Pregnant with the Bad Boy

48

I woke up anxiously and looked for him when I realized that he was not there, and I anxiously opened my eyes and realized that I was at home in the yard. I sighed and stared up at the ceiling, the sun had probably just risen, and I was looking at the clock, it was around seven, so I had only slept an hour or two when I writhed all night in the lonely bed.

I looked tired at the phone, Grant had not answered yet, so I assumed he was still asleep. I sighed and put it down again. it had been hell last night and today I was not going to sleep during the day, I would endure until the evening so I could sleep long and dreamlessly.

I knew my mother was up when I got out of bed and looked at the clothes I had yesterday, they were so beautiful and did not fit here when I put on my usual pyjamas, the green one I had bought before I met Grant, the did not feel as comfortable at all anymore and I realized how quickly I was spoiled by the garments that Grant had given me.

I quickly went to the toilet and down the stairs where my mother was in the kitchen, she just looked up at me as if she was not even surprised that I had been gone for two days.

“Good morning” I sat down in front of her opposite where she was standing by the stove and frying eggs and bacon which I looked hungry at when she looked up the stairs in front of me.

“Is he here too?” She looked at me skeptically and I shook my head, and she looked a little more relieved which annoyed me, what right did she have to dislike Grant who did everything for me?

“I went home myself…” I took a piece of the bacon and chewed on it when she looked at me wondering as if something had happened between us.

“I wanted some time to think mom, that's all.” I took another piece of bacon when she sighed and presented a plate and shot over two fried eggs and I loaded almost all the bacon on my plate for her dissatisfied face.

“Maybe just as good…” she turned around and now I was pissed from nowhere, she knew nothing about him or what he went through again, how dare she say he was not good for me?!

“Mom we are together.” I said the words hard as she still froze with her back to me before she sighed and turned again to me with her resigned face.

“Is that so smart? You just picked yourself up from Dylan and…” she did not have time before I stopped her with my hand, she knew what she was talking about at all.

“I'm not over him, I will never be that mom… I still love him…” I fell silent when she looked at me confused and I realized that she did not understand at all how it felt, of course she had loved dad, but that love had died away over the years and she had left that one in it forgotten when she met Clark.

“even more reason not to be with Grant… how is it fair against his feelings?” She looked accusingly at me as I shook my head and took a big bite of the egg before answering her nonchalantly.

“He knows about it.” I continued to chew and she seemed to be shocked by my answer when she turned around and put in more bacon when I took everything from the dish.

“How can you have a good relationship if you still love another man?” She said the words while the bacon hissed, and I smiled now and then I just picked up another piece of egg on the fork.

“We have a real relationship…” I took the bite and she turned around frustrated and looked at me like I was crazy.

“How can you be together and indulge if you still love Dylan?” she still had the spatula in her hand and I shrugged calmly at her outrage which she was annoyed by.

“so I cant have room for two loves in my heart then?” I looked at her honestly and she stared at me before she collapsed as if I was starting to get what I wanted to say to her.

“I guess so…” she turned her forehead again and I smiled tenderly at her, I knew she wanted to protect me, she thought I would not be able to cope if I had feelings for Grant, I understood her.

“Grant is not Dylan.” I said the words comforting when I saw that she pulled a tear discreetly from the eye where she stood and I so wanted her to know that he made me happy again.

“I know…” she sighed and threw on more bacon before she turned around, she looked sad and I just smiled lovingly back at her worried face.

“I'm just scared of you, I do not want to see you get so bad again… I do not know if I can handle it…” she cried now and I stretched out my hand against hers which she took quickly and hugged the tender in min.

“I do not want that either…” I blinked and everything I had gone through went through me in a few seconds, but I would not be afraid anymore.

“He seems to really care about you…” she smiled now and I followed it when I hugged her hand again.

“He does…” I smiled and thought about what happened yesterday, I was glad I was here and got to talk to mom so she would not be worried about me when I was away.

