Birdgirl

5 - Because You Matter to Me

Lia could keep secrets, bury them in the depths of the earth.

She was good at that.

And she’d have kept the events of that night to herself if Kensi hadn’t been so bold and kissed her where there were more witnesses than the just moon and stars.

Amber was anything but remorseful. She even went as far as nudging Kensi with a mischievous smirk on her lips. Kensi, however, quickly shoot down the playful jibe, narrowing her condescending eyes at her friend.

All Lia could do was dispel a disbelieving breath, chaos swam in her eyes as reality descended upon her. But Kensi managed to muster a genuine smile even when her cheeks as red as Lia's and her heart pounded in tune with hers. Both were reluctant to face the combined puzzlement and glee of their audience.

It shouldn’t have bothered her. She’d kissed numerous girls in the past year and a half she ran as her friends’ Birdgirl.

But none of them ever felt like Kensi.

And she never felt for them a shred of what she felt for Kensi.

She could feel her skin burn where their eyes were on them, acutely aware of the brows that were drawn in and the eyes that were ablaze with contempt. She just kissed her dead best friend’s ex-girlfriend. That should warrant judgment. Her friends were growing worried when she didn’t move, glancing at each other, at a loss for words.

Ice coaxed everyone’s attention on him instead, clearing his throat loudly. He was always the quickest to pull Lia out of the quicksand, willingly putting himself on the line even if it meant embarrassing himself.

"Get your asses up! There's a party inside. Let's go!" Trevor clapped his hands in quick succession, pushing himself up to lead the pack back into the house. He and the Phillips brothers had to physically pull some of them up and give them a little push.

Lia stayed rooted on her spot. Ice’s gaze never left her, standing close by in case she needed someone to steady her. Kensi might not be her choice after what had transpired. He was protective of her, the way she was protective of Kensi.

Unlike Lia who felt trapped in an aquarium, open for the world to scrutinize her, Kensi felt freedom. And she relished it. She inched closer until there was no space between their clothed skins, wrapping an arm around Lia. She reached for her hand, interlocking their fingers and holding on tight.

Even in her stupor, Lia couldn’t fight instinct. She held her hand with equal strength and as much as she wanted to deny it, she found comfort in that little unsullied touch. But Kensi wasn’t done with her affectionate little gestures. She lifted her head up and pressed her lips against her temple.

And it was at that point that Ice was comfortable enough to leave them alone.

"You're okay. We're okay." She assured her in a hushed murmur, her lips lingering on Lia’s skin. "Breathe. I'm right here."

It was almost impossible to do what Kensi asked her to. Something was forcing her ribs to cave in on itself, a weight that kept her lungs from expanding.

Lia didn’t say anything, allowing herself to melt into Kensi’s side. She spent a long agonizing moment retreating to her thoughts with Kensi patiently waiting by her side, providing her with whatever kind of support. She fell hostage to the silence, but her mind flipped pages after pages of what awaited them when the rest of the school found out.

When Deborah Hunt found out.

"Do you want to go home?" Kensi tried again, whispering in Lia's ear.

Lia felt the prickle of discomfort set in as her breath wafted against her skin but none of it was because of Kensi. It had everything to do with the people who were watching them from inside the house. In high school, gossip whirled around like air and most everyone absorbed them.

“I can’t. Not yet.” Lia finally spoke. She withdrew herself from Kensi’s grip as gently as she could and walked into the darkness, where nobody could see them.

“Why not?” Kensi asked, hot on her heels. She could feel the sting of rejection and its venom was potent that she almost faltered.

"Why did you do that?" She tried to stifle her frustrations but to no avail. In silence, she celebrated their first kiss and she would have done the same for the second one but she hated the situation it put them in. She didn’t care what other people thought of her, she worried what they’d do to Kensi.

But that was the problem, it shouldn’t have been in silence when Kensi needed to know it mattered to her, too.

"I was sc—” Kensi was about to say something else entirely but decided against it. She wanted to tell Lia she was scared she would say someone else’s name but she couldn’t. Instead, she sighed. "They were about to tease you, Lia." She ran her left hand through her long wavy locks in frustration. "Besides, kissing a girl might have just helped your Birdgirl cause."

