Fleeting Embers

SIMULA The wind danced the hem of my chiffon white dress, and the sand feels rough against my feet in every step I take. I am wearing a strappy sandal pero pumapasok pa rin ang buhangin sa paa ko. Dinig na dinig ko ang hampas ng alon, it’s loud as loud as my heart beat. Papalubog na ang araw. Kumakaway ang sinag ng araw sa huling pagkakataon hudyat ng pamamalaan upang bigyang daan ang gabi. Napangiti ako nang makita ang dulo ng direksyong tinatahak ko. I dreamed of a church wedding but I think a wedding by the sea is beautiful too. Wala sa lugar kung hindi sa taong papakasalan mo. It does not matter where you say your vow and say I do. It is always about the love between the groom and bride, and the promise meant for a lifetime. "By the power vested in me, I now pronounce you husband and wife," the judge said. He is in his late fiftees. His hair has completely turned gray. Suot niya ang isang putting barong na may maliliit na burdang bulaklak. Kumabog ang puso ko hindi sa kaba o sa takot kung hindi sa hindi maipaliwanag na saya. Amidst the conflict with his family, he chose to fight for us... for me. I can't be any happy. Alam ko sa puso ko na kahit anong mangyari I will hold on to us... to our love, to the vow we exchanged in this place and to the future we both dreamed. "You may now kiss your bride." We faced each other. He looked at me lovingly. Sa klase ng titig niya para bang ako lang ang nakikita niya. My heart flutter, always, when it comes to him. I hope my eyes shows the same thing too. I hope my eyes sparks that way too because I feel the same. "Finally..." I heard him mumbled. Natawa ako. He held my face. In one swift move his lips met mine. He kissed me like he is pouring out his feelings... his love and adoration for me. After that passionate kiss, I did not hear the usual loud applause from crowd in weddings. We don’t have guests to begin with. Ang tanging saksi sa tagpong ito ay ang judge, ang kanyang matalik na kaibigan at kaibigan ko. And the setting sun and the sea too. Nevertheless, it did not spoil the happiness inside me. "I love you," he said as he hugged me tight. "Thank you." A tear rolls down my face. I giggled. "Bakit ka nagpapasalamat?" "Because you love me and you married me..." I looked at him with this belief. It took me two years before I said yes to him when he asked me to be his girlfriend. That’s because our circumstance is one for the teleseryes. He comes from a wealthy family while I am just a struggling commoner, not to mention I was an orphan. Hindi ko kilala ang mga magulang ko. Ayaw sa akin ng pamilya niya. They want someone else, someone from their circle. So, it should be the other way around, ako ang dapat na magpasalamat. He loves me and he married me regardless of who and what I am. Three months of being in a relationship he already asked me to marry him. It was too fast for me. I have known him for more than two years but we were just starting in a new level of our relationship. I have no doubt with his love for me, but I was a bit surprised. He assured me that it's what he wants. He wants to start a family with me. Like his first proposal I was hesitant. With the complexity at hand, I know it will never be easy. But I know deep in my heart that I am sure he is the man I want to spend the rest of my life with. I want to marry him too. Siya ang nakikita ko sa hinaharap na kasama ko, him and our children, in a house field with love and security. He fought for me. Nagawa niyang ipaglaban ako sa pamilya niya. So, who am I to let this man down? "I should be the one thanking you... Y-you love me even if I'm j-just... this." Nanginig ang labi ko. "Wala akong maipagmamalaki, Zede. So no, thank you for loving and m-marrying me." I swallowed the lump on my throat. Tears pooled on the corners of my eyes. I can’t help being emotional. My heart is so full right now with all the love and excitement. Umiling siya. He caressed my face and wiped my tears away. "Mahal na mahal