Wild Heart

When I was five, Mum was about to get remarried and we were moving in with him. We pulled up to the new house and Mum smiled back at me. "What do you think, Lys?" she asked. I peered out the window and looked around. It was a street like the one we'd lived in before with houses and fences and cars, but it was different. Similar, but not familiar. The house we'd stopped in front of was much the same except it was white and blue, not cream and red. Again, similar but not familiar. And, the big tree with my tyre swing wasn't there. My eyes felt hot and I pulled Mr Bunny to my chest; nothing really looked familiar at all. But, then the front door opened and finally something familiar stepped out. I smiled at Ben. I wrestled with the belt on my car seat, calling to him and heard Mum laugh. I finally got my seat belt undone and clambered through the front seats to jump out Mum's door, dragging poor Mr Bunny along with me. Ben smiled when he saw me. "There's my girl!" he called and knelt down, ready to catch me, as I ran up to him. It was what we always did. Then, another unfamiliar man stepped out of the house behind him and a boy a bit older than me came running towards me, and I stopped. Ben and the other man laughed. "Nico, give her five minutes to get in the door!" the other man chided. "I didn't know you boys were going to be here," Mum said happily, patting my head as she walked past me and I heard the other man responding, but I didn't pay him much attention. The boy stood in front of me, almost a head taller than me. He had dark hair and light brown eyes. He looked at me with interest, a smile playing at his lips like he knew something I didn't. "I'm Nico, I'm nine," he said, thrusting out his hand. "Uncle Ben said he and your mum are getting married." I nodded and put my hand out for him to shake. His hand was warm and felt safe. I gave him a small smile and hugged Mr Bunny closer. "Alyssa. I'm nearly five," I replied. "And, who's this so close to your heart?" Nico asked, kindly. I held him out. "This is Mr Bunny." I thought Nico might tease me, with the smile growing on his face. But, he just took one of Mr Bunny's paws gently and shook it. "Pleased to meet you, Mr Bunny," he said seriously. "Nico, I hope you're being nice!" the other man called, walking up to us. "Is he bothering you, Lys?" he asked, crouching down and I shook my head. "I'm Ben's brother, Sam. You can call me Uncle Sam, if you like." Uncle Sam had a nice smile, friendly and warm, and he reminded me of Ben; they had the same caramel hair and deep brown eyes. "It's nice to meet you, Uncle Sam," I said, trying to remember my manners like Mum taught me. Uncle Sam smiled and stood as Ben jogged over to me and picked me up. He spun me around and I couldn't stop giggling. "I missed you, Lys. How are you?" he asked, giving me a big squeeze and I hugged him back as hard as I could. "Tired. We drove forever, Ben!" I answered, feeling nice and safe in his big warm arms. Ben always smelled like home to me, safe and like your grandma's kitchen is supposed to smell: warm, with a hint of spice like nutmeg or cinnamon. He just chuckled his deep throaty laugh and spun me again before putting me down. "Life's a never-ending journey, baby girl, it's the miles we put in that make us who we are." "So, what does that make me now?" Ben looked to Mum and winked. "My best girl, but don't tell Mum," he said and Mum laughed, making me smile widely. "Want to see your room?" I nodded and he took my hand, leading me into the house. Nico dashed after us, running faster than I thought any boy I knew could, surprising me. He gave me a grin and I looked down before he could see the smile on my face, too. Ben took me through the house until we reached a brightly lit room with pink walls dotted with daisies. My bed was already there, and my bedside table and drawers. Otherwise, it was empty, the rest of my things in the truck – that had arrived a few hours before us – or Mum's car. The room smelled like vanilla and a breeze came in the window, making the gauze curtains dance. I ran to the window and looked out. Ben's backyard was huge! And there weren't even houses behind it, there were trees and it looked like it went on forever. There was a trampoline and...a tyre swing! I was sold. I almost dropped Mr Bunny in my excitement, but he held on tight; he knew what I was like. "What do you think, baby?" Mum asked and I turned to her with a smile. "I love it. Thank you, Ben." He knelt down and hugged me. "You're very welcome, Lys. You have no idea how happy I am to have you here. Thank you for letting me be part of your family." I tilted my head at him. "Silly Ben, you are my family!" Ben chuckled and ruffled my hair before he and Mum went out to get boxes from the truck and the car, and I looked around my new room. "What does Mr Bunny think?" Nico asked as I went back to the window. I gave him a smile. "Mr Bunny thinks we'll be very happy here," I replied, hugging Mr Bunny close. He came to stand beside me and looked out at the backyard. "Does Mr Bunny want to go on the trampoline?" I looked at Mr Bunny. The trampoline looked fun, but I'd never been on one before and I was a little scared. I wasn't going to tell Nico that though. He seemed like the kind of boy who wasn't scared of anything. "Mr Bunny might be a bit small for the trampoline..." I said slowly. Nico took my hand. "I'll keep him safe...if he wants to have a go?" It