“What about you? You just made it worse for you. The staring, the whispers.” She slapped a hand against her forehead, raking her fingers through her hair until she could rest a palm on her nape. “They will all eat this up because that’s what kids in high school do. I hate that I can’t stop them!”

“I don’t care about that, Lia.”

"I could have handled it by myself, Kens. You didn't have to rescue me. Not when it puts you in a horrible position. I don’t want that for you." Lia dropped her hand, it slapped with a force against her side. Her squared shoulders plunged with defeat. "Besides, I've done it before. I have kissed tons of girls."

"A thank you would be nice." Kensi quipped. That was her only way to veer the conversation far from the strain that was suffocating her. It was better than dealing with the uncertain rejection and the night that was meant for celebration.

She extended her index finger and poked Lia's side which made her smile a little. The only way to stop her poking would be for Lia to interlace their hands. An abnormal tumble of the heart snatched Lia’s ability to breathe as electricity coursed her veins.

"Thank you." She whispered, too shy to speak up.

Kensi drew a deep satisfied breath that was halted as she processed what Lia had said too casually. Her heart painfully sank. She whirled her head towards her direction, furrowing her brows in confusion.

"Wait! You've done what?"

"Kiss other girls." Lia bowed her head down in embarrassment. She couldn’t bear to look at Kensi’s eyes, not when she knew it dimmed like the night sky.

"Oh."

A noticeable pang of discomfort surged through Kensi's being. She was aware why Lia had to do those things but that never comforted her in any way. It was still the same kind of jealousy. The same kind of torture. Neither girl retracted their hand from the other, holding onto the comfort that was threatening to disappear.

They had to let go eventually.

But Lia couldn’t let her go without telling her something.

“They didn’t mean a thing to me.” She clarified, daring to come close enough to wrap her arms around Kensi. “But you do.”

-

The conventional maple woodwork of the cabinets and shelves line the Washingtons’ kitchen. The black granite countertop blended well with their furniture which were of the same shade. They had no center island. Instead, the three sides of the kitchen were abundant in counter space.

Three beer kegs were positioned to one side with stacks of royal blue and yellow solo cups on the counter behind them. A couple of people were there but left the moment they grabbed drinks. It was one of the places in the house where the rowdy music and various chatter weren't as bad, and Lia liked her peace.

Especially after what happened.

She didn’t engage in the juvenile banter among her group of friends after joining them in the kitchen a couple of minutes later and Ice tried but ultimately, he let her be.

But Lia wanted the tension to dissipate, the night to progress like it should have been and found an opportunity not long after.

"You went all loyal and decided on getting the school's colors?" Lia chastised, patting Trevor on the belly.

"I knew you'd say that." He wagged his index finger knowingly, chuckling at his friend. He was all too eager chase away the tension, engaging in playful banter. "Suck it up, nerd.”

“I’m not a nerd.” She shook her head knowing she was going to lose.

“Overachieving nerd.” He clarified and all Lia could do was laugh.

The Phillips brothers were already helping themselves, drawing beer from the keg for all four of them in identical blue cups. Ice filled a cup to the brim at a time while Landon passed them to Trevor and Lia before obtaining one for himself and one for his brother.

"I think we should toast to Duke, our fallen brother." Landon suggested, raising his cup. He did not seek for approval from any of his friends, he just felt compelled to do it.

"Damn right!" Trevor agreed, lifting his up to Landon's. “To Duke.”

Looking around, everyone nodded in agreement, muttering faint yesses. They felt as if it was necessary to do a salute to their friend, something to honor him or finally close the book of mourning.

"To the king of the skies." Lia raised her cup with Ice following suit, as she looked to each of her friends' eyes and offered them a tight-lip smile.

It was all she could do to stop her lips from quivering. She took a deep, calming breath to cope with the overwhelming cloak of longing that was building up within her, something she had been suppressing to the best of her abilities.

"To Duke." The boys said in unison before they all collided their cups in the middle, spilling a little volume of beer to the floor.

While others took a minute gulp, Lia was halfway through her cup. The bitter flavor of the beer was nothing to her. She had her first dose of alcohol when she was fifteen. She and Duke thought it would be a good idea to taste every single one they could find. The purpose of the experiment was to get a glimpse of each of them and know what they taste like in case somebody decided to drug them in the future. What it did to Lia was increase her alcohol tolerance.

