Pregnant with the Bad Boy

44

 I woke up sweaty, I was thirsty and needed to pee at the same time when I ran over to his bathroom, I ignored whether I could use it or not when I sat down quickly, I had as usual no idea what time it was, just that Grant said something about him driving me home later?

 I tried to remember when I stood up and washed my hands thoughtfully, I know it was something I wanted to say but I had thought I dreamed it.

 I quickly looked at myself in the mirror where I was still standing naked, I looked better, I looked alive and my body had slowly but surely begun to regain its shape, I hoped Grant would still find me attractive as I would not be skinny anymore, the thought made me sad and I quickly dismissed it as I stepped out of the bathroom and realized that my clothes were in the other bathroom, would I be brave enough to go out naked considering all the windows?

I was just about to set off and go out the door when I felt something on the handle and I pulled out wrapped gallows in surprise, now he had to give up, right? I laughed as I pulled off the dark green dress with long sleeves with a sweetheart neckline, it looked expensive, and I touched the thin fabric that felt wonderful under my fingertips.

He was so tender and just wanted to take care of me, I would admit that I really wanted to just let him do it, but I had to take care of myself, get used to being myself when I did not know if he would stick around when he realised that I really was going to have a kid later.

“You are completely crazy Jennifer…” I looked at the dress again and at the bottom there was underwear in a bag, okay now he knew my size to?

 I looked sceptically at the bra before I pulled it out and pulled it on me, it fitted as it should, almost better, I looked at it again, it was a cup size bigger, I sighed, how did he know better than me that my breasts were bigger now than before? I pulled on my panties, they went in a similar colour to the dress when I put on the thin dress and was surprised at how warm it felt even though it was thin against the skin.

I was going to pick up the bag to throw it away when another package fell out and I looked amused at a pair of long nylon socks that went up to the thighs, he left nothing to chance that man, I giggled, I had never had such on me and I carefully pulled on the thin nylon that was in a faint black shimmering color and collected the bags to throw them I assumed?

 I went out through one of the sliding doors when I stumbled upon something in front of me and I swore low when I looked down at the beautiful pumps in black lacquer, I stopped. My God, those shoes did not fit on the farm, they were meant to be here on the clean wooden floors, I picked them up and looked at them, when had he known my shoe size?

 I put them down again and took a trying step into one of them, they were comfortable even though they had a higher heel and I put on the other and went quickly and threw the plastic after looking for the cabinets and went quickly to the bathroom there the largest mirrors were available.

 I turned on the light and went in when I saw myself, I blinked in surprise back at what kind of woman was standing there, she looked grown up when I spun a lap and took some trying steps with the shoes, I liked it… I smiled at myself before I sighed again, it was a pity that everything would end, I would have to talk to Grant about this, I did not want to start relying on him to give me everything, I still did not dare to trust that he would be left no matter what he said I did not want to let myself trust that he kept his word, which I know was both ridiculous and awful at the same time when I looked up at my face, I looked happy so why gnawed it in me every second of my waking time?

I sighed again and went out of the bathroom and into the big kitchen island where I had left my phone, I looked at it quickly, Mandy had written several times and asked a lot I did not intend to answer, she knew that I was here at Grants place since mom probably had blabbered like she always did.

It was so quiet here when I stood here myself, it felt strange that Grant was not here and I dulled my fingers on the table, it was around three in the afternoon because I had turned around the clock again shamefully enough and I looked at the phone again, if I had had my laptop I could have done schoolwork which was what I should do if I was to graduate, I knew it would be a tough time to come but I did not care at all when I sat here, I know not what had happened to me, I used to be so ambitious and driven, now after Dylan it was like my vitality was gone and I had more or less accepted my fate to become a housewife as a mother, maybe it was just as good… I laughed to myself, I was lousy at cooking, and keeping order, and everything else required of her… I put the laughter in my throat when I realized that I would need to keep track, of everything, of a child. I slapped my hands over my head, damn I would probably be a bad mom with who never knew anything just made everyone disappointed in how I was like.

I sobbed with my self-pity and wrote to Grant, I wanted to be with him as it felt like the darkness in me was about to take over again.