sounded a lot like Nico knew I was the scared one, and he didn't mind at all. I looked at the trampoline sceptically, but there was something comforting in Nico's hand holding mine and I really trusted that he'd keep me safe. So, I nodded. "All right." There were no mishaps that day on the trampoline, but there were plenty of times Nico had had to save my butt. And, I started noticing some odd things about the people my mum had surrounded me with. But, it took a few years for me to find out the truth. When I was six, I decided to jump off the treehouse deck like Mary Poppins with my best friend Stacey. I launched first and, half way down, something crashed into the side of me, tucking me in its arms and cushioning my fall. When we'd landed, I was a little bruised but nothing was broken. And, when I saw who'd caught me, I giggled. "Nico!" He grinned at me like he usually did as Mum and Ben came running out of the house, yelling bloody murder. I pulled Nico up and saw he winced a bit. "What the hell did you think you were doing?" Ben yelled as he skidded to a stop beside us, looking me over before pulling me to him and crushing me in a huge hug. Stacey came running too, a big smile on her face. She still carried her umbrella, and I was annoyed that I'd missed her jump off the deck. Nico leant against a tree like his leg hurt, but he looked happy enough so I must have been imagining it. "Stace, honey, you know better," Ben said softly. Stacey gave him an odd look. "But, Nico's always there." And he was. Through every stupid stunt I pulled, Nico was there to bail me out even before an adult was. No matter where I was, or who I was with. Like, when I was seven and lost control of my bike the first time I rode without the training wheels. I swerved off the footpath and into the road. Nico was there before I even had time to panic. He grabbed me off the seat, a car racing towards us, and threw us backward with a strength no twelve-year-old should have. I landed on him heavily, watching as the car skidded to a stop, the front bumper hovering over my bike. Seven-year-old me didn't think much of it, other than it was a little weird, but that was just Nico. Mum came running out of the house. "Lys, you need to be more careful!" she was yelling. "Nico, thank God you were here." They were always on me to be more careful. Telling me I couldn't do what the other kids did, that they were stronger. I would have grown up with a massive complex if I didn't see other kids at school get hurt the same way I did. Like the kid who broke his leg when he fell off the monkey bars after watching Stacey do a backflip off the top – landing perfectly safely on her feet, thank you very much – and wanting to copy her. I was eight when I learnt why Mum and Ben were so averse to my fearless, daredevil nature when most of my friends could do what they liked. "Baby, get dressed, we're late!" Mum called. "What?" I yelled back. "The party, Lys, we're going to be late," Ben said, leaning in my doorway. I looked at Ben in confusion. I'd never been allowed to go to one of those parties, nice Mrs Bellamy from next door always looked after me and I'd see Mum and Ben the next day. It's how it had been every month since they'd been married. Ben laughed. "No, you're coming this time, baby girl. It's about time you knew who your family were." Mum appeared beside him, and I could tell she was torn. "She'll be safe won't she, Ben?" "Give us a minute, love, yeah?" Ben asked her and she nodded before going back to the living room. Ben sat on my bed and patted the spot next to him. I sat down and he looked at me seriously. "Do you trust me, Lys? Trust Nico and Uncle Sam? Stacey? Mum?" I nodded. "Of course..." I answered. "Mum's worried, and she has a right to be. But, you will always be safe with us, my girl. Remember that." He took my hand and pulled me up. I could tell something serious was going on, but I knew better than to ask. Ben would tell me in his own time and I trusted him implicitly. He didn't seem worried, even if Mum was. Besides, Nico would be there, and Stacey, so I knew it would be fun. Ben and Mum took me to Grandma Renaud's house and I saw it was a huge party. All the family were there and a whole lot of people I'd never met before. Grandma – Ben and Sam's mum – had a giant bonfire out the back. Children ran around, squealing in excitement and adults milled about, carrying plates and drinks. It looked like any other backyard party at Grandma's and I, for the first time in many years, felt like I'd been missing out on something I didn't have to have been missing out on. But, I trusted Mum and Ben had had their reasons and I'd find them out. Stacey, Nico, me and a few other kids played among the trees that seemed to back onto everyone's backyard like magic. Grandma had a rope swinging over a pond in a clearing and the boys were launching themselves off it. When it was Nico's turn, one of the boys pushed him and he launched off the swing at the wrong angle. He landed on the ground and I went running to him, even though the other kids didn't really seem to care. My heart beat wildly as I threw myself onto the ground beside him. "Nico!" I yelled, staring at the way his leg was bent at a funny angle, blood everywhere and I'm sure there was bone poking out of his skin. "Stay there, I'll get help!" He grabbed my arm, smiling at me oddly, like he was in a heap of pain but didn't want to worry me. I'd seen that look