It may have been for sentimental purposes given their history or it could be something to silence the unheard cry for mourning within her. She might even be compensating for her abrupt loss. Nobody could tell, even Lia.

"Behind you." Landon mumbled as he spotted the group of cheerleaders noisily gathering on the other side of the kitchen with several bottles of tequila in tow.

It wasn't just him who heard the giggling and various overlapping sprightly conversations, it was all four of them. Lia swiveled to find the girls scouring the place for salt. They had opened cupboards and cabinets. They all cheered in a typical sparkling cheerleader manner when they located the seasoning ingredient.

Lia took her place next to Trevor who had his arms crossed with his right hand holding the cup in place to get a better view of the commotion. Lia lightly nibbled on the brim of her cup as she leaned back on the counter, just like the other three boys were doing. Ice and Landon who were to Lia's left set their blue solo cups on the counter, unable to drink and watch at the same time.

There were at least five cheerleaders in the group but Landon was eyeing one particular redhead with a short, black sleeveless crop top and equally short black shorts with the word "yes" printed in a spectrum of colors haphazardly all over it. A blue and yellow flannel shirt tied around her waist covered most of her bottoms. Her red hair was particularly unruly with her old lace-up combat boots undone. She was probably the most outgoing looking one of them all and that was Landon's type.

"Body freakin' shots, man." Ice muttered under his breath as he marveled at the sight of the girls in front of them.

They were conveniently wearing tight-fitting or skimpy clothes which didn't leave much for imagination. Ice blindly picked up a cup and ushered it to his mouth, taking a swig at it. His focus was lured by the rowdy group.

"Hey, that's my cup." Landon complained, eying his brother sternly.

"It's fine, man. We can fill it up again." Ice shrugged him off and guzzled some more of the bitter drink.

"No," Landon insisted, swiveling his entire body to face his brother. "That's my cup." He jabbed his index finger to the middle of his chest, insinuating ownership.

"Oh, boy." Lia grumbled, slapping her palm on her forehead.

Being extremely hygienic was Landon’s norm. He was the type who would always make sure everyone washed their hands after using the bathroom. He would often slap their hands when they would reach for food if he saw them holding something like a door knob or railings. He had been teased heavily about it but that did not stop him.

Trevor simply shook his head in disbelief while Ice tilted his chin up, silently challenging his brother.

"What?" Landon asserted as he saw his friends' reaction. He took a solid step forward. "My saliva, my germs. I don't want any other people's germs. It's disgusting. I don’t care if you’re m-"

"So, let me ask you this." Ice interrupted, putting the cup down and tapping his left hand on his brother's left shoulder. He then gripped it tightly, adjusting him so they were facing the group of cheerleaders spicing their drinking habits up. "Those girls over there, doing body shots. If they ask you to lick someone's throat which you know had been outside with, I don't know, dust, pollution, sweat and all that stuff, plus somebody already licking that area, you wouldn't?" He explained casually, observing his brother's unreadable expressions.

"N...no." Landon weakly retorted, weighing his brother's words in his head. "Maybe unless if it was that redhead." He nodded towards the specific girl who was about to lick a blonde's ear while she was holding a yellow solo cup that had made its rounds among the big group.

"No kidding?" Trevor protested with his furrowed brows with a gaped mouth, pushing himself off the counter to get a better look of Landon. "You would turn down the chance to eat that hot chick's neck just because of that?" He pointed the cup to his friend and then to the nameless redhead.

Lia raised her brows as she bit on her lips to suppress the laughter that was going to earn her Landon's death glare. "Which one is it? Dust? Sweat? Somebody else's saliva?" She casually interrupted before Landon could answer.

Lia guzzled the remaining contents of her beer, setting the empty solo cup down to the counter soon after.

"All of them."

"Okay..."Trevor stretched the word, unsure of what he had just heard. "Let's get you some handy sanitizers with pink silicone holders that loop around your purse's zipper." He teased, deadpanning. He gave his teammate a meaningful gaze with his raised brows which was not reciprocated as Landon was shrinking in shame. He celebrated his victory by downing the rest of his bitter beverage.

"Hate to break it to you, my friend." Lia began, following Trevor's lead which made them make a small circle. "This is not your scene. I actually wondered why we even come to parties for you. A change in scenery would be good. You know? Cafés, restaurants, even yoga and Pilates studios."

