as I would prefer it to be, but it was just the two of us giving into the attraction between us. An itch that needed to be scratched.

It all only made me realise that my heart no longer belonged to me but to someone who didn't want it.

"Don't go." His voice was barely a whisper that held a great depth of sorrow. His shoulders were drooping, his head hung low and his hold seemed to tighten around me while he spoke.

"Justin." I said with a sigh, bringing my hands to cup his stubbly cheeks. I hated how pained he was looking compared to his usual upbeat and care-free demeanor. Staying would make both of us happy but for how long? How long would it take before it left my heart in tatters and he realised he'd received his full?

"I'll take care of you. There's this guy that I know. He owns the best hospitals in the country. Considering how good you are at what you do, he wouldn't think twice to-" my hand went to his lips to stop him from babbling. His voice went all businesslike when he spoke and I understood how greatly he'd wanted me to stay.

"Shhh." I got out with quivering lips. My eyes were squeezed tightly at this point as I dropped my forehead to rest against his chest in an attempt to conceal the unmissable havoc that would display on my face.

"Let say, for argument sake, that I stay, would you be ready to commit? To put aside your mother's struggle that you witnessed when she lost the man she loved? The pain you went through losing your dad?" Justin stiffened knowing that I had a point because he wasn't ready.

He didn't want commitment and love because it would hurt the one who loved him when he was gone. Just like it did his mother and him and he didn't want to recreate that. Although he wasn't certain that he'd die young but I guess it was him being precautious and I had to respect that.

Justin didn't move nor did he say a thing and that stabbed at my heart because that was indication enough. It sucked that even though I knew the answer, my stupid self hoped for a different outcome.

"I'm not saying all of this to push you but to make you understand why I can't stay." I raised my head to lock my heavy green gaze with his hard brown ones. "I'd require all that you can't give me and you'll realise that I was just a shiny new thing that you'd tire of eventually." My chest felt heavy as did my eyes but I wasn't given a moment to think before he lifted me into his arms, nestling his face into my neck. I was relieved that he couldn't witness the silent tears that fell freely.

It was possibly ten minutes later when he placed me to my feet. His eyes ran all over me like he was making a note to memory before he got out of the shower where he wrapped himself in the towel and left.

The second the door was shut, my knees gave up. My chest felt like my soul had been ripped out of it. I cried since that was all I could do right now. The heaviness just got worse with each passing moment and when we got to the airport with no time to waste, it felt like a boulder was weighing me down. It was truly a point to ponder as to how a few weeks ago, leaving was the highlight of my light. A stepping stone. And now, I thought with a scoff, how it all seemed like the most painful decision.

Justin didn't say anything all the way here with a poker face that was devoid of any emotion or indication as to what he was feeling or thinking. He just silently assisted me and Liana with our luggage.

It was when they called out for the departure of our flight that Liana went of to the ladies room. I brought my attention to justin who didn't look at me all this while but I didn't want to leave on a bad note so I interlaced my fingers with his and he tightened his hold on it, closing his eyes at my touch while I savored the moment, memorizing what this felt like.

"Justin." It was barely even a mumble but it got him to open his eyes and look at me. I could hear how torn apart my voice was but I didn't care because I had to make things right and I had so much to say. "Thank you for everything that you've done for me and my family." His jaw ticked and he turned his face to the side not listening to my gratitude because he didn't feel the need for me to thank him but I did. He's done way more for me than anyone would ever think.

"You've given me the best moments of my life." I tugged his hand lightly to emphasize my words. "You have risked so much for me and I could never ever repay you for that but most importantly, you've comforted me when I was being a cry baby, you made me laugh, and I hate that I have to -"

He groaned, letting go of my hand only to cup my face. "Scarlett, don't do this. Don't make this more difficult than it already is for me." I swallowed the lump forming in my throat. Nothing would give me greater joy than spending the rest of my days with this man but we don't always get what we want. Right now, I was pulling to hard on a rubber band that would only sting me if I held on.

Justin lowered his face slowly towards mine. Our lips touched fiercely as we poured all that he was feeling into this kiss. There was nothing physical or lustful about it. It was a tribute to the memories we created, to his letting me go, to the heaviness we felt but most painfully, it was a farewell.

When I stepped back, he was barely recognisable as he shot me one last glance before turning and walking right towards the exit. The sight of his retreating form branded itself in my mind and with each step he took further away from me, the more empty I felt. But I had to let him go. I had to.