Where is my mind?

Fleeting/ silence/ fight

Fleeting

you creep on when i feel insecure

i think it's okay

but then something small happens

such a rush of thoughts that i can't keep up

if only i could grab onto a single fleeting thought

i want to see how wrong you are

they rush by and i can't process

no thought sticks

i want to scream

but at what cost

at this rate I'm the king of my own restraint

like it's anything to be proud of

my psyche becomes a table full of trash and bills

everytime i clean

its just a reminder

I'm only worth what i can give

Silence

silence and my thoughts

the short times my mind is quiet

i can find peace in this

i don't hear a single voice

i simply stop and think

"what now"?

or

"what do i want?"

when was the last time

silence and peace was upon me

no expectation and no eyes on me

maybe my peace is the fact it's not permanent

we often appreciate that which is fleeting

i look at my flustered self with every

so much depression

so much anger

when all i need

is to be left alone sometimes

that is where

i find my peace

Fight

i remember the night i lost home

i still came back but it wasn't the same

fight, f**k, drink, smoke

at least out there i won

i lost some battles too

but at least out there i kept my heart

what was left of it

i had enough

i set a baseball bat ultimatum

it was a losing battle

against blind ignorance

i drifted and drifted

a kind old man offered solace

he showed me a better way

he fought the old me

he showed me i could win

he showed me i could be better

you were my father

you were my hero

you were my grandpa