Personal Feelings

Chapter 5 (Finale): Fall apart

‘You ever wondered why the ‘it’s not right, but let’s do it anyway s*x hits differently?’ Y’all won’t really get it. The excitement and tension you feel pumps more blood from the heart to p***s, and p***y, making them both hard and slippery.’

“You still blogging?” Didi asked hugging me from behind, her rose scent perfume filling my nostril with every breath I took.

“Yep, but I’ll be done in a minute. I’ma come after you when I’m done. Okay?” I traced my finger on her lips and then drew he closer for a kiss.

“Alright but you gotta be quick because D will be back soon” she said amid kisses.

“Where’s he at by the way?”

“Right behind you backstabbing motherfuckers!” D’s husky voice spoke from behind. I literally threw Didi off of my body as I jerked to see who was talking. The swift turn I made was kinda of a reflex action and I met a pistol pointed at my face after the turn. The circular living room was silent. Not even the wood floor finishing dared to make a sound.

“Babe please it’s not what you think” Didi broke the silence and tried to touch D but he flinched

“Don’t you f*****g touch your filthy hands on me, you rotten cunt b***h or I’ma blow your brains with this f*****g gun” D kept his finger steady on the trigger. He swore a lot anytime he was pissed.

“Look man I’m sorry but I swear its not what it looks like” I intervened

“Don’t you even f*****g lie to me! Don’t even try it or I’ll shoot you dead here” D barked, pointing the gun at me instead.

“Yo, D put the gun down someone could get hurt!” I raised my hands in surrender. I was a stupid gesture because D’s eyes were blood red

“I ain’t hurting anyone. I’m finna spill a person’s blood and drop ‘em dead!” his voice echoed as he moved closer to me with the gun. “So, you think I wouldn’t find out? Blud I found out the truth from your f*****g diary!”

“Yo, you know you’re not supposed to go through my personal stuff” I felt offended even though I wasn’t in the right position to.

“Shut your trap or I’ll shut it for you. I swear I’ll blow you up” D warned me, almost shoving the pistol inside my mouth. “Who cares if I read your diary? You left it here and I picked it up because I thought it was my journal. I just wish I didn’t read it, because I wouldn’t be feeling this bad if I didn’t” his voice croaked as he struggled to hold back his tears.

“Man, I’m sorry.” I apologized tensing up at the gun at my face

“Dude don’t f*****g give me fake apologies. I swear I’ll blow your brains open” he threatened, his hands getting sweaty from gripping the gun.

“D, you’re a nurse! You save lives not take them. Don’t make this mistake. Please” I begged for my life.

“Does it look like I give a f**k about that? Bro I don’t give a f**k if I’m a nurse or not. I’ll shoot you” he refused to listen to reason.

“D don’t do this. So, you would light your boy because of a woman?”

“f**k you man. Didi ain’t just any woman. Man, I love her. Hell, I even wanted to marry her. You know I’m not good with the girls and you still stole her from me, just like you stole my mom” He struggled to force back the tears that were fighting their way out.

“C’mon man don’t be ridiculous. I didn’t steal mom. Your pops died and she remarried. Please let’s not talk about that” I tried to reason with D.

“Babe please listen to me. Put the gun down. Remember you will go to jail if you do kill us” Didi pleaded after being silent for a while but it seemed to enrage D the more.

“b***h don’t talk to me!” he slapped her “Do I look like I give a f**k about going to jail?” he scowled at her, and then turned to face me. His face softened slightly and then he looked away so I wouldn’t see it. I did

“D I know that there’s nothing I can say to justify what I did. I was plain wrong to do what I’ve done, but all I’m asking you to do now is think about mom. How do you think she’ll feel if you kill your kid brother and then go to jail? Wouldn’t she be devastated?” I knew he had a soft spot for our mom and that would give him something to think. Call it manipulation but I was just trying to stay alive by any means necessary.

“The gun ain’t even loaded” D hissed, removing the gun from my face, and I slumped back releasing the breath I didn’t realize I was holding.

“Thank you, D,”

“Don’t f*****g thank me. Y’all should get the f**k outta my house this minute” He interrupted me and slumped into the sofa, covering his face with his broad palms so we wouldn’t notice he was crying. “The f**k is you two still doing here standing like a bunch of morons?” He asked when he looked up and still saw Didi and I transfixed at our spot.

“D we have nowhere to go. We can’t go back to Philly because we’re still in a total lockdown because of the covid” I was the one who had the balls to speak up. We were caught in a weird position. Living together was going to be very weird now because of what Didi and I had done to him.