A Love To Die For

Chapter 8

The school bell rings, signalling the end of another dreary day. I used to love school, but it’s now something that I dread. Coming back here after the summer was horrible. As expected, the hallways were filled with whispers and stares every time I made my way through them. Not having Bianca or Jacob by my side made things a million times harder, it even made me regret how I acted at Bobby’s funeral. I know that things would be better and easier if I had them to confide in, but since that day, they have both been avoiding me. They seem to disappear when they see me in school, and neither of them have returned a single call or text that I have sent.

I pack my bag and wait for the rest of the students to leave the classroom before I stand from my desk. I have now become invisible in this school, which is a feeling that I welcome; it’s a lot better than being the centre of attention for all of the wrong reasons. The yells from jocks, and the giggles of blushing girls echo throughout the halls as I make my escape. Outside, I see Jacob and Bianca sitting on the steps. They have been hanging out with a new crowd this year, people I barely even know. I don’t know what has made them change so much, but I don’t think I will ever figure it out. They don’t seem to care about school as much, they are always secretive, and even their new friends stare at me like they’ve seen a ghost.

“Bianca.” I call out, hoping that this time she won’t ignore me.

My voice goes unheard as usual, though. I sigh and unlock my bike from the stand, resigning myself to the fact that she will never be my friend again. But then, a wave of anger flows through me. I have had enough of this. I am being treated like I did something wrong when it was Bianca and Jacob that betrayed me. Pushing my bike beside me, I walk over to their little crowd, feeling a little brave.

“Didn’t you hear me calling, Bianca?”

She looks up at me, completely expressionless.

“No, I didn’t, Nina. What’s up?”

“I wanted to talk. Haven’t you received any of my calls or texts?”

“I got them, Nina.” She sighs, standing from the steps.

I watch as the rest of the crowd disperses, leaving the two of us alone. Jacob’s eyes linger on me, and for a moment, I think that he might say something, but he doesn’t. He follows the others like part of a herd.

“Look, I’m sorry, Nina. There’s not much for us to talk about. You said that you were done with us.” Says Bianca, bringing my attention back to her.

“I know I said that, but I was sad, Bianca. I had lost you and Jacob, and then I lost Bobby. I don’t understand what I have done to make you both hate me so much.”

“We don’t hate you, Nina. We just can’t be friends like we used to be. There’s a lot you don’t know, and I can’t even tell you. I have to go, I’m sorry.”

She turns around and begins jogging to catch up to her new friends.

“Bianca...” I call out, but she ignores me, again.

A wave of sadness comes over me as I realise that I really have lost them, and I will never get them back. I just wish I knew why.

I cycle home at a slow pace. My life has become a black hole, a place where joy does not exist. I feel like an intruder everywhere I go. I am just as wanted at school as I am at home. The closer I get to my house, the more I am filled with dread.

I park my bike in the garage and go inside quietly, hoping that I can avoid my parents. I tip toe into the kitchen to fix myself something to eat, but my parents are sitting at the kitchen table, glasses of wine in front of them. I sigh internally. Ever since Bobby’s funeral, they have not stopped drinking. I find myself wishing for things to be as they were before. My parents never showed me love, but now, all they show me is hatred and disgust.

“Are you working tonight?” Asks my Mom, sipping from her glass.

“Yes.”

“Good, we need more money. Make sure you’re extra nice so you get some tips.”

“I give you all of my tips, Mom, and most of my pay. Maybe you shouldn’t spend it all on alcohol.” I retort.

“You watch your mouth! I’ll do what I like with it.”

I ignore her comment, unable to bear looking at her any longer. She has become a completely different person these past two months. She never leaves the house, and she has become violent and angry. My Dad on the other hand, though he has been drinking too much too, has become almost mute. He spends his days drunk and lost in his memories, a distant look in his eyes.

I quickly make myself and sandwich and bring it to my bedroom to eat. My skin crawls and my heart breaks a little more every time I see them like that. When I thought that life would be hard after Bobby’s death, I never imagined it would be this harrowing.

Hopefully, work will be better tonight. At least I get to see Levi, he’s the only friend I have left.

--

“Thank you for coming. Have a good night.” I smile as our last customers leave the diner.

I lock the door behind them, then clear their table. This has always been my favourite part of work. The sense of accomplishment when all of our customers leave full and satisfied. The end of the shift approaching, and of course, the counting of our tips.

“Coffee?” Shouts Levi from the end of the bar.

“Please.”

After putting away the dishes and wiping all of the tables down, I join Levi at the counter. I sip on my coffee slowly, allowing the warm liquid to soothe me from the inside out. My feet ache as they hang from the tall stool that I am perched on. It was a busy night, though it always is on Fridays.