kita," sabi ko kasabay ng pangakong hindi ako susuko. If I have to endure the hate of his family I will. I won't stop hoping that they will accept our love. Kahit iyon na lang. Handa akong maghintay… kung kasama siya. After the rights at the beach, we proceed to the restaurant for the food. Kahit naman kaonti lang kami naghanda pa rin ng marami. The long table is filled with seafoods for the main course and other prepared side dishes. There’s wine and desserts too. Saglit na nagusap si Zederick at si Judge Manzano. Ang pagpapakilala ni Zede sa akin sa kanya ama raw siya ng isa niyang kaklase nung college. We were both thankful na pinaunlakasn niya ang mabilisan naming kasal. “Selah, alam mo naman ang consequence nitong pagpapakasal mo ‘di ba?” may pagaalala sa mga mata ni Krisaya. Kaibigan ko siya magmula pa noong nagtrabaho ako sa mall. Pareho kaming sales lady sa isang franchise shoe shop. Limang taon na kaming magkaibigan. Naiintindihan ko ang concern niya. Tumango ako. “Kahit pa siguro kasal na kayo gagawa at gagawa ang pamilya niya ng paraan para paghiwalayin kayo. Mayaman sila kaya madali lang ‘yang annulment na ‘yan.” Ngumiti na lang ako. Ilang beses ko na iyang naisip, pero sana huwag ng umabot sa ganoong punto. Alam kong mahalaga kay Zede ang pamilya kaya sana huwag ng lumala pa. Hindi rin naman papayag si Zede kapag ganun. “Huwag ka talagang papaapi. Sobrang bait mo pa naman. Kahit naapakan na ang paa hindi pa iimik.” Naramdaman kong may humawak sa baywang ko. Bahagya akong lumingon. Nginitian ko si Zede. “Tapos na kayong magusap?” He nodded and kissed my hair. “Sige, alis na ako. Mukhang magandang maglakad-lakad sa dalampasigan.” Muli akong bumaling kay Krisaya. “Congratulations ulit. Pakasaya kayo. Pakarami ganun.” “Krisaya!” Minsan hindi ko kayang sabayan ang bibig niya. Zede chuckled. “You want company? Trevon’s single.” Ngumiwi siya. “Ay, no thanks na lang. Ayoko sa suplado. Tapos English speaking pa!” Bago tuluyang umalis si Krisaya may pahabol pa talaga siyang pang-aasar. “Galingan mo. Iyong mga tinuro ko sayo gamitin mo.” Mabuti na lang hindi narinig ni Zede dahil tinawag siya ni Trevon. Nagpaalam na rin si Judge na magpapahinga na. Si Trevon naman magliligo raw sa dagat. Kaming dalawa na lang ni Zede ang naiwan dito sa restaurant. He smiled and held my waist. “Let’s go to our room?” I bit my lower lip and nodded. “Do you want me to carry you?” Inirapan ko siya kahit nagiinit ang pisngi ko. Alam ko naman ang mangyayari. Excited din naman ako pero nahihiya talaga ako. Ang bilis ng t***k ng puso ko. “Hindi ba ganun naman kapag bagong kasal?” He raised his brow at me. Nanatili nga lang ang multo ng ngiti sa labi niya. “Pagtitinginan tayo ng mga staff sa reception.” “Oh, they won’t mind. It’s normal. We’re newlyweds after all.” Sasabog na yata ang mukha ko sa init. He loves teasing me dahil alam niyang hindi ko kayang sumakay sa mga biro niya. Sinamaan ko siya ng tingin. Tumawa lang naman siya at giniya na ako paalis ng restaurant. I turned around and let him undo my white dress. Abruptly, my dress fell on the floor. He made me face him again. My heart boomed against my ribcage. I can't deny the nervousness that I am feeling right now. He cupped my face and give me a kiss. Marahan ang pagdampi ng labi niya that it thinks it was a feather that touched my lips. I snaked my hands on his nape and tried to return his kisses. I parted my lips and I felt his tongue explore my insides. Napahigpit ang kapit ko sa kanya. The sensation is taking over. Ang marahang halik ay nauwi sa marubdob. I trembled in anticipation. "I can't believe you're my wife now," sabi niya nang maghiwalay ang mga labi namin. "Bakit hindi? Ito na, o." I smiled and showed the ring on my finger. “Damn…” He cursed softly before claiming my lips again. He lie me down on the bed completely naked while he is still fully clothed. Gusto kong itago ang katawan ko sa hiya. But the way he looked at me I can't help but feel beauty and different from all