I just wrote and asked when he would be back as I did not want to worry him. I hung up the phone again, I hoped he answered soon when I looked up at the fridges, I was hungry and I had missed two goals already, I was glad mom was not here and saw me as I slid around the island and opened both at the same time with a disobedient smile, he would not say anything I knew when I looked around and a yellow note with the text eat on a plastic box. I laughed when I pulled it out, he already knew I was going to snoop when I opened it and inhaled the smell of the food which was a mixture of something I did not recognize and what looked like eggplant and potatoes. I warmed it up quickly and sat down, it tasted great, of course, what was he not good at?

I ate happily as the cell phone vibrated and I saw with relief that it was Grant who answered, and I looked at the text twice before I understood what he was saying.

I put down the fork when I had already eaten everything and wiped my mouth with the napkin that was included, he would not come back?

I felt my mood drop, why would he have left me here if he was not going to come back, how would I get home like that?

I got annoyed, was I supposed to be some kind of prisoner here until he picked me up?

 What the hell was up with that kind of beahvior, I was just about to write an angry answer when he called and I took a deep breath to scold him when I stopped before his voice, it sounded so loving I dropped my anger and stared stupidly at the air for myself.

“Jennifer? are you still there?” He sounded confused on the other side as I woke up from my coma and responded quickly to his anxious voice.

“I’m here.” I sounded longing now, what had happened to me being angry? I smiled stupidly at myself, Grant had the same effect that Dylan had on me but in the other direction, he calmed me even though he was annoyed and sad.

“I'm sorry but I can’t get loose today, I have to catch up because I left earlier yesterday….” His voice was slyer now and I was embarrassed without knowing why when I heard his seductive tone that made me bite my lip, after this morning it did not matter what he said to me, I wanted him.

“No worries, I'm asking mom to pick me up.” I sounded calm surprised enough that I was not sitting here and wanted to jump on him by hearing him say a word over the phone.

“She was going to Oklahoma during the day…” I sank down on my elbows when I realized he was talking more to my mother than I apparently did, and I had no way to get home.

“I can ride the bus then.2 I was angry again, not because I was going to take the bus but because he left me here and I could not get anywhere.

“Not in those clothes Jennifer.” he laughed again and I looked down at myself, maybe it would not be the most optimal to have on a bus but it would probably work out, I was not even surprised anymore that he knew on the other side that I was wearing it.

“Okay… but what should I do then?” I looked bored out the windows, it would soon begin to get dark, and I wanted to come home if he was not here.

“Take my car.” he said the word like it was the most natural thing in the world when choked on the air in my throat, he wanted what?

“No… no Grant.” I sighed in despair over what he was trying to get me to do.

 “Didn’t you hear that I crashed my latest car? then it does not feel okay to borrow your car home.” I sounded stressed, I was stressed too as his voice got warmer on the other side and I took a couple of deep breaths to calm down.

“Jennifer, I did not have to use it right now anyway, please take it for my sake.” I hesitated, not only that I had not driven anything since Dylan's truck, if it had started to get dark, I would think it was even harder.

“I'm afraid to drive in the dark since the accident.” I said as it was, just as well, he knew everything else so why not one more thing that I was ashamed of.

“Okay…” he sounded thoughtful and I sighed, I knew I was ridiculous, he could add it to the list of things I was worried about on my already ridiculously long list of fears.

“Can you drive to me then?” His voice was so tender and warm on the other side, I got up again from the bench, I guess I could do that, but if he was in the mall outside Perrville, we had a big problem.

“Depends on where you are…” I answered awaited his question, I had already heard that he had something other than just get him in mind.

“I'm still in Little Rock, but I had a business meeting that could not wait, you can come along if you want but it will be boring and long.” I looked uncertainly at the view again, did he want to take me on something like that? I assumed that I would be able to eat again if nothing else and shrugged, the thought of being close to him overcame any boredom that would surely arise.

“Is there food?” I smiled as he laughed happily at my words, it felt good to hear his laugh, I never got enough of it.

“Probably since it's a restaurant.” I was a little hesitant when he said that a restaurant full of people… I tried to decide if maybe it was time to stop being afraid of everything.

