Personal Feelings

Chapter 2: In the Crib

“Dude what the f**k? Don’t’ die on me! s**t was a joke!” Didi rubbed her hand on my back to soothe me.

“Nah, I’m fine. I knew you was joking. It’s just the coffee. Was talking and it got into the wrong place” I lied, wiping out the beads of sweat that had formed on my forehead with the back of my palm.

“You sure you okay?” Didi arched an eyebrow, indicating that she wasn’t convinced

“Yea I’m okay now” I wasn’t lying.

“Okay then. I’m bored so I got more questions for you. Why do they call you Beatbox? It isn’t your real name, right?”

“f**k no. Why would someone name her youngling that?”

“So, hit me. Why do people call you that?” She rolled her eyes at me.

“Well because when I was little, I had a thing for music. You know, rap. I was into Pac, Biggy, Nas, Hov… them realest OGs in the days. And funny enough I made some cool freestyle records then”

“Woah! Ain’t no way! Where they at now?”

“My tracks? Don’t know no more.” I shrugged, keeping my gaze steady on Didi. “You know why I was so engrossed in Pac’s raps?” I continued.

“No.” Didi’s answer was short and honest. Unlike most people my age then, I didn’t see him as a rapper. I saw him as a revolutionist fighting for black people like us with his music. Something I rarely see these rappers do these days. They’re mostly rapping bout bitches, drugs, and money now” I frowned.

“Why you like politics a lot?” Didi’s question caught me off-guard.

“What you mean?”

“Why you always gotta talk politics anytime you get a chance?”

“I’m woke. That’s the only thing I know. However, I didn’t notice I did” I tried to figure out if she was right. Have I always been this way? “I can’t say I like politics. I’m just a young black man looking for a society where he can live in peace without being discriminated and harassed by the police.”

“You dream big” She pulled a pack of cigarettes from her pocket. She took a stick in her mouth and lit it.

“You know what T.H.U.G.L.I.F.E mean?” I asked her, rejecting a stick of cigarette she offered me.

“The Hate U Give Little Infants f***s Everyone. Why?”

“I never really understood what Pac meant until recently. Basically, he was saying if we don’t end racism, we’d keep reliving our lives this same way till something really bad happens”

“Folks swear he’s a prophet. What do you think?” I wasn’t sure why Didi asked me that.

“I wouldn’t call him. I fee Pac’s just a man who saw a future, a problem, and a solution to it. A world with just humans, no whites, no blacks, no race. Just humans.” I answered.

“Obama or Trump?” Didi asked again. She had this weird habit of asking the most random things.

“Damn. You ask a lot of questions” I was tired of trying to keep up.

“Well, my phone’s dead. And I’m stuck with you. So, you will keep me company.” She puffed smokes from her nostrils

“Well I can’t answer your question without sounding biased. I am a black man, and most of the things I seen Trump do don’t sit well with me. He has made a lot of mistakes” I took the last sip of my coffee that was now cold and sat back on the couch.

“Here. Let me help you get rid of that” Didi offered to help me take out my plates.

“Thanks” I mumbled. She left with the plates to the kitchen, leaving the sitting room reeking of cigarette. I lay on the couch waiting for the food to digest. I could still hear Didi washing the dishes. Afterwards she came back to the sitting room with an air freshener spray can. I noticed she had gotten rid of the cigarette and was wearing a sad face now.

“Hey Didi. You good?” I sprang up from my seat and approached her

“D called. He said he won’t be coming home today. Again” she was still frowning

“Don’t be upset. Okay?” I hugged her, placing her head gently on my shoulder

“Stop. I’m good. I don’t wanna talk about him” I could’ve sworn I almost heard her sob.

“Okay. I won’t” I patted her back lightly. We stood in this position for a while before she broke the embrace after it began to get awkward.

“Damn. Here’s boring as f**k” She sniffled, wiping a tear with the back of her palm.

“Let’s watch TV then” I suggested

“I would’ve been doing that. But D’s too busy to even pay for Netflix”

“You finna sleep?”

“No.” her reply was curt and a moment her later, her eyes gleamed with excitement. “I got an idea. How about we play a game?” that was grand idea

“What game.” I could tell she already had something in mind

“Truth or Dare”

“Nope. Not interested.” I declined

“Why? Don’t tell me it’s cause of the movie” She laughed, referring to a horror movie we watched last night with the same title.

“No. I just don’t like the game. It’s always ends up being s****l, and that ain’t me.” My answer was honest.

“C’mon. Let’s just play it one time. Please?” Didi dabbed her thick lashes at me like a little girl.

“Fine. And that’s because you said one time” I couldn’t turn her cute face down.

“Game!” She left the room and returned shortly with a coke bottle. She spun the bottle and unluckily for her, she got the end.

“Truth or Dare” I began

“Dare” her answer came so fast, I wondered if she was waiting for this.

“Alright then. I dare you to make a confession” I settled for that since I didn’t have any bright ideas.

“Hmm. A confession? Okay. When I said I love you, it wasn’t a joke. I meant it.