Ice scoffed, pushing his brother away in a feigned disgust. "I actually considered asking our parents if you were adopted."

"Can you all just lay off?" Landon grumbled, particularly irritated with the scrutiny he was receiving.

As expected, he took a new solo cup but grabbed a yellow one to identify it easily. The other three was dying to tease him about but instead, waited patiently for him to finish filling the fresh cup. They intently observed the youngest boy who scowled at them, prompting Lia to go back to her previous position by the counter. Trevor had to fill his own cup up before following Lia.

"Can you actually make those girls talk to us with that shirt?" Ice examined, also noticing Lia's clothed arms and shoulders. It was the first time he ever doubted Lia's abilities. Up until that point, he was confident in her. "Do you want us to try? I mean, I've seen you do it for years." He looked to the other two guys who were not as interested in his proposal.

"Right. I exchange fashion tips with them." Lia sarcastically muttered. She faked a smile while deliberately narrowing her eyes at his friend. She perked up in a sudden realization with her lips turned into a smirk "You know what? Why don't you guys have at it for the night?"

"I'll sit this down." Trevor muttered simply. The probability of Ice's plan failing was staggering and he had a bigger reason for not participating. "Cause you know, brother's got Amber." He proudly stated, cockily rocked his brows with a smirk plastered across his features.

"It's only been a day, Washington." Landon reminded his teammate, unimpressed by what he heard. He lifted the fresh cup to his lips, confident that the plastic container had not been contaminated with.

Trevor shook his head, chuckling. "That's a day more than all of you."

"Are you kidding, bro?" Ice challenged, crossing his arms. "Casey has Kensi. She's always had Kensi since the beginning of time. Nobody could pry the girl away from Birdgirl here."

By the mention of Kensi's name, Lia tensed up. After what had happened in her bedroom, she had been worked up about the possibility of her having feelings for her friend. Despite her valiant attempts at pushing it aside, it seems to always crawl back to her consciousness, nagging at her.

"She's just a friend." She dismissed them rather harshly, boring her eyes at the innocent redhead that encapsulated Landon's curiosity.

"Who cares?" Ice swung his arm over Lia’s shoulders, pulling her close. "She's still one hot, affectionate friend who calls you babe." He reminded her with that knowing look in his amber eyes.

Ice let go of Lia and poured the contents of his original cup to Landon's blue one. He was not keen on wasting good beer. He went back to his original position, holding the cup against his chest.

"About that. Why?" Landon interjected, leaning out to see his friend better.

"It's just a pet name she called me back in middle school." Lia explained, leaving the details out; attempting to downplay the piping hot issue the boys perceived it to be. She rocked her head from side to side. "It just stuck."

Trevor scrunched up his features, confused with what he just heard. "I thought it was Lia and Mack."

"That, too." Lia affirmed with a nod.

"Kensi had to get used to you being a permanent fixture in Duke's life while Duke had to get used to Kensi calling somebody else, you, babe other than him." Ice examined, looking up to the ceiling as he gathered his thoughts. "Although, I've never seen Kensi kiss anyone more than she kisses y-o-u."

"Great. You can spell." Lia sarcastically muttered. "Now will you guys calm your man-boobs? Let's just see Ice walk his cocky talk."

"You," She swiveled, sticking her index finger out to point to Ice. "Go drag your brother with you and get him that redhead he's been ogling."

"At your service, Birdgirl." Ice let go of her, raising his hand to his forehead in salute. "One redhead, coming up."

Landon lifted his yellow solo cup, getting everyone's attention. He was not entirely sure about his decision to follow his brother. However, Ice seemed to be rather confident. He guzzled a mouthful to lose enough inhibitions before setting the cup down on the counter.

"My cup." He austerely reminded them.

Lia rolled her eyes condescendingly, waving her hand to shoo them away, even shoving Ice forward. "Yes, yes, your precious. Run along, Smeagol."

Trevor could only bellow in laughter at what he heard. He threw his head back, clutching his stomach. The Lord of the Rings comment just made him lose it. He raised his hand for Lia to give him a high five which Lial complied with without actually facing her amused friend.

Lia was watching the Phillips brothers intently, wondering what damage they could inflict while formulating a contingency plan of her own. She was still wondering if it would turn out to be a rescue operation, her being the back-up or the person who has to clean up a mess her colleagues made.