his girls before. His dark eyes are filled with devotion. "These are mine... only mine." His kisses move to my jaw, to my neck until it lingered on my bare chest. A loud moan escaped my lips when he put one of my n*****s on his warm mouth kasabay noon ang pagpisil niya sa kaliwang dibdib ko. His tongue is playing with the other tip. Napaliyad ako sa kakaibang sensasyon. He did it alternately to both of my globes. I moaned loudly when he finally touches my folds. I can feel how wet I am down there. Natigil ako sa paghalik sa kanya, masyadong natutuon ang atensyon ko sa ginagawa niya sa akin doon. Every flick of his finger napapaangat ang katawan ko. I shut my eyes tight completely disturb by the way he touched me. "Z-Zede..." I called his name in a tone I haven’t used before. I moaned once more when his sucked my n****e again while his finger continue it's gentle caress. He gave my sensitive nub a light. Nakagat ko na lang labi ko kasabay ng marahas na pagliyad. I gasped. My lips parted when his finger dipped with fast strokes. His tongue is doing the same rhythm on my mouth. Nalunod ang bawat ungol at haling-hing ko sa kanyang mga halik. "I want to kiss you... here." My eyes widened in panic. "W-what?" He chuckled. He moves down and before I can stop him he is already holding my legs apart. I was horrified more me when I felt his lips on my delicate folds. "Zederick… a-ahh!" My protest turned to a long moan when he delves his tongue. It tingles beyond measure. Halos mayanig ang mundo ko. "Ohh..." I want to shut my legs but his grip is firm. Too lost with the overwhelming pleasure, I forgot the idea of stopping him. I don't want him to stop instead. I feel so good. I bit my lower so hard that I think it will cut. My moans are becoming louder. I barely recognized my own voice as I chant his name repeatedly. My world shook when I reached the peak. Gusto ko siyang itulak palayo roon but I am busy dealing with my release. My whole body is trembling. He stood up and undress himself hastily. My eyes probably enlarged when I had a glimpse of his member, standing proud in between his muscular thighs. Even if the lights are dim, I can see him clearly. He is so damn sexy! I can't believe this man is standing in front of me showing his prowess. More so, that he is my freaking husband! Gumpang siya pabalik sa akin, idinagan ang sarili. My breathing hitched when I feel how hard he is against my soft abdomen. Our gaze meets. His eyes are dark. The undeniable desire is itch on those dark orbs. Namumungay naman ang aking mga mata. I am still a bit fazed. "This will hurt..." Tumango ako sa kabila ng kaba at antisipasyon. I swallowed hard. My heart is pumping erratically. Siniil niya ako ng mainit na halik and I responded with all my heart. He began rubbing his shaft on my entrance. I would moan and groan from the sensation. It was torture for me. I think I’d lose my mind. "Zede... please..." I can no longer take his teasing. Para na akong mababaliw kapag hindi niya pa tinuloy. He nipped my neck and my shoulder. Halos manginig na ako sa bawat pagsubok niya pero hindi niya naman tinutuloy. Sinalubong ko ang bawat panunuya niya, in the hopes that he will finally fill me. "Damn baby!" he hissed. The fire in his eyes burned more. Pinirmi niya ang aking baywang gamit ang kanyang kamay. Hinalikan niyang muli ako. He is moving slowly, penetrating me. When he makes another thrust, I stopped responding to his kiss as my whole attention directed to the searing pain. Pain made me flinched. "Ahh... Zede!" Para akong nataohan sa kapusukan ko, agad na nagsisi dahil sa kapangahasan. Hinalikan niya ang nakaawang kong labi. The pain is too much that I actually held my breath sa pagasang hindi na mararamdaman ang sakit. He is watching me closely. I can see the worry written on his handsome face. I bit my lower lip and shut my eyes tight. I reminded myself that the pain is worth it. It's for him. I am giving myself to the love of my life. To my husband. To