to his dealer
591 Words
To my brothers dealer
Tuesday, March 22, 2022
1:28 PM
To my brother’s dealer
I envy you.
Because you only knew my brother as an addict.
You took his addiction for who he is and you were so wrong.
So, you didn't lose anything but the money in your pocket.
You didn't have to see him go from someone you know to someone you knew.
You didn't see his life leave his eyes.
You didn't have to see his face.
You didn't hear your mom slapping your brothers body well after it was to late.
You didn't have to give your sons lifeless body CPR because you were so in shock that you couldn't process that he was already cold and blue.
You didn't have to be the sister speeding down the highway with blurred tear-soaked eyes shaking when her other sister got the call.
Then have to not even hear the other end of the conversation to know that your brother who you just saw that day was dead because your only living sibling dropped the phone and made the loudest most terrifying non human shrieks that either of you had ever heard.
You didn't have to have the entire world collapse around you.
Crumble and fall.
Drowning.
Exploding.
And then still have to focus on driving and keeping your sister and yourself alive.
The remaining two of their mothers’ babies.
You aren't the other sister who blames herself completely
. The one who told him she would stay with him that night and left because he seemed that he wanted space
. The sister who he asked about when he got in bed with his mother never to wake up again.
You don't have to be the girl who can not get that image out of her head
. That can't stop hearing the screams.
The one planning her baby brother’s cremation.
The one who saw all the signs of him being your loyal customer but tried to convince herself he was exhausted
. He was a hundred days clean that has to be exhausting
I do hope you haunt yourself with his father
Because his dad's were silent screams
of what did I do wrong and oh god why wasn't this me? (How could this be)
The wake goes by and life goes on but still he doesn't speak....
He losses touch with reality and buries himself in grief
he watches the casket close and sobs " oh god this should be me"
And then there was the one who loved and we all know he loved her back
. She watched him fall she watched it all and her life spiraled off the track.
She wonders what she did wrong.
She cries for the memories shared and the future that they lost.
Also, your loyal customer, right now she needs it most
. Everything is falling apart
because her person overdosed.
You didn't care for him so you didn't have to lose him. You didn't care to get to know him.
And that's the exact reason I feel so sorry for you. You never got the chance to know him.
My condolences on the loss of that beautiful life force that you missed out on knowing because you are on the wrong path
I don't hate you but I do hope you feel the burden of the weight of the world that you just made darker by taking the light out of his eyes.
you didn't take his life
But you helped him.
The heroin addict’s sister
- Writer
