Pregnant with the Bad Boy

58

I put my bag down in the wide hallway, I was finally home again and Dad came up behind me with the big box that had the crib in it that he had bought for me, I smiled that he did not seem at all bothered by the heavy box and looked at me like he was happy I was back and I laughed when he put his arm around me and hugged, I was so happy to be back, and this time I did not feel like last time , that I could not hear his name, or that everyone should beware of what they said about me, I was just happy to be here again and continue my life where I had lost it again.

“Jen! Mandy came running down the stairs and threw herself awkwardly at someone her size over me and hugged me so hard she dared when I had decided, I was not going to hide anymore, people could say and believe what they wanted if they saw me, I wore a t-shirt and cardigan so you could see that it was curved right where my stomach was and I laughed happily that she was staring at me as she had not at all understood that I was pregnant.

“I guess the secret is out…” she giggled, and I shrugged, I was just happy to be here with her.

“It’s going to show anyway, I have nothing to hide. I smiled when she just nodded so her pink hair bobbed, and I chuckled when she looked like a goldfish when she just stood there and grinning at me.

“Okay, I want to go inside now if it pleases the ladies.” Dad moved us calmly and hauled the box up with him, I looked at him gratefully, he still had Levi in Oklahoma and yet he was here to help me, I loved him for it.

I took off my jacket and cardigan, it was hot indoors when I heard that the fire was going on, I went further inside and sat down on one of the sofas while Mandy trew herself on the other one.

 She looked quickly at the phone and smiled at me as she always did nowadays and I shook my head at her and smiled back, it felt so good to be here and I pulled my feet up on the couch and put my legs on the side and realized that it would be hard to sit like before soon.

“Jennifer!” mom came running and gave me a hug from there she stood, and I smiled happily at her tears, I knew it had been hard for them, I felt so awful that just broke down all the time, I was glad they had taken me there I could get help, really.

“Hey mom.” I patted her on the back and of course she was already crying from seeing me when she pushed herself next to me and I turned and leaned against her instead when Mandy picked up the phone and smiled again, I looked at her suspiciously, I knew she was doing something I just did not know what.

“Move.” Dad came and sat laughing next to Mandy who angrily pulled her legs together and crossed them without looking up from the phone.

I smiled tenderly at them, it felt good that they were all here, that we were together as a family again.

“So… it's nice that you're back Jenni.” Dad looked even happier now that he was all here, even though he missed Levi of course, I hoped he might be able to bring him here sometime.

“it’s nice to be home again… “I smiled at my mother's hand which pressed me on the arm and lay more comfortably against her.

“so, tell me sis, what was it like at the madhouse?” I just laughed at Mandy's sarcasm, she was just herself, my mother angrily narrowed her eyes, I did not even have to see her face to know.

“It was good at the madhouse thank you very much.” I answered her dryly as she laughed and ignored our parents' angry looks at her.

“You do not have to pretend that everything is fine…” I know I haven’t been, for a long time. I sank a little with my head, I had realized many things in the hospital, and one of them was that this had not started with Dylan, it had only gotten worse.

“Jennifer…” mother tried to explain away that it was not true when I turned and looked at her calmly.

“But it's true, I have felt bad for several years without realizing it.” I smiled now as they all looked uncomfortable that I had told them the truth.

They said nothing but just exchanged glances with each other, especially mom and dad.

“I'm going to find Dylan.” I said the word for sure when Mom bit her lip and Dad looked like he would black in the eyes any second when Mandy just looked at me in surprise.

“No. the hell you are.” Dad's voice was low and dark, as if it was a promise that he would make sure I didn’t do it. I sighed; I knew they would react like this.

“We do not want you to get worse again…” mom looked at me pleadingly now as if we did not already have this conversation in the hospital.

“I won’t…” I smiled in an attempt to convince them; I would not break even if he was a bastard this time again.

“You did not say a f*****g word Jenni, not a single f*****g word after I found you in the car, how can we believe that you will not just be the same if you see him or talk to him!?” Dad's voice almost trembling, I saw that he had suffered badly from my recent breakdown, and it hurt me.

“Because I get help now.” They looked at me as if that was the only thing that might be true of everything, I have said so far.

“Let her do it… in the worst case, she just goes back to the madhouse.” Mandy looked at me seriously and I smiled gratefully back at her support, I had not counted on it at all when I was the one who told her to give up on Dylan but here, I sat now and tried to convince my family that I did not want to give up on him.

