Personal Feelings

Chapter 4: Black lives matter

The past few days were awesome. Didi and I engaged in sexcapeds and romances anytime we got a chance. We had been clowns for thinking we wouldn’t end up having s*x.

“Dear diary” I began, scribbling on the thick brown colored pages of my diary. I had a nice penmanship

“… I know it’s written somewhere in the Bible by apostle Paul (at least I remember mom saying that) that there are sins you want to stop but somehow you can’t help it because you fall back straight at them. That’s exactly my case with Didi. Sometimes my conscience pricks me for having an affair with D’s girlfriend (and I know hers does too. Maybe worse than mine) but each time I’m around her, I lose the battle between my will and pleasure. It’s like she’s irresistible” I scratched my head with the tip of my fingers then continued.

“I remember the first time we finally did it, as in had s*x. She was very sad and emotional. I could’ve sworn I heard her cry. I’m certain that was because she felt guilty for sleeping with her boyfriend’s half-brother. I’m certain…” I got interrupted by a chilling cold sensation on my neck. I turned swiftly to catch Didi. She moved her lips from my neck to my lips. The kiss was intense, with our tongues twirling inside our mouths.

“D will be back in a minute” She placed her right index finger on my lips and giggled

“C’mon. Just one more”

“No. I don’t want us to get caught. And what are you writing?” She arched an eyebrow at me

“Nothing. I’m just filling my diary” I shrugged.

“Okay. I want to watch an anime. You finna come?” she offered.

“Sure. In a minute. I gotta finish with this” I pointed at my diary. Didi kissed me on the cheek and then left my room, locking the door behind her. My eyes travelled up to the ceiling and I frowned. The dim yellow bulbs in the room would make you fall asleep if you stayed long in this room.

“f*****g old house” I muttered. I put away the diary and marched to the living room only to find D watching the anime with Didi. I felt jealous.

“Hey! Been waiting for you like forever. Where you don’ been?” he asked me, rubbing his eyes with the back of his palm and a lit cigarette in his other hand, stuck in-between his index and middle finger.

“In my room. Why?” I narrowed my eyes at him?”

“We need an extra hand at the hospital. We’re short on volunteers, so I was wondering if you gonn’ help.” D asked. I looked at Didi and then at D. I’m sure she was hoping I would refuse to help, but I couldn’t. There are people who needed my help.

“Aiit. I’ll go and get changed.” I agreed. Looking back at Didi I could tell that she was disappointed and pissed.

“Yo. You still remember what happened the last time we went out together?” D stopped me on my tracks and then busted into laughter. I chuckled when I figured out what he was driving at

SOME TIME AGO

It was near Autumn, and the air was fresh, although it was dry.

“D you gotta fix your car. It’s old” I playfully punched D on the shoulder

“Are you crazy? You got a death wish or something? Don’t f*****g touch me again I’m driving?” He laughed

“I wouldn’t call this driving because you drive like an old lady” I scuffed, shifting my gaze to observe the scenery of Brooklyn.

“A black man wears a T shirt inscribed ‘I’m black and I don’t care’ and we say he’s proud. But a white man wears a T shirt inscribed ‘I’m white and I don’t care’ and we accuse him of being racist. Why?” D threw the question at me, not even sparing a glance; his attention strictly on the road. On a second thought he had a point, but I was still figuring out a smart answer to reply him with before I was interrupted by a police siren behind us.

“Don’t f*****g me tell me that’s the police” D complained nervously

“What did we do now?”

“THIS IS THE NYPD, PULL OVER AND GET YOUR FEET OFF THE GAS PEDAL” the officer instructed over his mic.

“What you gonn’ do? You finna pull over?” I asked D who was already frisked.

“What you want me to do? Besides what could possibly go wrong?” he asked before pulling over.

“What could possibly go wrong? Black people die every time they get pulled over by a cop” I yelled my answer at him, running my hands through my hair.

“Put your damn hands on the f*****g dashboard” a white cop approached us with one hand on his gun that was resting on his thigh pouch, and we did as he instructed.

“What did we do officer?” D asked the officer, a bit in a rush to get this over with.

“n***o don’t f*****g talk back at me” the cop threw a heavy a punch at the back of D’s head.

“I’m sorry officer but you can’t just stop me. I’m a nurse and I have something to do with my time.” D refused to cower even though the punch hurt bad.

“A nurse? I’ll be damned” the officer mocked

“Yo! Can’t you see he’s on uniform?” I yelled at the cop, irritated by his insults and what was going on.

“You can get that anywhere. For all I know you two might be going on an op and this might be your costume. And n***o, I wasn’t talking to you. Behave yourself!” the cop barked, keeping his hand steady on his gun.

“Officer you’re harassing me for no reason” D was the one talking now, still keeping his hands steady on the dashboard, only to receive another blow on the face

“Motherfucker! The f**k is you hitting him for? What he don’ do wrong now?” I yelled at the cop, unable to control myself anymore.

“Officer you’re being hostile. Calm the f**k down.” D complained, groaning from the punch he received.

“That’s it! You two get your ass outta this damn car! You’re under arrest for assaulting a police officer” the cop accused us, pulling D violently out of the car. He punched him real hard in the abdomen, and cuffed him.

“Under arrest for assaulting a cop?” I repeated the words in disbelief. “b***h, you’re the one harassing us for no reason!”

“Black ape! I see you wanna get yourself in trouble” the cop tried to force open the door by the driver’s side, his face red with anger.

“That’s exactly what your mom called me when I dumped her” I insulted the cop, making him go pale by my audacity.

“What you say to me boy?” he abandoned the door and pulled a gun at me

“So, officer you’re pulling a gun at an unarmed innocent black man” I questioned him, looking him straight in the eye.

“I can clip you both and nobody would know. Plant a gun on you two and tag it self-defense” he c****d his gun.

“Yo officer! I bet you could do that. But I guess you didn’t notice my camera. You’re streaming live now on i********: and I know if you murder me in cold blood, you can’t escape!” I pulled my last card, breathing heavily because I was terrified.