Pregnant with the Bad Boy

36

I woke up to the daylight streaming in and I felt someone next door and panicked for a few short seconds before I remembered everything from yesterday and turned to see Grant's profile where he lay facing away from me and I smiled, he was still sound asleep and it was early morning, I quickly stretched, I wondered if he wanted me to stay or should I just leave? it hadn't been the best end to last night and I looked uncertainly at his peaceful face as I started to search for my underwear that was scattered about and I quickly pulled it on and walked out to the huge space that was the kitchen, dining room and living room all in one, he hadn't been kidding about having money as I impressively walked over to one of the windows and looked out over Little rock's centre, it looked different in the day light.

I looked around for a while before finding my trousers and top, it felt shameful to come home in the same clothes, but I knew they had probably worked out why I hadn't come home. I quickly looked at my phone after retrieving it, my mum had texted and I sighed as I texted back that I was okay and that I had accidentally fallen asleep, I wasn't going to tell her that I had slept with Grant, or whatever you wanted to call it.

I put the phone down on the bench in front of me, I was hungry and of course I had forgotten to eat yesterday as I had been too engrossed in trying to get in Grant's trousers.

I carefully walked up to one of the double doors that were coolers and opened it slowly to be amazed that there was real food in there, not just beer and leftovers. I looked around hungrily before taking an apple as I didn't really want to take anything from him, but I couldn't stand my stomach cramping up soon as I sat down on the floor by the large windows and took a bite, it tasted sweet and I took another as I looked out at the city wonderingly, everything seemed so easy up here where no one could get to you, not even Dylan.

I shuddered at my own thought and continued to eat until I realised, I had finished it and stood up and quickly threw it away disappointed that it was already gone. I glanced towards the fridge again and before I knew it, I had eaten two more apples and two drinking yogurts which I had thrown away quickly, damn I was absolutely insatiable these days. I was leaning against the bench when I heard him in the bedroom and I panicked again, I had been brave when he was asleep but now that he had woken up and it was daytime, I felt like the biggest i***t who had eaten his food. I promised myself that I would pay it all back.

He had put his jeans back on and I admired his body, he wasn't hard and toned like Dylan, but he had a lithe figure with broad shoulders, and he looked older, I liked that.

“good morning.” I said the words as happily as I could as he smiled at me and came over and pulled me on his arm and kissed me lightly and I smiled wider as I was quite sure he would just ask me to leave when he saw me.

“good morning.” He sat down wearily at the huge kitchen island and looked at me with his peculiar eyes that seemed to wonder if I was okay or not about being here.

“sorry about yesterday... If you want, maybe you could just give me a ride home and you won't have to see me again.” I was so anxious about what had happened, and I wasn't at all ready for s*x as I had thought yesterday.

“Jennifer, I'm okay with what happened...” he smiled calmly at me as I nervously dragged my fingernails along the stone that made up the disc and shyly looked at his relaxed attitude.

“I don't think I am...” I smiled sadly as his forehead creased uneasily and I realised what I had said and quickly tried to explain.

“well I'm okay but that we had s*x and all... but I don't think I'm okay with how I reacted, and I don't think I'll want to have it again...” I fell silent over my words as he looked at me and shrugged at my surprised face.

“I can wait.” He smiled wider at me as I looked confusedly at the smiling man sitting there, looking like I had told him I didn't want coffee. I leaned further down on my elbows and looked skeptically at his happy face.

“So you're saying you're totally fine with not sleeping with me, maybe for months or more?” I looked him seriously in the eye and tried to see if he was bluffing as he laughed at my seriousness.

“s*x is nice but there are other things too, I'd be lying if I said I didn't want to sleep with you, but I don't want to be with someone who isn't ready for it.” He put his hand on mine and I had nothing to say to that, I was quite sure that this was where he would say that we wouldn't see each other anymore.

I sank down more, I was confused by his words, did he seriously mean that he could be without s*x? I shook my head in disbelief as he just smiled indulgently at my questioning face.

“Why don't you look like you believe me?” he ran his fingers over my hand, and I shuddered at his touch as he looked up at me and smiled again.

“Why else would you want to be with me? " I was still confused as his gaze darkened a bit and answered in a more sombre voice so I could hear his disgust in his voice.

“Is that what you think about men? That we just want to f**k?” I gasped at his brutal words, Dylan had said so often, but I hadn't heard Grant utter a single horrible word since we met and I nodded, my eyebrows raised at his irritated face.

he looked at me with genuine sadness as I was embarrassed by his obvious tenderness as if he felt sorry for me and I pulled away from his hands and stood up again embarrassed.