Dad gritted his teeth as he looked at her with a dark look that she rebelliously ignored, I would have laughed if I had dared right now over their similarities.

“Amanda.” He said her full name and that meant he was angry for real when she looked up just looked at him and decided to be quiet, smart choice.

“I'm an adult, and he's the father.” I said the words as if they were obvious, nothing was really obvious when it came to Dylan.

Dad looked more annoyed now and then as he mumbled things that would make anyone blush and Mom sighed again and looked at him, he was stubborn, but I was at least as stubborn as him.

“Ed, she's right… I do not want her to meet him either, but it might be good with…” she did not say the rest of the sentence but raised her eyebrows as if he would understand the end of her wordless sentences.

He sighed, several times and looked resignedly at me where I stood and looked at them, I understood, they were worried, but I was not the same person felt it, I had understood more in these weeks than in several years, about me myself and about my relationship with him.

“I have to do it. I do not want to be with him, at all. I really did not want that, we just hurt each other.”

Dad, who was the one who least wanted me to see him, just looked at me suspiciously as if he did not believe me at all.

“Do you realize that he can just as easily say that it's your problem? That he might not want to have anything to do with the child at all?” He looked at me seriously now and I nodded heavily, if that was the case. Then it was so. I would still try to give our child a chance at him.

“I understand, and I will not break down if that is the answer.” I sat down next to my mother again who put her hand on her back and looked at me with her big blue eyes that were filled with concern for me.

“Okay. But if I see him, I'll kill him.” he said the words coldly and I nodded at his threat, it was too early for him to try to understand and forgive what had happened to me and he took it all out on Dylan, as if it was just his fault.

“I just have to get hold of him first.” I looked at the phone, I hardly thought he would answer if I even had his number, and I did not want to sit outside his place either. I sighed as I hung up the phone again and Mandy laughed as if she did not find it difficult to find him at all.

“You’re kidding, right? It's the easiest part.” She just looked at me with her secretive look as she held up her phone and I looked at it confused.

“Wait, do you have his number?” I looked at her angrily as she shook her head and rolled her eyes at my ignorance.

“Social Media.” She smiled calmly now that both me, mom and dad looked questioningly at her plans.

“What about it?” he hadn’t answered once, anywhere. Ever. I sighed and sank more as she stood up and smiled triumphantly at my misfortune. 

“You get him to come to you instead.” She looked at me so that it was almost scary now and I looked at my mother who shrugged, she knew as little as I did.

“How?” I wanted to laugh at her when she got up and pulled me up with her before she stood me against the hall where the light was still seeping in through the colored glasses, I just looked at her strangely, what the hell was she doing? then she adjusted me like I was a doll and I saw suffering on dad who was actually smiling now which made me a little easier at ease.

“Okay, so just to be a hundred on what you want, are you okay with people knowing about this, you know the whole thing about being pregnant?” She looked at me seriously all of a sudden when I got a lump in her throat from her direct question but swallowed it quickly again and nodded slowly as she smiled again and picked up the phone and I saw that she was taking pictures of me now, I hated that and she knew it that monkey.

 I smiled anyway and she took several pictures, as if I was not just standing in the exact same place on all of them.

“perfect!” She could have rubbed her hands if she could now as I stood still afraid to move again as she looked up at me and smiled again before looking down.

“okay what are you doing?” I said the words anxiously, I did not like the whole thing that she did something that I did not even know what it was when she sat down again next to Dad who just looked at the phone and sighed as he already knew I would dislike it.

“okay Mandy, now tell me what you're doing or I'll give you a beating.” I said the words stressed as I suspected what she was doing when she looked up again and looked petty.

“I just posted the picture of you and wrote that I would become an aunt.” She laughed when I looked at her resignedly, I had said I would not hide it anymore, but now the whole f*****g Perryville would know it before the day was over.

“Mandy…” I said the words dull, she had wanted well but it felt like she did something stupid, I wanted to be the one who said to Dylan himself, not that he heard it through town gossip.

“What? This is the fastest way to get him to come to you, he's cant be that stupid that he can't figure out who you slept with, can he?” she said the words a little angry, I do not know if it was over him or that I questioned her plan.

“and the whole town with it.” I said the words dryly when my mother was there answered me instead.

“it would happen anyway.” She knew all too well how quickly such news spread in a small town.