There was an undeniable hesitancy in Landon. They had done that before, when Lia was unavailable. Their mission had always crashed and burned while preparing for take-off. Nothing would work out for them. It was just a recipe for disaster with the first ingredient being, essentially, them...alone.

"Hey, girls!" Ice announced his presence with a solid start. He swung his arm behind his brother, pulling him closer. "This is my boy, Landon. He," He scrunched up his features as he struggled to come up with one desirable trait. He was at a loss for words and could not muster up any witty remark.

And it was all downhill from there.

All expectant and annoyed orbs we're on Ice and it was evaporating whatever courage he had prior to stepping into the group. The body shots were ceased with one girl, a brunette, ready to dump the little mass of salt onto her friend's raised thigh.

"He's...he...uh...he's big?" Ice stammered, gradually scrunching up his face as he curled his lips in disgust while the cheerleaders were either flat out laughing at him or miserably trying not to. Some even looked to be physically in pain.

Lia smacked forehead the second time, muttering, "Oh, brother."

It had pained her to watch her friends embarrass themselves. She could feel the humiliation in the way her friends tensed up and all she could do was surrender to her looming laughter and followed Trevor's lead.

If Trevor were to be asked how that went, one can only guess he would laugh about it and he did. He was hysterical though, he could not even stand straight. He was just out of it. His lungs had begun to burn as blood rushed to his cheeks with that incessant ache in his belly.

Landon was practically squirming from Ice's rather tight grip and swiveled to free himself from it. He practically bolted to their two friends, hiding behind Lia, which did not do much hiding. Landon's face was quickly flushing a bright red.

"They're lesbians." Ice grumbled, stomping. He was taking huge steps back to safety; he just had to get out of there. His features were identical to his brother's, Ice was blushing in embarrassment as well. "They're all lesbians, I tell you." He was compensating, trying to find reasons other than his failure. His competitiveness held him captive.

The way his face contorted to reflect his anger and frustration and Landon's expressions was of pure horror, Trevor had exhausted all his energy to even stand up. He ended up sitting on the floor, tapping on his leg repeatedly as his friends' faces only intensified his laughter.

"Don't die on us now, big fella." Lia jested, reaching for Trevor's box braid. Her shoulders were jolting uncontrollably.

She had closed her eyes shut to rid herself of the unfortunate sight of the two dirty blonde-haired boys. It was cracking her up despite her usual cynical behavior. She needed to recover from her laughter as she knew what they will ask of her next.

"Well? What are you waiting for, Birdgirl?" Landon nervously asked, scrambling to act tough. He gently pushed her, making Lia take a step forward.

"Nothing. Redhead, right?" Lia feigned innocence, pulling the corners of her mouth down, protruding her lower lip as she shook her head. She looked to Ice's direction, smirking. "Now watch me."

"Now we're talking!" Trevor exclaimed, swiftly getting up to his feet. It had always excited him when Lia takes flight and gives justice to their nickname for her.

Lia sauntered towards the normally intimidating girls that don't bother her. She had found that when she challenges their self-esteem, she could easily strut into their circle. She discovered that asserting herself like she owned the place worked well; making people naturally make way for her. Lia knew she had to be confident enough to get the others on board to make it easier to single the prey out. Years of being the boys' wingman had taught Lia quite a lot of things she would never learn in a typical social event.

Lia deliberately broke the group in two by reaching for the salt on the counter. She straightened herself up and spotted the specific redhead who was conveniently looking at her, confused; just like her friends. The more feisty ones of the group were particularly irritated by the second intrusion but never did much than mumble their criticisms or roll their eyes.

Eyes bulged out as jaws dropped when Lia drizzled the salt on the redhead's shoulder, pushing the strap of her tank top closer to her neck, out of the way. Lia snatched the yellow cup from her and proceeded to lick the redhead's shoulder painstakingly slow while maintaining eye contact. As expected, she could taste a plethora of flavor on the mystery girl's skin with her bitter, yet sweet perfume, minute sweat and the salt itself among others.

Lia guzzling the miniscule content of the cup and clenched her jaw as the strong aroma of the Margarita's alcohol content travelled up her nose. She pushed the cup towards the astonished cheerleaders who even fought to receive the cup from her.