him. "Please move." I said trying to assure him that it's fine. "No... you're still hurting." "I want you to move..." I kiss him but cut it short. "Please?" "Dammit! Anselah!" He said losing his patience. He begins thrusting gently. Sabat galaw niya ay dama ko ang sakit but when I see his reaction it was enough for me to set aside the pain. He is taking this slow kahit na nahihirapan siyang magpigil. A little while, the sensation is overcoming the pain. Naroon pa rin ang sakit pero nanaig ang matinding pangangailangan sa akin. I started moaning again when he moves faster and deeper. He is ramming my body hard and it just intensified the pleasure. "Ahh... Oh my..." Sunod-sunod ang daing ko sa bawat sigurado at madiin niyang kilos. His head shot up as his grip on my waist tightened. His veins protruded, and his muscle flexed as he rode me hard. Gone is his control now. Namumula ang kanyang dibdib. His hair is dump from sweat. I am writhing in pleasure as I move with him. I am so lost with my own desire and I am guessing, he is too. I felt that familiar spasm. My insides clenched as it embraced his thickness. I cried in pleasure. My mind went blank while he continues to ram me. After his fast and deep thrust he came inside me, ending that blissful feeling. A smile stretched on his lips. He leaned down to kiss me. "I love you," he said panting. I want to reply to his I love you but I can't find my voice. Nanghihina ako. It's like my explosion consumed all my energy habang siya ay may lakas pa. Namimigat ang mga talukap ko. He rested his face on my neck as he calms himself down. Nakaroon ng saglit na katahimikan. We covered with the white sheet while feeling each other’s breathing. I our breathing filled the room. I am peacefully laying on his arm. My finger’s drawing random shapes and line on his lean chest. I can’t believe with did it. It feels so dreamy. He kissed my temple. "No matter what happened please stay with me." I raise my head a bit to look at him. Nasa ceiling ang kanyang mga mata. Patuloy sa marahang paghapon ang kanyang mga daliri sa braso ko. "I can't imagine a life without you, wife." He darted his gaze to me. His sincerity always bring a feeling of warmth in my heart. "I will... stay no matter what." "Promise me we will hold on until the end" "Pangako." Pinagsalikop niya ang aming mga daliri. Itinaas niya ito at matamang tinitigan, specifically that peace of gold on our ring finger, the symbol of our union. A ring was never appealing to me, not until now. But I think what made it beautiful is the corresponding promise to it. "I can't wait for things to be over..." he said meaningfully. Me too. We are both aware of the problem lurking between us. His family does not know our marriage. Sekreto ang pagpapakasal naming ito. If they knew malamang hindi matutuloy. We are in a secluded island. Dito ginanap upang huwag munang umabot sa pamilya niya ang tungkol sa pagpapakasal namin. Pinakiusapan ang judge na hangga’t maari huwag ipaalam sa mga magulang niya. Our friends can be trusted kaya sila na rin ang nagsilbing witness. Alam ko sa pagbabalik namin sa syudad kailangan naming harapin ang realidad. I can only imagine the fury of his family. This peace we are enjoying right now is temporary. The solace of this place offered is fleeting. There is an approaching storm we have to deal with. I know we can... as long as we are together... as long as our love is true. Just like my vow earlier, "I promise to love you in every circumstances. Through the pain and the joy, I will hold on to you. I will endure as long as I have you. I will give my best every day to be a good wife. I will give my all to you. I will fight every battle together with you. I will protect our family and our love. When things turn gray, I will remember that you are worth it. Loving you... will be my greatest honor and happiness." In life, there are things worth fighting for and this love is one of it. This love will keep burning. Its embers won’t die.