Pregnant with the Bad Boy

59

I closed the door slowly so that it could not be heard and went down the stairs, I could already see the car he was driving, it was far from the black truck he had had when a smaller car that looked older came closer and I breathed in and out several times, I would be strong, even if he said he hated me, or whatever, I was not going to give up this time.

He almost skidded in and I walked towards the passenger door and opened it, sat down and put on my seat belt and closed the door again without looking at him as he drove away fast and I just stared ahead, it felt sick after all the time we had been apart that he really was here.

He said nothing now and I was silent, I did not want to talk yet, did not even look at him as I was afraid that everything, I had promised myself would be destroyed in a few seconds again as he drove out onto the highway and continued toward Perryville, I hoped he was not going to drive home, if he even lived there. I had no idea where he had been, it still stung in me that he might have been here all along.

He suddenly slowed down and drove onto a secluded road and stopped next to a rest area that was deserted now that it was the winter season.

He turned off the engine and I gulped as we sat in the dark and had not said a word to each other yet.

“Why the hell didn’t you tell me?” his voice was growling and almost calm, as if the rage was just waiting to come, just a word and he would burn off, I already knew that.

“How?” I turned to him now and just looked disappointed at how he stared at the rest area and turned his hands on the steering wheel restlessly, a bomb just waiting to go off.

“You lied to me, you said you wasn’t.” he meant the time I took the first test, the time it was negative. I sighed, he blamed everything on me already.

“I didn’t lie to Dylan; it was just too early.” I looked down at my hands, since I had been ill had not helped me either as I had tried to explain everything away when I should have been able to understand what had happened.

“Bullshit. you knew and you lied.” He said the words he had already decided, and I shook my head, he had no idea what I had gone through after him, how dare he accuse me of lying about something so important?

“Why would I lie? I loved you.” I said the words tired, I did not want to say that I still did, he had another now and I did not want to be with him after everything that happened.

He looked confused as if I had said something he had not expected when he finally turned his head and looked at me with his hard grey eyes bubbling with anger and I sat quietly waiting for him to say something.

“Loved me?!” his eyes changed several times before they got darker, until they looked completely black and I steeled myself so that he would start screaming when he started laughing, loud and it sounded awful like there was no trace of joy left in him.

I just stared at him as he sat in the evening light and looked completely crazy next to me, maybe I should not have followed him here.

“Don’t you dare say those f*****g words to me!” his voice was threatening, and I sighed, I had been stupid to think he would not become a cold f*****g snake when he was as angry as he was now.

I sat quietly over what he had said, I knew this was going to be difficult but it felt like he had thrown away everything we had, and I was not ready to let go of it than he had done for a long time.

“it's true.” I whispered the words to him as he turned the steering wheel harder so that I thought he would bend it soon as his eyes looked over me, they were completely black with anger now and I sighed in despair, whatever I said he would not believe it.

“you're nothing more than a lying f*****g w***e I wish I had never met!” I jerked at his words, it burned in my eyes when I was shocked by what he had said to me, we had fought day and night and he had never called me anything like that.

“I'm the w***e!? Who was shoving their tung down Lorraine throat in the parking lot?!” I was angry, I could not help it when he had insulted me merciless, he was the w***e here, not me.

His eyes narrowed as he hit the steering wheel hard as he had just waited for me to say it and looked at me cursed.

“I would have done more than that if I knew you were opening your legs to anyone.” he snorted and I screamed in frustration at his stupidity, I should never have talked to him, he did not even deserve that I was calm towards him as he treated me.

“What the hell do you mean by that!? I wasn’t with anyone but you!” I hissed at the words as he laughed again and looked at me like he was amused.

“Do not you think I know about that rich guy you met, the same bastard from the bar, you didn’t f**k him!?” I turned white in the face from his revelation, how the hell did he know about Grant? He had not been back when I met him, and he took my silence as a yes and laughed again as if he already knew.

“Does it matter?” I turned around and saw him straight into his eyes which actually looked hurt now, as he had the right to be.

“I did it, I f****d him, and I liked it.” he made a sound like I had stabbed him in the knife as I smiled at his wounded face, now he knew how it felt.

“How the hell do I know he's not the one who knocked you up?!” I laughed softly at his angry face which was even more annoying that I just sat there and mocked him back.

“Do you really think I would be sitting here if it was Grant's child?” I looked annoyed at his stupid beautiful face; he was a f*****g i***t who accused me of being unfaithful when we had finished when it happened.

“The hell I know, maybe he saw what a w***e you were and took the easy way out?!” I didn’t know how it had happened but before I could have stopped myself had I hit him hard with the palm of my hand over his face.

