The BAREN Wife

MARRY

PABABA AKO NG hagdan yakap-yakap ang kahon na may iilang mga gamit. Some stuff were missing, hindi ko alam kung kinuha ba iyun ni Rancel o sadyang nawawala lang talaga dala na rin ng katagalan naming hindi nakabalik sa bahay.

“That was heavy!” agap nitong dalo sa akin at kinuha ang kahon na hawak ko. I saw how he glanced what is inside the box, panigurado akong ilan doon ay pamilyar din sa kanya. Nakita ko ang pananahimik at panandaliang pagseryoso nito.

Hinawakan ko siya sa balikat para kunin ang kanyang atensyon. I smiled at him, giving him all the assurance that he needed. All the love that will cast away any questions on his mind.

“Iuuwi mo ba ang mga ito?” paos at hindi makatingin niyang tanong sa akin.

Love is so unpredictable. Future is so unpredictable. Watching him wearing his business suit, helding formality and being respected by many people. Almost gave up everything for me. For us to be together. Hindi ko alam na aabot sa ganito.

“Hindi. Hindi ko iuuwi yan. May isang bagay lang akong balak kunin at iuwi.”

Kunot-nuo siyang tumingin sa akin. He sighed heavily and nodded his head half-heartedly. Hindi ko mapigilang mapangiti ng matamis habang tinitignan siya, showing and expressing so many emotions that I never thought is… alive.

“Then I’ll put this under the table.” He looked away and started walking towards the kitchen. Pinanuod ko ang malapad niyang likod, pormal at kalkuladong galaw, maski ang malalaking hakbang. Natawa ako at napayuko ng kaunti. Would things change if… I knew it sooner? Would my future change if… I took a risk? I should have.

Would things be better if we gained courage in the first place?

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Flashback

Rancel’s Studio

(Love and Career)

I COULDN’T HELP but smile and feel so excited while checking Rancel’s studio. May mga larawan at iilang display, he is already ready for the opening of this business. Hindi ko inaasahan na agad niyang mapagtatrabahuhan ito.

Naramdaman ko ang yakap niya sa aking likod. His embrace tightened on my stomach as we both watched the designs of his studio.

“Wow! You’re amazing,” hindi ko mapigilang komento. I felt his face buried on my neck and rested there for a while, getting the comfort he has always been wanting.

“This is all for you, Babe…” he paused and I felt his palm rubbing against my stomach. “I want to marry you. I want to provide for you. Be prepared to start building a family with you.”

Natahimik ako at napakagat ng pang-ibabang labi. Pinigilan ko ang pagngisi at sinubukan siyang harapin pero mas humigpit ang yakap niya sa akin. I chuckled softly and reached his face using my hand while he is still behind me.

“I want that too.”

“Pagtatrabahuhan ko. Lahat, lahat gagawin ko. Para kapag nasa akin kana, wala kanang iisiping problema. I love you so much…”

“I love you too.” I swallowed a bit. “I will work hard also for us. For our future…” when he heard it I felt his body weaken that even his embrace loosen a bit. Dahil doon ay nagkaroon ako ng pagkakataon na harapin siya.

“Just do whatever makes you happy. Basta gusto ko masaya ka. Gusto ko nakikita kitang masaya. Ayokong nasasaktan ka.” He caressed my face and smiled at me. “I love you so much. I love you.”

Pinatakan niya ako ng halik sa mukha.

I bit my lower lip and laughed a bit. Napapapikit tuwing ang labi niya ay dadampi sa parte ng aking mukha.

“I love you. I love you.” Sunod sunod niyang usal bawat halik hanggang sa ang labi ko na ang kanyang hinalikan.

PALABAS NA AKO ng bahay nung maabutan ko si Mama na nasa garden namin kasama ang isang katulong at inuutusan ito sa kanyang mga halaman na inaalagaan. When she saw me she immediately went to me and kissed my forehead.

“Where are you going?” tinaasan niya ako ng kilay at napansin ang mga bitbit kong bag.

“Magpapahatid sana ako sa apartment ni Rancel. Pwedi po ba? Is our diver here?”

She smiled casually and glanced at her plants.

“Napapadalas ang iyong pagpunta sa apartment ni Rancel.” Her voice became serious but still considerate. “You’re at the right age. But I don’t want you to announce one day that you’re pregnant. Baka mauna pa yan bago kayo makasal. Ayoko ng ganun, Camille.”

Uminit ang pisngi ko at napaiwas ng tingin. Bukod sa mainit na nga rito ay dumagdag pa itong sinasabi ni Mama.

“I like Rancel so much. But I don’t like that lately, you’ve been staying at his apartment for the whole day.”

“Ma, I am helping him to his studio. Tsaka sa apartment niya, tumutulong na rin naman ako sa kanya. He is very busy with his newly opened business.” Hinawakan ko ang braso ni Mama. “Ayaw mo nun, Ma? Rancel is very serious and hard working…”

“You have your own life, Cami. Why don’t you also try to spend your time doing things about yourself.” Napanguso ako. “O baka totoo nga ang sinasabi sa akin ng Mommy ni Rancel. You seem very fond of being a housewife. Nag-eensayo kana ba kaya abala ka sa pag-aalaga sa nobyo mo?”

“I’m… still planning how to start my cafe business. For now, I’ll help Rancel first.” Matamis ko siyang nginitian. She just shook her head and eventually smiled at me.

“I want you to get married first. Sa tamang proseso kayo dumaan, huwag kayong tumalon bigla ng wala sa plano.”

