THE FORGOTTEN SPRING

CHAPTER 5

"THE FORGOTTEN SPRING"

by: Dark Flame Master

KAI'S POV

I sat on the bench under the sakura trees, staring at the ground. My body felt heavy, like it was weighed down by every bad memory, every awful thought I’d ever had. “I hate myself,” I whispered, my voice barely audible, trembling. The words cut through the silence around me, but they weren’t enough to drown out the noise in my head.

“I hate myself the most,” I added, louder this time, the weight of my feelings spilling out. My hands clenched into fists, shaking slightly. No matter how much I wanted to change, no matter how much I wanted to be brave, I couldn’t. I was stuck. Scared. Broken. Alone.

Petals floated down from the trees, drifting gently in the breeze. It was such a beautiful scene, but it only made me feel worse. The world around me was calm and peaceful, and yet here I was, falling apart inside.

“When will these tears stop?” I muttered to myself, wiping at my face with shaky hands. My chest hurt, and the lump in my throat felt like it was going to choke me. “I’m so tired of this…”

“Ano... sumimasen” (A/N: Um... Excuse me) a voice suddenly interrupted my thoughts. "Daijoubu? Yappari daijoubu ja nai yo ne… ano…" (A/N: Are you okay? I guess you’re not… um…)

I froze. My heart started racing, and I looked up hesitantly. A guy was standing in front of me, looking down at me with concern.

Who is this? Why is he talking to me?

I quickly wiped my face, trying to hide the tears. “I… I need to go home,” I mumbled, standing up quickly. My legs felt weak, but I forced them to move. I just needed to get away.

Before I could take a step, he grabbed my wrist.

“Matte,” (A/N: Wait) he said softly. His grip wasn’t tight, but it was enough to stop me. He held out a handkerchief. “Kore, tsukatte.” (A/N: Use this)

The moment his hand touched mine, panic surged through me. My whole body tensed, and I yanked my arm back.

"H-hanashite! D-dare nano?" (A/N: L-let go of me! W-who are you?)I stammered, my voice shaking. I tried to pull away, but he was too strong.

"Nee, ochitsuite." (A/N: Hey, calm down) he said, not letting go. His voice was calm, but it only made me more nervous.

“Kai-chan dayo ne?” he asked. (You're Kai right?)

How does he know my name? My heart pounded so hard it felt like it was going to burst.

"Oboete nai no? Boku da yo, Haru" (A/N: Don’t you remember me? It’s me, Haru)

Haru? That name, I don't remember it. My breathing grew uneven, and my chest felt tighter. This was bad.

"Iki ga… dekinai…" (A/N: I… I can’t breath) I gasped. My legs gave out, and I collapsed to the ground. My vision blurred as I clutched at my chest.

“Kai-chan? Daijoubu?” he asked, kneeling beside me. (A/N: Are you okay?)

"Te, te wo… hanashite…" (A/N:L-let… go… of my hand…) I whispered weakly.

I couldn’t move. My body felt heavy, and my chest hurt so much I thought I might pass out. And then… he hugged me.

The moment his arms wrapped around me, I felt like I was suffocating. His touch was overwhelming, disgusting.

“Kai-chan,” he said, his voice trembling with emotion. “Yatto mata aeta ne. Ureshii na! ” (A/N: We finally met again. I'm so happy!)

What was he talking about? What did he mean, again?

“Kai-chan” he continued, his voice soft but full of something I didn’t want to hear it. “Daisuki! Meccha suki!” (A/N: I love you! I like you a lot!)

No. No! This can’t be happening!

I mustered all the strength I had left and pushed him away. “Ha...hanarero yo! kimochi warui! Gay! Homo!” I shouted, my voice breaking. (A/N: Le...let go of me you're disgusting!)

I stumbled to my feet and ran. My heart was racing so fast it felt like it might stop. My legs burned, but I didn’t care. I just needed to get as far away from him as possible. Everything felt filthy. His touch lingered on my skin like a stain I couldn’t wash off.

.

.

.

.

I burst through the door of my house, gasping for air. My chest felt tight, and my vision was starting to blur again.

“Kai! W-what happened?” Mom’s voice was full of panic as she rushed toward me. I couldn’t answer her. I fell to the floor, clutching my chest.

“Honey, grab Kai’s emergency medicine!” Mom shouted. She knelt beside me, her hands trembling as she tried to comfort me. “It’s okay, Kai. You’re fine. You’re fine. Calm down, okay?”

But I couldn’t calm down. The pressure in my chest grew unbearable, and everything went black.

.

.

.

.

I hate it. I hate how just the smallest touch can send me spiraling back to that place—back to feeling powerless all over again. No matter how much I try to block it out, it’s always there. In my mind, in my body, in the way I flinch at the slightest contact. I can’t control it. I can’t escape it. The memories play on a loop, vivid and suffocating. I know I can’t explain this to anyone—they wouldn’t understand. I know I should get over it.

"Nani, nioi kaideru no?" (A/N: What are you smelling?)

"Ase. Kodomo tte ase ippai kaku yo na." (A/N: Sweat, kids sweat a lot don't they)

"Chi...chigau yo! Kaganai de yo!" (A/N: Yo....youre wrong! Stop smelling me!)

I hate what it’s done to me. I can’t even look people in the eye without feeling that cold, suffocating grip around my chest. Every time someone tries to get close, I pull away, my mind racing with fears I can’t control. I see betrayal in everyone’s smile, in every kind gesture. I wonder if they’re hiding something—just like he did.

"Pfft..Ha!Ha!Ha!Ha! Ya-yamete yo! Kusuguttai!" (A/N: Stop it! It's ticklish)

"Kai-chan, hontou ni binkan da ne." (A/N: you're really sensitive aren't you Kai)

The words replay in my head like a broken record, mocking me, trapping me. I press my hands over my ears, but it doesn’t help. I can still hear him. I’m so tired. Tired of living like this. Tired of being trapped in my own mind. But I can’t seem to break free.

The world feels wrong. People feel wrong. Even when I want to believe there’s more to life than pain, I can’t. How do you believe in anything good when the only thing I ever know is betrayal?

"Nii-chan… boku… ouchi ni kaeritai…" (A/N: You already know what nii-chan means right? The rest means I want to go home.)

"DAMARE KAI-CHAN! Daijoubu, yasashiku suru kara." (A/N: Shut up Kai! It's alright I'll be gentle)

"No! No!! NO!!"

“NOOO!!! Haaaa… haaa…” My breaths come in short, ragged gasps.

It’s that dream again.

“Kai, are you okay? Did something happen today?”

I flinch at the sound of my mom’s voice. She’s standing in the doorway, her face filled with worry. I don’t want to see that look anymore. I hate it. I hate that she has to see me like this. “I’m… I’m fine, Mom,” I say, my voice trembling.

But I’m not fine. The tears come before I can stop them. Mom doesn’t hesitate. She crosses the room and wraps her arms around me, pulling me close. Her warmth should be comforting but it only makes me feel smaller and more broken.

“It’s okay, Kai,” she whispers, her hand gently patting my back. “I’m always here for you. Your dad and I are always here.”

I bury my face in her shoulder, the words I want to say choking me. I don’t deserve this. The tears keep coming, and I can’t hold them back anymore. I cry until there’s nothing left. Until the only thing I feel is the emptiness inside me.