“I'm happy for you Jennifer, but I can’t help worrying about you or your sister even if you are almost grownups.” She looked at me with sad big blue eyes and I nodded, one day I would surely understand.

“I'm not going to look for Dylan anymore…” her smile died out and I knew she would think I was wrong, but it was he who had pulled, he knew where I was somewhere.

“Why? What about the baby then?” what should you say when he/she ask for their father?” She looked accusingly at me again and I sighed, she would not like this bit.

“Grant wants to be the father.” Her eyes widened in shock now and she released my hand and put them in front of her mouth as if I had said something terrible to her, not that the man I was in love with wanted to help me with a child who was not his.

“Jennifer no… you have just started to date, you will regret it later…” she looked sad again and I sighed, I knew she would think so.

“Mom I want to move on with my life as much as I can, if I spend every minute looking for Dylan, it will eat me up.” I said the words hard, I had done what I could, what more would I do to find him? smoke signals?

“But if he comes back then? or if it does not agree between you and Grant? What then? it will be the baby who suffers.” She did not say the words angrily, more rebuke and I sighed deeply, I know it sounded insane for her where she was standing, maybe that was it.

“I trust Grant, that he means what he says, he has not said or done anything to make me believe anything else…” she looked at me in disbelief, she thought I was naive and I was probably but it felt right.

“You said that about Dylan and see where it led you.” She was slightly cold now in her voice and I was sad, she of all people should not judge me for falling for a man she should not.

I clenched my teeth hard, of course she had said that to me, that was the truth.

“I know…” I looked defeated at her and she looked like I had captured my sanity as I continued.

“But Grant is Dylan's opposite, he calms me down when Dylan made me angry and he always asks me what I want and what I think about things as Dylan just wanted to go his way and I followed him because I loved him so much.” I looked at her wounded face, she knew nothing about my relationship with any of them and I saw that it hurt her to hear what I had been through with Dylan.

“But he seemed so polite to you…” she looked at me confused as if she had not seen me almost succumb to my relationship with him and I smiled, she had seen his charming side and I was happy about it, but I had seen all the others.

“He is polite and nice… and handsome…” I rolled my eyes when she got an innocent smile on her lips as if I did not know she liked it.

“But he was angry too, especially when I did not agree, and he always took advantage of my weakest points so that I would not walk away from him.” she looked devastated now, as if she had lost the whole image of who he was in front of him.

“He did not hit me or anything like that, but he kept pushing me if there was something, like getting married, I did not really want it, he was the one who wanted it…” I looked shyly up at her tear-filled eyes when she desperately turned off the plate behind leaned forward in front of the bench as I did not want to do anything but say that everything had been fine between us, but it did not.

“I had no idea…” she was crying now, and I only saw pity on her tears, I had a bad conscience from making her sad, but I felt that I could finally say as it was to her. That I could handle it.

“no one did, I do not even mean I had a clue about it until it was over…” I smiled now when she just looked at me and shook her head at my words that she did not understand.

I have no doubt that he loved me as much if not more, but he could not handle it at all. I sounded so grown up now I scared myself a bit.

“Forgive me Jennifer… I should have stopped you, not given you the ring…” she hated herself and I walked around and hugged her shaking body now that she wrapped her arms around me, and I put mine around her too. 

“You did not know, I'm glad you said no… but nothing of what you or dad had said had stopped us…” I released her now and just looked at me devastated, I hoped she would get over what I had told.

 She cleared her throat and pulled the tears under her eyes when I heard it slam on the stairs, like an elephant coming running.

Mandy looked at us confused where my mother was crying and I just looked sad, but I was sad about her suffering, not my own.

“Has something happened?” She looked at us suspiciously as I shook my head and my mother looked away, I didn’t want Mandy to hear this, she had adored Dylan.

“I'm just happy that Jennifer has found someone to be happy with.” She smiled meant at me and I smiled back gratefully, she would give Grant a chance, for my sake.

