Pregnant with the Bad Boy

55

I woke up to a car that stopped in the courtyard, and I looked dizzy at the clock, it was two at night and I heard the door open, and I knew who it was that had come in when I recognized the heavy steps, and he didn’t try to hide that he was here.

dad.

I pulled the blanket up to my eyes; this would not end well… I stepped out of bed when I heard him shout at mom and she had already gone down now and I went out from my room and sat on the top step of the stairs, and I saw where they stood staring at each other, Dad was completely crazy and mom who looked scared as she knew what he was going to say.

“Grace! Tell the f*****g truth now!” His voice was angry and upset and she did not answer where she stood in the nightgown and held her arms around herself, I saw Mandy come out and she sat next to me silently and I put my arm around hers, just like when we were children and heard them fight.

“Why are you here Ed?” she sounded tired now and I felt so guilty that I wanted to die, a single word had made him come here without even calling or anything.

“I want you to tell the truth! For the f**k's sake, just say what you feel instead of saying what you think you should say!” His eyes were pleading as she turned her gaze away and I did not understand anything, she loved him, I knew if she had said it herself, why would she turn away from him?

“Do you want the truth?” She looked darkly at him as he stood panting with anger inside him waiting for her to answer him.

“Yes.” She stared into his eyes as he staggered at what she had said as she continued ruthlessly.

“I love you Ed. I've always loved you.” her voice was strong but fragile and I slapped my hand over my mouth and Mandy just looked at me confused, she knew nothing about what had happened, and I just looked at her as she looked at me like I knew something, and I nodded quickly to her shocked min.

He looked like he did not know what to say and how she had started to get angry, as if there was something in her that was just waiting for this moment.

“But you were cheating on me! how long Ed!? you had a f*****g son with another woman! How the hell do you think that feels to me!? I don’t give a s**t in what people thought about it, I mean, do you understand what I felt about it!? I've loved you since I was sixteen and you just let me down and disappeared!” She was already crying, and I hugged Mandy's hand hard as she cried quietly, I just sat empty and watched what was happening, I felt bad, that's exactly how I felt in front of Dylan, even though we had only had a short time in comparison, so it was exactly as my mother said, how it had felt to me. not what people thought, what it had done to me, because I loved him.

“I was cheating because you rejected me! all the f*****g time!” Dad's voice was angry now and desperate as she became silent, I did not know everything that had happened, but something was.

“I just could not bear it…” she started to cry, and he filled in her sentence given up, so she smoked at his words.

“After you had the miscarriage.” He looked at her miserable now that she was still crying and he sighed deeply and both Mandy and I gasped, no one had said a word about it, that she had had a miscarriage, not once.

She did not answer now but just held her hands over her face and cried more, he tried to touch her, but she pulled away quickly and just looked accusingly at his desperate face.

“You just left me Ed… I needed you and you just disappeared afterwards…” she cried more, and his face became dark, and I cried now I too, it was painful to see them torn up over something that had happened so many years ago.

“What was I supposed to do!? You did not talk to me! nothing I did enough! You pushed me away first Grace…” he did not even sound angry anymore, but it was she who the accuser had taken a step closer to him.

“You loved me so what did it matter if I talked or not? I could not speak then. I just needed you.” she sighed heavily, and he looked guilty now that she was just staring down at the floor now and they both did not know what to say.

“it wasn’t easy for me either…” his voice was strained when she looked up at his sunken eyes that gazed up at her with sadness in him so that it hurt me and she sighed at his words and lowered her gaze herself.

“I know…” she sobbed and looked up again as he smiled at her resignedly and took a step forward, so they no longer had an arm's length distance between them.

“I should have stayed with you…” he drags his hand tired over the neck when she nodded and I held my breath, I knew it was now they were going to decide what to do.

They said nothing for a good while until Dad finally looked at her firmly as if he was going to try to convince her for the last time now.

“I love you Gracie… you said you loved me since you were sixteen… but I have loved you since I f*****g saw you for the first time…” he smiled stupidly like he saw it in front of him and mom burst into tears again but she was smiling now and I was crying as quietly as I could next to Mandy who was just holding me tight with her head down towards her knees who did not know what she was going to take.