Tumango ako, I confidently looked at my mother. I don’t want to disappoint her. I don’t like to be a disappointment to the people around me.

I ALMOST DROPPED the cover of the casserole when I forgot to get the pot holder. I flinched and was about to put my fingers in my lips when Rancel went beside me and held my wrist to lift it up.

“Ingat ka naman, Cami.” Seryoso niya akong tinignan. He checked my fingers and when he noticed the redness on my thumb, he put it inside his mouth. I felt how his tongue moved along with his teeth. Napakagat ako ng labi at pinapanuod siya. “Masakit?”

“Hindi naman.” Pinigilan kong matawa. “I enrolled in a cooking class but it seems like I learned nothing!” parinig ko at natawa sa sarili.

“That’s not true. Ang sarap kaya ng luto mo.” He smirked and pinched my cheek. Napanguso ako kaya bumagsak ang tingin niya sa labi ko. “Lalo na yan,” he added in murmured while staring at my lips.

Napairap ako at iniwan siya sa counter para ayusin ang lamesa.

“How was your business so far?” I trailed and watched him help me.

“It was good. I guess… planning to build an art gallery for the pictures that I took. It’s also a good opportunity to make my business grow.”

Umupo na ako at hinintay siyang makalapit sa lamesa para makapagsimula na kaming kumain.

“That’s great!” masayang sambit ko sa kanya. He looked exhausted when he sat in front of me. Hindi pa siya nakakapagpalit ng damit at dahil hindi ako pwedi rito magpalipas ng gabi ay ihahatid niya pa ako imbes na makapagpahinga na siya. “I think I can stay here for the night.” usal ko sa maliit kong boses.

Sinulyapan ako ni Rancel.

“Pinayagan ka ni Tito?” taka niyang tanong. “I can sleep on the couch. You will sleep here?”

“Hindi pa ako nagpapaalam.”

He chuckled and shook his head.

“Huwag na, Cami. Hindi ka pweding magpaalam ng ganitong oras. Gabi na at ihahatid kita.”

Napasimangot ako at nagsimula na sa pagkain.

“You’re tired…”

He licked his lower lip.

“Pwedi naman kitang ipaalam, pero kung hindi pumayag ay uuwi ka.”

Hindi ko alam kung papayag sila. It is easy for them to reject Rancel, because they are all comfortable with him. Na kahit anong sabihin nila ay tila tanggap ni Rancel at para na rin naman niyang parents ang mga magulang ko.

“Go and eat. I’ll call them later, ipapaalam kita kung pwedi ka matulog dito.”

“Paano kung hindi pumayag? Sabihin mo na lang nakatulog ako…”

Natatawa siyang napailing at nilagyan ng pagkain ang plato ko na halos hindi ko na ginagalaw.

“Iuuwi kita kung hindi sila pumayag.”

“But you’re tired already. Magbo-book na lang ako ng sasakyan pauwi.”

“Hindi ako pagod. Dito pa ako mapapagod kung kasama kita?” Humalakhak siya. “Bilisan mo ng kumain, para may oras pa tayong dalawa bago ka umuwi.”

“Akala ko ipapaalam mo ako na dito matutulog? Bakit uuwi agad?” maktol ko.

“Next time na lang, ipagpapaalam kita ng maayos kung gusto mo talaga matulog dito.”

“Kailan?” agap kong tanong.

“Next time,” he answered.

He paused to look at me. Tahimik akong kumakain at nag-iisip.

“Gusto mo na ba akong kasama?” he suddenly questioned.

“Gusto naman talaga kita kasama, ah.”

He drank the water and put down the glass. Tumayo ito at hinila ang upuan sa tabi ko. Umupo siya roon at hindi pa nakuntento kaya hinila ang upuan ko ng kaunti. He is sitting facing me while I am facing the table. His legs are parted a bit, imprisoning me while sitted.

“Gabi-gabi? Buong gabi?” marahan niyang tanong at nilagay ang isang braso sa likod ng upuan ko. Ang isa ay bumagsak sa aking hita. “Hanggang umaga?”

I pouted my lips and looked at my plate.

“Gusto…” I answered in a tiny voice.

“Pakakasalan na kita, gusto mo ba?” He poke my waist kaya napaiwas ako sa kiliti na hatid nito.

“Are you proposing to me?”

“Hindi pa naman… gusto ko lang malaman kung handa kana para naman walang pressure kang maramdaman kapag nag-propose na ako sayo.”

He leaned on me and started shifting his attention to my thighs and shorts, letting his fingers play there like it was giving too much attraction to him.

“I will never feel pressure,” seryoso kong sagot. Nakita ko ang pag-angat ng konti ng labi niya kahit nasa hita ko pa rin ang titig.

“Then I’ll drive you home tonight. Ayokong magalit sa akin sina Tita.”

“Okaaay…” I mumbled.

I saw his palm went between my thighs, sinubukan niyang iangat iyun pero agad rin huminto at napanguso. My heart was pounding loud and fast, hindi ko alam kung naghihintay ba ako sa gagawin niya.

Pero sa huli ay tinanggal niya ang palad niya roon at umangat ng tingin para hanapin ang aking kamay.

“Is your hand okay now?” Tumango ako. He leaned a bit closer to my ear. “Hurry up so we can put something on your fingers.”

“Ointment? Mukhang ayos na rin naman, hindi naman masakit.”

“I’ll suck it again, para mawala yung sakit,” he whispered to my ear. Natatawa akong sumubo ng pagkain at hindi na lang umimik. I finished eating my food while he was watching me until I was finally done.