Mandy just looked at us like we were crazy, I know she must have heard some of what I said but I did not hope as I did not want her to look at him that way.

“Okay…” she sat down and took bacon from the dish, I raised my eyebrows, I who thought she was vegan or something?

“it's bacon Jen! it doesn’t count!” She looked at me angrily as she heard me when I laughed and sat down next to her, I was glad that things were as usual here at home after all the feelings I went through yesterday.

“I guess Grant will come when you turn twenty-one then?” Mom smiled now and I smiled back hesitantly, he had not even known about it until I said it yesterday, I did not want to pressure him more than I had already done.

“I will ask….” I smiled again as Mandy pressed all the bacon into the dish and smiled at me with food in her mouth, as the savage she was.

“so I guess you and the rich guy are serious then if mom talks about your birthday?” She looked at me with her curious eyes as I rolled with my own of her so elegant description of him.

“Please Mandy, do not Grant call the rich guy to his face when you meet him?” I looked sharply at her as she shrugged and started eating eggs and toast instead.

“I won’t promise anything…” she laughed when I moaned and looked at my mother who just laughed at my appeal for help.

“what's about I'll don’t kill your pink ass if you don’t shut up.” I looked irritated at her chuckling face that looked like an angel, but I knew better.

“if you can catch me, it will be hard to run soon…” she smirked and looked down at my stomach… I looked even more pissed at her.

“I can put out a bacon trap and you'll come.” I laughed at her insulted face as she slapped me on the arm, and I made a face as if she had hit me harder than it had felt.

“Ow, abuse!” I pushed her lightly as she laughed with me, mother smiled at us and I was glad she did not cry anymore.

“Dad said he will be here, when it’s your birthday.” Mom said the words calmly and drank coffee as we both stared in disbelief at her calm face, since I got sick, they had started talking again, and I do not know if it made me happy or scared.

“This will be entertaining, you, me, mom, dad, his new girlfriend, and Clark… and the rich guy.” Mandy laughed out loud to herself and mom just looked bored without being impressed by her skill with the coffee cup in hand.

“Me and dad have agreed that it will only be us, no Linda ...” she said the name too calmly for her to be okay with her yet and continued.

“And no Clark.” She was looking at us now as we both looked at her in surprise, no Clark, he was with her all the time.

“He basically lives here mom…” Mandy looked at her and me strangely with, but deep down I was glad that they would not be with, it would be uncomfortable enough as it was with dad back in the house and if Grant wanted to come.

“He understands.” She smiled now and I nodded, of course he did, man was a walking definition of understanding.

“Okay this has been fun and so on, but I have to go now, school is waiting.” Mandy ran out the door without saying anything as I calmly looked at my mother as I counted the seconds until I heard her screams from the yard where Grant's SUV was parked.

“Jennifer!” I laughed when my mother just looked at me and sighed as I went out to the courtyard where she stood and drooling after it as she remained petrified when she laid her eyes on it.

“I can borrow it, please!?” She now turned to me as I stood on the porch, shaking my head.

“You can take the keys from my dead cold hand.” I laughed when it flashed to her eyes as if she was considering it and walking around it a couple of laps, I would never in my life let my sister drive Grant's car, I looked at the phone, he had not heard from him yet and I actually started get worried no matter how ridiculous it sounded, he was up early the times I was with him.

“But I can drive you if you want…” I smiled slyly when she nodded and I laughed and went up the stairs, it was warmer today and I pulled on the clothes Grant had given me, I felt even more pampered when I stroked the beautiful soft fabric and brushed my hair quickly, it was already longer, I sighed, maybe I should save it again?

I put on my pumps, I know they did not fit here but I wanted to look like the one I was with him, not the one who lay in bed and cried over Dylan all day, they gave me comfort in some strange way.

