Why Humans Make Bad Pets!

Xeno hulk-suit dodgeball is awesome III

“Savagery.” Triv spat, as though delivering a verdict. “Have you ever been on another planet? Another cradle world of another species? I suppose not. At least, not without simultaneously being the one destroying it. I’ll tell you what they’re like without all the fire and rubble. Compared to Earth, every one of them is a study in what one of your kind called ‘Utopian Society’. Calm and peaceful compromises solve disputes, and the only violence committed is done in ignorance or by accident. Then look at your world. Countless starve because the wealthy can’t be bothered to give a tenth of what’s on their table to those who need it for survival. You ravage, murder, m**m, and ruin each other with such zeal that it comes as a surprise to you when someone shows you kindness! You’re history is marred by countless wars. World War? One?! The only thing you Humans are able to efficiently coordinate between each other is warfare! You are a disease to this galaxy, and abominations that will surely bring-”

Triv was cut off as his airway was forcibly closed due to existing between Human’s hand and the nearest wall.

“I decided to stop you right there because I didn’t want you to drown in your own bullshit,” Human growled, his nose nearly touching the Corti’s bulge of an equivalent. “Not because you don’t deserve it, but because I and my squad have to sleep here and I didn’t want the smell. ‘Utopian society’? Are you f*****g kidding me? I’ve only been with three groups of aliens so far and in each one I’ve found the exact same problems we have back on Earth. I’ve stopped a k********g/piracy, alleged development of a galactic super-bioweapon, and been stuck in a full blown war! Does that sound Utopian to you? And what about you Yodas? Abducting pre-contact world species so you can do whatever the f**k you want with them without legal crap getting in the way? You’re no less savage than any Human, you just suck at effectively executing it. I’m not naïve enough to believe that some people don’t need to be stopped, and sometimes that means killing, like those blue-giraffe pirates, or that ant-lizard, and even you seem like the kind of guy to drown a box of puppies. But I can’t just keep killing those who get in my way because it’s convenient and expedient. That’s the difference between being a savage and being a sophant in a realistic galaxy. The difference is knowing when to kill, and when to stop. I’ve just stopped. I’ll keep killing, but only if it’s for the right reason. So I ask again. What have I been fighting for?”

Blatvec quickly answered. “Before we proceed I would suggest you stop choking Dr. Triv. He doesn’t have much of a lung capacity, and he seems to be turning a bluer shade of grey than is normal. It’s not that he doesn’t deserve it, but if he dies I’ll have a rather angry friend and, more importantly, the translator will stop working.”

“Oh! Right, sorry, forgot he’s the translator.” Triv dropped to the floor, gasping.

“Now that we won’t be interrupted, Triv if you could kindly keep your mouth shut for the rest of this meeting. Honestly, I’ve seen some Corti with messed up delusions, but you just topped the list,” turning to Human he continued, “I for one completely agree with you. I wouldn’t want you in my army if you were here just for the sake of killing. That’s for the Hunters to do and the rest of us to hate. As much as I want you to stay in the 74th you can leave if you don’t like what I’m about to tell you. Our enemy, the Celzi, is attempting to secede from the Dominion, in whose army you fight. If I were to give my complete and unbiased opinion, I couldn’t tell you which side is in the right. The Celzi pulled some dubious maneuvers to get where they are today, and no one will pretend that part - if not a good portion of the reason they want to secede - is based off greed or dreams of future conquests, but the Dominion hasn’t exactly been innocent either. Several of the reasons the Celzi used as excuses to seceding were dead on, like how the Corti Directorate has made it so their abductions go unpunished and unhindered, or why no one has taken any serious measures to stop the Hunters, or the blatant corruption and under-the-table deals that go on between its representatives. I’m not going to pretend I understand half of the political mish-mash that’s going on, but I can tell you for sure that the Dominion’s far from perfect. I personally feel that the lesser of the two evils is the Dominion, which is why I’m commanding the 74th instead of performing border patrols. I think the Dominion, as corrupt and dysfunctional as it is, still keeps the peace between the multitudes of species in the Galaxy better than having two multi-member governmental entities would. I’m fighting now because I think by stopping the Celzi here, I can stop future wars from happening. I might be wrong, but I’ve made my decision and so I’m acting on it.”

Blatvec waited. And continued waiting. How long would Human consider? Normally, Blatvec would tell him to take his time and talk to him when he came to a decision, but Human looked so lost in thought he felt an answer was imminent. Then Human spoke.

“Honestly, I’ve just been standing here blanking out. I heard what you said, but I’m crap at thinking while standing still. Usually when I can’t keep ignoring a problem and have to think it through, I go and find a pickup soccer game at the local indoor field house, but I don’t think that’ll work out here. Even if I managed to teach you guys how to play, the number of broken bones would be substantial, and from what I’ve seen of your kicks, the ball would have difficulty moving about the field. I’ll probably just jog. That’s worked sometimes.”

“You’re not dismissed, Private.” Blatvec snapped, grabbing Human’s arm as he pushed aside to start jogging who knew where. “As it so happens, we recently received a shipment of experimental combat exo-suits of considerable strength. They, in fact were made to allow a single soldier to be capable of bringing down a Vulza. The men chosen to be the drivers are getting used to the way they feel right now. If you need to play a physical sport, then I think we have just the thing to make sure our best soldiers are worthy opponents.