He was sitting completely still now, and I saw that he was shaking from the anger that ran through every fibre of his body and I pulled my hand down quickly when I realized what I had done, damn he made me so f*****g angry that I did not even have control over myself.

I jerked as he grabbed the pack of cigarettes that was between us, and he just looked quickly at me with his black eyes and got out of the car and slammed the car door behind him so I jerked again from the sound.

I looked nervously at how he lit the cigarette and turned away from me, I was so f*****g stupid that had hit him… I regretted the second it had happened, but he got me so f*****g angry that I could strangle him! I looked at him for a while before I decided to open the door and go after him, he had no right to say that about me, or Grant.

I stood behind him right by the car, I did not want to go any closer than that as he was still smoking, and I snorted at his idiotic habit.

“Grant knew that I was pregnant Dylan, he was willing to be with me anyway, and to be the father of the child you left me with!” I screamed now, I do not know how or why but I could not bear to be kind anymore, he wanted to fight and I was happy to give him one.

He turned slowly and looked at me, he was still pissed and drew the smoke hard into his lungs before releasing it again into the cold evening and his eyes were widened by what I had just said.

“You were never going to tell me, weren’t you!? If you could have kept that bastard, you would have pretended like I never existed!” He was screaming now and I was uncomfortably twisted by his words when it was true. But that was not the whole truth, to him it sounded like I wanted to cling to Grant when I had done everything to find him.

“You were gone! I was looking for you everywhere!” My voice had now burst from the crying that burned hard behind my eyes, as it always did when I fought with him.

He breathed faster and had his hands on his hips, he was wearing a pair of old jeans and a leather jacket, nothing about him had changed, at least himself.

“You said you never wanted to see me again Jen! You told me that last time I saw you!” His voice was tired though he screamed as loud as before and I shook my head, no. No! He would not blame this on me! I had crossed my arms when he looked accusingly at me with his big grey eyes that I could have died for once.

“I was hurt Dylan! you betrayed me with f*****g Lorraine! I never wanted you to go!” I shouted the words before I realized what I had said, damn it. I looked uncertainly at his face which looked as confused and hurt as my own.

He tossed the cig and sat down on the bench behind him on the rest table as I stood still and did not know what to say anymore as he sat with his legs wide apart and leaned on his knees with his hands over his face which he was just as tired of fighting as I was.

“I know.” he said the words still with his hands over his face and I looked surprised at his confession, I swallowed for what time in order and struggled not to cry as he pulled his hands away and looked up at me with his tired bright eyes that made me want to cry even more so when he looked like he could be as dead inside as I felt.

“You knew? So why did you go?” I took a step towards him trying and he pulled his hands away completely and raised his upper body so he sat straight up now with his elbows back on the table and I took another step, why did I not know, as usual I could not stay away from him when he was nearby.

“You know why…” he said the words heavily and I sobbed until now, I knew why, even before I had asked him and put my hand on my mouth when the first tear ran down my cheek, so it hurt in the evening air cold before I released it again.

“I was so angry Dylan… I just wanted you to feel like I did…” I stopped and looked down at my boots, they were frost on the ground, and he sighed as he knew it too, I looked up, I had let him down.

“you're the only one I've loved so far Jen… you said you would never leave me…” I saw that he touched the cross around his neck, and I felt bad to see it on him, I did what I thought was right then, having payback the worst way I could.

“I know.” I took another step and stood in front of him now where he sat absent and stroked his fingers across the golden cross without looking up at me as I sat down next to him and sighed as he glanced at me, and I watched wearily at his tired face with their beautiful diamond eyes.

“I should never have thrown your mother's cross…I’m sorry.” I said the words honestly, I knew I had hurt him deeply, deeper than anyone could have understood when he nodded slightly and just looked at me like he did not really understand that I was here either.

“I shouldn’t have disappeared, Leaving you alone.” His eyes had a little warmth in them now that I smiled shyly at his face, which I had not seen so many times before when I realized that I still had the pictures in the bag and quickly pulled them up when he looked strangely at me, and I gave him one of the pictures without saying a word.

He received it with both hands and looked at it for a few seconds before he saw what it was, and I felt my heart pounding harder as he looked surprised but tender at the picture, I had given him of the baby. I smiled as he looked up at me as if to confirm that this was really what was in the picture as I nodded several times and let my tears flow freely over my cheeks as he was about to give it back to me and I shook on the head.

“Keep it.” I smiled happily even though I was still crying, all I wanted was for him to love her as much as I already did.

“So, you are really pregnant? no joke?” He looked at me nervously when I laughed and opened the jacket where I still had the T-shirt on me, and his eyes became large as he had not understood it even though he knew it before now when I took his hand without asking and put it warm hand on the spot where she was.