“I even sabotaged your car, so you talk to me.” He laughed when he cried now and I took my heart hard, they loved each other, and nothing could change that.

Mom just stared at him who did not think it was true when she started laughing herself faintly before it got louder, and dad pulled her into his arms and this time she did not struggle as she embraced him completely and put his head against his breasts before she looked up with radiant blue eyes.

“You're a fool Ed Thompson.” She smiled now as he looked into her eyes with her arms around her and kissed her slowly, so I saw that this was how she was about to lose her breath.

“Anything for you Gracie Anderson.” He said her nickname and I understood that it was something private and I could not stand it anymore and pulled myself back and got Mandy with me when we lay in my bed together and I cried uncontrollably when she laughed and she cried too, none of us had seen them as close and in love as they were now at two o'clock at night.

“That may have been the most beautiful thing I've seen in my whole life…” Mandy sobbed the meaning between the laughter, and I nodded in tears and prayed to God that I would find Dylan because I wanted to tell him everything, get him back, forgive everything that has been.

“How the hell are we going to be able to sleep now?” She lay down in my bed and stared up at the ceiling and I lay on my side next to her and shrugged.

“One problem at a time Mads.” I smiled playfully and she beamed back at me, she was as happy as I was right now, I just hoped it would not come back later and hit us in the face.

I honestly thought I had dreamed everything when I woke up and Mandy was still sleeping in my bed and I did not want to wake her so I got out of bed, it was early in the morning yet and I heard no one in the kitchen, I opened the door to mine room and saw the trail of clothes that led to my parents' bedroom and I laughed, so that was why mom was not down and kept on as usual, I skipped over the trail of their obvious love of clothes and went quietly down to the kitchen myself, it felt good but strange to be here myself so early and I pulled out a frying pan and cracked three eggs in what I was going to eat as soon as they were ready, out of the pan if I so needed, I smiled and thought of my first morning with Dylan after we got together, I had been so happy then… I sighed and wiped away the first tears that ran down my arm when I turned off the stove and put the frying pan on the kitchen island with coasters and took a fork and took a bite while I continued to cry, everything I had heard yesterday had reminded me of how I felt for Dylan and when it came down to it I ignored that he had kissed Lorraine, I had just been too naive to see that he certainly felt crowded even if he did not show it to the outside world, I took another bite and smiled to myself.

I so wanted to find him and tell him that he would become a father, even if he had not had the right attitude about it all, I knew that he would love this child unconditionally as much as I would the day, he came back to me.

If I found him first. I sighed and ate more until it was over and took the pan to the sink and rinsed it and dried it before I set it up as my mother always did and I would just walk when I heard the laughing person come down from the bedroom which has always been theirs before, and I assumed it would be again? I just looked amused at how they picked up their clothes and kissed each other quickly before they saw me and I smiled happily at them when mom turned red and dad looked away uncomfortably, as if I had not already understood what they had done with mom was on dad got too big T-shirt on and he only wore his jeans, it was different to see them so casual.

“Good morning.” I nodded to them both and drank water and watched their interaction which was gentler now but still loving and I rolled my eyes at their scurvy.

“Okay, Mandy and I listened to you last night because you screamed so much so you do not even have to try to hide what happened.” I smiled meanly at their surprised faces before my mother shrugged completely differently to herself and sat down on the kitchen island in front of me where I stood by the stove and Dad put his arms around her, so it shone in her eyes.

“Jenni, thank you.” he said the word warmly to me and I laughed happily at their way of holding each other so easily, I missed it.

“She is like you Ed, never knows when to keep her mouth shut and just says whatever she feels like.” Mom smiled gratefully at me too when I looked insulted at her comment and Dad rolled his eyes, but he laughed and never seemed to want to let go of her again.

I do not know why but looking at them together so happy made me start to cry and I smiled stupidly when I pulled away the second round of tears since I woke up today and mom just looked at me as if she understood and smiled calmly at me where I stood sobbing.

“Sorry… I'm just so happy for you guys.” I pulled away my hair that had stuck in front of me on the wet cheeks and I realized that it was getting long again, I dismissed the thought that it had been when I met him before I started crying again.