on Mum's face a few times in the previous few years. "It's fine, Lys," he said as Stacey ran up. On seeing Nico, Stacey laughed. "You'll be slow tonight!" I looked between them in confusion as a couple of the other boys, Jeff and Mark, came over. "Sorry, mate," Jeff laughed, leaning down with Mark to help Nico up. Nico stood between them as Stacey knelt down and pulled on his leg. There was a snap and it was back to the way it was supposed to look. As I watched, the blood slowed and the broken skin started closing like it was healing. I looked at Nico's face sharply. He looked uncomfortable, but he shrugged like it was no big deal. "This is why you're here tonight, Lys," he said with a shrug as the boys helped him hobble away. "Come on, guys, gentle!" he snapped to them as they jostled him. Then, Grandma saw them and began fussing over him the way only grandmas can. I watched as she took him inside. "Come on, everything will make sense soon," Stacey said, taking my hand the way she always did. We went and sat at the bonfire just as music started up, nothing like I'd ever heard before. It was what I'd later in life describe as tribal. The adults started the dancing while us kids watched. It wasn't long before Nico came back, still hobbling but supporting his own weight and looking annoyed. But, I couldn't take my eyes off the dancers for long, even for Nico. It was beautiful, the way they all moved together, and I couldn't stop staring at them. It was like one big choreographed piece, but even at the age of eight, I suspected it was pure instinct, even if I didn't know the word for it and didn't fully understand what that meant. Ben found us and sat beside me, ushering Stacey and Nico off to join the dancing. "There's a lot you don't know, Lys, and it will take a lot more than just tonight to explain. But...there's something different about everyone here tonight, something different about you..." "What do you mean?" "You'll see things tonight that might be scary, baby girl, but know you have never been safer. You're old enough now to know these things and it's not fair we keep hiding them. There's a reason why Mum and I don't like you being as reckless as the other kids. You're different, my girl, and we just want you to be safe." It was then the first howl started, low and mournful across the night. The wind blew, making the fire blaze. It warmed me and brought the smell of pine to my nose. A shiver ran through me and I was a little afraid. I looked to Ben and he nodded at me encouragingly, chasing all my fear away. "This is where things get a little bit weird, but, stay with me okay?" he said, looking into my eyes. I nodded and he stood up, unbuttoning his shirt. I was wondering what the hell was going on when Nico was beside me again, his shirt off and reaching for the tie on his board shorts. "What's-" Ben took my hand. "I love you, Lys, remember that." I blinked. "I love you too, Dad. What's..." If I'd known swear words at the tender age of eight, you can be sure I would have used one. Every person at that party in Grandma's backyard was naked and their skin was rippling. I didn't have time to feel awkward about their nudity because they started changing, howls ringing through the night. I heard Ben's voice, repeating "it's okay, Lys, everything's okay," over and over. But, I couldn't take my eyes from Nico's pale brown ones, which seemed to glow amber by the flickering fire light. So, it took me a little bit of time to realise that a wolf with Nico's eyes was now watching me with a humoured interest, just like he had the first day I met him almost four years earlier. I couldn't help but wonder if this was the something he'd known that I hadn't. The wolf-Nico limped towards me – favouring the leg he'd hurt – and a part of me knew I was supposed to be scared, but I wasn't. This was Nico, the same Nico who'd always been there for me, there was nothing to fear from him. He was bigger as a wolf even than Ben was as a man and I briefly wondered how that worked. Nico's wet nose touched my cheek before he lay down, curling himself around me protectively. The huge wolf – seriously, I could have ridden him like a horse – with my stepdad's dark brown eyes gave me a nudge and licked my cheek. I giggled and went to push him away like I always did. But, I pulled him closer and hugged him. There was something surreal about the whole thing, but like it was entirely right, like the world had been missing something and was only now put right. His fur was coarse and tickled my nose, but he still smelled like Ben; warm and familiar and spicy. I ran my finger over the little moon on the chain around his neck and smiled at him. Ben growled low, a rumble that hummed through me, and I felt a happy flutter in my chest. Then, he bounded off. Nico stayed with me all night, growling at smaller wolves that I assumed were the kids, who came too close. Some seemed to think they could sniff closer or tried to make Nico play with them, but Nico growled louder and they backed off, gambolling around by the bonfire or play fighting. I sat and watched the wolves, some fought in a way that was a little more serious than the kids, some lay around and a lot of them disappeared into the trees. Howls rang out and made me shiver in instinctual fear. But, each time, Nico just made a weirdly comforting sound and nudged me. As the bonfire died down, I snuggled up with Nico, who rearranged so I could lean my head