” it’s not a joke, she's there.” I laughed again when his face looked shocked at me again as he had not understood what I had said and slowly caressed his hand over my stomach, so it rushed into me for every movement his fingers were touching me.

“She?” He looked at me in horror as I put my hand on his and hugged it lightly with a reassuring smile against his fear that I saw spreading around in my eyes for every second.

“She.” I said the word so calmly as his face was no longer empty, it had a tenderness I had not seen in him before when he looked down at my stomach again and stroked my fingers over my skin so that my whole being tense by his touch, and I tried to breathe calmly as he lingered and looked at me, so I all stopped by his eyes shining like diamonds in the dark here with me.

“I missed you babe.” I gasped at the old nickname he had just told me and before I could stop myself, I kissed him longingly for his touch, I ignored everything that happened as it flashed in me from all directions, and I felt that time stood still as I pulled back again breathless from feeling his lips against me again.

I opened my eyes slowly and looked at his who looked at me in the same way as before everything had happened and I trembled to want more, just more.

he withdrew his hand and put his hands around my face and kissed me slowly and deeply so that I barely knew where I was when his tongue looked over mine and I moaned to feel the taste of him in my mouth again, I pulled up and he put his hands on my hips and helped me up so I sat cross-legged over him with our hands all over each other as it felt like I was burning, my whole being was engulfed by the flames that only he could light in me when I pressed against his crotch whether I wanted to or not.

 he slowly dragged his hands over my breasts under the thin T-shirt that was still open in the cold but I didn’t feel it, I burned in every place he touched me and his mouth kissed me on the neck soft and longing as I moaned again of his closeness as he pulled his hands up under the shirt over my stomach and up over my breasts and caressed them softly before pulling them away and I looked up at his face when I was already lost in his big strong arms.

“I've missed you tough guy.” I said the words longingly, desperately as it glistened in his eyes as he kissed me again and I pulled up the skirt I was wearing around my hips and pulled up his jeans quickly, consciously, as if every second of my life was counted that I wanted feel him in me as he lifted me up and I let him come into me.

I just stared in amazement at his face when he was in me, filled me to the bottom as only he could do and I gasped again as he smirked and looked lovingly at me as we were face to face as I moved slowly with my hips so he moaned as I circled them up and down over him and I put my arms behind his neck, it was like I had never been with anyone else. Only him.

I increased the pace and moaned every time I came down over his d**k and he kissed me over the neck and face as I closed my eyes and took in every breath of his presence.

 his scent his touch, his way of kissing me, all that was he I wanted.

I leaned back with my back and felt my legs disappear under me as he put his hands on the side of my waist and moved faster with his help so I panted his name loudly now and tensed every part of my body when I screamed that he made me come, as he had never been away when I opened my eyes and looked foggy on his face that was strained and tense as I moved quickly again until I saw that he gasped loudly and moaned when he came in me then I held his head against my upper body. 

We were still, motionless for a little while until I pushed back and he looked up at me with his loving grey eyes with his hands over my stomach and smiled in a way that I knew was because he was happy, right now, in this moment had we forgot everything and were just in love again.

I kissed him lightly on the mouth as I slid off him and pulled down the skirt I was wearing and corrected the jacket that I closed now, he just looked at me and hadn’t moved a muscle, just admired me as he used to do and I smiled stupid against his silly smile, just like we never hated each other, he was just mine right now.

“Jennifer Ann Thompson, my s*x goddess.” His voice was warm again as I smiled innocently against his way of saying my name, in the way only he in the whole world could.

He just smiled absently as he got up and pulled up his jeans again, I bit my lip uncertainly, so what happened now? He still had another one and I knew we would not stop arguing just because it was good right now.

“Dylan… I can’t be with you again…” I honestly looked at his face that changed from calm to confused and angry again when I sighed, I should have stayed away from him but it was hard when my whole body screamed for his touch and my heart just wanted him.

“Who said anything about being together?” his voice was annoyed now and I sighed, like I didn’t see it in him that he thought everything would be fine again just because we had forgiven each other for what had happened and would have child together, life was not so easy.

“you did, the way you just looked at me.” I looked sadly at his angry eyes which became even more annoying that I could see what he was feeling without him knowing about it.

“okay cards on the table then, so what if I thought so? why not? I want to be with you, and I do not want to be a part-time dad, you know how I feel about that.” he stood still and looked angry when I had put my hands in my pockets and writhed uncomfortably in the cold over the fact that he had been so f*****g honest all of a sudden, not even trying to be angry and say something mean to me.

“I want to be with you too…” I bit my lip now, this was harder than I thought it would be to say to him as my heart was pounding hard to see him and all I want to say is nothing but that just throw me in his arms and continue where we had left everything, but I did not want us to be so longer, I wanted us to respect each other and not fight around the clock if we did not have s*x.

