Pregnant with the Bad Boy

57

I was sitting on the bed and saw her come in, they had removed the hose now that I ate myself and she was already crying when she saw me.

“Jennifer, my baby!” She put her arms around me, and I hugged back, it felt good to see her again.

“Hi mom.” I said the words happily and her eyes shone as if she had not expected me to even answer.

“How are you?” Her question was so innocent when I just laughed at it, it was hard to answer.

“Better.” I answered honestly and she laughed at the relief that washed through her now and she sat down next to me and took my hand and hugged it lightly as I leaned against her.

“How is it at home then?” I wanted to know what happened, maybe Dad was not there? Maybe Mandy had a new boyfriend? I smiled as she nodded at me and smiled encouragingly.

“Were taking one day at a time, dad has told Linda now and yes well…” she sighed, and I hugged her hand, it was not easy with love.

“I'm glad you're trying.” I said the words like I was the one who would comfort her, maybe it was because she looked so sad when she looked into the wall when we talked about dad and her.

She looked at me like I was saying something in Greek and laughed all of a sudden, so it got hot in her eyes again.

“We try, Jennifer.” she stroked my face with her soft hand, and I smiled genuinely at her, it had been two, almost three weeks since I last saw her and she just looked at me with her loving eyes and smiled with tears in her eyes.

“Shall we go?” it was me who said it and she nodded as we got up slowly and we walked slowly out the door as I had studied every little detail of the first week here.

She talked about what Mandy had done and I listened and answered everything, it felt good to hear her talk about everyday life, and about Christmas that had been, I did not even care that I had missed it, it would probably have been worse for my family when I was here and Dad had gone back to Oklahoma to celebrate Christmas there with Levi, I looked at the doors of maternity care, I wished I had not just fallen to the ground and gone into Dylan's words, as he knew would crush me before I had time to say anything.

We went in and I sat down on one of the chairs, it was almost empty this time and I was sitting here in my borrowed hospital clothes that were too big and hid all traces that I would be here for the outside world, I would have to stop hiding me, it was not like people would not be able to see it soon anyway.

“how does it feel?” my mother actually looked happy and I smiled, it felt good, I was scared but I would do what I could to not just lie down and close my eyes then some obstacle came on the way from now on.

“it feels good.” I smiled convincingly and she smiled cheerfully at me, I knew she was happy about this, although she must have cried herself to sleep, she was glad here now with me.

 A woman came and picked me up and I followed, I had to lie down on a stretcher, and they turned off the lights when they put on the cold gel and she pulled over the device which immediately sounded and the screen showed a lot of shapes that I do not for my life could figure out that it was a child.

She spoke kindly as my mother sat next to me and stared in amazement at the monitor as I smiled at her, Dylan had not only given me suffering.

“so, everything looks good, do you want to know the gender or is it a surprise?” The woman looked at me and I looked at my mother who shrugged as I looked at the screen and smiled, why not?

I nodded and the woman smiled and pulled a few strokes over her stomach with the device and sat quietly for a few minutes before she looked up at me and smiled happily.

“It looks like you'll getting a girl.” I sat up on my elbows when my heart had fluttered, it was as if she had done everything real with the few words she had said when I looked at my mother in amazement as if I did not think it was true and she cried happily and took my hand in hers while the woman pulled off the gel that smeared all over me.

“Mom… did you hear that?” I smiled in amazement at her when she helped me up, I was going to have a girl ... It made me want to cry from both sadness and pure joy at the same time when we stood up and I got the pictures she had printed out and I just stared at them when mom said goodbye because I just stared at the pictures that you could actually see that it was a baby now.

We had walked a bit out into the corridor when I was still staring at the pictures and my mother hugged me without waiting for me to be ready as I put my arms around her back and laughed at what I felt inside me, it was like my heart had been filled with something I could not even explain when she let go and looked at me.

“I said you would understand one day.” She caressed my cheek and I just blinked at her words, I hardly knew where I was feeling, just that there was a strong feeling that I would love this child regardless of whether Dylan intended to do so.

“I have to talk to him.” I said the words so calmly and confidently when her eyes, which had been bright, of course went out again and she shook her head and immediately looked angry.

“No! Jennifer please, I can’t stand to see him destroy you again, I know I said before that he had the right to know but honestly, I don’t care anymore, he does not need to know, you do not need him Jennifer. she looked into my eyes seriously, she was scared. I would be too if I were her.

“no I may not need him, but she does.” I put my hand on where she was and my mother cried again, this time there were bitter tears when she knew I was not going to change.

She said nothing more when we went again and she accompanied me to the room where I sat down on the bed, I hoped I would get home soon.

She stood in front of me and looked sad all of a sudden as if we had not just been filled with pure joy and sighed as she sat down on the chair in front of me.

“I really hope he wants to help you…” she stopped as if she did not dare say the rest when I looked at her urgently.

“Just say it mom.” I looked at her tense face that there was something she had not told me.

“He is back, I know because I saw him the other day…” she sighed deeper and I felt my heartbeat faster even though I did not want it, of course he was. He had been here the whole time.

“He has another girl, Jennifer.” she looked at me expectantly as she just waited for me to lie down and die again inside as I raised my eyebrows and smiled unhappily, of course he had, he was still Dylan Hopper.

“She had a ring.” She snorted until now and I just looked at her with my shocked eyes when all the hair on my body had stood up, he had another f*****g fiancée?! We had only been apart for a while and he had already moved on, in addition to getting engaged.

“f*****g bastard.” I said the words angrily to myself as she put her hand on my back and pulled the comforting one over me and I looked angrily at the wall.

“She is from Little Rock apparently, I heard it from the girls down at the beauty parlour…” she looked at me sadly when I shook her head, he had found someone else.

“it's okay… I was with Grant…” I looked at her encouragingly, I could not even be angry really, where would I do it?

“But you did not love Grant, not like that.” She looked at me when she understood, and I shrugged hurt at her understanding.

“You did not see how he looked at me last time mom, he really hated me…” I sank down with my head and she snorted as if she was laughing, and I looked up at her amused mine as if she thought I was naive again.

“he certainly does, but he loves you too.” she laughed as if she knew what she was talking about and I understood that she must have felt the same way over the years with her father.

I sighed and pulled my hands over her face, she was probably right, but if he had a new girl, things would be harder for everyone, no matter what happened.

“I do not even know if I wanted to be with him anymore… how sick does not sound when I know I still love him?” I snorted to myself this time as she just smiled with eyes full of understanding, I had wanted an end as mom and dad, a reconciliation but it felt like it would never happen.

“He probably does not know either.” She hugged me and stood up and I looked at her sadly, I did not want her to go.

“You can come home soon? Okay?” She smiled reassuringly as I just smiled weakly back and she was about to turn around and I said loudly.

“I love you mom.” She turned around and looked at me blinking as I smiled warmly at her and she rushed forward again and hugged me hard as if she had not seen me for several weeks again and rocked me slowly for a while as if I were a child in her arms, I would probably always be that in her eyes.

“I love you too my baby girl.” she cried again and let go of me and I smiled at her happy eyes as she stroked my cheek before she stood up and went out the door and I sat still myself, though I was not myself I realized when I held up the pictures, I would never be that again.