on his stomach. I woke up the next morning, lying on the grass in Grandma's backyard, alone. I was damp from dew and still smelled like smoke. I stretched and looked around. I couldn't see anyone, and the night before seemed like one big dream. But, when I saw the familiar form of Nico limping over to me, albeit less so than the night before, I suspected it hadn't been a dream. A rightness flowed through me and I remembered starkly the feeling that I'd found something I'd lost; something about it just made sense. Nico sat beside me, dressed in his track pants and t-shirt. He ran a hand through his messy hair and pulled a leaf out, flicking it to the ground with a grimace. "So, do you see now why you can't just do everything we do, Lys?" he asked, not looking at me and staring at the remnants of the fire still smouldering. "Let me see your leg," I said in answer. He looked at me weirdly for a moment, but rolled up his pants' leg and showed me his leg. It was completely healed, not even a scar, not like the time I cut my arm and still had a little white line to remind me. "It's fixed." I wondered where the surprise was, but I realised I'd never seen any of these kids with cuts or bruises, not for long certainly. "On the outside, there's a bit left to do inside," he said, rolling his pants back down. "And, that's why Mum and Ben get angry with me?" I asked, looking at him carefully. He looked uncomfortable, like he wished he wasn't the one talking to me, but, like he felt he had to. And, he still wouldn't look at me. "You're human, Lys, breakable. You have to be careful, stay safe." "But, you'll always take care of me, Nico." He sighed. "Just, try to be careful, yeah?" he asked as he got up, as though knowing even the warning was useless. So, was I careful? Yeah, not so much. The next four years saw me doing everything I could to keep up with the lycanthus – that's what they called themselves – and giving Nico plenty of opportunities to save my life. I made Nico teach me to ride dirt bikes with them. And, Stacey taught me to fight. I went to every full moon party until zenith. I ran slower and I was weaker, but Stacey waited for me, the others took it easy on me, and Nico always looked out for me, always saved me from breaking my leg or something worse. I watched as Nico, Stacey and the other kids got taller and stronger and faster. I watched them play fight – though sometimes less play and with more injuries. I was always a little on the outside, but they included me as much as possible; it was as much my world as theirs, but I wasn't one of them. Stacey was my best friend, but Nico and I were the closest. He was just always there, sheltering me from physical hurts as best as he could and comforting me through emotional ones. Though, Nico's particular brand of comforting was just holding me while I cried, or staying with me when I was scared until I finally fell asleep. And, I'd wake in the morning to find him still sitting against my bedhead, my head on his stomach, his chest rising and falling steadily with sleep. Mum and Ben hated the amount of cuts and scrapes I got, especially when I was the only one who didn't heal almost instantly. Thankfully, I had other friends at school, human friends, to feel normal with. And, yes, it was super weird that, as a human, I felt like the weird one among my closest family and friends. But, what about my Mum, you ask? Well, turns out she became lycanthus. The story of how and when exactly wasn't something I knew at the age of thirteen. I couldn't say I really cared, it was just the way things were – if you'll pardon the expression. Besides, I had slightly more important things to worry about at that age than how and when my mum became supernatural. Because, when I was thirteen, I lost Nico. I don't know why, but Uncle Sam took him away the day after a particularly weird full moon party where Nico and Mark had had a particularly serious fight, even before they shifted. I heard Grandma telling Ben in hushed tones like I wasn't supposed to know. I didn't stop to ask any questions or hear anymore. I just ran for Uncle Sam's house. When I got there, the car was just was about to pull away. Ben had come after me and he held me tightly as I fought to follow Nico, screaming like a banshee, tears streaming down my face. I hadn't even got to say goodbye and he was gone, just like that. He didn't even wave out the back window. Did that make me more careful? Knowing my protector was gone? Ha. No. Growing up with lycanthus had made me as fearless as them – cuts and bruises had taught me nothing – and losing Nico didn't change that. The only difference was, I got a few more broken bones than I might have had he not abandoned me. It's not that the other wolves didn't try to look out for me. But, they hadn't spent their lives protecting me and keeping me safe, they had other things on their minds and other people to look after. And, there was only so much they could do when I engaged in more and more risky behaviour. I might have even been a bit less reckless if he'd kept in touch; I might not have been looking for a way to still be close to him. So, when I was almost eighteen, I might have been paying more attention to where I was riding my bike and not found myself about to be hit by a car. Oh, Stace will have a good laugh about this, I thought to myself as I watched the car coming for me like it was in slow motion and tried to brace for the impact.