“Promise that you don’t leave me.” I said the words unexpectedly seriously as he also understood my seriousness and let out a dark voice that gave me shivers all over my body.

“Never.” I stood up and we hung up after he gave me the address, I had never been there, but I would probably be able to find with the help of the phone.

I had received the code for the garage, and I walked slowly past one of the mirrors in the hall which showed that I looked good, but I looked tired, I wished I could have at least brushed my hair if I would show myself among people.

I put on my coat and bag and went into the elevator, it felt strange to be here all by myself but on Grant it sounded like I had never done anything but be there with him.

I gulped hard, I was not allowed to fall into the same trap again, I would talk to him about it, that even though I liked him… more than I could have imagined, I did not want to live with him ... yet… I was so afraid he would abandon me the day he realized I would have Dylan's kid for real, not even myself still understood if I was being honest.

I quickly pressed the code and pressed the button to get to the garage again, I swallowed as the doors closed in front of me and I saw myself in the mirror, I really had to do something to my hair and face, I wondered if he would get annoyed if he had to wait a while when I was looking for some place that could fix me, preferably quickly.

I already had an address when I stepped out of the elevator and stopped when I hung up the phone, he had said that I could use whichever I wanted and I was left unsure, everyone was so nice, shiny and expensive… I sighed at the last word and made the sign of the cross when I finally took the key to the dark blue city jeep from a locker with the same code as to enter.

I walked quickly towards it and my heels were heard loudly in the clean garage which I realized maybe had no more cars in it than his? I looked around quickly, that was probably it. I wonder how popular he would be in the building if he had looted all the parking space.

I stopped in front of the glittering blue city jeep, Grant probably thought I would take the most luxurious sports car, but I was more worried about the money if I crashed, and this was what I was used to driving… thanks to Dylan… I released him quickly when I unlocked the car and got used to it, in this dress I probably did not look like someone who could climb quickly in and out of such a big car, I laughed when I adjusted the mirrors and the seat, Grant was taller than me and me asked another quick prayer when I put in the key and pressed the button when I realized that I did not need to do more on it and began to roll out slowly from where it stood and pressed the garage door button and drove out when it quietly slid up, I had the phone on the side of me and listened to the toneless voice that asked me to drive different directions until I found the salon that was available, I was just going in and out quickly, I was hoping that there were some times.

I parked as carefully as I could before thinking that I might not jump as I was used to and got down elegantly as fast as I could from the high car.

They were open, I exhaled as not all the chairs seemed to be filled and stepped in, I had been instructed faster than I thought when I sat in the chair and a younger girl made me used to it, I envied her used hands, I would probably try again, if only for the sake of grant.

“What are you going to do?” I looked at her question as she was from March when she just laughed and looked kindly at me.

“so, I know what to do, is there any color you like?” I looked at her ashamed, of course, she wanted to know for the sake of makeup, she did not want to snoop on my privacy.

“I'm going… to a dinner… with ... my boyfriend.” I barely dared say the words, it felt weird, what were we? Friends? Together? None of what we had so early in the stage of our meetings felt like any of them, I did not want to go too fast but the circumstances around us felt like it accelerated everything.

“of course.” she smiled and asked nothing more, I smiled gratefully as she quickly turned me into something I had never seen before, I looked sexy for lack of better words, dark and mysterious as she quickly brushed my hair without even having to ask and just smiled as I nodded gratefully to her and she pulled off the apron and I stood up and looked at myself admired, she was a magician obviously, I thanked her happily and went and paid, I did not care if it was expensive, I wanted to be ready for anything when I arrived and considering what Grant had already put on me, it just felt ridiculous to whine about this.

“good luck.” I just smiled when I went out and jumped in the car again and keyed in the address of the restaurant, I would be a little late at the time he had said and I drove quickly out on the dim street, damn what I hated to drive nowadays this time, I was in the middle of town and worried that a deer would come in front of me again.

I turned off and went for about ten minutes when I entered a main street and saw the name he had mentioned, it obviously looked expensive and I sighed, this was perhaps the dumbest thing I had done so far in my life including everything with Dylan.

I drove the last bit and that's when I saw him, Grant.