“But we are not good for each other ...” I sighed resignedly and he collapsed a bit, as if he knew I was right deep inside, we were raw power of energy together, and it knocked us and everyone else around us.

“I want to get better first; I can’t risk turning off again after she’s born.” I said the words with tears in my throat, this was the worst thing so far, tell him I could not be with him even though he stood there and said he wanted to, not even when he was mean to me it had done so here hurt.

“f**k Jen… nothing is easy with you… do you know?” his anger was gone now when he looked at me with his beautiful face that was so sad that I felt it hurt me as it always did when he was in pain. I smiled and blinked away the tears, no, nothing was easy with me.

“I’m not saying its forever Dylan, but for now…” I wanted to approach him, hold my arms around him and say that everything would be fine, but it felt like I had frozen in the cold below me.

“let’s go. I'm driving you home.” He said the words blankly as if I had said goodbye again and I could not help but stand in the way of him as he went to the car behind me.

“Dylan waits.” I saw how he reacted to me, froze and I put one hand on his chest as if that was the only way I dared to touch him right now.

“Please…” I had already begged him to understand me, or maybe I begged myself for rejecting his love again and I hated myself for it.

“I still love you, Dylan.” I looked up now at his face writhing in a mixture of pain and anger over what I had said, I just looked resignedly at him, he was the one who always wanted to tell the truth, so here it was.

I sighed as he pulled my hand away and did not look at me anymore, as I had said the worst I could think of him, so it was safe with.

“Do you think it's been easy for me?” He still did not look at me when I felt how it hit me hard, no it had not been easy for him, he was leaner now, had lost muscle and looked like he had been dead in the eyes, it had not been easy, but I did not answer, he did not want to hear my answer, he wanted to tell.

“I f*****g lost everything after you told me to leave, I did not want to be anywhere anymore where I was with you, I even sold the truck.” I just blinked, it was hard to hear, I knew he had suffered but his voice was exhausted and hurt in a way that I could only interpret as if he had had it as f*****g hard as me.

“So, I left.” He looked down at me now that I just stayed with my gaze looking at him with sadness, I wanted to say sorry but what would it help now? We had hurt each other, more than anyone else had done.

I nodded, I probably would have done the same thing if I had had the strength, if I had not just lay down to die on the day when everything had happened.

“But I came back, did you know that?” he looked at me now with a sarcastic smile that did not match his sad eyes as I shook my head, I had no idea he had been back before.

“I saw you, you and that f*****g Grant.” I took a deep breath, how had he done that? I had never seen him. I looked confused as he laughed joylessly and put his arms crossed, he was angry at what he had seen, but so had I been.

“He kissed you out in the garden, and you liked it.” he said the words flat as if the memory killed him for every minute, because that's exactly how I felt when I had seen Lorraine kiss him.

“I had two choices there, either I would go ahead and kill him, or I would walk away.” I was crying now before I even knew it, I was glad he had not tried to kill Grant, but I wished he had stayed with me, I needed him so much that time whether I understood it or not then.

“Then I started to hate you, and it felt so good not to feel anything else, so I kept at it, that you had only used me before you went on to someone who was better than me.” I gasped at his revelation, I understood that was how he saw it, Dylan had always been afraid of not being good enough, in front of the whole f*****g world.

“I hated you too…” I said the words heavily, that was the truth, during the time with Grant, I hated him with all my heart as much as I could because it was easier that way.

He smiled now as if he thought it was funny, but he was not angry anymore and I sighed, what the hell were we going to do now?

“Seen all this…” he aimed his big hand at my stomach and sighed, he was right, nothing was easy with me. I ran my hands over my face over what we would do, I did not want him to disappear again, that was what was most important to me, that I loved him and wanted to be with him had to wait.

“I want to be with you… but I can’t…” I said the words again and he looked just as shocked this time with when I put my hand trying on his arm to calm him before he got angry again.

“But you are still the father of our child, so I do not want you to disappear again…” I looked begged at him when his face became sad again and I wiped away the tears that came again, I would cry the rest of the evening, I just knew it.

“Can we not try to be friends? Or yes… something like that? For her sake?” I said the words trying even though I did not want it myself, but I had to. He just looked at me like I was crazy now, and I agreed with him.

“We have never been friends Jen…” he broke up in an amused smile now in the middle of everything and I cried more when he was right, we had been much more than that.

I laughed crying at what he had said, I do not know what we had been, enemies, lovers? At the same time? Then he writhed uncertainly in front of me where I stood and felt the current that flowed between my hand and his arm that hurt from missing him even though he was standing there.

“But I will try…”