Lia's intrepid moves never fail to amaze the boys she calls her friends. Landon was repeatedly elbowing his brother, making sure Ice was watching as well. Trevor sealed his gaped mouth with his hand. Things just got a little heated for them. They were at the edge of their seat, anticipating Lia's next move.

"Hey." Lia muttered with a low, sultry tone lacing her already husky voice. Her face was hovering by the redhead's shoulder, the spot she licked.

"Hi, Melissa." The girl breathed rather swiftly, smiling at Lia. She was so enchanted by the fabled Birdgirl, the brunette didn't even have to ask for her name.

Melissa's breath grazed Lia's lips and nostrils which caused a disruption in the wingman's breathing. Lia looked to be puzzled given her arched brows and crumpled bridge of her nose. She was taking in Melissa's beauty yet something seemed to catch her attention.

Lia huffed forcefully, awkwardly smiling at Melissa as she lifted her index finger. "You know what? I'll be back in a sec."

She practically jogged back to the three boys who were just as confused as everyone else, including Melissa who was left hanging; wanting more of Lia.

"What the hell, Birdgirl? You were in!" Landon protested, scowling at her. He grabbed Lia's upper arms tightly, attempting to shake answers out of her.

Lia winced in pain yet put a strong front, pretending to look fine. She shook her head in disagreement while mustering up the strength to speak amid the soreness on her arm.

"You don't want to do her, my friend."

"Why?" Landon spoke, leaving his mouth partially open; eager to know the reason.

"I don’t think you’d want to kiss her." Lia raised a brow, shaking Landon's grip off. She nodded to Trevor who was ready to be at her disposal. "Beer me."

Trevor didn't even question her command. He just did as she asked, listening to the conversation while uncomfortably hunched over to reach the keg.

"You mean she swears like a sailor? I can live with that."

"Her breath smells like a dumpster." She forced a sarcastic looking smile, rubbing the back of her hand against her nostrils. She puffed air out of her nose, ridding it of the odd scent she had just caught a whiff of. "It's not from the alcohol. I'm pretty sure you would be mortified with the amount of germs in her mouth."

Trevor straightened himself up, happy to be in a vertical position given the soreness on his tired back. He handed Lia the beer she had requested for and stood behind her. He perched his hand on the edge of the counter, leaning his entire weight on it.

"Yeah...never mind." Landon elongated the pronunciation of the first word with his eyes fixated on the girl he had just given up on. Melissa was not even his before she got away.

Sometimes, Birdgirl missions don't go as planned. Even well thought out tactics don't follow through at times. There are a lot of external things factors that make up for the success of their operations depending on Landon's, Trevor's and Ice's preferences, sometimes, even Lia's. Lia had no problem bluntly telling them what they needed to know.

"Pretty girl, pretty smelly." Ice muttered monotonously as he followed his brother's gaze. He shoved his hands in his pockets.

"Hot chick, hot breath." Trevor chimed in before shifting his gaze to Ice. "What about you? Where's the girl you were talking about?"

Ice let out a sigh in frustration, which earned a curious look from both Landon and Lia who had not heard about this girl Trevor was asking him about. He had actually forgotten about his own mystery girl and was not thrilled to be reminded of her.

"She's not here."

"You don't want to hit on anyone else?" Lia queried with the cup by her lips. "There's at least nine more girls over there. I just hope you pick one that eats flowers." She chuckled, proud of her joke. “It’s not too late to back out of that date with Paula. Nobody likes Paula.”

"Nope." He retorted simply.

"Okay. Well, I have to go look for Kensi." Lia said, taking a step forward before swiveling back to face her friends.

At the time, she was not worried about her friend which in turn, made her worry about her. It was an irrational fear she developed after leaving Kensi sleeping one night only to receive a phone call five minutes later sobbing uncontrollably. She was beating herself up for being so irresponsible which immediately shifted her light mood into that of her of her irrationally fixating on a problem that may not even exist.

"Do you need back up?" Ice asked jokingly.

The three guys stood right next to each other, posing; dramatically looking up with hands on their waists as if they were superheroes.

"Or a posse?" Landon raised a brow, a smirk on his lips.

Lia feigned annoyance as she narrowed her eyes but was soon betrayed by her own feelings as she surrendered, chuckling. "Just come."