I went down the stairs quickly, I had started to get good at walking in high heels and my mother glanced at me as she was not surprised when she just nodded to me when I took the bag and coat on my arm, it was warm winds and I enjoyed then I stepped out onto the porch when Mandy turned around and looked at me like she did not know who I was for a few seconds.

“okay who are you and where is my sister who dragged herself around in softies a couple of weeks ago?” She looked liked me as I put on my sunglasses and dramatically said calmly.

“she's dead.” We giggled at what I had said and I opened the city jeep and climbed in, it felt good, I was who I wanted to be in here, not a stupid pregnant girl who went on the biggest liar in world history.

“I like the new you.” She looked at me approvingly as I fastened my seat belt and started the car with a smile.

“Me too.” I drove quickly out of the yard and Mandy turned up the radio playing some pop song and sang along to every word, I just laughed as we drove on the highway into Perryville, it felt good, I was happy, Mandy was happy, it felt like nothing could get me down now as I turned off towards Perryville high where I myself had walked and I saw how the teenagers around and a couple of adults looked at the car when I slid in at the drop-off point and Mandy stepped out proudly, I laughed at her as she just turned around and looked at me.

“Marry. Him.” she laughed as I rolled my eyes and waved at her as she had started walking up to a group of girls who all looked like they had been cloned. I sighed, teenagers.

I drove off and was about to turn around when I saw it and stopped completely.

Dylan's car. in the parking lot of f*****g Perryville High School. I looked at it several times, it was the one I could still see where I had crashed into it. I was still terrified, what the hell would I say to Grant if he was here?! I breathed in and out quickly, too fast as it felt like my whole world was spinning and I swung off and jumped out, I do not know what to do when I found Dylan, but I was angry at everything I had thought about during the morning with mom, he damn well would not get away if he was here.

I several laps around the angry as if I would see him at any time when a teenage guy came up against me, he was cute and looked to be the kind of guy Dylan was I looked disapprovingly at his eyes as he unabashedly stared at me.

“Where is the man who owns this truck!?” I said the words loudly as he looked confident and moved his hands over himself as if he were the one, I had been looking for.

“He’s right here.” I laughed at his attempts to hit on me when I took off my sunglasses and looked him dramatically in the eye.

“So, what, you bought it or?” I tried to calm down, it was not this guy's fault that he was like Dylan, or that I was mad at him.

“Yeah, apparently some crazy chick back up into it so the owner sold it cheaply, but it is barely visible now.” He looked proud and I sighed, not what I was interested in.

“Did he say where he was going?” I looked at him kinder and he shook his head before he scratched quickly behind his head and showed his well-trained arm, I just looked bored at him.

“He may have said something about going north, towards Canada or something like that.” He looked thoughtful and my heart sank, Canada. He had gone to f*****g Canada.

“Okay thanks.” I did not stop to see what he wanted to say more and went straight to Grant's car and drove off, no wonder I could not find him anywhere, he had damn well fled the country for me.

I angrily wiped away the tears, I thought I had cried over him but seeing the car and I thought he had there made me as devastated as when I last saw him.

I stopped and looked at the phone, Grant was still silent even though it was nine o'clock. I cried louder, why had he left me here?! I held the steering wheel tightly as I prevented myself from hitting it for fear it would break.

Fuck him. I swallowed the bile in my throat and closed my eyes, trying to take control of myself, he was gone, and Grant was here.

I stopped crying abruptly, I would forget him now, I would tell everyone who wanted to hear that it was Grant's child, they could call me a w***e or gold-digger, but I would never try to get hold of again Dylan again, he did not deserve to know, Grant was right about that part.

I wiped away the last tears where I stood on the side and the school, and it was empty thankfully when the bells had rung all.

I could not stand it any longer, I looked down at the phone and pressed Grant's name and called it before I had even thought about what I had done for something, and I waited anxiously for the signals to come and then the voicemail. I hung up the phone annoyed, why did he not answer when I needed him? I was just about to cry again when the phone vibrated, and I gratefully looked down at Grant's name on the screen and answered quickly.