“How are you doing?” Asks Levi.

“I’m ok.”

“Nina, come on. You know you can be honest with me.”

“Well.” I sigh. “Things aren’t great. Jacob and Bianca are still ignoring me, and I can’t help but think that something is going on with them. My parents are still drinking. It’s sad but, the only place that I enjoy being is here. It’s the only place that I can forget about everything that has happened.”

“Don’t worry about Bianca and Jacob. They don’t deserve you after what they did. They are the ones who should be begging you for forgiveness and doing all they can to win you back. You know that I’m here though, right? And if you ever need to escape, or need somewhere to stay, you can always call me.”

“Thank you, Levi. You’re the only friend I have left.” I smile. “Now, let’s count these tips.”

Levi wiggles his eyebrows and rubs his hands together, making me giggle. I reach into my apron pocket and pull out the bundle of cash and coins. I can already tell that it will be one of my best nights for tips. Levi seems to have done well too.

“$32.60.” He brags, waiting for me to finish counting mine. “You definitely won tonight. That table of ten definitely over tipped.”

“Excuse me, there’s no such thing as over tipping when you’re as good as me.” I tease.

“Well, how much then?”

“$60.80.”

“No way! Next time, I get the big table.”

I finish my coffee and spend some time just talking to Levi. When I am here, it’s easy to forget the misery that is my life. I am grateful that I have Levi, he is a great friend and if I didn’t have him, I would truly have nobody. I get my things from the staff room and Levi locks the doors behind us. The red neon lights signalling that the diner is closed.

“Thanks for the talk. I’ll see you tomorrow?” I say, supressing a yawn.

“It was my pleasure. I meant what I said, Nina. You mean a lot to me, and I want you to know that you can rely on me.”

“I know I can, you’ve been such a good friend to me.”

“That’s the thing, Nina. I have always wanted to be more than a friend to you. I never thought I would get the chance because you were with Jacob, but now that you’re single…”

“Levi…I…I’m sorry, I’m just not ready for anything like that.”

“Okay, I get it. I can wait, as long as it takes.”

I look down at my feet, feeling a little embarrassed and uncomfortable. Levi kisses me on the cheek, taking me by surprise. I always knew he had a crush on me, but I never thought that he felt anything serious. I don’t know if it’s just because I am surprised, or because I had been with Jacob for so long, but I just can’t see him as anything more than a friend.

“Get home safe, Nina. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Yeah, you too.”

“I’m definitely going to win the tip challenge tomorrow.” He says over his shoulder with a wink.

I walk home smiling. Maybe I should let Levi win tomorrow. He really is a great guy; I am lucky to have him. Perhaps in the future I could see him as more than a friend, but for now, I’m just happy to have him at all. The night is dark and cloudy, the only light available coming from the old streetlamps. The last of the autumn leaves carpet the floor, making a delicious crunching sound as I walk over them. The bitterness in the air makes me think of Christmas. It was always Bobby’s favourite holiday, and I can’t imagine celebrating it without him.

As soon as I make it to the front door of my home, my Mom swings it open. Her eyes are glassy, she’s swaying where she stands, and I can smell the alcohol from outside.

“Finally! What t…took you s…so long?” She slurs.

“It’s Friday, we’re always busy on Fridays.”

“Well then, you m…must have got l…lots of tips.”

“Yes, Mom, I got lots of tips, ME!”

“Well, hand them over.”

“Why don’t you just quit drinking and go back to work instead of taking all of my earnings?”

I know what I have just done. I shouldn’t have said that. I don’t even have the energy to argue right now, but I have had enough of it all today. I am her child, not her slave.

“You little brat! It’s y…your fault that we are in this sit…situation. It should have been you that died, not my Bobby.”

My heart stops beating, and the world seems to stop around me. Did she really just say that? I know I have felt that way since the accident happened, but I never thought that my own Mother would say those words. At least not to my face. She stares at me silently, either waiting for my reaction, or realizing what she has just said, though I doubt it’s the latter.

Feeling that I am about to cry, I run up the stairs and into my room. I lock the door and scream into my pillow. I don’t want to cry. Why am I crying? I knew that she felt that way. I know that everyone wishes Bobby were still here. So, why did that hurt so god damn much? My parents don’t love me, so why am I still here, funding their drinking habits?

In a haste I pack a bag, shoving as much as I can into it. There’s no way I can stay here now, not after that. But where can I go? I could go to Levi’s, but I can’t stay there forever, and I don’t plan on coming back here. No, I need to get out of this town completely. I gather all of the money I have here and my passport. With my packed bag sitting by my door, all I need to do is wait. First thing in the morning, before my parents wake up, I am leaving. I am leaving for good.