“it's okay baby girl…” mom put her hand on hers and I saw that she was wearing her wedding ring again and I quickly looked for dad's hand that did not have it, I looked confused at them when dad sighed and pulled one last time with his hand over mom's hair before he sat down on her side and looked at me sadly.

“I have some things I have to sort out first… with Linda and everything that will be needed with Levi…” he looked embarrassed at mom, but she just put her hand comforting on his arm now and he leaned against her as she kissed his hand, they had done more than had s*x obviously, I nodded at what he had said, I was not jealous of him at all.

“Good morning to you…” Mandy dragged herself forward and put her arms on mom and dad before she hugged them at the same time, I laughed at their uncomfortable faces when she let go and stood on the corner and leaned forward on her elbows so her pink hair turned white of the strong lamp she ended up under.

“So, what happens now?” She looked in amazement at our parents who seemed to be sweating from her quick questions and I shook my head, straight as ever, I pulled out my forehead again and put it on the burner.

“Now we eat.” I said the words meant and they both seemed to be breathing out when I was just about to bring things out and to my surprise my dad got up and grabbed me and sat down where he was sitting when I looked surprised at my mother who just laughed then he smiled and winked at her as he started frying eggs excessively showing in front of us and I exchanged glances with Mandy who just smiled back, it felt so good that I did not even think about anything but that my family was happy right now in this a moment.

“okay I know you do not want but I’m gonna ignore it” Mandy pulled up the phone and snapped several pictures of us all before anyone had time to react before she forced us all into a picture where she was at the front of course and took a picture that she laughed and started writing fast and I shook my head at her stupidity, I took up the phone and saw that she had tagged me in the picture, I looked happy and mom and dad looked amused at Mandy who made a mine and v- sign with the hand, we looked happy. 

hashtag the Thompson family. She looked happy and I just shook my head when our parents kissed again and I looked at the eggs that were fried, no I had to stop. Otherwise, I would not fit in the clothes I had soon.

“Do not even start Jenni.” Dad looked at me threateningly as he knew what I was thinking when I took two more eggs and stuffed them in me quickly so they both looked at me contentedly and I laughed at their united front, it felt good to have him here with, I hoped that it would be.

“I may have eaten three eggs before you even came down here…” I smiled innocently at their amazed faces before my mother laughed and at me as if it was not the least bit strange.

“I ate more than that when I was expecting Mandy.” she looked at Mandy's calm face that smiled slyly and ate another piece of the bread she had taken in front of me that monkey.

“Understands it considering that she is constantly eating.” I smiled as she held out her tongue at my insult and continued to eat without stopping to smile at all of us with the phone in her hand.

“And with you she vomited constantly.” Dad caressed his hand over her cheek as if it was yesterday, she was pregnant and I looked away from the tender gesture between them, when Mandy looked up curiously as she remembered something from last night and my eyes widened as she looked at mom and ate one chew to.

“so, when you were expecting the baby you had a miscarriage with then?” I looked at her angrily and made faces that I would strangle her when I got hold of her as they both sank down like someone had punched a hole in their bubble and I threw a potholder at her where she just stood that monkey.

“Mom, it's okay we do not need to know.” I quickly exchanged glances with Dad who nodded sadly as Mom held up her hand and looked at us, me and Mandy.

“no it’s all right, I should have said something over the years but it is not something you bring up at breakfast.” She looked dramatically at Mandy who swallowed more slowly and perhaps realized what she was saying as I smiled encouragingly at my mother’s distressed.

“it was two years after Mandy was born, so none of you will remember it when I was just pregnant around where you are now Jennifer.” she looked at me lovingly and I put my hand protectively over my child from hearing her story, I had cried and sworn when I found out I was pregnant but now I wanted nothing more than to have it.

“I'm sorry mom.” I took her hand and Dad put his arm around her so that she lay against his shoulder and looked happy even though we talked about such horrible things.

“I'm okay now.” She smiled and pulled her hand on Dad's arm, and I looked away again, I wished so much that I could find Dylan that it took up almost all my waking time nowadays.