“He made you believe that didn't he?” He looked at me with such pity that I wanted to vomit now, and I clenched my jaw tightly as he still looked at me as I angrily wiped away the first tear that had run down my cheek and recoiled as he leaned forward to touch me, I didn't know anything about anything apparently.

“Take me home. Now.” I whispered the words harshly as he just looked at me and nodded defeatedly and went to get dressed, I stood there, I didn't want to stay here, not when he Grant just said things that made me feel sick. I nervously grabbed my stomach, I hoped I wouldn't throw up in his expensive car as it would be hard to pay for me.

He didn't try to say anything more as we drove down, and I sat angrily in the car with my arms crossed as he drove silently all the way back to Perryville as I wearily turned my head away from him and pulled myself as far away as I could from his body that I had longed for last night.

He stopped in the courtyard, and I quickly looked at him as he smiled fondly at me, and I just sighed and stepped out before turning to look at his silent profile.

“Call me some day if you want to...” I looked hopelessly at his face that lit up again and nodded calmly at my attempt at reconciliation, he was probably right but it was so hard to hear everything when you hadn't even noticed it yourself.

“I'll call you someday...” he winked at me, and I closed the door with a smile and stood there as he drove away.

I knew my mother was probably standing in the window watching everything and I knew she would scold me, at least give me an angry look for not getting back to me later, I sighed and turned to go inside as she was already standing in the doorway looking at me with a worried look, I walked up the steps slowly looking at her with every step I took.

“What?” I looked defiantly at her worried look as she just looked at me sadly and I sighed at her weird way, I was tired of it.

“I think it's time you and I talked to Jennifer.” she gestured to the porch sofa, and I rolled my eyes and sat down on it with my arms crossed in the cold morning air.

“Please don't tell me you're going to take this about birds and bees? I laughed as she shook her head and sat down next to me, putting her hands in her lap and looking down at them for a while as I sat bored, watching the end of summer on the trees.

“Jennifer, remember when I asked you if you were pregnant?” I froze at her words, why did she say that to me? I looked at her in horror as she looked up at me.

“Well…are you?” I just stared at her face; she must have gone crazy! I laughed nervously as she hadn't taken her eyes off me, and I turned away from her muttering words about her going crazy for me and she put her hand on my arm and turned back towards me.

“I haven't been sure because you're sick... but you had s*x with Dylan, didn't you?” she asked me things like it was the easiest thing in the world to talk about.

“Mom. Please.” I begged her to stop as she shook her head at me.

“You should test yourself...” her voice was tearful as I looked sourly at her sad face.

“I've already done it...” I shrugged my shoulders; it was so shameful to admit all this to her as we never talked about things like this otherwise.

“When?” She put her hand on my back and I mumbled the answer that it had been a while.

“Do it again.” She smiled at me faintly and I leaned back, could it be like that? I looked at her in panic as she just nodded and I bit my lip hard, damn.

“But I have my birth control?” I pointed at it, and she shrugged like it didn't matter.

“Every protection has some flaw, and as far as I know you've had it since you were 18.... My face turned pale, she was right, I'd had it since I was 18. s**t. s**t. s**t.

No, I can't take any more, I didn't want to be pregnant, I just want to see Grant and not feel so damn awful all the time. I blinked back the tears, f**k f*****g Dylan, he'd probably succeeded in the end and when he'd got what he wanted he wasn't here the fucker.

“fuck.” I lowered my head, she hugged and stroked my back, what more could she say.

“I can buy it for you?” I nodded at her and hid my hands, why was Dylan still ruining my life when he wasn't even here anymore?

“Okay.” She got up and walked down the stairs and I stared after her as she took one last look at me before she got in the car and drove away.

I sat there for a while, what the hell would I do if I was pregnant? I'd been so sure with Dylan because he wouldn't have wanted anything else, he'd even asked me to take the tube out on purpose.

Fucking monster. I tiredly put my hands to my face and pulled myself up and slowly walked up the stairs to my room and threw myself onto the bed unconscious, it was unfair, I was just starting to feel better and starting to get my life back, I didn't want this...did I? I pulled up the phone, how was I even going to tell Dylan if that was the case? Would he be happy and think I was going to marry him again, I threw the phone away and stared down at the floor where I was half lying on the bed and dangling my arms restlessly until I heard the car in the yard and I held my breath, I quickly prayed to god that I wouldn't be when I heard my mom come up the stairs and she opened the door and handed me the brown bag and I just looked at her in horror as she closed the door again and went downstairs.

