Pages of Pain

What will you do if you will be stuck in a world you think that never been existed? Will you survive? Will you fight ‘till the end? Will you stay as the truth uncloaks? Which will you choose? Your promise? Or your survival? Only the sounds of crickets and the mild blowing of wind can be heard. I tie my ragged shoelace tightly as I blow the dust in my worn shoes. Living with the slum village here in Africa is such a doleful experience. For how many times I ask the Creator why did He placed us in a destitute environment like this. Attaining modernization and full attention from the government is improbable. This is a place where survival is a basic commodity. Survival is a goal you need to reach at each end of the day. This place slaps me the reality that no matter how hard I established my aspirations, fate will tyrannically swiftly stumble these ambitions of mine. “Mikaza, it’s still early. The road is dangerous” I smiled at my mother who looks really thin. She is naturally beautiful but I noticed now how her hair turns into white even though she is not that old. Her cheekbones are very visible and lips were pale. Her once strong and well-sculptured body slowly fades. Many said I exactly look like her except for my eyes. I inherited it from my father who has deep set of pitch black set of eyes. “I know the danger I might possibly encounter Ma” She gently took the sack we used as blanket in cold nights. She fixed her ragged dress. I smiled sadly as I remember that she only had two clothes to worn. When there are animal skin used to make clothes, she begged Argus, our neighbor who is expert in making clothes from animals to give it to me. My mother would work there from dawn till dusk, as a payment of the clothes that Argus gave. I force my mother to use my spare clothes but she will just pat my head and said that It’s fine. She’s fine. “Maybe I should ask Argus to give you some shoes as well” As she glanced at my worn shoes. I violently gasped. “Ma, it’s okay! I don’t want to be a burden to you” “You’re not a burden Mikaza. You said you want to went to a school in the city?” I nod hastily but I now accept my destiny. That I am destined to be stuck at this poor village. I knew her sacrifices in saving money for me to send in school but my hope constantly decreases each day as I attest the bitter realities in this life. “I can work at- “Ma, it’s okay. Being with you makes me happy. Education won’t matter now. I’ll just have to continue living my life here in our village” She looked at me with eyes full of adoration and regrets. I avoid her gaze because I might cry in front of her. I don’t want to make her worried. She watched me as I take my way on the forest near here. Even thou almost all of our surrounding is desert, that forest is a blessing for us. It is wide and full of fruits and wild animals. My mother always remind me to not go inside. I just picked the fresh fruits from the front area. I once take a quick look on the inside but it is too dark and I can feel danger from wild animals at any moment. I chose to go this early to get the best ones because many of our villagers also went and picked foods here. I wonder how this forest was able to grow different kinds of fruits. Seems like it is in a circle form and the various trees were circling and guarding what was inside. So far, we have not heard any wild animals that barged or bumped with our co-villagers here except for that certain time. I readied myself as I step on the trunk of a mango tree. I was about to pick the fruits when my eyes are blinded by the glowing fire in the center. The mango tree was high that I was able to witnessed what is happening right now. Many times that I went here with same time but I did not see any living wild animals or people inside. It was just pure dark and silent. But this time is different. Completely different. I ensure that I am stepping and holding a strong branch to keep me from falling or making any noise. My forehead creased as I saw what happened next. People with bald heads even women have bald heads. They have earrings on their eyebrows, nose, lips, and cheeks. Not just those ordinary earrings I saw for fashion purposes but these are big ones. It must be very painful in inserting that! They were dancing in an exotic manner. There is someone who is in the middle, face is covered in a black cloth. I can’t figure out if it is a man or woman. The fire they build is not enough to give light in the whole area. That certain human is bleeding. What will they do with him or her? I placed my other hand on the other branch to go higher. I wanna witnessed the whole area of what is really happening in there. I slowly took a step higher when I felt a cold hand covering my mouth. “You shut your mouth if you want to live” I frantically looked at this man behind me. “A-akio?” His eyebrows burrowed more as he heard his name from me. “What a-are you doing here?” “Washing my clothes here” he said coldly. He is the son of Argus, the famous cloth maker in our village. They are in better situation compared to us who were destitute. Akio was able to go for studies in the city kilometers away from here. He is intelligent and a silent type. Many of the women in our villages like him. Because of his looks, his intelligence since he was able to study and he is obviously ahead of us in every prospect, and their family’s wealth. Although not as affluent like those who were in cities, they can afford everything that they wanted. I gasped at his answer. “I mean it’s very early and it is very unusual for you to get foods in here” He was looking below us. We were holding firmly on the same branch. I continued to ask him since I am very curios. “Y-your family can afford r-right? You won’t have to go here and be with us- “Why are you so noisy? How I hate noisy girls!” as he scratched his hair irritatingly. I bit my lip as I remember that his father said that his son is a woman hater and prefers to be alone. Maybe because his mother abandoned them during those times that our village experience severe drought and poverty that one-fourth of the population died. His mother married another man in the city. That’s why his father will do everything to make and give Akio a better life. He is afraid that his son would eventually leave him as well. It’s not like I am such a life intruder but that is what my Mama said to me. They are close friends with Argus even before when they were still young. I renewed my hold but I almost shout when my hand slipped as it became slippery because of sweat. Akio hastily grab my arm and covers my mouth tightly again. “This mouth of yours will be the death of us!” I was about to answer but he showed me his deadly glare. I just focused my gaze below but the fire slowly fades. I narrowed my eyes to see the faces of those people. They have also tattoos anywhere in their body. My mouth formed an O even though Akio still covered it. Only tattoos covered the chest of women. Their lower part has this kind of mini skirt made from wool if I am not mistaken. I slowly pulled Akio’s hand. “What are they Akio?” Are they sort of some tribes? “I also don’t know, this is my second time witnessing them here” “You went here multiple times?” “Hmm, I was just relaxing here when I saw them” “In this same time as well?” “No, that was night time” “Maybe they are some tribes?” “Maybe, but I know the different tribes here with images of them in one of our subjects but this one is peculiar” I silently admired his dedication in his studies. Argus must be really proud knowing that Akio is doing well in his studies. While I can’t help but to feel insecure on him. I am already eighteen but I only studied in elementary years. Back when my father is still alive. My parents can afford my studies back then because they work together in a restaurant near my school. But when Papa died, we lost everything even the will to live. “Is it…nice in the city? Y-you know, studying there?” He sighed heavily. “Hmm, it’s nice there. I was planning to move there with Papa when I will finish my course” I showed him my smile and nod frantically. I am suppressing my tears as that is also my dream for us, my Mama. But I know it will be impossible hence I only have limited knowledge and discrimination in there is evident specifically from us people who came from threadbare villages or tribes. “You” “Hmm?” “What is your plan? I-in your life?” I smiled sadly. “You already know Akio” “What is it?” I shrugged my shoulders lazily. “Living as if dead” “To live as if dead Akio. And that is not my plan” His forehead creased more. “That is my destiny”