“Sorry mom…” Mandy looked sad, and I threw another potholder at her and laughed, I could not bear that we would be sad, I wanted to be happy.

“Okay you saw that and didn’t even say anything, I see who the favourite is here.” she laughed when I smiled superiorly at her and mom and dad rolled their eyes and smiled, we were as hard as when we were ten and thirteen years old if not worse when she threw back the potholder and missed so I laughed in her face, and she got angry for real.

“I see that everything is as usual around here.” Dad drank coffee and looked happy that everything felt like he was used to.

Mom got up suddenly and took Dad's hand and looked at us with an insidious smile that I did not know if I thought was nasty or not.

“You can do it yourself today, tear down the whole f*****g house if you want”. She said nothing more but just took Dad's hand and pulled him up with him as he put down the coffee cup and shrugged as if we did not know what to do.

I laughed as they ran up the stairs and had already started kissing each other when the door slammed shut behind them.

Mandy and I exchanged glances, she made a vomiting noise and I shrugged.

“it's only s*x Mandy…” I laughed when she changed color several times and I looked at her confused, had she not said she was with Toby, or had I heard wrong?

“Mandy… it's okay if you never had it.” I said the words calmly when she looked at me as if I had told her to paint herself red and go out to school with it for a few seconds before she collapsed in front of the bench and took another slice of bread in her mouth.

“I may have exaggerated some parts.” She laughed embarrassed now and I was happy, because she had waited until she wanted it herself and not because Toby Aldring wanted it.

-“it will happen, when you’re ready.” I laughed as she sighed at me as if she had not heard it several times already.

“whatever mom.” She took the sandwich with her and walked past me as I just smiled at her sourness as I called for her.

“good luck with that when dad is back.” I laughed when she turned around and looked at me in horror, as if she knew I was right.

I laughed again as she ran up the stairs and covered her ears before running into her own door and locking it.

I was left with everything they had dragged out, I had a good desire to just go with me but honestly, did I have anything better for me than to shower and look at my searches for Dylan? I started to put in the dishwasher and took the cloth on the old bench, my mother had said that there were memories in it a long time ago, I wondered where it was for something when I scrubbed it and the stove and washed everything and saw that it looked more or less like mom used to have when she did not have a second teenage romance with our dad.

I went upstairs and went to the bathroom, I hoped Mandy was not standing and taking all the hot water when I looked down at the phone and was just about to pull it up when I heard my parents' laughter in there, perfect.

I turned and went in and changed into a sweater and long skirt in wool, I was happy for them but if I did not get out of here soon I would be crazy when I picked up the phone and the bag, none of them would even notice that I was gone as I walked slowly down the stairs and played with my car keys, I had no idea where I was going, as long as it was not here.

I locked the door behind me when they were all upstairs and went to the Volvo, maybe I could watch a movie or something? I walked slowly forward and unlocked the door and sat down, I missed the luxury city jeep, but I had never been able to keep it after we finished, Grant had given it to me when he thought we would have a kid together.

I sighed, I wished I had kept him as a friend, I missed him but I suspected he did not want it as it would just be confusing for both of us.

I sighed and started the cold Volvo and started driving towards the road here and thought about where I was going, I could not drive to Little rock when I drove out on the highway and I turned off towards Perryville and turned on the radio, it felt good to come out of the house which would more or less be a second honeymoon for my parents, I would need my own place then, I would not be able to live with mom and dad as it was now but then I would be completely alone with the baby then… I sighed and wished for the hundredth time that Dylan was here again.

I had entered the city centre and I drove aimlessly around until I had without thinking about it stopped outside his old apartment. I smiled at it, if I knew everything, I knew now I would still have followed him in the night he kissed me for the first time.

I was sitting in the car and staring dreamily at it when I saw a man leave the apartment and my heart stopped.

He was tall and straight, he had broad shoulders under his denim jacket and a hat that hid his hair in addition to the last curls that protruded along the edge.

I stared bewitched as he turned off the stairs and went down, I had seen that he had a beard, but it could be him as well as he walked quickly past the Volvo without seeing me and I quickly opened the door and ran after him the few steps he had taken before me.

“Dylan?”