I looked annoyed at them both, because I knew they were right, but it did not feel any easier.

Dad just looked at me sadly when I went back and sat down on the couch again and leaned his head on one hand, he would be angry about this, and I would suffer for it.

“I wanted to tell him myself…” I looked sad on her face when she realized what she had done and looked remorseful, as if she had not even thought that far.

“s**t…. sorry… I didn’t think about it Jen…” she looked really sad now when I looked at her for a few seconds and sighed, it was done now and I had no choice but to take the consequences of it.

“don’t be, I know you were just trying to help…” I smiled faintly at her sad face as she hung up the phone and became silent, just like the rest of us.

“so, why do you think he even sees it and wants to come over and se me?” I said the words heavily as she laughed as if she knew something I did not do.

“he will see it, one way or another…” she fell silent again and I nodded absently, I had to hope so, in some troublesome way.

“he doesn’t set foot in this house.” Dad looked at me seriously and I nodded again, I had understood, he was not welcome.

Mom was the first to stand up and smile sadly at me as she took Dad's hand and pulled him with him he was wearing his ring again I saw, I looked enviously at how they had each other and I had none.

“sorry…” Mandy looked pleadingly at me when I shrugged now, I was not even angry at her, she was smart, too smart for her own best sometimes only.

I got up and took my cell phone with me and walked slowly up the stairs, it felt like she had started something I could not stop, I happened in the whole world knowing that I was alone and pregnant, but I did not ignore what he felt , even though he hated me, I did not hate him anymore, I just wanted to talk to him, as before, without him trying to leave or look like he had never seen me before.

I opened the door and smiled in amazement over the bed that Dad had put together, it was beautiful in the off-white color. I traced my fingers over tired and smiled to myself, everything felt more real when I saw it in front of me, I had to try, he could hate me all he wanted, but I did not want him to hate her… I had forgotten the cards down in the bag, I turned in the door when it vibrated in the phone and I looked at the unknown number, I pressed the red button, I had no desire to talk to any salesman and put it on the bed before I went down again and picked up the bag there they lay down and went up again to the room.

I sat down on the bed with the bag, the cell phone vibrated again and I quickly looked at it, it was an unknown number again and I started sweating, no… it could not be him, never after Mandy posted the picture for ten minutes then, I pressed the number again and thought about how I would have the latest pictures, my desk was gone as there was no room for the bed that was standing there anymore, maybe if I got a frame I could put them up on the wall? I looked thoughtfully about when the cell phone rang again, now I was really scared when it was the same number that still ringing.

I wanted to be strong, and I would try, but he was a f*****g force of nature to resist when he was angry and I was hoping I could resist him this time, not just let him get under my skin again and disappoint my family confidence that I could handle this.

“Hello?” I answered as calmly as I could when I heard him breathing on the other side already, he was pissed like hell, I could hear it before he even said a word.

“What the hell f*****g Jennifer!” he yelled the words, and I closed my eyes, I knew he would be like this, I was not going to let him drag me into his anger.

“You gave me no choice Dylan.” I said the words calmly when he seemed to hit something? Something hard? I listened carefully as it sounded like he was driving now and I took a breath, he was on his way here, I just knew it. 

He just laughed forcefully at me before swearing again and I sighed, I did not want him to come here, there would only be trouble, and I knew that Dad would not hesitate to beat him down if he even took a single step inside the house.

“Listen to me now, for once just f*****g listen.” I said the words calmly and did not wait for him to answer me and continued shakily behind my calm tone.

“You can pick me up here and we'll talk, I'm not going to say another word on the phone.”

I became silent when he swore on the other side, and I was about to hang up when he sighed so that the whole world heard it and said angrily.

“I'm there in five.” He hung up and I sat with the dead tone in my ear, it felt good somehow, that I stayed calm, didn’t scream, didn’t feel that I wanted to cry… I just hoped that it would continue like this.

I put the phone in my bag and opened the door, I didn’t even want to say where I was going and I was grateful that mom and dad were in the bedroom when I ran down the stairs quickly and saw Mandy's curious look as I put on my boots and jacket, I just looked pleading at her when she shocked looked at me as if she did not understand that he had been so fast, I kept my finger over my mouth, I did not want our parents to know where I was going, or rather with whom. She just nodded but I could see that she was worried when I smiled warmly at her, this was my burden to carry myself.