I was shaking now when I opened the bag, it was a different test than last time, a more expensive one.

I sighed and went into the bathroom and redid everything from last time, still shaking as I set the timer on the phone and sat down on the bathroom floor afraid to see it too soon, that it would seal my fate for the few minutes I had left not knowing.

I wish Dylan was here. or Grant.... I realised it would be the end between us, he was a wonderful man with enormous patience but even he couldn't cope with this.

I looked at the clock, it was 30 seconds to go, and I was already crying, I was going to find Dylan and I was going to kill him with my bare hands, he had said he would never betray me, never cheat on me and he had lied about both.

The alarm beeped and I turned it off with my shaky hands as I took a deep breath and slowly pulled the test down from the sink where it had been lying, closing my eyes for the first ten seconds before opening them.

Positive.

I stared at it for a while before I panicked and tore into the instructions, reading every bit of it to see if there could be a mistake somewhere.

The anger took hold of me, and I quickly got up and picked up the phone unblocked Dylan and dialled his number while I thought about how I was going to say everything I had been thinking lately, how I was going to do everything in my power to crush him the f*****g i***t.

All I got was that the subscriber had disconnected the number. Was he kidding me? I threw the phone hard on the bed and looked at the door, Mandy. My eyes narrowed. I'm sure she knew where he was!

I threw open the door to her room where she was listening to music and I angrily pulled out one of her headphones, she looked at me in surprise as I looked crazy by now, I was crazy!

“were the f**k is he!?” I said the sentence harshly as she looked at me in confusion and shook her head at my question.

“Dylan! I know you've been talking to him, where the hell is he!?” I gasped the words as she pulled away from me, frightened.

“I don't know Jen, just that he would move somewhere else, that's all I swear!” She looked like she was about to cry as I screamed out loud with the anger inside me, of course! the f*****g coward! He didn't even dare to look at me even though he was the one who had crushed me!

“Has something happened?” She looked worried now as I just groaned loudly and turned to leave, mum had probably heard me by now as I went back to the room and sank helplessly onto the bed.

Fuck him. I was crying louder now, so surely the whole house heard me by now as mum stood in the doorway, she looked as devastated as me as she sat down beside me and just took my hand and I leaned heavily against her arms and cried louder, I couldn't breathe anymore, he had taken everything from me and now he had ruined my life... I wished I was dead.

We sat there for quite a while until Mandy came in and looked sadly at us where we sat as mum must have told her what had happened, mum put her hand out to her as I sounded louder, and she sat down on the other side of me.

“Sorry.” She whispered the words to me as I looked up, red-faced and confused, at her minion.

“If I hadn't mediated between you, none of this would have happened...” she burst into tears now and I just looked at her dead, she thought she had been able to control some of what had happened, but I knew better, I wouldn't have been able to stop Dylan once he wanted me, and I wouldn't have fought back either.

“it's not your fault Mads....” I smiled sadly at her as my tears were still flowing and she hugged me tight, this was my fault and I had to take the consequences for it.

“What are you going to do?” She looked at me with her own red-blue eyes and neither of us said anything for a while as I nervously wrung my hands in my lap.

“He should know.” It was Mum who said it and I looked at her in horror, I didn't even know if I wanted to, Grant had made me realise things that I hadn't seen for myself and frankly the thought of having to be with him scared me as much as I longed for him.

“but he's gone...” Mandy answered resignedly and I sighed loudly at their talk, it was my life and I was the one who would have to live with everything regardless of the decision.

“I don't know what to do...” I laughed sadly, I had no f*****g idea.

“It's okay honey...” mum stroked my forehead and I leaned gratefully against her, it wasn't going to be okay, never again.

We sat together for what felt like hours as they finally hugged me tightly and I stayed put, that's how much I had to try to move on with my life. I stared dead out the window as before and sighed deeply, the worst thing of all was that I really liked Grant, he made me laugh and he was safe, I didn't love him like Dylan but he made me feel something else...I don't know if it was love but I would never find out and I mourned it as much as Dylan leaving me here pregnant.

I lay down, I might as well sleep, what else was there for me to do when my life was over? I closed my eyes and prayed to God to help me before I fell asleep.