“Grant.” I sounded desperate, I was desperate when he sounded like he was moaning on the other side, was he still sleeping? I put my hand to my mouth and pulled my finger down my lip, I wanted to know if everything he said yesterday was true.

“Jennifer… I'm so hungover…” his voice sounded sluggish, and I could not help laughing in the middle of all the misery, he really sounded like it.

“Did you mean what you said yesterday? About everything we talked about the toilet?” I was scared now, what if he just said that for the moment? Because he was drunk? I had been so sure of him before I had seen Dylan's car, it reminded me that men said one thing and did another.

He did not answer at once but seemed to sit up and moan again as I anxiously waited for his answer.

“Yes, I meant everything.” He sounded tired and I exhaled, I understood that I sounded hysterical, and he had just woken up, also hungry after yesterday.

“Do you want to be the father? For real?” I said the words sharply as if I was waiting for him to hang up soon and I would be left alone.

“Jennifer please I just woke up and I’m hungover why did you ask me things I have already said yes to?” his voice was annoyed, and I had a bad conscience, this was not something you should really have over the phone.

“Sorry…” I sighed and leaned back in the seat when he moaned again and seemed to get up, I wished I was there.

“Where are you?” His voice was softer now and I heard the water flushing in his kitchen as I sighed and said as it was.

“I'm in the parking lot of Perryville High School.” He was drinking water now and I mumbled the last words.

“I have your Jeep.” I lowered my head and was ashamed now, it felt wrong now I was talking to him that I had taken it without asking permission as a thief in the night.

“Okay.” He drank again and I looked up at the quiet road in front of me, he sounded calm, was he not angry? I would be angry.

“Grant I’m so sorry I took it, and for leaving in the middle of the night after… you know…” I felt stupid what I one said now, and he actually laughed low at me when he drew in air and I bit my lip.

“You mean after you made me come in my underwear?” I laughed, I had not thought of that bit when he mumbled something about being horrible, and I smiled now, why did he make everything seems so simple?

“so, you remember that?” I got a darker tone at once, it would have been sexy to be the one who made him enjoy, and not just by sucking his d**k. I had not even done it to him, I realized, it was Dylan who had more or less made me do it the first time, I sighed as it was not at all what I had intended to get into my head.

“of course, I do, I wasn’t that drunk, I remember everything.” He said the words meant and I blushed, he had said things I had never heard before and revealed things that made me love him more. I stopped myself.

What the hell was I thinking!? Did I love him ?! did I do it!? I was unsure, it was too early and did not want it to end like with Dylan if I said something… I sighed and he must have heard me when I sounded sad, I was sad, because I thought Dylan was here, because that he had abandoned me and that I already seemed to love Grant even though I had promised myself to take it easy. I did not know what it was apparently.

 “Jennifer, what's wrong?” He sounded strong now that he had not been hungover as hell all a few seconds ago and I took a breath first, I would tell about Dylan and the car but not the other, I did not dare.

“I saw Dylan's truck here at school, Mandy wanted a ride with your car so I drove here and I thought he was here but it turned out that he sold it….” I stopped, Grant said nothing when I knew he was thinking at this point, a quality I did not have, to think before I speak.

“You thought he was there?” his voice was sharp even though he tried to hide it and I bit my lip harder before I answered.

“Yes.” My voice was so faint that it was barely audible, and he sighed, he really hated Dylan even though he only saw him once, I wondered if I would hate Veronica if she had lived? I did not want to go further into that thought as he was just silent on the other side again.

“Grant…?” I sounded scared now, and I was scared, that he would think I would leave him for Dylan… I did not know per se what I would still do if I saw him…

“so, if he's been there? where had we been now?” He sounded bitter suddenly and I realized that he was scared even when I did not say anything, tried to do as he did, think first.

Should I leave Grant for Dylan? I loved him… but he had let me down in so many ways… and I had strong feelings for Grant with… everything was so hard…